I Called In Sick Today

[Essay21 2,385]

Number one career I look for in a woman is supermodel. Def the Job I hope my wife has.

[Cha! Cha! 628]

I'm on your side nappy. You work hard, do what makes you happy

 

It's certainly working so far in keeping him happy. Happy Nappy, that's what we call him.

 

 

Upsides: Pay is good, but not THAT good. Works odd hours so you probably won't have to spend all that much time with her.

 

Ahh, these are your jokey power rankings. Got it.

[brvheart 1,752]

I feel sick.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

alcohol is not helping. for reasons you are completely aware of.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Dont listen to the haters, happy nappy. You keep it rolling. That booze doesnt mask anything except your sadness. Doctors should prescribe it instead of zoloft

 

 

 

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Everyone should take a guess as to what actually happened wirh shake and why he stopped posting

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

Dont listen to the haters, happy nappy. You keep it rolling. That booze doesnt mask anything except your sadness. Doctors should prescribe it instead of zoloft

it's a problem when the source of his unhappiness is his physical appearance and his response to this is to ingest more calories

[Sickinfo2 291]

So Im goofing around this morning pressure washing an empty engine compartment prepping for epoxy primer and paint. Pulled the engine yesterday so Im sorta pooped from wrestling a five hundred and fifty chunk of iron around. Throw in the fact that the kid stayed up all night in the shop and left it looking like a toolnado hit, my mood wasnt exactly the best.

 

 

 

Around the time my breakfast of two xanax and a vodka/OJ kicked in, the phone rang....

 

 

 

"Yeah"

 

 

 

"Beans?"

 

 

 

"Speaking"

 

 

 

 

"Hey.... you just get up?"

 

 

 

 

"Nah.... been up since five"

 

 

 

 

"Oh.... ya sound groggy....anyway.... whatsha doing tonight?"

 

 

 

 

"I was planning on being in a self inflicted alcohol coma by around three or so"

 

 

 

 

"Well, I gotta get out of the house.... wife has a shower tonight and I figured we'd do something"

 

 

 

 

"She has been smelling worse than normal lately"

 

 

 

 

"Heh.... what ya wanna do?"

 

 

 

 

(Beans ponders)

 

 

 

 

"Hows the car running?"

 

 

 

 

"Still need to do something about it leaning out when the boost hits twelve pounds or so...other than that its screamin"

 

 

 

"Bring it over.... Ill adjust the pressure on the boost injector.... haul it on the trailer.... we'll head up to the strip tonight and make a few passes"

 

 

 

 

 

Within an hour word had spread throughout the community that a roadtrip to open tune night at the strip was in order. By four this evening the shop will look like an NHRA pit if they allowed adults to relive their drunken frat party days while prepping the cars for the race. As of now eight "crews" are verified to go. Figure it will break a dozen or more if it pans out like last time.

 

 

 

 

Speaking of last time, when last call was announced at the track and argument broke out between a couple of our guys that were still allowed on the premises concerning who had the fastest truck. It had been brewing all evening so I suggested they get back in line and put an end to it right then and there. Not only would it shut them up from arguing over the CB all the way home, but would also keep one or both from going to jail by trying to prove it on the interstate since nobody involved at that point could pass a breathalyzer pointed in their general direction from fifty feet away...

 

 

 

 

"I aint unloadin my car and goin to all the trouble of unhookin the trailer just to show shit fer brains here I can blow the doors off his damn dodge"

 

 

 

 

"Shit.... Ill pull mine behind me and still wax yer ass"

 

 

 

 

(Beans instigates)

 

 

 

 

"Hey.... boys.... just pull the damn things behind ya"

 

 

 

 

(surprised looks)

 

 

 

 

"They let ya do that?"

 

 

 

 

"Dunno why not.... they should be paying us for entertaining the crowd anyway...you guys get in line and Ill take care of it"

 

 

 

 

(Beans tracks down "official")

 

 

 

 

 

"Ok guys.... theyll let it happen on one condition"

 

 

 

 

"Oh boy"

 

 

 

 

"Yeah"

 

 

 

 

 

So there I was, strapped in a nineties camaro with a big block, full cage, slicks, and nitrous. Shane was in a monte carlo with a small block three eighty three sporting a gmc blower and dual holleys. I glanced over at my opponent through the helmet, gave him a thumbs up, and lowered the visor. Im not shittin, I was nervous but thats to be expected in a situation like that. Many things go through your head right before the tree counts down to green. Will I win? Will the car hook up straight and not take out the tree? Will the flywheel explode and take my feet off? Did the wife really poison me at supper? Will my gut reject all that beer and cover the visor like last time? Too many questions that will be answered in just a few seconds time

 

 

 

 

With the trans brake on, I rolled on the throttle at the same time at lane two, producing a plume of hoosier smoke that quickly covered the entire car and breached inside the cabin, blocking my view of the outside world completely. A second or two later a jolt of acceleration it, pushing me back in the seat enough to loosen the simpson five point harness and outrunning the tire smoke like passing a cloud in an airliner...

 

 

 

 

In sixteen seconds it was all over. Longest amount of time to date Ive spent from start to finish. Fortunately Shane crossed the line almost two seconds later giving me the "win"

 

 

 

 

Although it was a pitiful run time wise, you couldnt tell it by the remaining crowd, who overrun the pits yelling and screaming like the drunken fools they were. Couldnt really blame them. After all, they got to witness something that was forever banned at the venue once the owner got wind of it....

 

 

 

 

Maybe someday it will happen again. Maybe you guys will see it. For now just use your imagination or hope that someone was sober enough to document it on video and upload it somewhere

 

 

 

 

Two drunks doing full track burnouts on a trailer while being pulled to the finish line by two other drunks in pickups isnt something witnessed by many...

 

 

 

 

 

Have a good weekend, all

[Essay21 2,385]

Everyone should take a guess as to what actually happened wirh shake and why he stopped posting

 

Do you know or are you just asking for guesses to match your own?

 

I'd say he either met a new lady or he got fired from his job and in his depression realized he need to make some changes so he cut is out.

[Cha! Cha! 628]

Beans.

 

 

Everyone should take a guess as to what actually happened wirh shake and why he stopped posting

 

Shame spiral.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I don't understand what happened.

 

Two truck pulling trailers raced? Each trailer had a car on it? Each car was spinning wheels on the trailer while the trailer was towed down the track?

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I have no clue. Just curious what people thought

 

 

I think I would at least let you all know if I was going to cut out FCP from my weekly routine, just as a courtesy. I still have some of you on FB and Twitter, and I occasionally use that stuff

 

I would like to believe it isnt depression related, this place is an outlet to laugh at joke at. A break from reality, while being real. But if I had to guess, you guys are peobably right. Maybe a "turn a new leaf on my life" cleansing. Silly, but hey, do what works for you, I guess

 

 

And yes strat, you are correct. Its clearly the obvious take, but I'd venture a guess that being chubby is less than 50% of nappy's deep rooted issues. Plenty of fat people lead productive, sexual, moderately content existences. Maybe. I dont know any

[Cha! Cha! 628]

Two truck pulling trailers raced? Each trailer had a car on it? Each car was spinning wheels on the trailer while the trailer was towed down the track?

 

That's how I read it.

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

Number one career I look for in a woman is supermodel. Def the Job I hope my wife has.

 

I look for a girl who is a suicide girl by night and a veterinarian by day. It shows she is kind and has a good heart and loves animals, but also would be willing to let me hang encyclopedias from her nipples.

[Cha! Cha! 628]

I'd venture a guess that being chubby is less than 50% of nappy's deep rooted issues.

 

Are we going to have another guessing game?

[brvheart 1,752]

Thanks for the concern.

[Cha! Cha! 628]

I'm sure you'll be fine.

[Essay21 2,385]

It's in gods hands now brvy.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

it has always been in god's hands, though. what a stupid, pointless thing to say, essay.

[Essay21 2,385]

Your necks gonna be in MY hands if you keep up with that sass.

[Napa Lite 3,278]

Strat is right, obviously. I need to change my alcohol consumption habits.

 

And lets please not play a guessing game.

 

Edit: Well, not completely right. But he's definitely not wrong.

[Tiltinagain 973]

Everyone should take a guess as to what actually happened wirh shake and why he stopped posting

 

Last time we heard anything relatively significant from him he was going to the BEACH. Obviously something happened at the beach. My earlier vote was a week long sex fest with a "hottie" he met down there that, after waking from his drunken stupor, he realized was a tranny. He's trying to put enough time between that event and his return here that nobody will remember the BEACH trip and ask for a trip report.

 

Or.....Maybe his ex-wife came up pregnant and he went the way of Wang.

[Essay21 2,385]

Your drinking isn't such a problem that you can't do your job and are risking being on the streets. So I'd relax a little. I think you're gonna be okay if you stop being so hard on yourself.

[Tiltinagain 973]

Agreed.

 

I have no weekend plans yet beyond the Niner/Packers game Sunday. The wife is off all weekend for the first time in a long time so hopefully we'll get out and do something. It's supposed to be 100+ here all weekeend so something that involves cooler air would be good.

[Cha! Cha! 628]

Nobody is saying that Napa's alcoholism is ruining his life. We're just saying that if his goal is to lose weight, drinking pitchers of beer is not going to allow for that to happen.