speedz99 145 Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 Dear Speedz,Does watching shemale porn make me gay?Signed,Chicks With Dicks RULEDear Mr/Ms Crash,Yes, it makes you gay. It also makes baby Jesus cry.Sincerely,Speedz99 Link to post Share on other sites
Shimmering Wang 1 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Dear Speedz:For the last 6 weeks or so, I've been starving myself and smoking countless cigarettes in an effort to lose weight. Today, I decided to take a day off, and now my breath smells like a combination of pizza, oreos, cashews, and, oddly, Orange Juice though I haven't had any in years.My question is this:For my date later, should I add garlic? Or leave percolating as is?Wangtastically,Wang Link to post Share on other sites
Theraflu 1,035 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Dear Speedz:For the last 6 weeks or so, I've been starving myself and smoking countless cigarettes in an effort to lose weight. Today, I decided to take a day off, and now my breath smells like a combination of pizza, oreos, cashews, and, oddly, Orange Juice though I haven't had any in years.My question is this:For my date later, should I add garlic? Or leave percolating as is?Wangtastically,WangDear Wang:You should write "Do I need a mint?" on a CD, leave it in your CD player, and ask her to change the music. When she sees the writing on the CD, she'll probably assume it's the road head gag again, and give you a look. When she gives you this look, lean in real close, and say, in a heavy-breathed sort of way, "Read it again." Her facial expressions/retort should provide you with the answer. Bring a clove of garlic just in case.Theraflu. Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Dear Speedz:For the last 6 weeks or so, I've been starving myself and smoking countless cigarettes in an effort to lose weight. Today, I decided to take a day off, and now my breath smells like a combination of pizza, oreos, cashews, and, oddly, Orange Juice though I haven't had any in years.My question is this:For my date later, should I add garlic? Or leave percolating as is?Wangtastically,WangDear Wang,You've probably already gone on your date...and chances are you've already had sex tonight more times than half of the Sick Thread members have had in their entire lives. What I'm saying is you don't need my advice on this one. We both know she's too stupid to care if there's a hint of garlic in your disgusting breath.Sincerely,Speedz99 Link to post Share on other sites
CrackofmyACE 1 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Dear Speedz, Do all guys have that brown line 3/4 of the way up the shaft of their penises or am I special?Crack Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 Dear Speedz, Do all guys have that brown line 3/4 of the way up the shaft of their penises or am I special?CrackDear Mr. ACE,From a random sampling of 100 penises, it seems like you are not that special. That line is just remnants of fecal matter from the last anus you penetrated. The guys down at The Blue Parrot say hello.Sincerely,Speedz99 Link to post Share on other sites
Naked_Cowboy 0 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Dear speedz,i'm buying an SUV, what do you recommend? Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 Dear speedz,i'm buying an SUV, what do you recommend?Dear Cowboy,This is a difficult question. Culturally, there are a few ways you could go to compliment your personality. Comedically, I think you may want to go with a Japanese model...maybe a Pathfinder. Cockularly, I assume you want to show off your manhood with an American vehicle...maybe a Durango.I hope that helps.Sincerely,Speedz99 Link to post Share on other sites
runthemover 39 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Dear Cowboy,This is a difficult question. Culturally, there are a few ways you could go to compliment your personality. Comedically, I think you may want to go with a Japanese model...maybe an Element. Cockularly, I assume you want to show off your manhood with an American vehicle...maybe a Canyonero.I hope that helps.Sincerely,Speedz99I know this is what you meant, so I fixed it for you. Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 I know this is what you meant, so I fixed it for you.Nicely done. I miss the days when The Simpsons was hilarious.Can you name the truck with four wheel drive, smells like a steak and seats thirty-five.. Canyonero! Canyonero! Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down, It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown! Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero! [Krusty:] Hey Hey The Federal Highway comission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving. Canyonero! 12 yards long, 2 lanes wide, 65 tons of American Pride! Canyonero! Canyonero! Top of the line in utility sports, Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts! Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!) She blinds everybody with her super high beams, She's a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine! Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero! (Yah!) Link to post Share on other sites
Ron_Mexico 4,219 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Dear Speedz,Multiple part question:How many adult sized fingers can you fit into your ass with lube? Dry? Also, being a larger gentleman, I have bigger than average fingers so I don't like to use more than two, but I know you've been around, so how many of mine could you take? Lube and Dry?Also, if I bring along my 12 year old "nephew", how many "hypothetically" could he fit inside of you? Also, should I bring the enema or do you supply your own? Sincerely,Yearning to be knee deep on the brown stuff by midnight Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 Dear Speedz,Multiple part question:How many adult sized fingers can you fit into your ass with lube? Dry? Also, being a larger gentleman, I have bigger than average fingers so I don't like to use more than two, but I know you've been around, so how many of mine could you take? Lube and Dry?Also, if I bring along my 12 year old "nephew", how many "hypothetically" could he fit inside of you? Also, should I bring the enema or do you supply your own? Sincerely,Yearning to be knee deep on the brown stuff by midnightDear Mr. Mexico,Four. Three. Two. Three. Fist. You supply the enema.Sincerely,Speedz99 Link to post Share on other sites
DOG 0 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Dear Speedz100-1,Why are men who like cats ghey?Love,Dad Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 Dear Speedz100-1,Why are men who like cats ghey?Love,DadDear Dog,You know, this actually makes sense. People that love dogs and hate cats need to feel as if they are being worshipped all the time. I guess you're the king of that personality type. And the answer to your question is...well, you already know the answer. Being omnipotent and all.Sincerely,Speedz99 Link to post Share on other sites
Napa_Don 688 Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 Dear Speedz,I love you. Do you think it will work or will we be mocked by society?Love,Clint Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 Dear Speedz,I love you. Do you think it will work or will we be mocked by society?Love,ClintDear Clintster,I'm sorry, but I've met someone else. It just wasn't meant to be.Best Wishes,Speedz Link to post Share on other sites
Napa_Don 688 Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 Dear Speedz,Recently I put my feelings for another man out for all the world to see and he denied to exchange the passion. Since this occurrence I've been listening to Johnny Cash's "Hurt" repeatedly and have also had ice cream delivered to my house. Yes, delivered. Where do I go from here?Concerned,Clint the considering cutter Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 Dear Speedz,Recently I put my feelings for another man out for all the world to see and he denied to exchange the passion. Since this occurrence I've been listening to Johnny Cash's "Hurt" repeatedly and have also had ice cream delivered to my house. Yes, delivered. Where do I go from here?Concerned,Clint the considering cutterDear Clint,Don't cut yourself...cut the man that hurt you.You're Welcome,Speedz Link to post Share on other sites
Ron_Mexico 4,219 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Dear Clint,Don't cut yourself...cut the man that hurt you.You're Welcome,SpeedzClint is now in route to MA on top of a steer. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
chrozzo 19 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Dear Speedz,How do I switch from my right to my left hand?My right hadn tires after a bit...and i need the left to kick in...but it doesnt work as of latehelp me,chrozzo Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Dear Speedz,How do I switch from my right to my left hand?My right hadn tires after a bit...and i need the left to kick in...but it doesnt work as of latehelp me,chrozzoDear Chrozzo,It may be a cliche, but practice makes perfect. When you're watching your favorite tv shows, try making the lefty jerkoff motion throughout all of the commercial breaks. After a few nights of this your body will be used to the motion and you can finally switch to the left hand without a noticeable decline in skill. Or you could just try to finish before your right hand gets tired.Sincerely,Speedz Link to post Share on other sites
runthemover 39 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Dear Speedz,Recently, a few posters have been overusing e-gay jokes/references. It's unfortunate they are being used with Great_Dane enthusiasm because as we all know, they can be quite refreshing on occasion. Now, these posters, hi, shia, seem like nice enough guys, but I don't want to be 'that guy.' How should I go about broaching the subject? If at all. Also, what is the correct way grammatically to use the "if at all" phrase in a sentence. I thought about putting it at the end of that query with a comma splice, but that seemed incorrect though probably universally accepted.Relatedly, could you and/or your smart friends post up a reference for posters to consult for allowed frequence of common jokes / sayings?regards from your bff,anonymous Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Dear Speedz,Recently, a few posters have been overusing e-gay jokes/references. It's unfortunate they are being used with Great_Dane enthusiasm because as we all know, they can be quite refreshing on occasion. Now, these posters, hi, shia, seem like nice enough guys, but I don't want to be 'that guy.' How should I go about broaching the subject? If at all. Also, what is the correct way grammatically to use the "if at all" phrase in a sentence. I thought about putting it at the end of that query with a comma splice, but that seemed incorrect though probably universally accepted.Relatedly, could you and/or your smart friends post up a reference for posters to consult for allowed frequence of common jokes / sayings?regards from your bff,anonymousDear Anonymous,I think you're probably smarter than me, so I am not comfortable answering these questions. Try the "Ask Chrozzo" thread.Sincerely,Speedz Link to post Share on other sites
chrozzo 19 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Dear Speedz,Recently, a few posters have been overusing e-gay jokes/references. It's unfortunate they are being used with Great_Dane enthusiasm because as we all know, they can be quite refreshing on occasion. Now, these posters, hi, shia, seem like nice enough guys, but I don't want to be 'that guy.' How should I go about broaching the subject? If at all. Also, what is the correct way grammatically to use the "if at all" phrase in a sentence. I thought about putting it at the end of that query with a comma splice, but that seemed incorrect though probably universally accepted.Relatedly, could you and/or your smart friends post up a reference for posters to consult for allowed frequence of common jokes / sayings?regards from your bff,anonymousu fag! Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Dear Anonymous,I think you're probably smarter than me, so I am not comfortable answering these questions. Try the "Ask Chrozzo" thread.Sincerely,Speedz u fag!...maybe ask Nikki. Link to post Share on other sites
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