you know you're playing a fish when he says...

[mrdannyg 274]

Playing a home game SNG:Blinds are 400-800 with antes. 4 people are left. Three limp in and I look down at KK. I raise 3K on top. Folds to the button who says "All in." It's about another 3k to call. SB folds. I call.As I call, we notice the person dealing for us is shuffling the deck absentmindedly. Button starts screaming at him. "What the f*ck are you doing d*ckhead???" He apologizes several times. Then comes the question "What do we do now?"Trying to keep cool, I offer to call the hand dead. The two people out of the hand suggest the guy and I chop the pot between us. I agree...but now the other guy is complaining that he still might want to just play it out anyway. I say, "I'll leave it up to you." He sits for a couple minutes trying to decide.People are starting to get irritated now, so in an attempt to end it I offer to show my hand and let him make a decision from that. He agrees. I flip over my KK. He flips over a 6d7h.Now, he CONTINUES to sit undecided, seriously considering letting all his chips ride on this hand. With the offer of splitting a pot of over 15k 50/50, or trying to win the whole thing, knowing what the cards are, he can't make up his mind. The rest of the table begins to laugh at him.After this hand has turned into an almost 5 minute ordeal, he finally agrees to chop the pot, but not without a classic "Let's see what would have happened." KK would have held, and as the pot was split he ends with "I was really feeling it there."

Just out of curiousity, why does it matter that the deck is shuffled? The odds of any given card hitting the flop is still the same, or do you guys rig your games? :-)

the fish is clearly the guy who offered to split the pot with KK. didn't know this was the "you know you're a wuss thread"seriously though, a fun game we play in our $1 buy-in home games is to allow one person (who sits out the hand) to rig the deck. they get a time limit (usually 30 seconds) so it can't get too ridiculous.since we all get a chance, it throws additional elements of psychology into the game. purely for jokes though, we'd never do anything like this for any significant amount of money.

[C0baltStorm 0]

I was reading this post and this hand came up playing at FCP $2-4 LHE:Texas Hold'em $2-$4 (Real Money), #45,254,576Table Chiayi, 26 Jan 2006 3:32 AM ETSeat 2: KermitT.Frog ($251.20 in chips)Seat 3: GiverHell0 ($299.45 in chips)Seat 4: AkSean ($108.80 in chips)Seat 5: RedMagic1 ($99 in chips)Seat 6: jpizzles22 ($88.60 in chips)Seat 7: neuhobbs ($202.40 in chips)Seat 8: C0baltStorm ($194.90 in chips)Seat 9: bahorst18 ($119.30 in chips)Seat 10: SkinnyFred ($115.75 in chips)ANTES/BLINDSKermitT.Frog posts blind ($1), GiverHell0 posts blind ($2).PRE-FLOPAkSean calls $2, RedMagic1 folds, jpizzles22 folds, neuhobbs folds, C0baltStorm bets $4, bahorst18 folds, SkinnyFred folds, KermitT.Frog folds, GiverHell0 folds, AkSean calls $2.FLOP [board cards 9C,2C,5H ]AkSean checks, C0baltStorm bets $2, AkSean calls $2.TURN [board cards 9C,2C,5H,2H ]AkSean checks, C0baltStorm bets $4, AkSean calls $4.RIVER [board cards 9C,2C,5H,2H,3S ]AkSean checks, C0baltStorm checks.SHOWDOWNAkSean shows [ KH,KC ]C0baltStorm mucks cards [ AS,JS ]AkSean wins $22.20.SUMMARYDealer: SkinnyFredPot: $23, (including rake: $0.80)KermitT.Frog, loses $1GiverHell0, loses $2AkSean, bets $10, collects $22.20, net $12.20RedMagic1, loses $0jpizzles22, loses $0neuhobbs, loses $0C0baltStorm, loses $10bahorst18, loses $0SkinnyFred, loses $0---------------C0baltStorm: nhAkSean ty I thought u had bulletsOk, this quote tempted me to probe deeper into the mind of the donkey.C0baltStorm: if you thought i had bullets, why did you call?AkSean pot oddswait, wait, ....it gets betterC0baltStorm: why'd u call my bet on the flop?GiverHell0: he took one offCue entrance of another donkeyC0baltStorm: why didn't you raise PF w/ kk sean?AkSean positionAkSean well watch me closer and you'll pick up my traits, I just sat down.AkSean i'm feeling the tableThat's a sound strategy, considering online players change seats every 1-3 hours!GiverHell0: he was trappingGiverHell0: KKWhat was he going to do? Trap me by check calling me to death? Also based on how he played afterwards, he was not going to check raise me if I bet the river C0baltStorm: so you don't raise with Kings ever?AkSean that's a hard question to answer.....astonishingC0baltStorm: its a yes or no questionC0baltStorm: I say.....yesAkSean i'll raise, if postion is thereC0baltStorm: but not when youre first to act?AkSean every1 plays differentC0baltStorm: what if youre under the gun? do you raise there?AkSean lolAkSean i don't know, its a feel thing dudeC0baltStorm: what do you mean?AkSean well u can use odds or you can feelOne minute later:GiverHell0: c0balt all joking aside...GiverHell0: good players mix it upGiverHell0: periodOh really? I wasn't aware "mixing it up" referred to not betting hands with +EVC0baltStorm: hey giverhello, how often do you mix it up in low limit hold em?GiverHell0: i play position raise wiseC0baltStorm: oh so what you mean is, that you don't mix it up?GiverHell0: listen why raise kings late all it does is sweetens the pot guaranteeing that 5 ppl will stay till end?C0baltStorm: don't you want them to?GiverHell0: god no aces will win 15% of the time against 5 opponents unimproved.KermitT.Frog: 15percent?C0baltStorm: 15% huh?GiverHell0:how often does one pair win...honestly?Now for those of you that don't play at Full Contact Poker, I think I've given enough reason for you to create an account right now. Don't think they're the only ones that think like this.If any part of my theology is wrong, feel free to flame me on how much of a donkey I am, sometimes looking at this kind of chat confuses me and makes me even question what I do sometimes. It's that bad.

[cu in 4years Dan 1]

i was playing at a 5 10 table with this total fish completley running over her. about the 1 millionth hnad she goes " you know your very rude?""excuse me?""yeah i mean raising with somthing is ok, but to raise all the time like you do is just being plain rude!""ahhh sweetheart its called poker""no its called being totally inconsiderate of other people""sweety if you cant cope then dont play""no i belive its you who wont be playing, ive emailed party poker about you being rude""... ok..."kept playing for a while till she left with the lasting comment which is still in my mind"your such a fish"

[ShieldWolf 0]

>>>Just out of curiousity, why does it matter that the deck is shuffled? The odds of any given card hitting the flop is still the same, or do you guys rig your games?<<<We rig them. Actually, it was because the dealer had shuffled the already folded cards into the deck, which is why I offered to call the hand dead in the first place.>>the fish is clearly the guy who offered to split the pot with KK. didn't know this was the "you know you're a wuss thread"<<You're so mean. I'm telling mom you said that.

[Dane 0]

Having your allin called by someone that have Q5o, when the flop shows AA3 and he says didnt think you had it

[mrdannyg 274]

>>>Just out of curiousity, why does it matter that the deck is shuffled? The odds of any given card hitting the flop is still the same, or do you guys rig your games?<<<We rig them. Actually, it was because the dealer had shuffled the already folded cards into the deck, which is why I offered to call the hand dead in the first place.>>the fish is clearly the guy who offered to split the pot with KK. didn't know this was the "you know you're a wuss thread"<<You're so mean. I'm telling mom you said that.

well, you made me look dumb twice in a short post. i can only tip my cap to you. there's no avatar for that, and i'm not wearing a hat, but i'm sure you catch my drift.nh

[finztotheleft 0]

The variarions are many, but :dr4v3n: pockets are useless when everybody calls all the time... ineed to get rich so i can play higher stakes...*Sigh*

[C0baltStorm 0]

New hand in a $5+1 sNg limit tournament:guy limps in UTG w/ 10-9 of hearts first lvl of blinds. Few callers and BB checks. Comes JH,5H,5Dhe bets out, and is called by BB.turn is 10D, BB checks, guy bets out, is check raised. Guy makes it 3 bets to go. BB calls.River is Js. Both check, and BB turns over 53o in unraised pot. What does 10-9 s say?"BS"

[cu in 4years Dan 1]

lol i think theyre funnyu watch the sit and go play moneys and multi table play moneys (ive accually played with a few multi table play moneys there prety unny with all the fish and all)when it starts some quotes are "GL2EV1!!", and "i always win these i must be ready for real money".me and my bro were at my cousins house the other day for a "family poker night" the buy in was 25 bucks, and even my little brother played it was awsome lol.so we were teaching them the rules of holdem and they didnt understand what a call meant, so the only way we counld put it to them was to say a call means to equal the ammount that the person before you bets, so all through the night they would say "equal" for call, me and my older bro were looking at eachother making funny noises in our throats all night lol. prety fun night tho, while packing up the chips at lilke 4 in the morning my couin was so drunk she stumbled and dropped her glass of cheap wine into the chip case lol.on the same night during the deal my cousin (the same one who was drunk) stated that the blind system was so stupid and pointless, i pointed out that it adds a whole other betting round to the game and she just looked at me blankly.the same cousin later on that night calls an all in bet at the river with nothing like a 37o or somthing.after asking why she did that she says "well im just going by alex's (my older brother ) theory, go all in with nothing and you'll maybe win lol

[C0baltStorm 0]

when I play low limit HE at a B&M, a player sits down at the table and says "I'm waiting for the NL table to open up."To follow that, when these "no-limit players" do or say the following:-Complain limit is wack because "the fish outdraw you all the time when you have Aces or Kings" (probably the most annoying response we can all hear).-When they rudely and inappropriately tell the table what hands he thinks everyone has during play in order to weakly prove how much better he is, and show us how great his "reading skills" are. -This ones my favorite though, when I was sitting at a 3-6 limit table, a guy had a friend talking to him between hands who was playing 4-8 limit, and they were asking each other how they were doing:4-8 donkey: Yeah man, its 4-8 limit so I bet and raise every hand, that's the only way you can win.3-6 donkey: Where are you at now?4-8 donkey: I'm down $48.Me: *laughs*

[aadams_22 3]

when I play low limit HE at a B&M, a player sits down at the table and says "I'm waiting for the NL table to open up."To follow that, when these "no-limit players" do or say the following:-Complain limit is wack because "the fish outdraw you all the time when you have Aces or Kings" (probably the most annoying response we can all hear).-When they rudely and inappropriately tell the table what hands he thinks everyone has during play in order to weakly prove how much better he is, and show us how great his "reading skills" are. -This ones my favorite though, when I was sitting at a 3-6 limit table, a guy had a friend talking to him between hands who was playing 4-8 limit, and they were asking each other how they were doing:4-8 donkey: Yeah man, its 4-8 limit so I bet and raise every hand, that's the only way you can win.3-6 donkey: Where are you at now?4-8 donkey: I'm down $48.Me: *laughs*

I love playing limit for that very reason.

[Guest XXEddie]

13 player tounrey6 left, 13000 in play (each started with 1k)Me-2900Button-1200SB(donk)-3100blinds 30/60 (10 ante)Folds to button who raises to 200, SB raises to 800, I move allin with KKbutton hesitates, foldsSB, without thinking says"Im not gonna make the same mistake Tiffany WIlliamson did, I call"and turns over KJsMy hand holdsdonk-"sucks when youre pot committed with such a great hand"

[Kid DynOmite 0]

13 player tounrey6 left, 13000 in play (each started with 1k)Me-2900Button-1200SB(donk)-3100blinds 30/60 (10 ante)Folds to button who raises to 200, SB raises to 800, I move allin with KKbutton hesitates, foldsSB, without thinking says"Im not gonna make the same mistake Tiffany WIlliamson did, I call"and turns over KJsMy hand holdsdonk-"sucks when youre pot committed with such a great hand"

I'd like to kick tiffany williamson in the balls

[BlueBlazer 0]

funny hand friday...id be playing stupid in a 1/2 NLHE game raising with 7-3 playing blind...trying to get a table image of a loose/crazy player...was at a real tight table...lady UTG raises to 12 loose player calls i go over the top for 215$ with aces hoping they will think im just buying there 24 dollars...lady things about it calls with 99 other guy folds...flop comes 9 9 X...after the hand she tells me she knew i had aces and knew that none of the other 9 players folded a 9...

[Guest]

I was just playing 1/2 LHE on partyplayer to my left says "My hands are just good enough to lose with"On my very next BB he limps UTG, hand goes to a showdown he had Q9osNow I understand what he meant

[Guest XXEddie]

SnGDonk-Button 17000Me-SB 15000blinds 50/100folds to donk who raises to 300I re-raise to 1000 with 2 red tensHe callsflop 789 all hearts(I have ten of hearts)I bet 1500 he callsturn 6 of heartsI check, he bets 2000 I callriver 5 of diamonsI check(im confident he has A or K of hearts and hell bet)He bets 2500, I move allin He calls instantly and hasJ 2 Fish-"lucky"

[Luv4TheDuece 0]

Notice the speech he gives before he pushesPokerStars Game #3832770904: Tournament #19033981, Hold'em No Limit - Level IV (50/100) - 2006/02/01 - 22:06:13 (ET)Table '19033981 1' Seat #2 is the buttonSeat 1: WalSobchak (2235 in chips) Seat 2: sedie (2790 in chips) Seat 3: Blue Maniac (1005 in chips) Seat 6: applsauce (965 in chips) Seat 7: PoolMav22 (1990 in chips) Seat 8: xstar2 (1980 in chips) Seat 9: cuttyrocks (2535 in chips) Blue Maniac: posts small blind 50applsauce: posts big blind 100*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to Blue Maniac [Tc Qc]PoolMav22: folds sedie said, "I was hoping you would give up the 300 chips."xstar2: folds cuttyrocks: folds applsauce said, "you would have hated me"WalSobchak: calls 100sedie: folds Blue Maniac: calls 50applsauce said, "i don't give up anything"applsauce: checks *** FLOP *** [5d Qs 9s]Blue Maniac: checks applsauce: bets 865 and is all-inWalSobchak: folds Blue Maniac: calls 865applsauce said, "awww shucks"*** TURN *** [5d Qs 9s] [9d]WalSobchak said, "quality"*** RIVER *** [5d Qs 9s 9d] [Ks]*** SHOW DOWN ***Blue Maniac: shows [Tc Qc] (two pair, Queens and Nines)applsauce: shows [2h 7h] (a pair of Nines)applsauce said, "had to try"WalSobchak said, "that's playing to win?"applsauce said, "he looked weak"Blue Maniac collected 2030 from pot*** SUMMARY ***Total pot 2030 | Rake 0 Board [5d Qs 9s 9d Ks]Seat 1: WalSobchak folded on the FlopSeat 2: sedie (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)Seat 3: Blue Maniac (small blind) showed [Tc Qc] and won (2030) with two pair, Queens and NinesSeat 6: applsauce (big blind) showed [2h 7h] and lost with a pair of NinesSeat 7: PoolMav22 folded before Flop (didn't bet)Seat 8: xstar2 folded before Flop (didn't bet)Seat 9: cuttyrocks folded before Flop (didn't bet)

[Dratj 0]

donkey saids "I'm not under the gun!" I say "Yes you are, you are in 1st position, just after the big blind"donkey "no, the small blind is utg!"I say "no the small blind is the small blind, you are utg"donkey "no, you are wrong"I say "I bet you one hundred bucks that I'm right"donkey says nothing and realizes perhaps he doesn't know what he is talking about.

[kers2 0]

"Well I mainly post in the General Poker Forum over at www.fullcontactpoker.com"

[Guest Zach6668]

"Well I mainly post in the General Poker Forum over at www.fullcontactpoker.com"

nh

[Jimako03 0]

Before the flop after a reraise by me in position, fish-"i know you got a monsterous hand buddy." Calls my bets until the river. He says after my bet on the river - "I'm pretty sure you hit a set with those nines." He folds. I show him my bluff and yells "GOD I KNEW YOU HAD GARBAGE"

[CardWarfare 4]

quoted exactly from a different forum on this site:

I think reads are way overrated. I don't see how anybody could read me. As of right now my mentality is that even when I have an Ace Ace some a hole is going to flop two pair anyway. Too me it is all a numbers game and betting style. The pros talk about the correct reads they have made but they don't tell you that they were wrong 99 times and right the one time they are telling you the story.

For some reason I dignified this with a response, and got this in return. This is the best part.

It is not rocket science. I really don't care about reads I just know that you or anybody else cannot read me. It is impossible. I can convince myself my hand sucks and if I think my hand sucks then what are you going to pick up. So, you happen to win the hand and then you convince yourself I had some kind of tell like I scratched my nose. Well my nose itched. WTF.

Priceless

[benhoug 0]

I witnessed this dude get his Aces cracked by Kings (on the river) and he went into this whole tirade that included something like this:"You suck at reading people. You shoulda known I had Aces."

[Abbaddabba 0]

Before the flop after a reraise by me in position, fish-"i know you got a monsterous hand buddy." Calls my bets until the river. He says after my bet on the river - "I'm pretty sure you hit a set with those nines." He folds. I show him my bluff and yells "GOD I KNEW YOU HAD GARBAGE"

Is this one of those newfangled two-tier fish stories?

[timwakefield 68]

Let me just say that this guy is the dumbest man in the entire world. Single table SNG, blinds 100/200. I have been playing tight, and just tripled up a baby stack with AA.I am in SB with AJ offsuit....I have 1360 chips, jeffsclimax2 is BB with 3890 chips. One limper, I go all-in, jeffsclimax2 calls, limper folds. He shows KT offsuit and I win. Now his play wasn't totally terrible, but still quite bad IMO, especially with limper still to act behind him.TimWakefield said, "yay"TimWakefield said, "what a ****in call"TimWakefield said, "KT, did you think that was good?"jeffsclimax2 said, "hey tim where you insinuating i made a bad fing call"TimWakefield said, "yes"TimWakefield said, "actually no"TimWakefield said, "i wasn't insinuating"TimWakefield said, "i was stating it"TimWakefield said, "you made a bad call"jeffsclimax2 said, "you got lucky i had just as good a shot as you moron"TimWakefield said, "are you retarted"TimWakefield said, "AJ vs KT"jeffsclimax2 said, "no you are"TimWakefield said, "AJ is ahead no doubt"TimWakefield said, "you must be kidding"jeffsclimax2 said, "i didnt say you made a bad call i said i wasnt wrong to call and i will burn you just as many times as you me with that"TimWakefield said, "ok so you're saying AJ vs KT is 50/50?"jeffsclimax2 said, "it can be"TimWakefield said, "well you're entirely mistaken, so just stop embarrasing yourself"jeffsclimax2 said, "i bet king comes as often as an ace"TimWakefield said, "ok this isn't poker school"jeffsclimax2 said, " i win many hands with kings and prefer a king"TimWakefield said, "seriously, you're embarrasing yourself"jeffsclimax2 said, "aces have burned me more often"TimWakefield said, "Ace high is stronger than K high no matter what for ever and ever and ever"TimWakefield said, "will somebody back me up here, this is ridiculous"jeffsclimax2 said, "i think my chances of catching the king was just as good"TimWakefield said, "yes jeff there are 3 kings left and 3 aces left"TimWakefield said, "but if we both pair, i win"jeffsclimax2 said, "ya but chances of both paring are doubtful"TimWakefield said, "AND i had a better kicker"