Dear Speedz

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Strippers and coke or hookers and pepsi?

I see what you did there.For those of you who did not see it, Lefty was making a statement about the inherent nature of strippers. You see, there really isn't much difference between Coke and Pepsi. Sure, some people might say they only drink Coke or they only drink Pepsi, but those people are wrong. The taste difference is negligible. Since there is no significant difference between Coke and Pepsi, including them in the overall choice is superfluous. So we must ask ourselves, why did Lefty include them? Why not just ask, "strippers or hookers?" That is when we get to the real point of his post. Lefty's post is a social commentary; strippers are selling their bodies just like hookers do. He is making a pointed statement about the discrepancy in quality of life of each profession when really they are doing the same thing. I know what you're all thinking; you're saying, "Lefty, how can you really say that people who take off their clothes in an alluring manner are the same as people who will have sex with you for money?" I think Lefty would venture a guess that those same people also adhere to their needless soft drink allegiances. Having interpreted Lefty’s post for you, my question for you is this:How funny is it to phrase a question in the form of a circle?I think it's damn funny, but I'd like your opinion.

[HangukMiguk 8]

I see what you did there.For those of you who did not see it, Lefty was making a statement about the inherent nature of strippers. You see, there really isn't much difference between Coke and Pepsi. Sure, some people might say they only drink Coke or they only drink Pepsi, but those people are wrong. The taste difference is negligible. Since there is no significant difference between Coke and Pepsi, including them in the overall choice is superfluous. So we must ask ourselves, why did Lefty include them? Why not just ask, "strippers or hookers?" That is when we get to the real point of his post. Lefty's post is a social commentary; strippers are selling their bodies just like hookers do. He is making a pointed statement about the discrepancy in quality of life of each profession when really they are doing the same thing. I know what you're all thinking; you're saying, "Lefty, how can you really say that people who take off their clothes in an alluring manner are the same as people who will have sex with you for money?" I think Lefty would venture a guess that those same people also adhere to their needless soft drink allegiances. Having interpreted Lefty’s post for you, my question for you is this:How funny is it to phrase a question in the form of a circle?I think it's damn funny, but I'd like your opinion.

You're no longer invited to my sensual soda taste tests.Yes, it was comedy genius.

[runthemover 39]

I see what you did there.Since there is no significant difference between Coke and Pepsi, including them in the overall choice is superfluous. So we must ask ourselves, why did Lefty include them? Why not just ask, "strippers or hookers?" That is when we get to the real point of his post. Lefty's post is a social commentary; strippers are selling their bodies just like hookers do. He is making a pointed statement about the discrepancy in quality of life of each profession when really they are doing the same thing.

Are you comparing the fizziness or extra carbonation in Coke to the ejaculate hookers provoke on the spot?

[ShakeZuma 585]

I see what you did there.For those of you who did not see it, Lefty was making a statement about the inherent nature of strippers. You see, there really isn't much difference between Coke and Pepsi. Sure, some people might say they only drink Coke or they only drink Pepsi, but those people are wrong. The taste difference is negligible. Since there is no significant difference between Coke and Pepsi, including them in the overall choice is superfluous. So we must ask ourselves, why did Lefty include them? Why not just ask, "strippers or hookers?" That is when we get to the real point of his post. Lefty's post is a social commentary; strippers are selling their bodies just like hookers do. He is making a pointed statement about the discrepancy in quality of life of each profession when really they are doing the same thing. I know what you're all thinking; you're saying, "Lefty, how can you really say that people who take off their clothes in an alluring manner are the same as people who will have sex with you for money?" I think Lefty would venture a guess that those same people also adhere to their needless soft drink allegiances. Having interpreted Lefty’s post for you, my question for you is this:How funny is it to phrase a question in the form of a circle?I think it's damn funny, but I'd like your opinion.

I will live the rest of my life incomplete because nobody answered my question with "the color orange." which is obviously the correct answer.

[loogie 115]

Dear Speedz,I'm 1/8th Jewish, as my great grandmother's maiden name was Gould. My last name is Lugar which was originally spelled Luger, the gun Nazi officers used. So obviously I'm conflicted. How do I reach harmony with my volatile ethnicities?

[Ouch-8s 4]

Dear Speedz,I'm 1/8th Jewish, as my great grandmother's maiden name was Gould. My last name is Lugar which was originally spelled Luger, the gun Nazi officers used. So obviously I'm conflicted. How do I reach harmony with my volatile ethnicities?

Steal the gold out of every 8th tooth and donate it to the B'nai Brith, obv.

[leftygolfer 7]

I see what you did there.Having interpreted Lefty’s post for you, my question for you is this:How funny is it to phrase a question in the form of a circle?I think it's damn funny, but I'd like your opinion.

Chrozzo?

I will live the rest of my life incomplete because nobody answered my question with "the color orange." which is obviously the correct answer.

Wait, you are JJJ?

Steal the gold out of every 8th tooth and donate it to the B'nai Brith, obv.

Wait, you are Speedz99?I am really fucking confused

[speedz99 145]

Dear Speedz,I'm 1/8th Jewish, as my great grandmother's maiden name was Gould. My last name is Lugar which was originally spelled Luger, the gun Nazi officers used. So obviously I'm conflicted. How do I reach harmony with my volatile ethnicities?

Dear Loog,The simplest solution is just to remove the part of you that is Jewish. Since we're talking about an eighth, it would be easiest to just cut off 1/2 of one of your four limbs...either an arm from the elbow down or a leg from the knee down. Then you can go ahead and hate Jews as much as you like, though that would be pretty difficult in Hollywood (plus you couldn't make Holocaust jokes in your routine). Perhaps you should remove the part of your body that isn't Jewish...cut off all but 1/2 of one limb. The gentile part of you would be the one with the vast majority of your body, but you'd be the funniest shin/foot in the biz...you could open with a joke about how the Nazis removed the majority of your body at a concentration camp. That'd kill.Sincerely,Speedz

[leftygolfer 7]

Dear Speedz,Is it wrong to have 17 kids?http://www.duggarfamily.com/faq.htmlSincerely,Jim Bob's worn out weinis

[speedz99 145]

Dear Speedz,Is it wrong to have 17 kids?http://www.duggarfamily.com/faq.htmlSincerely,Jim Bob's worn out weinis

Dear Weinis,No, it is not wrong. It is keeping with the current evolutionary trend of complete morons procreating in higher numbers than reasonably intelligent human beings...thus facilitating the eventual dumbing down of our society to an average IQ of 11.Sincerely,Speedz

[Dogpatch 2]

Dear Weinis,No, it is not wrong. It is keeping with the current evolutionary trend of complete morons procreating in higher numbers than reasonably intelligent human beings...thus facilitating the eventual dumbing down of our society to an average IQ of 11.Sincerely,Speedz

So, like a stock market crash... it's reasonable to say we're in an IQCrash?

[renaedawn 1]

So, like a stock market crash... it's reasonable to say we're in an IQCrash?

Not unless you're a needle or a dirty smelly pirate hooker's finger.

[Randy Reed 0]

Steal the gold out of every 8th tooth and donate it to the B'nai Brith, obv.

I heart you so much. Pure 1/8 Gold I say.

[Matt_Damon 0]

Matt Damon?

[strategy 4]

Ok Speedz, you got me. I'm finally asking, only b/c this was a bump that was a long time in the making.I'm a college student, will graduate in about 5 months. This guy who is definitely really into me goes to school about 300 miles from where I live. He knows that I know that he is really into me, but he also knows that I am undecided about how I feel. He'll be home over Christmas break and we have a ton of friends in common so we'll probably be hanging out quite a bit. Note that he's not looking to have sex with me, he's just interested in a relationship at some point. Not even necessarily now, as he will move back here when he graduates. What is my best course of action to see if I should get something going with this guy? Thanks!

[onlyme386 0]

i see what you did here

[runthemover 39]

you're pretty funny. And to think that I had no part of this at all. That's sad. On my part.

[strategy 4]

this is serious, guys

[onlyme386 0]

I know how you know I'm gay.

[strategy 4]

i can help... just change yours ill change mine

deal. just edit out the quote. and then we have to edit this exchange.

[speedz99 145]

This is a serious thread, full of serious people with serious problems. I'd appreciate it if you show have some respect for whatever it is I'm trying to do here.

[Jadaki 0]

Dear Speedz,Is it wrong to have 17 kids?http://www.duggarfamily.com/faq.htmlSincerely,Jim Bob's worn out weinis

Vagina isn't supposed to double as a clown car.

[El Guapo 8]

Dear Speedz,We have a cat that will not stop peeing and pooping on the rug in our spare bathroom. We thought it was because since my wife is pregnant and cannot change the kitty litter, that I am not doing it enough. But I have been better about it and clean at least every other day, if not every day.So the pooping had stopped, but the peeing continued. Well we think she was not drinking enough water so we got her one of those water fountains (this cat will get in the shower with me, loves water) and she drinks more water now, then the peeing stopped.So today I smell something and she pooped on the rug again (new rug mind you). Well the only explanation I could think of was that at the end of the hall near the laundry room is the garage and that is where we put my sons dirty diapers, and he had just had one. Maybe the smell, bothered her so she would not go to her litterbox.So what do you think it is? What should I do? Someone suggested getting one of those automatic litter boxes, but I heard the good ones are 3-500 dollars, and there is no way I am spending that on a cats poop box.Eagerly awaiting your response,El Guapo

[speedz99 145]

Dear El Guapo,I honestly don't know what you should do. I could have made something up (and it probably would have sounded plausible), but when it comes to something like this I wouldn't want to mess with you...even though it would have been kind of funny. I recommend going to a bookstore and looking through as many cat behavior books you can find to see what they all recommend in cases like this. Or sign up for a cat forum (I'm sure there are a ton) and ask people who actually know what they're doing. I'm sure you've already thought of those things, but it's all I've got for you.Sincerely,Speedz99

[runthemover 39]

Dear Speedz,I happen to be in the exact same situation as El Guapo (from the spare bathroom to lazy-ass pregnant wife). I saw that your reponse to him was somewhat lengthy. If you don't mind, I'd like a shorter and hopefully funnier (though without having read that post I could not be the judge of whether it is funnier or not) post than the previous one.Nakedly,runthemover