I Called In Sick Today

[strategy 4]

Saw this on cnn.com...god I love pitbulls.But don't worry, mojo, I still love cats. Today I picked up Cheeto in the kitchen to pet her for a bit (she likes being held, but only for a minute or so), and Dewey was immediately so jealous that he started chirping frantically, jumped on the trash can, hopped on the counter, and flung himself halfway across the room into my arms so he could be held too.

holy shit that was awesome in such a hurry

[strategy 4]

that shit is precisely why I'm never getting a dog, though. the year or two of dealing with completely retarded behavior is just not worth the nice, mellow years. the guy next door had a puppy of some sort last year that would strangle itself trying to growl and attack strangers, even though she was maybe a foot in length. she would also piss herself regardless of surroundings if excited. and the biting. so annoying, trying to pet a dog that just wants to bite your hand.

[brvheart 1,752]

that shit is precisely why I'm never getting a dog, though. the year or two of dealing with completely retarded behavior is just not worth the nice, mellow years. the guy next door had a puppy of some sort last year that would strangle itself trying to growl and attack strangers, even though she was maybe a foot in length. she would also piss herself regardless of surroundings if excited. and the biting. so annoying, trying to pet a dog that just wants to bite your hand.

I find dogs exceedingly gross. But I do like them. Even though I don't want them to touch me or bark. Maybe I just like cats.

[GrinderMJ 0]

Speedz: I saw a man walking a cat today and I thought of your cats, who walks cats?

[jeff_536 3]

Speedz: I saw a man walking a cat today and I thought of your cats, who walks cats?

His boyfriend.

[Napa_Don 688]

This might be one of the best things ever posted in this thread.Maybe.It was good.

I'm going to accept this eval. Thank you, Renae.I'd also like to semi-publically announce that brvheart and Mrs. Brvheart are pretty much the greatest boss's ever. Also, Mrs. Brvheart is way to nice of a person to have married brvheart and if he tells her I said this I WILL NEVER BE ON TIME FOR WORK AGAIN because she already treats me with more respect than I deserve and I feel weird when people are nicer to me than what I deserve. Brvheart isn't bad himself as he'll give me free food now and then (I get a 50% discount on food while working as it is, but I have never used it as I usually work 1-2 hours at a time and don't feel that I deserve the discount for the little time that I do work there). They are really cool about times, like yesterday, when I go all frat guy and am really hungover and don't even make it in to work. Although I did make it in around 11:30 am yesterday. That being said, I would like to upgrade the % chance that one of my coworkers was flirting with me to 40% (I don't remember what % I originally assigned it so let us say 30%).

[Napa_Don 688]

shit.

[LadyGrey 6]

But don't worry, mojo, I still love cats. Today I picked up Cheeto in the kitchen to pet her for a bit (she likes being held, but only for a minute or so), and Dewey was immediately so jealous that he started chirping frantically, jumped on the trash can, hopped on the counter, and flung himself halfway across the room into my arms so he could be held too.

AwwwWWWWW? Is that how you do it? Either way, that story is so cute. Do your cats like to sleep in bed with you? We didn't let our cats do that but Sophie always wanted to be near my mum, so in the morning when I opened the kitchen door she ran upstairs and jumped onto my mum's bed.

[Sal Paradise 57]

You could have at least thrown me in the bottom tier just to be nice. Imagine my embarrassment when I realized that this post was shouting from the mountain tops: "BRVHEART is NOTICEABLY ABSENT from a list that includes everyone and the kitchen SINK."

hey if it means anything to you I would have put you squarely in the third tier. bottom right hand corner of the square, but squarely nonetheless!

I watched the rest of the second half, and my opinion is somewhere in between your...opinions. Does that sound right?

god damn it, no speedz, that doesn't sound right. it doesn't sound right at all. it sounds almost as not right as a too far drawn out 'stand by me' quoting session that never really made sense to begin with.

I find dogs exceedingly gross. But I do like them. Even though I don't want them to touch me or bark. Maybe I just like cats.

yeah this is kinda how I feel too. dogs are always all over you and licking you and getting nasty greasy dog hair all over you and... ugh, they're really not clean animals. plus the whole puppy thing. went camping recently and one of my buddies and his girlfriend brought their new puppy. god damn thing was running around the campsite all night, picking up camp tools and chewing on them, getting into the trash bag, and knocking over our dinner stuff the whole god damn time and all they could do is say "oooh, isn't that so cute. he's playing!" fuck you he's playing, he's fucking up my stuff and he's annoying the shit out of me.

[Sickinfo2 291]

So yesterday I was mowing the yard. Minding my own business. Not bothering a soul in the world. Drinking a few Flat Tires bought just to change things up a bit. It was a little on the hot side, so a cooler was placed in the front yard area and one in the back field/runway location to stay hydrated and save precious mowing time from being wasted with trips back to the fridge. Life was pretty good, I have to sayEnter the mob. Not the Chicago wise guys or anything, these guys were something much more dangerous. Well, irritating is probably more fitting. This mobs objective, as I was to find out after an hour long interrogation, was to form something that Ive chuckled about many times over the years. A neighborhood watch programOnce I spotted the five man, three woman group, my first reaction was to push the throttle all the way forward and step on the hydrostatic pedal whilst turning a one eighty away from the gate. That would be rude of course, so I reluctantly abandoned the maneuver just before hitting the garage, performed another one eighty, and idled back to the front gate"Can I help you folks?""Hello, Mr. Icewater..... doing a little mowing?""Uh.....yeah""Well, we wont take up too much of your time.....""Id lay money against that""......uh...... well, as you probably know, our area has had a number of break ins lately and Gomer (not his real name....just looked like him) and I are out today getting opinions on what to do about it""Shoot the fuckers" (I find out at the end of the meeting that Gomer is our local pastor)".....uh.....hahaha.....yeah, that would do it, I suppose""Damn right.....I cooked off a few rounds a few nights ago at one""......uh.....what happened?""Some fucker pulled up to the house a few weeks ago and backed up to one of my four wheelers in the back yard..... I ripped off the sixteen at them""You remember what day that was?""Oh, I think it was the fourteenth....couple days before I left for Vegas on the sixteenth"(crowd starts mumbling amongst each other)"That was the night that Maynard here got broke into""They did head up that way.....I chased after them in my drawers but they got too much of a head start""What were they driving?""A Ford of some kind, small dark colored outfit....loud muffler....piece of shit" (more mumbling)"uh....I cant believe the police didnt mention your report during their investigation""I didnt call the cops.... why call a bunch of crooks to report a crook?""uh.... theyre not the crooks, Mr Icewater.... they protect us from the crooks""Yeah, you dont know many of them, huh?""Im sure a few bad eggs slip through once in a while....""Yeah, and the rest are spoiling more by the minute"(Beans gets tired of screwing with them and starts mower again)"WELL MR ICEWATER, WHAT WE'D LIKE TO DO IS ASK YOU TO JOIN FORCES WITH US AND TRY TO NIP THIS THING IN THE BUD!""Im just gonna keep my gate locked and a gun handy around here....let me know if you need a few bucks for signs or something....while youre at it, order a couple extra so the kid wont have to steal one of yours for his room"(Beans increases throttle and starts easing away)"THANKS MR. ICEWATER....... WE'LL BE IN TOUCH!"On the way back to the cooler I realized Id made a mistake by not snapping a pic of them standing behind the jail like bars of the gate. The wanted posters I couldve made and passed around to the neighbors I like wouldve been a big hit at the next barbecue night

[Randy Reed 0]

Saw this on cnn.com...god I love pitbulls.But don't worry, mojo, I still love cats. Today I picked up Cheeto in the kitchen to pet her for a bit (she likes being held, but only for a minute or so), and Dewey was immediately so jealous that he started chirping frantically, jumped on the trash can, hopped on the counter, and flung himself halfway across the room into my arms so he could be held too.

My son called to say he got 2 kittens. His step-sister's cat had some kittens and he ended up bringing a couple of them home. His girlfriend is loving it. The same step-sister was also going away to college and gave him back the 5 now five foot albino king snake he had given her as a presenta few years ago. I said, "how nice of her giving you food along with the snake".

that shit is precisely why I'm never getting a dog, though. the year or two of dealing with completely retarded behavior is just not worth the nice, mellow years. the guy next door had a puppy of some sort last year that would strangle itself trying to growl and attack strangers, even though she was maybe a foot in length. she would also piss herself regardless of surroundings if excited. and the biting. so annoying, trying to pet a dog that just wants to bite your hand.

Oh quit being a bitch. It's a damn puppy and needs to be trained to be loyal companion that will do things a cat won't, like eating neighbors. Dogs are awesome on an interplanetary scale.

His boyfriend.

hahaha

hey if it means anything to you I would have put you squarely in the third tier. bottom right hand corner of the square, but squarely nonetheless!god damn it, no speedz, that doesn't sound right. it doesn't sound right at all. it sounds almost as not right as a too far drawn out 'stand by me' quoting session that never really made sense to begin with. yeah this is kinda how I feel too. dogs are always all over you and licking you and getting nasty greasy dog hair all over you and... ugh, they're really not clean animals. plus the whole puppy thing. went camping recently and one of my buddies and his girlfriend brought their new puppy. god damn thing was running around the campsite all night, picking up camp tools and chewing on them, getting into the trash bag, and knocking over our dinner stuff the whole god damn time and all they could do is say "oooh, isn't that so cute. he's playing!" fuck you he's playing, he's fucking up my stuff and he's annoying the shit out of me.

Dude, that wasn't a dog, it was the chick that ended up stealing your underwear.

So yesterday I was mowing the yard. Minding my own business. Not bothering a soul in the world. Drinking a few Flat Tires bought just to change things up a bit. It was a little on the hot side, so a cooler was placed in the front yard area and one in the back field/runway location to stay hydrated and save precious mowing time from being wasted with trips back to the fridge. Life was pretty good, I have to sayEnter the mob. Not the Chicago wise guys or anything, these guys were something much more dangerous. Well, irritating is probably more fitting. This mobs objective, as I was to find out after an hour long interrogation, was to form something that Ive chuckled about many times over the years. A neighborhood watch programOnce I spotted the five man, three woman group, my first reaction was to push the throttle all the way forward and step on the hydrostatic pedal whilst turning a one eighty away from the gate. That would be rude of course, so I reluctantly abandoned the maneuver just before hitting the garage, performed another one eighty, and idled back to the front gate"Can I help you folks?""Hello, Mr. Icewater..... doing a little mowing?""Uh.....yeah""Well, we wont take up too much of your time.....""Id lay money against that""......uh...... well, as you probably know, our area has had a number of break ins lately and Gomer (not his real name....just looked like him) and I are out today getting opinions on what to do about it""Shoot the fuckers" (I find out at the end of the meeting that Gomer is our local pastor)".....uh.....hahaha.....yeah, that would do it, I suppose""Damn right.....I cooked off a few rounds a few nights ago at one""......uh.....what happened?""Some fucker pulled up to the house a few weeks ago and backed up to one of my four wheelers in the back yard..... I ripped off the sixteen at them""You remember what day that was?""Oh, I think it was the fourteenth....couple days before I left for Vegas on the sixteenth"(crowd starts mumbling amongst each other)"That was the night that Maynard here got broke into""They did head up that way.....I chased after them in my drawers but they got too much of a head start""What were they driving?""A Ford of some kind, small dark colored outfit....loud muffler....piece of shit" (more mumbling)"uh....I cant believe the police didnt mention your report during their investigation""I didnt call the cops.... why call a bunch of crooks to report a crook?""uh.... theyre not the crooks, Mr Icewater.... they protect us from the crooks""Yeah, you dont know many of them, huh?""Im sure a few bad eggs slip through once in a while....""Yeah, and the rest are spoiling more by the minute"(Beans gets tired of screwing with them and starts mower again)"WELL MR ICEWATER, WHAT WE'D LIKE TO DO IS ASK YOU TO JOIN FORCES WITH US AND TRY TO NIP THIS THING IN THE BUD!""Im just gonna keep my gate locked and a gun handy around here....let me know if you need a few bucks for signs or something....while youre at it, order a couple extra so the kid wont have to steal one of yours for his room"(Beans increases throttle and starts easing away)"THANKS MR. ICEWATER....... WE'LL BE IN TOUCH!"On the way back to the cooler I realized Id made a mistake by not snapping a pic of them standing behind the jail like bars of the gate. The wanted posters I couldve made and passed around to the neighbors I like wouldve been a big hit at the next barbecue night

That is so awesome. My neighbor is an idiot by hate when the rest of the neighboorhood probably as much. Their nice folk but they've come by multiple times trying to muster up the courage to do something about him. They complain about an untagged car in his driveway and the fact they have loud arguments and apparently the police have been there more than a few times. For the most part the guy doesn't bother anyoneand just has a pycho wife apparently. I used to mess with him but now I almost feel sorry for him.The latest was them wanting to call the police over his untagged car. I asked them if anyone had actually asked him about it and of course they hadn't. I told them it wasn't an eyesore like some of the other cars in the neighborhood nor was bothering anyone that I could tell so why give a crap? They actuallyimplied that if they messed with him he might move. R U serious?

[SBriand 4]

For those that want to play fantasy football, just go to espn, cbs, or yahoo and make a league and invite people. I am not playing so I can't renew the past leagues or I will be forced to play since the commish can't resign.

[El Guapo 8]

I believe pretty much everything you guys tell me in here. I have no reason not to. If you are lying, it doesn't affect me, and as long as I believe it makes it much more funny (funnier?). But of all the stories I have heard recently, this one is probably closest to the truth (actual dialogue) than all of them combined.

[loogie 115]

Saw this on cnn.com...god I love pitbulls.

Aw, that video makes me miss my last roommate's pit bull, Ginger.

[speedz99 145]

that shit is precisely why I'm never getting a dog, though. the year or two of dealing with completely retarded behavior is just not worth the nice, mellow years. the guy next door had a puppy of some sort last year that would strangle itself trying to growl and attack strangers, even though she was maybe a foot in length. she would also piss herself regardless of surroundings if excited.

Yeah, well, small dogs suck. When I get a dog I'll be adopting one that's around 2 years old...no puppy years to deal with, and you can see exactly what you're getting (a guard dog, mellow, chinchilla-eater, etc).

Speedz: I saw a man walking a cat today and I thought of your cats, who walks cats?

Not many people. And the ones who do are almost always extraordinarily strange.

His boyfriend.

Hey. Shuddup.

AwwwWWWWW? Is that how you do it? Either way, that story is so cute. Do your cats like to sleep in bed with you? We didn't let our cats do that but Sophie always wanted to be near my mum, so in the morning when I opened the kitchen door she ran upstairs and jumped onto my mum's bed.

Cheeto sleeps downstairs, but Dewey likes to sleep on the bed...he's usually playing downstairs for a lot of the night, but typically when I go to sleep and when I wake up in the morning he's curled up somewhere next to me.

yeah this is kinda how I feel too. dogs are always all over you and licking you and getting nasty greasy dog hair all over you and... ugh, they're really not clean animals. plus the whole puppy thing. went camping recently and one of my buddies and his girlfriend brought their new puppy. god damn thing was running around the campsite all night, picking up camp tools and chewing on them, getting into the trash bag, and knocking over our dinner stuff the whole god damn time and all they could do is say "oooh, isn't that so cute. he's playing!" fuck you he's playing, he's fucking up my stuff and he's annoying the shit out of me.

...

So yesterday I was mowing the yard. Minding my own business. Not bothering a soul in the world. Drinking a few Flat Tires bought just to change things up a bit.

Mmm. Fat Tire...haven't had those for a long time. I assume you meant "Fat", unless there's a generic WalMart-ish brand out there I haven't heard of.

[loogie 115]

Since I love crushing dreams...

was created by uber-awesome ad agency Fallon in an experiment on viral videos.Maybe some of you knew this, but I just found out last night. First, those French Canadian Free Credit Report Dot Com dudes and now this.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

You could have at least thrown me in the bottom tier just to be nice.

...

On the way back to the cooler I realized Id made a mistake by not snapping a pic of them standing behind the jail like bars of the gate. The wanted posters I couldve made and passed around to the neighbors I like wouldve been a big hit at the next barbecue night

I want to be Mr. Icewater in my next life.

[speedz99 145]

I had never seen that kittens video...it was stupid. And the ad agency people are also stupid for not realizing that their "viral vids" often fail because the only thing people hate more than commercials are commercials that try to trick people into thinking that they aren't commercials. The kittens video obviously wasn't that, so it's in a different class from whatever that agency usually tries to put together.

[loogie 115]

I had never seen that kittens video...it was stupid. And the ad agency people are also stupid for not realizing that their "viral vids" often fail because the only thing people hate more than commercials are commercials that try to trick people into thinking that they aren't commercials. The kittens video obviously wasn't that, so it's in a different class from whatever that agency usually tries to put together.

That video is awesome. Agree to disagree that you are wrong.Some viral commercials do work if they're entertaining enough. KIBK is purely an experiment for research-sake and has no product associated to it, so it doesn't count. But what about

or

? Those are pretty entertaining, and I don't care that they're advertisements.

[speedz99 145]

That video is awesome. Agree to disagree that you are wrong.

No, I'm right. I will agree to nothing.

Some viral commercials do work if they're entertaining enough. KIBK is purely an experiment for research-sake and has no product associated to it, so it doesn't count. But what about

or

? Those are pretty entertaining, and I don't care that they're advertisements.

Ok, I'll admit that the Bike Hero one was really good for people that like the game...I'm not one of them, but I'll give you that. The Ravenstoke, Alaska one is entertaining (not enough to forward to anyone I know, but still), but did it even work that well? I never saw it before now.

[loogie 115]

The Ravenstoke, Alaska one is entertaining (not enough to forward to anyone I know, but still), but did it even work that well? I never saw it before now.

It's hosted with a few different names and added up has a gaggle of views. So, in that sense, yes.

[brvheart 1,752]

the nicer of the two DQs here in town has been doing extensive remodeling inside and out for the last month or so. you'd think any time but SUMMER would be a good time for that.

Some owners are really stupid, but it's hard to imagine that they would be THAT stupid. I'm guessing that it was forced by IDQ. Several stores that are being forced to convert to a Grill & Chill in Michigan, are suing them... but other states haven't stood up to them yet.

I'm going to accept this eval. Thank you, Renae.I'd also like to semi-publically announce that brvheart and Mrs. Brvheart are pretty much the greatest boss's ever. Also, Mrs. Brvheart is way to nice of a person to have married brvheart and if he tells her I said this I WILL NEVER BE ON TIME FOR WORK AGAIN because she already treats me with more respect than I deserve and I feel weird when people are nicer to me than what I deserve. Brvheart isn't bad himself as he'll give me free food now and then (I get a 50% discount on food while working as it is, but I have never used it as I usually work 1-2 hours at a time and don't feel that I deserve the discount for the little time that I do work there). They are really cool about times, like yesterday, when I go all frat guy and am really hungover and don't even make it in to work. Although I did make it in around 11:30 am yesterday. That being said, I would like to upgrade the % chance that one of my coworkers was flirting with me to 40% (I don't remember what % I originally assigned it so let us say 30%).

Well one thing in this post is true. Mrs. Brvheart is way out of my league.

[brvheart 1,752]

For those that want to play fantasy football, just go to espn, cbs, or yahoo and make a league and invite people. I am not playing so I can't renew the past leagues or I will be forced to play since the commish can't resign.

done

...

http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/664708League ID#: 664708Password: jjjsucks

[Sal Paradise 57]

Well one thing in the post is true. Mrs. Brvheart is way out of my league.

so you don't give him a discount? what a speedz.

Password: jjjsucks

niiiiice.

[Randy Reed 0]

For those that want to play fantasy football, just go to espn, cbs, or yahoo and make a league and invite people. I am not playing so I can't renew the past leagues or I will be forced to play since the commish can't resign.

Don't be a quitter, that's for the sober folk.

donehttp://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/664708League ID#: 664708Password: jjjsucks

Okay, help an old guy out. Where do I sign up at?