I Called In Sick Today

[Tactical Bear 3]

Well screw you too buddy. Oh who am I kidding, I didn't expect to make the list. Maybe a mention woulda been nice, that's all I'm saying.

As much as we're incompatible as online amigos, I'm pretty confident we'd make a good real-life team. I would probably play the straight man to your funny guy -- the Jenna Fischer to your Steve Carrell, if you will -- but I think it'd be a good arrangement. You're keeping the conversation moving, and then I'm tossing in a quip here and there. When I tell a story (this will come as a shock to all of you, but in real life I'm a "story guy," with voices and characters and everything) you'd throw a jab or two, maybe counterpunch a little, try to land a big hook from time to time. Actually, you'd probably just shake your head furiously and imply I'm a liar, but that'd work, too. What I'm trying to say, Chris, is that if I were in the state of Florida, I'd probably find a way to get to Tampa or Miami or wherever the **** it is you live. I have access to a condo in Sarasota that I'll be venturing to sometime this summer, so if you want to come down and play paddleball on the white-sand beaches of Siesta Key, get your ass kicked in shuffle board, and rouse some rabble in a retirement community, that can be arranged.

[Voldemort 0]

What I'm trying to say, Chris, is that if I were in the state of Florida, I'd probably find a way to get to Tampa or Miami or wherever the **** it is you live. I have access to a condo in Sarasota that I'll be venturing to sometime this summer, so if you want to come down and play paddleball on the white-sand beaches of Siesta Key, get your ass kicked in shuffle board, and rouse some rabble in a retirement community, that can be arranged.

Was right near there this past weekend, Anna Maria Island.

[Sickinfo2 291]

Since sal added five more days to my trailer project by adding a military look to it, Ill tell a short story while the welds are cooling...Many years ago before we owned a motor home or kid, we decided to rent one for a trip down to the gulf coast and into Florida with Shane and his wife to be. After filling out the papers and loading the barge down with beer and chips we departed Northwest Arkansas, following the crooked and steep highway seventy one down toward Shreveport, Louisiana. About four hours into the trip the transmission started slipping on the brand new beast, so we found a payphone and called the assistance number on the rental agreement...."Tri-State RV""Uh, yeah.... this is the Icewater party that just rented the motor home""What can I do fer ya?""Uh, the transmission started slipping and we're laying down a blood trail of fluid""Where from?""Uh, the transmission I would assume""Ok.... thats the only one we have....just keep putting fluid in her and we'll reimburse you when yas get back""Ok"We coaxed the machine to a gas station and purchased a case of dextron and a case of beer. Two hours later, both were exhausted"Tri State" "Hey....this is the Icewaters again....this bastard is using a case about every hundred miles or so""Just keep her full and keep the receipts""Okay"Since the transmission fill tube was placed between the seats and under a shroud (think van) and was such a pain in the ass to remove, we strapped the cover to the top and drove with the engine in full view between the seats. The passengers job was to keep the fluid topped off in the transmission and driver, both requiring a top off at the same time every twenty minutes or soSince Im pressed for time, Ill save the details for a later time but heres an outline of the later highlights of the trip....Somewhere around mid Louisiana I awoke to a loud banging noise from outside that Id heard on and off for about an hour. Turned out to be the passenger side mirror slapping against the road signs. Shane had never driven anything that wide, that intoxicated....Down on the coast I decided to pull over and pass out at a gas station. Around midnight the air conditioner stalled in the extreme heat and humidity. I staggered outside in my drawers and crawled up on top to investigate, where the local authorities found me a few minutes later. Since everyone else was asleep and didnt know I was outside but Shane, he convinced the women not to open the door for the cops for fear that they were actually robbers. He gave up the gag right before I was stuffed into the patrol carA few hours later we were blasted out of bed by the sound of a train horn. The wife looked outside, saw the train light heading straight towards us and said "HOLY SHIT! BEANS PARKED US ON A GOD DAMN RAILROAD TRACK!' We figured out the tracks curved around us in the middle of the evacuation due to no movement from the drained transmission The next night I found a nice pull of spot somewhere in the swamp and clear from any railroad tracks. Luckily, it was a make out spot for the local teenagers that kept us up all night shooting firecrackers. The next morning I woke to "UUUrp"..."UUUrp"...."UUUrp" sounds. Instead of a raped and near dead teenaged girl it turned out to be alligators. Hundreds of themBy the time we made it home from the two thousand mile journey, the entire back of the coach was covered with a three inch deep coating of tranny fluid and dust. The bill for the fluid exceeded the rental cost by almost fifty bucks, so they didnt charge the credit card and called it a washThe welds are cool now....nighty night

[Sickinfo2 291]

I forgot one of my favorite parts of that story...We limped into an auto parts store that was having their grand opening, offering hot dogs and hamburgers to anyone that cared to drop by. We hung around eating free burgers and drinking beer while the women spend an absurd amount of time wandering around the complex in the shopsShane and I retired to the cooler inside the tank and heard the following conversation outside"HEY JIMMY COME HERE A MINUTE!""Yeah boss""Look at this mess all over our brand new concrete!""Holy cow""You see whos driving this thing?""Nah... its been here a while....it must be the guys cooking the food""Go get that bastard and have him move it, then get a brush and clean this up before someone slips and falls!"Luckily the women surfaced a few minutes later, but in the process of the getaway we discovered that we never bought any fluid, leaving the beast motionless even with the tachometer pegged"Damn""Wheres the fluid guys?""We forgot it""WHAT?""Shane, go in there and get a case""No way, man""Come on""Nope""Well Im not"About the time Shane grabbed the funnel to piss in the reservoir, his girlfriend stomped outside and into the store for the purchase, returning just in time for the escape under the glare of the manager and his assistantFive days later we returned down the same street and saw the assistant out there still scrubbing the spot We didnt stopOh, damn you for the ideas sal

[gobears 0]

Home got robbed Today - they came mid-day when Kim was dropping off our youngest at pre school. Only on Tuesdays/Thursdays also so they must have been watching our place. They took jewelry and some cash (the kids' cash but took like $100 out of $125 in each of their wallets as if they didn't want to take it all). They also left behind all the electronic equipment and credit cards/checkbooks etc. Sorry Randy, but they did take the $20 SS gift but were kind enough not to damage the display box as they carefully actually put the display box back in its place. Weird.Although the bedrooms were turned upside down, nothing was broken or damaged. All the pets were fine. Also, we can't figure out how they got into the house as all of the doors/windows showed no signs of break-in and the locks weren't picked according to the police. She dusted for fingerprints also but found none at all (guess they were wearing gloves). Strange that our neighbors were hit last week although the thieves were caught, also different MO. I'm sort of wondering if one of our contractors (main guy we know but he hired help at times) made a copy of our house key. Everyone is fine which is the important thing - just a bit unsettling since we live in a nice area. However, the police said that crimes like this are on the rise and they've been busy.

[Napa_Don 688]

Home got robbed Today - they came mid-day when Kim was dropping off our youngest at pre school. Only on Tuesdays/Thursdays also so they must have been watching our place. They took jewelry and some cash (the kids' cash but took like $100 out of $125 in each of their wallets as if they didn't want to take it all). They also left behind all the electronic equipment and credit cards/checkbooks etc. Sorry Randy, but they did take the $20 SS gift but were kind enough not to damage the display box as they carefully actually put the display box back in its place. Weird.Although the bedrooms were turned upside down, nothing was broken or damaged. All the pets were fine. Also, we can't figure out how they got into the house as all of the doors/windows showed no signs of break-in and the locks weren't picked according to the police. She dusted for fingerprints also but found none at all (guess they were wearing gloves). Strange that our neighbors were hit last week although the thieves were caught, also different MO. I'm sort of wondering if one of our contractors (main guy we know but he hired help at times) made a copy of our house key. Everyone is fine which is the important thing - just a bit unsettling since we live in a nice area. However, the police said that crimes like this are on the rise and they've been busy.

Just saw this on 4bb, glad to hear everythings ok. Also, I really appreciate that you don't post the exact same thing over here and there. Most tilting thing ever to me when I see the exact same thing twice.

[strategy's_touch 0]

jeez Andre. sorry man. speaking of weird robberies, a few years ago we are pretty sure a landscaper hit my parents place. took a few thousand in potted stuff, some soil, etc. often times shifty people come in and try to set things near the fence to come in after hours. people are so ridic.

[strategy's_touch 0]

Just saw this on 4bb, glad to hear everythings ok. Also, I really appreciate that you don't post the exact same thing over here and there. Most tilting thing ever to me when I see the exact same thing twice.

wat

[socalpoker_j 1]

Sorry to hear about this Andre, glad no one was home when this happened.

[Sal Paradise 57]

also, I have nothing productive to add. I worked 50+ hours last week and I will do it again this week. That sucks, especially considering that I'm actually working hard while at work, not just killing time as per usual

wow that's tough so how's the working out going huh?

Oh, damn you for the ideas sal

hahaha. I've been wanting to do similar things to my truck bed for some time but I seem to lack the, you know, "skills," "abilities," "talent," that kind of stuff, to get it done.

Home got robbed Today

damn that's weird. definitely sounds like somebody you know or somebody who would have easy access to your house. sucks though.

[Voldemort 0]

wat

LOL......was waiting on this. Way to go Clint.

[LadyGrey 6]

Home got robbed Today - they came mid-day when Kim was dropping off our youngest at pre school. Only on Tuesdays/Thursdays also so they must have been watching our place.

Damn that sucks Andre. Are you going to get your locks changed? So weird that they didn't take everything.I have a friend who lives in a nice part of Oxford, and she told me that one day she and her family came home and found there was an axe lodged in their back door. A burglar must have been unable to get in, tried to hack his way in but failed, gave up and left. Very weird and pretty scary too.

[leftygolfer 7]

you sure? maybe his friends think he tastes great.

Less filling

speaking of.. I am taking off July 2-5th, Sat is July 4th, and we're going to take a little vacation somewhere. We're thinking of Traverse City to the Cherry Festival. I'm thinking this is up Sal's alley. Nothing is certain though and we're open to suggestions. Anyone been there? Piddle? Silky?

It's really nice. Been there a couple of times. Good golf courses in the area and I think there is a casino nearby. That time of year it will be light until almost 10PM and the stars are spectacular. Mackinaw Island is over-rated IMO.

I don't even have any money!

Never stopped people from writing checks. Terri Garr in Mr. Mom was a hottie...back in the day. The 220/221 is standard in our family. Just like the Caddyshak pool/pond joke .Andre - Scary stuff - good to hear no problems. The wife made me install a security system in our new house. She had someone break in at night, when they were there.It was a sunny morning, a little before 8:00 AM, on the first hole of a busy course,and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when apiercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee,please?" I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee please back upto the men's tee, please!" I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more the man yelled,"Would the man on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please!" I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back...."Would the asshole with the microphone kindly keep quiet and let me play my second shot?!"

[LadyGrey 6]

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more the man yelled,"Would the man on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please!" I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back...."Would the asshole with the microphone kindly keep quiet and let me play my second shot?!"

So, why were you using the women's tee?Also, what is the difference? Is one pink and one blue or something?

[Voldemort 0]

So, why were you using the women's tee?Also, what is the difference? Is one pink and one blue or something?

LOLThe 2nd shot line is key as well LG.

[LadyGrey 6]

Hot damn, its not even half 8 in the morning and its already almost 70 degrees. I thought I wanted the weather to warm up but I've changed my mind. I am uncomfortably hot. 70 degrees is considered warm by most people here but for me as an English girl it is too darn hot.

[leftygolfer 7]

So, why were you using the women's tee?Also, what is the difference? Is one pink and one blue or something?

I was using the women's tee because I hit my first shot 20 yards - obv a bad shot. Not really me it's a joke. I never slice.The difference is that each hole on a golf course has multiple sets of tees ( 3 -4) to allow people of different skill level to play together. The front tee is generally red ( however pink is a good idea), the next is for a senior ( older) player, the next an intermediate player and the next a very good player. Golf courses use different colors. We use red, green, white , blue and black.The joke to a non-golfer doesn't make much sense obv.

[strategy 4]

I was using the women's tee because I hit my first shot 20 yards - obv a bad shot. Not really me it's a joke. I never slice.The difference is that each hole on a golf course has multiple sets of tees ( 3 -4) to allow people of different skill level to play together. The front tee is generally red ( however pink is a good idea), the next is for a senior ( older) player, the next an intermediate player and the next a very good player. Golf courses use different colors. We use red, green, white , blue and black.

ok, accounting for the explanation, I can safely say you have a funny story on your hands.

[LadyGrey 6]

I was using the women's tee because I hit my first shot 20 yards - obv a bad shot. Not really me it's a joke. I never slice.The difference is that each hole on a golf course has multiple sets of tees ( 3 -4) to allow people of different skill level to play together. The front tee is generally red ( however pink is a good idea), the next is for a senior ( older) player, the next an intermediate player and the next a very good player. Golf courses use different colors. We use red, green, white , blue and black.

Well that's pretty sexist, but I can admit that I would likely need to use the womens tee so its one of those instances where sexism is right.

[strategy 4]

Well that's pretty sexist, but I can admit that I would likely need to use the womens tee so its one of those instances where sexism is right.

remember when we were here and dan liked to keep the thermostat at like 60? I've discovered he likes to also keep it at 78 during the summer...

[LadyGrey 6]

remember when we were here and dan liked to keep the thermostat at like 60? I've discovered he likes to also keep it at 78 during the summer...

Hahaha what? That's f'in crazy.

[strategy 4]

Hahaha what? That's f'in crazy.

I do not understand it at all. it's not like he's poor. he's a fat man, keeping things cool makes SENSE.

[leftygolfer 7]

Well that's pretty sexist, but I can admit that I would likely need to use the womens tee so its one of those instances where sexism is right.

It is was sexist.Golf courses today don't really refer to it as a "women's tee." They use the color system.I have seen men use the front tees and women use the middle tees. It's all about skillz.

[LadyGrey 6]

It is was sexist.Golf courses today don't really refer to it as a "women's tee." They use the color system.

You said the man said "Women's tee" over the microphone though.

[Sal Paradise 57]

You said the man said "Women's tee" over the microphone though.

yeah that's because women suck at everything.