I Called In Sick Today

[Bizzle 0]

I assume you mean that playing cash tables is more profitable than playing tournaments.

No, I was more referring to the fact that the last time you initiated poker debate in here with a hand, pretty much everyone said you played it bad, and you continued to defend your play to the death without one time saying "hey, look, the 12 of you might be right and I might be wrong." So forgive me if I happen to take what you say about the tournament forum with a grain (well, maybe a boulder) of salt.

[Bizzle 0]

edit: and suck it zimmer

Two extremely smart kids who don't have jobs, don't play collegiate sports, and don't have significant extracurricular interests occupying their time talking smack over getting 3.4s in programs they are both totally capable of getting 4.0s in if they put in a modicum of work is the epitome of laziness.

[Ouch-8s 4]

It's 8:10am. So far, this is looking like a great day. I'm going to go buy a lottery ticket and play some NLHE, see if I can't pay for this flight.....

Well, maybe I'll just make this thread my official holiday blog. So the flight went pretty well. BooBoo was smiling though most of it, and Ratatouille was the movie. I love the Pixar flicks in general and this one was pretty funny too. BooBoo did manage to dump a couple of large loads of vomit on me, which is never pleasant, but he was very well behaved nevertheless, despite not having slept in 2 days. I haven't either, really, so that was a relief. By the end of the flight, I had pretty girls coming up to me telling me my boy was sooooo cute and well behaved (all the stories you've heard about babies being chick magnets are 100% true. they may even be understated). My standard answer was "Thanks, I made him myself!" with a smile, which got a combination of smiles, good dirty looks, bad dirty looks, and one leer/raised eyebrow/stare up and down. From the hot girl in coach. Ha! Like I'd pick up a girl who flies coach! with my wife there.... We got off the plane and headed to the baggage carousel. It was here that the evening took a turn for the worse.... Gradually, the number of people waiting for their bags got smaller and smaller, but I remained. Eventually there were only about 30 bags left, and me. None of the bags remaining were mine, obviously. I had committed the cardinal sin - I had changed flights after checking my baggage, on an obviously ridiculously busy day at Vancouver Airport. It only occured to me later that there were 30 bags there that had no apparent owners - where were these poor people, standing futilly at a remote turnstile, hoping their bags would come out next but only seeing that plaintive cardbox box wrapped in cellotape and yellow nylon rope circle. around. again. So I went to the baggage services desk and explained that my bags had not arrived - could they trace them, find where they had been scanned, and get them to me please. The man at the desk simply gave me a claim number, told me the call centre in India would be calling me or I should be calling them, and said that the airlines didnt actually scan the baggage. I asked what he meant and explained that the bags are only scanned when they reach their final destination. I explained that didn't make much sense, that it was too late for scanning to do any good by then, but he was unable to help. I told him that we had been put on a different flight, and confirmed that the most logical place to find the bags would be on THAT flight. He disagreed, and said that it would be impossible for the bags to get on that flight without us (30 bags behind me disagreed with him silently) and that the best place to look for them was in fact with the call centre in India. They would be able to help me tomorrow. Hopefully by then the bags would have arrived in an unscheduled final destination, be scanned by a lonely baggage handler who presumably would look a lot like the man shuffling amongst the 30 bag mess behind me with a well worn and expertly handled lost-bag-scanner, and then reported to Mr Unhelpful here in front of me so that they could be put on the next flight to Montreal. At which point India would call me. Or I would call India. Or the bags would go to Calcutta for processing. The whole system was clearly at the same time far too complicated and too simple. I've called pizza places, inquiring about my pie, and been told the glassy-eyed stoner left with it an hour ago, so it couldn't be long now, and had more confidence in their tracking mechanisms. If FedEx can tell me what time my package cleared customs, when it left the warehouse, and that the truck just had a flat tire at Burrand and Main so would be 15 minutes late, why does my airline have NO idea where my bags are? I found Jess and BooBoo and explained that the bags had potentially wandered into a wardrobe and were now with the Ice Queen in Narnia, but there was no way to tell. I again stated my suspicion that the bags would be on our original flight, but Jess pointed out that several times we have been delayed departing due to a message like this "Ladies and Gentlemen, we'll be leaving in a moment, but we've got a few bags on board from a connecting flight whose owners haven't boarded. We don't want to leave with their luggage, so we're going to pull those bags off and then we'll be ready to go." If this was true, it seemed like the most likely spot for them would be Edmonton. "But," I said, "that would be mean they would have to scan the bags in Edmonton. And Mr Unhelpful just explained the retarded system to me, and they don't scan any bags until they are unclaimed and therefore obviously in the wrong airport. So that whole message is simply a friendly coverup for the REAL message, which is something like 'We'll be ready to go just as soon as the maintenance crew finishes tightening the wing onto the plane.'" She is unconvinced. Mr Unhelpful is unconvinced, but he has an uncomfortable look in his eyes that leads me to decide I have in fact discovered their ruse. Meanwhile, he confirms that, yes, we are entitled to $100USD/day/person for our lost luggage. I, however, am convinced. I wander over to the carousel where our origincal flight is unloading, and answer my cellphone from my sister. "Yeah, everything is fine, the airline has just lost our bags. They don't have any idea where they are. Oh hang on, there's one now, and the other. Gotta go." I grabbed our bags off the carousel as the woman next to me stared in astonishment. "The airline lost your bags?" she asked. "Yes" "And you weren't on this flight?" "No." "So then how did you know to look here for them?" she wondered aloud. "I guessed." I replied. She stared at me, completely amazed as I got ready to leave. "You rule!" she said. I nodded curtly and wished her a Merry Christmas. As I left the airport, I realized something. The airline didn't scan my bags. The airline thinks they lost my bags. I have my bags. I also get $300/day they continue to have lost my bags. I think I just got upgraded to First Class for the flight home. Anyone who wants to either steal bags (kinda risky) or scam the airline for lost luggage that they have can do so with almost no effort whatsoever. The airline baggage system has zero security, zero sense, zero tracking, and zero chance of taking my bags home. I'm FedExing them for sure.

Woo hoo! Now that I have my bearings and my confidence back, I totally plan on Four-pointing the rest of my life. I got a 0/15 on an exam in a 100 point class, and somehow managed to turn that into an A-. I'll take it, super easy teacher.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Math is hard.

I called in a few favors with some airline heads I'm related to. You're welcome.

Thanks for that. Maybe your relatives don't like you as much as you think they do? Don't worry, I'll get them back for you.

you missed 15 points in a 100 point class and still got an A-?What is this, Canada?

Fixed that for ya.

[Ouch-8s 4]

Two extremely smart kids who don't have jobs, don't play collegiate sports, and don't have significant extracurricular interests occupying their time talking smack over getting 3.4s in programs they are both totally capable of getting 4.0s in if they put in a modicum of work is the epitome of the sick thread.

they are shining beacons of hope indeed, sir.

[strategy 4]

Two extremely smart kids who don't have jobs, don't play collegiate sports, and don't have significant extracurricular interests occupying their time talking smack over getting 3.4s in programs they are both totally capable of getting 4.0s in if they put in a modicum of work is the epitome of laziness.

yep I'm pretty great

[strategy 4]

ok bizzle, but seriously, if you had to guess the average GPA of the sick thread last semester, would you have really thought above 3.4?

[zimmer4141 0]

Peter, I'm satisfied with the grades I got.I really want to try to promote a new metric by which students can be measured. It would be GPA/man-hours of work put in. I feel like I've maximized that metric and that pleases me. I could realistically get above a 3.8. I doubt I could get a 4.0 last semester because no matter how much time I put in I'm still awful at writing papers. I could get a 3.8 or 3.9, but then I couldn't drink 3 nights a week, smoke occasionally, and play poker as much as I do. It's not necessarily laziness, it's maximizing my time efficiency for maximum grades and happiness.

[speedz99 145]

Only one more semester of college left...

That's a shame.

No, I was more referring to the fact that the last time you initiated poker debate in here with a hand, pretty much everyone said you played it bad, and you continued to defend your play to the death without one time saying "hey, look, the 12 of you might be right and I might be wrong." So forgive me if I happen to take what you say about the tournament forum with a grain (well, maybe a boulder) of salt.

Two extremely smart kids who don't have jobs, don't play collegiate sports, and don't have significant extracurricular interests occupying their time talking smack over getting 3.4s in programs they are both totally capable of getting 4.0s in if they put in a modicum of work is the epitome of laziness.

Gentlemen, consider yourself bizzled*.

By the end of the flight, I had pretty girls coming up to me telling me my boy was sooooo cute and well behaved (all the stories you've heard about babies being chick magnets are 100% true. they may even be understated). My standard answer was "Thanks, I made him myself!"

I need to remember that one.

ok bizzle, but seriously, if you had to guess the average GPA of the sick thread last semester, would you have really thought above 3.4?

Yes. We're smarter than the average bears.

Peter, I'm satisfied with the grades I got.

That's loser talk!

I really want to try to promote a new metric by which students can be measured. It would be GPA/man-hours of work put in. I feel like I've maximized that metric and that pleases me. I could realistically get above a 3.8. I doubt I could get a 4.0 last semester because no matter how much time I put in I'm still awful at writing papers. I could get a 3.8 or 3.9, but then I couldn't drink 3 nights a week, smoke occasionally, and play poker as much as I do. It's not necessarily laziness, it's maximizing my time efficiency for maximum grades and happiness.

3 nights a week and occasional smoking? Lightweight.But I like the way you think. You, sir, are winning at college.*bizzle: verb - to express sharp, stern disapproval of; reprove; reprimand, typically in a condescending manner devoid of any humor (aside from the ocassional salt metaphor)

[strategy 4]

Peter, I'm satisfied with the grades I got.I really want to try to promote a new metric by which students can be measured. It would be GPA/man-hours of work put in. I feel like I've maximized that metric and that pleases me. I could realistically get above a 3.8. I doubt I could get a 4.0 last semester because no matter how much time I put in I'm still awful at writing papers. I could get a 3.8 or 3.9, but then I couldn't drink 3 nights a week, smoke occasionally, and play poker as much as I do. It's not necessarily laziness, it's maximizing my time efficiency for maximum grades and happiness.

I gave up too soon last semester. I thought I had ruled out an A in like three of my classes and just phoned it in from that point on. At the end of the semester, I did all of my grade calculations and notice that I was painfully close to getting a 4.0.

Yes. We're smarter than the average bears.

disagree vehemently

[strategy 4]

[Lolli 0]

Merry Christmas, Sickies.Have a wonderful and safe holiday.And for the love of god, remind me next year not to wait til the last minute to wrap the god damn presents.

[El Guapo 8]

I guess we're doing this now? JBradburn6's report card for the semester:Field Consulting Class: A-Venture Capital: A-Asset Valuation and Strategy: A-The Firm in the Capital Market: A-Ethics and Negotiation: A-Corporate Financial Risk Management: B+Commercial Finance & Property Estate Law: B+Corporate Governance/Restructuring: A-Equity Markets: B+Overall GPA (18 credit hours): 3.59. I'll take it. I estimated between classes, group meetings, studying, doing homework, etc. about 250 hours of actual work this semester, so I'm proud I was able to pull a 3.59 out of my ass. Only one more semester of college left...my dad told me tonight I can't stay for a 6th year...

Dude what is your major? Vecture Capital as a class? Are you in an MBA program?

[ajs510 122]

Merry Christmas, ya bunch of degenerates.

[JBradburn6 0]

Airplanes

I actually typed out a response to your original story saying I hope they donn't lose your bags, but figured I would jinx you/not let you enjoy first class worrying if the bags were actually on your plane. Looks like it worked out though.

Dude what is your major? Vecture Capital as a class? Are you in an MBA program?

Yeah it's actually a 3/2 MBA program at school, so most of those classes were 7 week 1.5 credit hour classes. Which also helps explain my GPA - like 75% of the class gets a B+ or A-. Therefore, I don't take it that seriously and still manage to go out 4-5 nights a week (which is why break is killing meI'm down 18 points in our fantasy football championship going into tonight...I have LT and the Chargers defense, he has Gates. I think I have a decent chance, should be close...

[KDawgCometh 2]

Two extremely smart kids who don't have jobs, don't play collegiate sports, and don't have significant extracurricular interests occupying their time talking smack over getting 3.4s in programs they are both totally capable of getting 4.0s in if they put in a modicum of work is the epitome of laziness.

Well, maybe I'll just make this thread my official holiday blog. So the flight went pretty well. BooBoo was smiling though most of it, and Ratatouille was the movie. I love the Pixar flicks in general and this one was pretty funny too. BooBoo did manage to dump a couple of large loads of vomit on me, which is never pleasant, but he was very well behaved nevertheless, despite not having slept in 2 days. I haven't either, really, so that was a relief. By the end of the flight, I had pretty girls coming up to me telling me my boy was sooooo cute and well behaved (all the stories you've heard about babies being chick magnets are 100% true. they may even be understated). My standard answer was "Thanks, I made him myself!" with a smile, which got a combination of smiles, good dirty looks, bad dirty looks, and one leer/raised eyebrow/stare up and down. From the hot girl in coach. Ha! Like I'd pick up a girl who flies coach! with my wife there.... We got off the plane and headed to the baggage carousel. It was here that the evening took a turn for the worse.... Gradually, the number of people waiting for their bags got smaller and smaller, but I remained. Eventually there were only about 30 bags left, and me. None of the bags remaining were mine, obviously. I had committed the cardinal sin - I had changed flights after checking my baggage, on an obviously ridiculously busy day at Vancouver Airport. It only occured to me later that there were 30 bags there that had no apparent owners - where were these poor people, standing futilly at a remote turnstile, hoping their bags would come out next but only seeing that plaintive cardbox box wrapped in cellotape and yellow nylon rope circle. around. again. So I went to the baggage services desk and explained that my bags had not arrived - could they trace them, find where they had been scanned, and get them to me please. The man at the desk simply gave me a claim number, told me the call centre in India would be calling me or I should be calling them, and said that the airlines didnt actually scan the baggage. I asked what he meant and explained that the bags are only scanned when they reach their final destination. I explained that didn't make much sense, that it was too late for scanning to do any good by then, but he was unable to help. I told him that we had been put on a different flight, and confirmed that the most logical place to find the bags would be on THAT flight. He disagreed, and said that it would be impossible for the bags to get on that flight without us (30 bags behind me disagreed with him silently) and that the best place to look for them was in fact with the call centre in India. They would be able to help me tomorrow. Hopefully by then the bags would have arrived in an unscheduled final destination, be scanned by a lonely baggage handler who presumably would look a lot like the man shuffling amongst the 30 bag mess behind me with a well worn and expertly handled lost-bag-scanner, and then reported to Mr Unhelpful here in front of me so that they could be put on the next flight to Montreal. At which point India would call me. Or I would call India. Or the bags would go to Calcutta for processing. The whole system was clearly at the same time far too complicated and too simple. I've called pizza places, inquiring about my pie, and been told the glassy-eyed stoner left with it an hour ago, so it couldn't be long now, and had more confidence in their tracking mechanisms. If FedEx can tell me what time my package cleared customs, when it left the warehouse, and that the truck just had a flat tire at Burrand and Main so would be 15 minutes late, why does my airline have NO idea where my bags are? I found Jess and BooBoo and explained that the bags had potentially wandered into a wardrobe and were now with the Ice Queen in Narnia, but there was no way to tell. I again stated my suspicion that the bags would be on our original flight, but Jess pointed out that several times we have been delayed departing due to a message like this "Ladies and Gentlemen, we'll be leaving in a moment, but we've got a few bags on board from a connecting flight whose owners haven't boarded. We don't want to leave with their luggage, so we're going to pull those bags off and then we'll be ready to go." If this was true, it seemed like the most likely spot for them would be Edmonton. "But," I said, "that would be mean they would have to scan the bags in Edmonton. And Mr Unhelpful just explained the retarded system to me, and they don't scan any bags until they are unclaimed and therefore obviously in the wrong airport. So that whole message is simply a friendly coverup for the REAL message, which is something like 'We'll be ready to go just as soon as the maintenance crew finishes tightening the wing onto the plane.'" She is unconvinced. Mr Unhelpful is unconvinced, but he has an uncomfortable look in his eyes that leads me to decide I have in fact discovered their ruse. Meanwhile, he confirms that, yes, we are entitled to $100USD/day/person for our lost luggage. I, however, am convinced. I wander over to the carousel where our origincal flight is unloading, and answer my cellphone from my sister. "Yeah, everything is fine, the airline has just lost our bags. They don't have any idea where they are. Oh hang on, there's one now, and the other. Gotta go." I grabbed our bags off the carousel as the woman next to me stared in astonishment. "The airline lost your bags?" she asked. "Yes" "And you weren't on this flight?" "No." "So then how did you know to look here for them?" she wondered aloud. "I guessed." I replied. She stared at me, completely amazed as I got ready to leave. "You rule!" she said. I nodded curtly and wished her a Merry Christmas. As I left the airport, I realized something. The airline didn't scan my bags. The airline thinks they lost my bags. I have my bags. I also get $300/day they continue to have lost my bags. I think I just got upgraded to First Class for the flight home. Anyone who wants to either steal bags (kinda risky) or scam the airline for lost luggage that they have can do so with almost no effort whatsoever. The airline baggage system has zero security, zero sense, zero tracking, and zero chance of taking my bags home. I'm FedExing them for sure. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Math is hard. Thanks for that. Maybe your relatives don't like you as much as you think they do? Don't worry, I'll get them back for you.

since it'd be so hard to break down the awesome parts of this post, I'm just gonna be a dick and quote the whole thing. now I need to go off and sell a bunch of people wine and deal with them asking me the difference between two crappy under $10 wines

[JSHamm 9]

since it'd be so hard to break down the awesome parts of this post, I'm just gonna be a dick and quote the whole thing. now I need to go off and sell a bunch of people wine and deal with them asking me the difference between two crappy under $10 wines

Could you recommend me the best wine in a box?Merry Christmas everyone, even you.

[Randy Reed 0]

Two extremely smart kids who don't have jobs, don't play collegiate sports, and don't have significant extracurricular interests occupying their time talking smack over getting 3.4s in programs they are both totally capable of getting 4.0s in if they put in a modicum of work is the epitome of laziness.

Congrats on all the good grades you got while partying through school you bunch of smartie pants.Jon, you know Speedz is going to want his Xmas present upgraded to first class for all his hard work getting you upgraded, right?Did I just bizzle someone?Ha, Merry Christmas all!

[Ouch-8s 4]

Yes. We're smarter than the average bears.

[leftygolfer 7]

Golf HumorMatching lavender outfit: $200New pair of French sunglasses: $100NIKE products Endorsements: $10,000,000 Having a "special place" to hold your putter . . . PRICELESS

[leftygolfer 7]

Feliz Navidad.

[Bizzle 0]

Alright, first of all-was busy busting 10 trillion tourneys, so that explains the tone.

ok bizzle, but seriously, if you had to guess the average GPA of the sick thread last semester, would you have really thought above 3.4?

Yeah, 3.4 sounds about right.

Peter, I'm satisfied with the grades I got.I really want to try to promote a new metric by which students can be measured. It would be GPA/man-hours of work put in. I feel like I've maximized that metric and that pleases me. I could realistically get above a 3.8. I doubt I could get a 4.0 last semester because no matter how much time I put in I'm still awful at writing papers. I could get a 3.8 or 3.9, but then I couldn't drink 3 nights a week, smoke occasionally, and play poker as much as I do. It's not necessarily laziness, it's maximizing my time efficiency for maximum grades and happiness.

But would it really take that much extra work to get a 3.8? I mean, I can recall looking back at classes in college and thinking "wow, if I had spent like 2 hours per week more on this class, it would have been the easiest A." I highly doubt it would take as much work as you think to get A's in all your classes.

Gentlemen, consider yourself bizzled*.*bizzle: verb - to express sharp, stern disapproval of; reprove; reprimand, typically in a condescending manner devoid of any humor (aside from the ocassional salt metaphor)

Giggle.

I gave up too soon last semester. I thought I had ruled out an A in like three of my classes and just phoned it in from that point on. At the end of the semester, I did all of my grade calculations and notice that I was painfully close to getting a 4.0.

Exactly. I kinda have been wanting to post something in that vein for some time now. For some time now, myself and another sick threader (we'll call him Smuggy Bear) have lamented Jeff's level of apathy regarding things schoolish. We've both commented on how we think Jeff is way too smart to get the grades he gets and it has resulted in him being put into a much tougher spot than necessary when it comes to applying to move into business school. I've heard all of the arguments for coasting along through college, but the amount of work required to get really strong grades is not that high, with the exception of a few high workload programs. For the most part, all coasting through college does is limit the options available to you.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I can recall looking back at classes in college and thinking "wow, if I had spent like 2 hours per week more on this class, it would have been the easiest A."

I haven't read the last few pages so I don't know what you're talking about, but how can it be the "easiest A" if you spend an extra two hours per week? If I spent two hours a week total on any class I'd be burned out. I am, of course, very, very lazy. (You would be hard-pressed to write a shorter sentence with that many commas.)

[Jeepster80125 0]

GG rocket.

[Tactical Bear 3]

you missed 15 points in a 100 point class and still got an A-?What is this, socialism?

I think it's a mistake, because I sent the prof. an email explaining my mistake, and asking if there were any way I could make it up, do extra credit, or whatever. He basically lol'ed at my face. But I DID write a 3-page play that was voted "Best in Class" by a wide margin, and was consistently the best "discussion board" poster in the class. Basically, my theatre class was "Do what you do in the sick thread everyday" except much less stressful.

Two extremely smart kids who don't have jobs, don't play collegiate sports, and don't have significant extracurricular interests occupying their time talking smack over getting 3.4s in programs they are both totally capable of getting 4.0s in if they put in a modicum of work is the epitome of laziness.

No, I think this is:

I guess we're doing this now? JBradburn6's report card for the semester:Field Consulting Class: A-Venture Capital: A-Asset Valuation and Strategy: A-The Firm in the Capital Market: A-Ethics and Negotiation: A-Corporate Financial Risk Management: B+Commercial Finance & Property Estate Law: B+Corporate Governance/Restructuring: A-Equity Markets: B+

An A-/B+ in every single class? That has ALWAYS been my dream, man. You're sick.

I haven't read the last few pages so I don't know what you're talking about, but how can it be the "easiest A" if you spend an extra two hours per week? If I spent two hours a week total on any class I'd be burned out. I am, of course, very, very lazy. (You would be hard-pressed to write a shorter sentence with that many commas.)

I hear you. The phrase "marginal effort" has always had a very interesting dual meaning in my academic life. The effort I give is always marginal, and the benefits of each marginal hour of work I put in would always have been valuable.I actually worked pretty good this term. I studied for tests. I went to class. I did some of the reading in my spare time. I didn't bust my ass, but I didn't slack as hard as I could have, either. I could have locked up a 3.5 with about 20 minutes/week total outside of class, and instead I put in about 1 hour/week outside of class. 40 minutes might not seem like much, but remember: I am the laziest.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Letter from my current self to my future self, to be read before every Christmas, until I am dead:Dear Future Self,Please try not to get fat. Our metabolism sucks, oatmeal is cheap, and we're bad enough with women as it is; it would be a disaster if we couldn't fit into our Juice Williams commemorative Rose Bowl jersey T-Shirt. I'm calling it right now: that thing is going to get us laid innumerable times in the coming years. I can already see a girl wearing it as a night-shirt, trying to steal it when the relationship ends, and an altogether too complicated "search and rescue" mission to retrieve it afterwards. This letter is only on its second paragraph, and already I am way off track. I am writing you in the hopes that you, my future self, unencumbered by the grim reality of Now (and, therefore, more likely forget the lessons learned from this and countless other moments), can avoid the pitfall in which I'm currently trapped. What is the date today? Is it mid-December? Are you seeing anybody? If you've answered yes to both of the previous questions, then, have you slept with her yet, or taken any other significant step forward in your burgeoning relationship? If not, then, for the love of God, just wait a few days, because what the fuck are you supposed to get her for Christmas? Here's a little anecdote that should seem familiar, but that maybe you've conveniently forgotten:A few years ago, when we were in college, we were in the midst of a stupid and immature flirtatious relationship with a girl. We never really hung out or fooled around. We just made it obvious we liked her, and she made it obvious she liked us. Then, a few days before we went home for Christmas -- seriously, on the 21st of December -- we got drunk and woke up naked next to her in bed. Then, to make matters worse, we took her out for breakfast, promised to call her over break, and told her we'd take her out when she got back into town. We didn't realize what we'd done until hours later, on the drive home, when we thought to ourselves, "So, what do you give a girl that you're sleeping with, kinda, and that you'll probably end up dating, but you haven't really DISCUSSED the possibility of an exclusive relationship with, for Christmas? What is she going to get you? Is a book too pedestrian? Is it unromantic? Should it BE romantic? How about flowers? Do you want her to think you're a faggot? If so, then get her the fucking flowers and a mixtape. No books and no mixtapes and no flowers. Got it."By now you no doubt recall what this led to: the purchase of a Gary Larson "Far Side" calendar and a Chia Pet, and a crippling anxiety attack moments after mailing them.She got you a book.I know what you're thinking: "I don't need reminding. I won't make the same mistake twice!"How quickly we forget. Flash to the morning of Dec. 24th, 2007. Do you remember where you spent the night before, and where you awoke that morning? Hint: Your first stop after leaving was to refill your Xanax scrip, and your second was the mall. Your purchased her a copy of "Jeopardy! The DVD Game," and a pink case for her iPhone, even though, as far as you know, she has no particular affinity for pink. Don't say I didn't warn you.Sincerely,Me (You)