I Called In Sick Today

[The Ocho 970]

I think you misspelled my name there.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

i picture you shitting indoors. ronny def takes dumps at the beach.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

LIsten, we all miss Shake.

[Tiltinagain 973]

Who?

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

those are exactly the kind of jokes he used to love.

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

http://youtu.be/vIvUmw4I2Bk

[Sickinfo2 291]

Driving around doin stuff yesterday I came up with an idea to entertain myself at the expense of drivers that follow too close. I will also work well with those out there who cannot hold a steady speed on the interstate, constantly passing and falling behind you....

 

 

 

Since my errands took me right by a salvage yard, I rolled in and bought an extra tailgate for the truck

 

 

 

 

Now all I have to do is cut and french in the extra monitor sitting in the office and run a cable inside the cab to a laptop....

 

 

 

 

Imagine the possibilities

 

 

 

 

The Tailgaters Information Network. Any message to the driver behind you could be sent via scrolling letters, cartoons, even gifs....

 

 

 

 

A rear camera would also be necessary for stuff like showing the front of their car with a crosshair in the center of the screen for "docking assistance"

 

 

 

 

 

Look for a bump in road rage incidents in the near future...

[Sickinfo2 291]

Oh, while drunk mowing the other day I had another einstein moment....

 

 

 

 

This one triggered from Oucho and his quest for speedy lawn care. Normally I poke around drinking beer and enjoying the three hours it takes to groom the place by pondering new stuff to do. A few times in the past I promised the kid a shopping spree on the candy isle to coax him on the other one when I had to get it done in a hurry, but after age eight or so it took more and more bribery to the point I just gave up. The last time he operated one was when his arms got long enough to reach back and escape from the ratchet strap holding his waist to the seat

 

 

 

 

Anyway, since I rotate between the two riders to keep the batteries and other stuff from going bad, theres always one spare just sitting around doing nothing. While mowing around the motorhome is when the epiphany struck....

 

 

 

 

I pull a car behind the beast....why not pull a mower behind a mower? Instead of directly behind that would serve no purpose Id build an offset tow bar to keep the right front wheel directly behind the left rear wheel of the puller. Start both, engage the blades, throw the back one in neutral, and mow twice as much each pass.

 

 

 

 

Of course I had to experiment a little before planning out the coupler assembly by hooking them together to see if the back one followed the front. It didnt. Too much resistance from the worm geared steering mechanism. But five minutes later after removing the pitman rod that connects the front wheels to the gear it did so perfectly...

 

 

 

 

So that got me to oucho again. Since I doubt you have another rider I came up with a solution thats cheaper and easier

 

 

 

 

Pull behind push mower. Probably can get one for a hundred or so at walmart. Remove the handle, hook up my soon to be famous tow bar, and impress friends and neighbors...

 

 

 

 

I may even go that route. Sure would be lighter on the tractor. Im thinking twin pushers, one on each side. When you get to an area with obstacles that the pullers wont clear simply reach back and pull the hitch pin to release them

 

 

 

 

 

Stay tuned

[The Ocho 970]

Well I could do that pretty easily, but that still doesn't make the husky faster. Also since we are on this subject I think something might be wrong with my front steering assembly. The front tires pitch out about 10 degrees. Like a duck.

 

I think it's a standard rack and pinion, but not 100% sure.

 

My rider has an attachment arm for implements. I have a triple bagger on it now, but I do have a disc, trailer and something that looks like a mini harrow.

[Napa Lite 3,278]

John Mayer's "Born and Raised" album really speaks to me, man.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

i picture you shitting indoors. ronny def takes dumps at the beach.

 

As usual, way wrong

[Essay21 2,385]

Yeah I'm sure. You've never shit on the beach and buried it in the sand. Okay, yeah, you got any bridges to sell me?

 

Nap where you at? You still alive?

 

Edit: damn missed naps post up a few about John Mayer. So he is alive, but clearly in a desperate state to listen to John Mayer.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Naps made a really sweet fb post. Probably tweeted it too. You'd know all of this if you werent frightened by your own shadow

 

 

And while i dont take it to brvy lengths, I'm not much of a public pooper. Only in emergencies, and unless I'm liquid, I can usually hold off

 

So no, not even in a beach bathroom.

[Cha! Cha! 628]

Cha! Cha! are you listening?

 

I gave you extra credit for being a girl the first week, but the novelty has worn off. Right, guys?

 

 

makes me wonder if us dating might not even be against the rules.

 

I thought we talked about this; it's not against the rules.

 

 

 

 

I don't know why this was here, but I enjoyed it. I especially liked the ones where the defender would play off him about 15 feet and let him get a running start to just go right by him.

[Napa Lite 3,278]

I'm here. Just at a client and I'm having to do some actual work for once.

 

Thanks Ronnie. I was pretty proud of that. Giggled most of my drive thinking about it. I didn't tweet it out because its way more than 140 characters. Suppose I could shorten it though.

[Cha! Cha! 628]

I had an epic dream last night. I'm going to tell it here even though I know none of you care.

 

I was a James Bond type spy. I had a partner. It was James Bond (the Pierce Brosnan version). There was a war going on and it was our mission to go rescue some European country's President who was stuck somewhere. As I was preparing to go off with James Bond on my mission, my wife Chrissy Teigen was begging me through her tears not to leave her. I told her it was my duty, kissed her goodbye, and walked away as she fell to the bed sobbing. Then suddenly I was in this prison breaking out the President. And some other guy who was with him. Bond took the other guy and I took the President. We hopped into our fighter jets and left. Then it was like the opening scene of Revenge of the Sith the way we were flying through the aerial battles.

 

That's it.

[CaneBrain 95]

I had a dream that I was fighting a giant spider. **** you, JK Rowling.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

we are getting lunch today fyi

[iTommyGavin81 288]

I had a dream that a hamburger was eating ME

[Essay21 2,385]

Nice work stratty.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I had a dream that a hamburger was eating ME

 

9 for 9

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

we are getting lunch today fyi

 

Weekend lunch is THE first date. If she is boring, you have other shit to do. If she is cool (i.e. seems like she is creepy in bed), the day is yours. Have a party or something you could take her to at night, just in case you click but she doesn't want to get drunk and have sex with an acquaintance at 1:30pm.

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

I don't know why this was here, but I enjoyed it. I especially liked the ones where the defender would play off him about 15 feet and let him get a running start to just go right by him.

 

It's here for the same reason Jesus hung out with sinners: it's the sick who need a doctor. Most of us where born in the '80s. And while we were shitting ourselves and getting attention we didn't deserve, MJ was earning more attention than he even got, by jumping 7ft off the ground like the unguardable stallion he was back then. People all accept him as great, but they don't really know. I just found out.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Busy beavers today.

 

Strat? Lunch? Analingus? Give or receive?

[Cha! Cha! 628]

I am also interested in the particulars of the lunch.

 

 

Guys, Chrissy really loved me. It was pretty sweet. This is why it would be better to be able to watch your dreams on TV rather than have an internal ipod on your brain.