I Called In Sick Today

[SBriand 4]

Women DO poop!

YOU JUST TURNED THIS TOPIC INTO A HOUSE OF LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LadyGrey 6]

if you've never had a hooker, I'll run you through the emotions.Stage 1 - sober, hitting the town to find a lady, for free. All geeked up about it, positive, thinking the world can't stop you tonight. Vagina will be yours, oh yes, it will be yoursStage 2 - after your third blow off from hot/cute chicks, you lower the standards a bit. Another blow off from a mediocre looking chick. Now you're upset, thinking "I just bought that slob a drink and she won't do me? ME? SKANK. What you don't realize until later is that you were pressing, desperate. So, you hit stage 3.Stage 3 - find another mediocre chick. Play it totally cool, she's digging you. Now, here comes the dilemma. You've played it cool, but are having a hard time making the smooth transition to asking for the sex because this pig thinks you are really into her, and she might be offended by your ham handed segue to sex. Of course, being the horny slob you are, you blow it and realize you just bought that whore two drinks and a shot. Now, you're down at $100 bucks on the night. Rationalization starts entering the picture, especially if you're a jew.Stage 4 - heading to the strip club. "Somebody will blow me in a strip club, those girls are easy." So, you enter the strip club, but at this point, you're pretty well bombed and can't control the stupid stuff that comes out of your mouth, so the first girl in a g string that approaches you, you ask her how much a blow job in the back room is. She informs you that she isn't that type of girl. In actuality, she is, but since she's still stripping, in her head, she hasn't made the full transition to whore, therefore, has no urge to be talked to like one. Stage 5 - the drive home. In South Fl, on my drive home, there are at least 5 whack shacks. Now, I'm not sure if you have them where you live, but we do. They advertise in the sports page as "massage parlors" or "lingerie shows" or whatever the pretext de jour might be. In reality, you walk in, they do a line up, you pick the girl, she takes in into a relatively private room, no door, just a curtain, to prevent rape, or something, and $40 goes to the house, and $120 for a beej and $160 for full service. So, like I said, you're on your way home, still horny, and you pass one of these places. You say screw it, I'll just goof around and see a lineup and go home. It'll be funny, you say to yourself. So, you see the lineup and one of these girls happens to be cute. You're surprised and still horny. You pick her, but you say it's just to talk, negotiate her down to $50 bucks and if she agrees, do it, if not, leave with a good story. Now, she gets in the room with you, touches you a little and before she says another word, you give her your debit card and say "charge the full service package please thank you". One thing leads to another, you are at the front desk signing for your $200 bucks, happy as hell that you're about to bang this girl and get head, no muss no fuss.Stage 6 - you have really bad sex because the beej is with a condom and the sex is silly because you are just trying to get off and don't care about this girl, and she's making all the sounds like she's enjoying it. Now, you know she's faking them just so you'll get off quicker, but since you're so analytical, that kind of ruins the experience, because nobody plays you for a fool, NOBODY. Also, you're kind of drunk and your johnson is partially numb from beer pecker. Anyway, you cum, get dressed, happily walk out without any needless chit chat.Stage 7 - go home, get an enjoyable night sleep, mission accomplished, basically. Now, you wake up the next morning, shake off the cobwebs, get a text from a buddy to get breakfast. Walk over, grab your wallet and see the $200 credit card receipt, and the exact thought that comes to mind at that exact minute will be "Why didn't I just go home and jerk off?"Stage 8 - then, if money isn't an object, you'll eventually be like your friends and stop going out to chase the vag, and either go straight to the jerk joint, or become a Craigslist regular. Or so I hear.

Voila.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Voila.

teach me oh brilliant oneor just be around when I need something. Can I come to Kansas and buy you a lovely vegan meal sometime?

[LadyGrey 6]

teach me oh brilliant oneor just be around when I need something. Can I come to Kansas and buy you a lovely vegan meal sometime?

I am vegetarian, not vegan. I'm just trying to keep hobbesy's memory alive by emulating his fierce searching skills.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I am vegetarian, not vegan. I'm just trying to keep hobbesy's memory alive by emulating his fierce searching skills.

So that's a no?I'll cancel my flight

[LadyGrey 6]

So that's a no?I'll cancel my flight

It's difficult to reply to a post like that when you know it's not serious and want to avoid flirting with strangers on the internet. I hope you understand, it's nothing personal.

[SBriand 4]

I am going to rant right now okay. I am pissed, annoyed, angry and in utter disgust with the certain people.So the maintenance guy has his family living with him obv. His daughter got married 2 years ago to another tenant. They are both losers. Your typical trailer trash. No education, no decent jobs. So short on money that my boss actually helped pay for their $4K wedding because he is just that nice. Well they are complete deadbeats. They have a balance of over $7K in rent, he works as a manager at a Gamestop and she works part time at Target. They got pregnant months after the wedding. He just came in to drop off a little rent money (like $250) and said he needs rental verification because she is pregnant again and they need to to get more assistance.WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!!!Just pisses me off on so many fucking levels. If it wasn't for the baby and you being related to our maintenance guy you would be homeless.You take advantage of my boss who has done nothing but bend over backwards yet gets reamed by accountants and owners for allowing them to get away with not paying rent when we take people with balances of over $500 to court monthly.You are two completely irresponsible retards who should not be having babies because you can barely take care of yourselvesand lastly, the selfish part of me is pissed because my wife and I waited till we were as ready as we could be financially before we started and now we can't but these two boobs have two and are complete degens in life.FUCK OFF!

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

STRANGER? HOW DARE YOU?

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I shall refrain from playfully bantering with LG henceforth. I don't want to be perceived as a MrB like figure. It's my third greatest fear.

[gobears 0]

I shall refrain from playfully bantering with LG henceforth. I don't want to be perceived as a MrB like figure. It's my third greatest fear.

Obviously I need to bite here and ask what are the top two?

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Obviously I need to bite here and ask what are the top two?

I'll get back to you when I think of two amusing things. Oh wait, I've got one.Having a can of fix-a-flat released in my anus

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

being at a political/religious convention with nothing but christians and republicans and not having MK there to feed me brilliant retorts.not really amusing, but I saw something BG posted and just sighed.

[Sal Paradise 57]

Prove it. Wait, let me unbutton my shirt and lay down right here.-Shake

and still waiting...

I am going to rant right now okay. I am pissed, annoyed, angry and in utter disgust with the certain people.So the maintenance guy has his family living with him obv. His daughter got married 2 years ago to another tenant. They are both losers. Your typical trailer trash. No education, no decent jobs. So short on money that my boss actually helped pay for their $4K wedding because he is just that nice. Well they are complete deadbeats. They have a balance of over $7K in rent, he works as a manager at a Gamestop and she works part time at Target. They got pregnant months after the wedding. He just came in to drop off a little rent money (like $250) and said he needs rental verification because she is pregnant again and they need to to get more assistance.WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!!!Just pisses me off on so many fucking levels. If it wasn't for the baby and you being related to our maintenance guy you would be homeless.You take advantage of my boss who has done nothing but bend over backwards yet gets reamed by accountants and owners for allowing them to get away with not paying rent when we take people with balances of over $500 to court monthly.You are two completely irresponsible retards who should not be having babies because you can barely take care of yourselvesand lastly, the selfish part of me is pissed because my wife and I waited till we were as ready as we could be financially before we started and now we can't but these two boobs have two and are complete degens in life.FUCK OFF!

you'll be a republican in no time

[KDawgCometh 2]

Women DO poop!

my world no longer exists

[silkyjonson 1]

Kobe is on fire.Similar to the firey feeling the girl in Colorado had in her rectum after her encounter with the MVP.

[Randy Reed 0]

Kobe is on fire.Similar to the firey feeling the girl in Colorado had in her rectum after her encounter with the MVP.

Apparently Fluffyface is too, go figure.

[Bizzle 0]

Man, I totally picked the wrong day to miss out on the thread, that Chris talk was hilarious.Erin Andrews will be Mike's wife. I look forward to helping her leave him.In terms of how he met FCPers, I started talking with Strat and Mike, Strat told us of his brother that was killing various tourneys well out of his br, we started railing him, he was a total monkey, we hit it off, so on so forth. I look forward to hanging out with him in July.

[RhinestoneCowboy 2]

Kobe is on fire.Similar to the firey feeling the girl in Colorado had in her rectum after her encounter with the MVP.

And the fire is out, like the flame of love with his wife (even after the ring).

[strategy 4]

I look forward to hanging out with him in July.

who knows, it might be out of your budget to party with him by then!!

[silkyjonson 1]

And the fire is out, like the flame of love with his wife (even after the ring).

Ya Boston pretty much running a train right now, even big baby getting in on the action.

[Ouch-8s 4]

I am going to rant right now okay. I am pissed, annoyed, angry and in utter disgust with the certain people.So the maintenance guy has his family living with him obv. His daughter got married 2 years ago to another tenant. They are both losers. Your typical trailer trash. No education, no decent jobs. So short on money that my boss actually helped pay for their $4K wedding because he is just that nice. Well they are complete deadbeats. They have a balance of over $7K in rent, he works as a manager at a Gamestop and she works part time at Target. They got pregnant months after the wedding. He just came in to drop off a little rent money (like $250) and said he needs rental verification because she is pregnant again and they need to to get more assistance.WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!!!Just pisses me off on so many fucking levels. If it wasn't for the baby and you being related to our maintenance guy you would be homeless.You take advantage of my boss who has done nothing but bend over backwards yet gets reamed by accountants and owners for allowing them to get away with not paying rent when we take people with balances of over $500 to court monthly.You are two completely irresponsible retards who should not be having babies because you can barely take care of yourselvesand lastly, the selfish part of me is pissed because my wife and I waited till we were as ready as we could be financially before we started and now we can't but these two boobs have two and are complete degens in life.FUCK OFF!

you should probably liberate one of the babies, for it's own good.

[KDawgCometh 2]

you should probably liberate one of the babies, for it's own good.

by liberate don't you mean put it in a weighted sack and then throw it in a lake or river?

[Ouch-8s 4]

by liberate don't you mean put it in a weighted sack and then throw it in a lake or river?

only if he can't make it stop crying in say 15 minutes

[GrinderMJ 0]

Man, I totally picked the wrong day to miss out on the thread, that Chris talk was hilarious.Erin Andrews will be Mike's wife. I look forward to helping her leave him.In terms of how he met FCPers, I started talking with Strat and Mike, Strat told us of his brother that was killing various tourneys well out of his br, we started railing him, he was a total monkey, we hit it off, so on so forth. I look forward to hanging out with him in July and then silently packing up all my things and leaving in the middle of the night whilst leaving a note.

[Sal Paradise 57]

Man, I totally picked the wrong day to miss out on the thread, that Chris talk was hilarious.Erin Andrews will be Mike's wife. I look forward to helping her leave him.In terms of how he met FCPers, I started talking with Strat and Mike, Strat told us of his brother that was killing various tourneys well out of his br, we started railing him, he was a total monkey, we hit it off, so on so forth. I look forward to hanging out with him in July.

thank you bizzle. this is the answer I was looking for. I had just always wondered if somehow he knew one of you before the internet or something.and totally sick burn grinder.edit: HIIIII OUCH!!!!!