you know you're playing a fish when he says...

[ice4804 0]

"I figure I'm eventually going to lose all these chips anyway....I call."Friend at a home game as he calls my all in preflop with 66 and precedes to turn river the straight to crack my kings

[Hyaku-Shiki 0]

Last night, a friend of mine (who I thought was a decent player) signed on to a new poker room. He proceeds to tell me that he's just "playing tight to clear the bonus." He won't try any fancy plays, just play enough raked hands for his bonus to release.He was playing fold heavy and the table was very weak-tight. He could have run over the table if he knew what he was doing. After folding a couple of hands (like AK when it didn't hit on the flop to a .25 bet, or pocket pairs when there was an overcard) he calls with 84o. He looks at me and says, "I have a feeling about this one." The flop is 8 x 4.I almost died.

[gkunit20 1]

http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...der=asc&start=0

[Fubar The Sperm 1]

I'm watching a friend play a free roll on Empire. This guy is stalling every hand in hope to make an extra 15 cents and its pissing everyone off. Heres the chat.Nihilator1: I don't care about the money.getterdone37: then dont playjeepjeepjeep: not reallyDarkMagna: then stop ruining our gamejeepjeepjeep: turbo sux anywaygetterdone37: its our game tooNihilator1: I have a bet with somebody who can make it to the final table with the least amount of chipsjeepjeepjeep: mainly cuz of these losersgetterdone37: i made to final table without going over 10,000 chips the entiregetterdone37: gameNihilator1: The complainers are always the ones with the most chips.getterdone37: exactlyNihilator1: They get nervous when the blinds rise.DarkMagna: learn to playNihilator1: Stalling is the great equalizer!Nihilator1: It's part of the gameNihilator1: I did learngetterdone37: stalling is apart of freerolls get over itDarkMagna: because of knobs like you guys.....even big stack don't count for squatlittlelimp: cause you lame asses dont know how to play

[ricker 0]

http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...der=asc&start=0

I was sad to find out that this was a jopke post...it was really cause for a lot of laughter in my life...now...well, now I have nothing

[jamthepot 0]

"i like j-10 better than aces. even the pros on t.v. say they like it better."

[Vick12 0]

$20 MTT on Full Tilt.I get AQ ...Long story short, I get it all in vs. A7os before the flop. Guys rivers a 7 to beat me.I say "I love when the 3 to 1 underdog preflop comes through"Another player at the table "3 to 1 isn't that big of a favorite preflop..."Shocked at this response, I followed that up with "Really? You don't like to be a 3 to 1 fave preflop?"This answer is PRICELESS..."Nah...I like to get my money in prefop in A BETTER SPOT!!!!!"Same Day...Diff tourney.Blinds 10/20. UTG raises to $80. I reraise to $200 w/ AK . Late position player cold calls the $200. UTG folds. Flop comes K-3-3. I lead out $400. I get reraised for my last $300...Knowing I am somehow beat, (Which is rattleing my brain, cuz they coldcalled my raise...does he have KK or something w/ a 3????) I call anyway 'cuz there is too much to invested already. He flips over Q3 SOOOOOOOOOOTED!After getting KO's, I am so stunned by the play I am can't even close out the table. A few players call teh guy a donkey for calling the raise and reraise preflop. Then another player chimes in..."He hit his hand...didn't he????"Donkey's are only annoying when they KO you...Otherwise I LOVE DONKEY'S!!!!!

[stakman1011 0]

At my home game we're talking at the beginning of the night and I'm casually talking to this guy in a conversation that goes like this:Fish: I always play suited hands if they're suited in diamonds. At least preflopMe: Really? that's odd. Why?Fish: I like diamonds.Me: Makes sense.Fish: I hit much more flushes in diamonds than any other suit.Me: Shit, I can see why you play them then.Of course I didn't say anything becausse I don't like to let the people in my game know that I play poker very seriously.Anyway later on in the night 25-50 blinds, he limps in under the gun, it folds around to the small blind who pops it to 850. Now my fishy-friend- who-loves-diamonds only had about 1200 total but he quickly called off the 800 more, which I thought was weird because normally you'd just move in over a bet of 2/3 of your stack.Anyway, flop comes K-J-5 rainbow and SB of course bets the 400 or so more to put my friend all in, and he proceeds to tap me on the shoulder, show me his cards, and then toss them into the muck.His cards?8-3...suited in diamonds.

[bearshadoe 0]

you know you are playing a fish when he cant keep his mind on the game on the table and pays more attention to the game sitting at the table that he cannot have. Though I do find it extremly enjoyable to play on that little problem. :oops:

[Razor 0]

you know you are playing a fish when he cant keep his mind on the game on the table and pays more attention to the game sitting at the table that he cannot have. Though I do find it extremly enjoyable to play on that little problem. :oops:

huh? ... is "the game" a person? ... this is some sort of riddle isn't it? Don't tell me the answer, I'll figure it out.

[PAYforUSC 0]

shake that laughy taffy

[ForRealDD 0]

not really a fish thing but every single time i see this guy at our games i cant stop lauging about the handit was .25/.50 blinds and we each had about 50 bucks left in front of uson the river i ended up making my straight but the board also brought a flush and i pushed all in pretty sure that he didnt have the flush and just had two pairwell too make a long story short he ended up folding his flush face up and i couldnt stop rolling around on the floor laughing my ass off......once we reminded him that a flush beat a straight he was laughing too so it was still a nice friendly game but we never let him live this down

How to identify a losing player.

[macphec 0]

This just happened at a $1 $2 NL game on party: I'm inthe BB w KK. 4 limpers to me and I raise to $12. 2 callers.Flop is J 6 2 ( 2 clubs)I bet $40 into a $45 pot (approx)1 callerTurn is a 9 hearts.I bet $50 and he raises me all in for another $30.I call and he turns over Jd6d for a flopped 2 pair.River is another 9 giving me a better 2 pair.He starts going off on how unlucky he is and someone said why the hell did you call the pf raise ?I say "cause they were sooooted"Fish says "That wasn't the reason I called" :shock:

[gerund 0]

B & M poker game in a casino in Australia. Most of the table is male and over 65 and some are 70+.A pretty young lady buys in and the regulars start muttering things like "Look at her! Pretty young thing - what would she know about poker?"I watch her cut her chips like a dealer, show a clean hand and stack them with the other hand. I have an idea she's not all she appears.Half an hour later she has doubled her stack and she admits to the dealer that she works at another casino dealing poker. I laugh a lot at all the old farts who have donated to her.

[EBLegend 0]

Playing $50NL on party, raise preflop with QQ, called by button. Flop comes out QJJ. Bet, get raised, I reraise and he goes all in. He flips over K 10, turn and river blank and I rake in the pot.He types: "You're so lucky I didn't hit an A or a 9."I type haha, but delete it before sending, type you're an idiot, then delete it before sending...ended up going with "Yeah, that sucks man. Can't win em all." and promptly added him to names to search for when playing.Cheers.

[spm 1]

B & M poker game in a casino in Australia. Most of the table is male and over 65 and some are 70+.A pretty young lady buys in and the regulars start muttering things like "Look at her! Pretty young thing - what would she know about poker?"I watch her cut her chips like a dealer, show a clean hand and stack them with the other hand. I have an idea she's not all she appears.Half an hour later she has doubled her stack and she admits to the dealer that she works at another casino dealing poker.  I laugh a lot at all the old farts who have donated to her.

Which casino was this?, I'm going to Melbourne in Feb (after 3 days in Vegas)

[bearshadoe 0]

Yeah the game would be a person, me. I spent six hours in a casino playing poker last night and when I walked up to the table the unmarried ones who were about my age had a fight over who got to pull my chair out for me. good start to a game leaves only four to worry about out of ten. Sweet and innocent proves a man a sucker at the table every time.

[Guest XXEddie]

board is 5795A bets, B raise, A goes allinB-"haha, you moron, I have the nut str8"B calls............showing.....4....6It gets better in that A had quad 5sB-"figures, flop a str8 and still lose......I woulda won that hand if he didnt get lucky"

[guinevar 0]

Deleted

[Guitarmy 0]

Fish: I hate pocket jacks!

[VegasBone 0]

I just hate laying down suited connectors.....as she flips over 6 8

[Hyaku-Shiki 0]

Two different home games, two different players:-------------There are three people to the flop with two diamonds. There is a raise and a re-raise. The third player folds. On the turn is a club. A raise, re-raise and a call. On the turn, there is a huge raise and a call. The same on the river. The raiser had top two pair. And the re-raiser....he puts his hand down on the table trimphantly and says, "Flush."He had 4 diamonds. Too bad he wasn't drinking, he could have blamed it on the alcohol.--------------I hold AK suited and I raise on the button pre-flop after several limpers. My friend's girlfriend calls my bet and everyone else folds. She had been running hot and was slightly behind me at this point.The guys at the table like to provide running commentary, so they start off, "Oh, this is a big hand. Chip Leader Vs. Red-Head!"The flop is A:diamond: Q:club: 2:heart: She checks, I raise heavy and she re-raises. I study her for a minute and then call while listening to the other fishes guessing as to what we both have. "He could have a pair of queens, or a set of 2's. She's gonna play her KJ fast so he folds." Blah blah blah....The turn is K:spade: She checks, I bet out again, she re-raises me. I call again, going with my read that she's weak, extremely interested in what she has. "She definately has Jack-10, Chip Leader just lost the pot to a King on the turn!"The river brings a 4:spade:She checks, I bet and she goes all-in. "That's it, its over, you can't call here!" I call and flip over two pair. She flips over J-6 off-suit.She says, "I thought I could bluff you off your hand."Everyone is schocked. No one says a word. I won the rest of the game with sweet silence.

[gerund 0]

Which casino was this?, I'm going to Melbourne in Feb (after 3 days in Vegas)

Not Melbourne. In fact all the old farts argued and cheated so much that the casino stopped poker play.WTG, destroy the only legal game for 4 hours drive. When I went to the game 4 hours away there were cheats there too, busy trying to destroy their game.

[Acesfull1208 0]

I work in a poker room, and a new player comes up to me. He asks what games we have available. I tell him "they're all hold'em" He says "yes, but do you have Texas Holdem?" Yikes.

[gkunit20 1]

I work in a poker room, and a new player comes  up to me.  He asks what games we have available.  I tell him "they're all hold'em"  He says "yes, but do you have Texas Holdem?"   Yikes.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. :shock: