I Called In Sick Today

[speedz99 145]

Odds she is flying to visit her boyfriend?

She's going home for a month...or maybe to her boyfriend's place for a month. Luckily, at the moment I'd only be mildly annoyed if it was the latter.

[runthemover 39]

Speaking of...is this not America? Should you not be getting an American car? I thought this was America!(there's a chance I'm mixing episodes)

me: that's the baseball episode right? I haven't seen it in quite a while but I quite enjoy Randy (stan's dad) in that one. speaking of which...Dr. Katz: oohhup. you know what the music meansme: son of a...Dr. Katz: shhh.

[brvheart 1,752]

yeah? Weird,i am on my phone and cant read the tiny print but i am curious loledit: Gary used to work for me. I am on his email forward list and he sends tons of jokes and goofy emails toa ton of people. He got out of the car business and get this, he plays on the computer all day. Nuts eh?I have other stuff like how he is very similar to WC Fields but uh, how do you know him?

FACEBOOK FRIENDS SUGGESTIONS SCARE ME! It suggested that I be friends with "Randy Reed". This particular Randy Reed was from Cincy and had only ONE FRIEND! Gary. HOW THE **** DOES FACEBOOK KNOW THAT I KNOW YOU!?!?!?

Nah, he's only set until December and I think Jeff is a good egg. Also, I'm 85% going to go to grad school, so I've got some time to figure something else out.

Plus, napa currently has an internship. I really really good one.

obligatory comment to zim about cars being possibly the worst thing on which to spend money. please do me a favor and get something pre-driven and save yourself the 10-20% instantly by forgoing the "OMGZ NEW" premium. you'll be paying cash obviously so the difference in financing won't matter at all.you know what i'd do if i were you though:i would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and give the rest of it to my friend asadulah, who works in securities...

strong 2nd.

[mk 11]

Mike, I'm coming to Chicago for the weekend of the 8th and 9th. Any chance we could meet for lunch and I could talk to you about some basic financial planning/investing stuff?

do you want your kids to go to harvard or yale?sure, i'm in town that weekend.

[speedz99 145]

do you want your kids to go to harvard or yale?

Rugged.

[Napa_Don 688]

Plus, napa currently has an internship. I really really good one.

Speaking of, I had some ideas about my master spreadsheet so it's easier for future updates(re: easier for you to correct my mistakes) and make it the most bitchin'ly fast spreadsheet in all of Orange Story County.But I'm gonna need a lot, ideas aren't cheap...are ideas cheap?

[Bizzle 0]

zimmer I will approve the purchase if you send me signed documents to the effect that you will not spend your poker moneys like a moron.

Certain people would kill him.

obligatory comment to zim about cars being possibly the worst thing on which to spend money. please do me a favor and get something pre-driven and save yourself the 10-20% instantly by forgoing the "OMGZ NEW" premium. you'll be paying cash obviously so the difference in financing won't matter at all.

Ah, finally the Jews make their entrance into this debate...And the A4 looks like quite the fun car, I expect to see it in August.

[mk 11]

just watched the ea video1) didn't jack it2) body: incredible3) unsure why 1 is true

[Bizzle 0]

3) unsure why 1 is true

Probably because doing so is a direct trip to hell? Do not pass go, do not collect $200, proceed straight to hell.

[strategy 4]

Probably because doing so is a direct trip to hell? Do not pass go, do not collect $200, proceed straight to hell.

next you're going to tell us you don't shampoo your pubes

[speedz99 145]

But I'm gonna need a lot, ideas aren't cheap...are ideas cheap?

It depends on how much honey you're going to bring in to the business.

Ah, finally the Jews make their entrance into this debate...

But...

[silkyjonson 1]

Just emailed the link MK, was out for viet food and just saw your PM and it flashed me back to the panic I experienced while trying to find it the other night.

[strategy 4]

jimmy fallon has his awesome spoof of mtv's the hills using The Roots and has GOB as a guest tonight. also adam sandler is on conan.whyyyy do I have a job that requires me to get up early.GN fags

[Tactical Bear 3]

silky, i pm'd you. thanks for being a sick fuck like me.

Fuck yourself.

where were you when he needed help working on his Erin Andrews project?stump-sitting, that's where you were. sitting on your stump, not willing to lift a finger.

I like this better than "suited black man." First of all, shouldn't it have been "suited black?" Maybe I'm off on this, but I have always felt like using "black" as a noun instead of an adjective is so much funnier. Like, the phrase "Look, over there, it's a happy black man" just doesn't have the same comedic effect as "Look, over there, it's a Happy Black." I could be off on this, though; I am weird.

My internal monologue after clicking on that link:Ah, it's the popeye's video he was talking about. Hey, that guy's not wearing a suit, unless you count the canadian tuxedo as a suit. He didn't even say "in this economy", he said "in this day and age". Strat was way off on this one. And then I violently burst out laughing when the guy you were talking about came on the screen. The suit, the smile, the widening eyes and slight lean forward, the "in this economy"...it was perfect. He was just so damn excited to talk about how upset he was. Well done, sir. Sending us to the guy before instead of the one you were referring to was genius.

The Bearded Black that directly follows the Suited Black might be better. "I was trying to feed my family tonight. Can't get that bucket in, now." The phrase "can't get that bucket in" just slaaaaays me. The woman at the end, though.... oh my God I laughed so hard. She says, with a lot of attitude, "That's all I have to say," then slams her door. As she's pulling away, she says something loud enough for the camera to pick up. I am crying right now.

[Tactical Bear 3]

So I've technically only gone on two dates with this girl, and tonight on the phone she asked me if I could give her a ride to the airport on August 11. I'm so proud of myself...I avoided the obligatory awkward, "Do you think it's a bit early for that?" I'm turning over a new leaf here, bitches. Someone give me a mig-to-high five.

You're a better man than I. Actually, that's not true; from what I see here -- passing up easy jokes? --you're a much, much worse man than I, but you're certain to be a happier one. For the record, I would have said: Wang: "Airport, eh? I feel like it might be kind of early..."Girl: "Oh, that's cool, I totally und-... wait what? You seriously don't want to take me to the airport because we're not ready yet?"Wang: "What?"Girl: "It's not like I'm asking you to get on the plane with me."Wang: "I'm really confused. I just meant that I am not a morning person. Giving you fair warning. If the flight leaves really early, I'll be a grumpy and annoying. What did youthink I was saying?"Girl: "Oh... well, yeah, okay then."

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone Power Technologies. "We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter."Like, could he be any more ominous? 'I swear guys, the last thing these robots would ever do is rise up against humanity and fuel themselves with our tears. In fact, it's so unlikely that we don't think about it or prepare for it. Sleep tight!'

Well that is just fantastic. Plus, it gives me a chance to post (for, what, at least the 3rd time) one of my favorite things ever. There is a definite Robots/Human Tears connection. Jokes Made by Robots, for RobotsA rabbi, an Arab, a robot, and a Catholic priest walk into a bar. Only the robot exits. A robot walks into a pharmacy. The pharmacist asks him if he'd like anything. The robot replies, "A soul." How do you stop a robot from destroying you and the rest of civilization? You don't. "Waiter! Waiter! What's this robot doing in my soup?" "It looks like he's performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain." Knock knock. Who's there? A robot. Oh, shit. What's the difference between a regular robot and a killer robot? The gnawing jeers of men. What's a robot's favorite cereal? Rob-os. (Note: Rob-os are made of the tears of human children.) Little Susie tosses a clock out the window. A robot inquires, "Why did you do that?" She replies, "I wanted to see time fly!" The robot says, "Ah ... A perfect subject for elimination," and shoots her with a laser beam through the face. Why did the robot order a milkshake? To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a robot.

me: that's the baseball episode right? I haven't seen it in quite a while but I quite enjoy Randy (stan's dad) in that one. speaking of which...Dr. Katz: oohhup. you know what the music meansme: son of a...Dr. Katz: shhh.

I understand this, because I made a Dr. Katz reference earlier. Squigglevision.

just watched the ea video1) didn't jack it2) body: incredible3) unsure why 1 is true

Her breasts are fake, right? Nobody's breasts look like that when she bends over. Her breasts are fake, or invented a machine/drug that gives her localized immunity to the laws of gravity.

[speedz99 145]

You're a better man than I. Actually, that's not true; from what I see here -- passing up easy jokes? --you're a much, much worse man than I, but you're certain to be a happier one. For the record, I would have said: Wang: "Airport, eh? I feel like it might be kind of early..."Girl: "Oh, that's cool, I totally und-... wait what? You seriously don't want to take me to the airport because we're not ready yet?"Wang: "What?"Girl: "It's not like I'm asking you to get on the plane with me."Wang: "I'm really confused. I just meant that I am not a morning person. Giving you fair warning. If the flight leaves really early, I'll be a grumpy and annoying. What did youthink I was saying?"Girl: "Oh... well, yeah, okay then."

Ours would have gone something likeSpeedz: Do you think it's a bit early for that?Girl: ...what?Speedz: Well, I mean, it's just, that's almost in a month. Girl: ...Speedz: What if you hate me by then? Haha...ha...Girl: It's not a big deal, you don't have to do it.Speedz: No, I was just kidding, I'll do it. I can take you. No problem. Girl and Speedz: ...Speedz and Girl: I...Girl and Speedz: You first...I...Speedz: So what are you up to tomorrow?

Well that is just fantastic. Plus, it gives me a chance to post (for, what, at least the 3rd time) one of my favorite things ever. There is a definite Robots/Human Tears connection.

And let me post for the umpteenth time the fact that I love the Sam Waterston "Robot Insurance" SNL commercial.

Her breasts are fake, right? Nobody's breasts look like that when she bends over. Her breasts are fake, or invented a machine/drug that gives her localized immunity to the laws of gravity.

I disagree with this...it's part of why I love bobbies that are around a B or a bit larger...they stay nice and perky for a long time. Although maybe hers were bigger than that, I turned the video off fairly quickly and tried to forget it. Great body from what I remember, but I felt way too creepy watching it...which is odd for a guy that has nothing against hidden camera porn. But I don't know who those girls are, so they don't really exist.

[speedz99 145]

I know my opinion doesn't really count on this subject, but I just watched the first 10 minutes of The Passion of the Christ...and it seems really stupid. Was that Lord Voldemort hanging out in the woods at the beginning?Now he seems to have reattached a man's severed ear. More magic...he's the real life (sort of) Harry Potter!

[Dawson Leery 12]

Zim all the financial advice you need right here:Because you and your family can't be relying on wankstas like Smith Barney

[runthemover 39]

And let me post for the umpteenth time the fact that I love the Sam Waterston "Robot Insurance" SNL commercial.

I hadn't seen it in a while and this weekend I was watching the SNL Game Shows and Commercials specials which aired a few months ago and it was as good as it ever was.

I understand this, because I made a Dr. Katz reference earlier. Squigglevision.

Dr. Katz, Kids in the Hall, and SNL. Comedy Central was DOMINANT in the somewhat early-mid-somewhat late 90s. thanks, CC.btw, somewhat relatedly, Home Movies (maybe Dr. Katz fits this too) is the perfect "in the background" tv show.

[El Guapo 8]

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone Power Technologies. "We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter."That is a real quote.IT'S FUCKING STARTING. I mean like, how is that not a line from the new Terminator or whatever, and then we flash forward 40 years and the robots are fucking feeding on the human population. Like, could he be any more ominous? 'I swear guys, the last thing these robots would ever do is rise up against humanity and fuel themselves with our tears. In fact, it's so unlikely that we don't think about it or prepare for it. Sleep tight!'

[mk 11]

Her breasts are fake, right? Nobody's breasts look like that when she bends over. Her breasts are fake, or invented a machine/drug that gives her localized immunity to the laws of gravity.

sigh, that's exactly what perfect C cup breasts look like

[vbnautilus 48]

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone Power Technologies. "We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter."

Relax, it's just a Mr. Fusion.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

oh look at mr fancy links to the middle of a videowas what i was going to say until

My internal monologue after clicking on that link:Ah, it's the popeye's video he was talking about. Hey, that guy's not wearing a suit, unless you count the canadian tuxedo as a suit. He didn't even say "in this economy", he said "in this day and age". Strat was way off on this one. And then I violently burst out laughing when the guy you were talking about came on the screen. The suit, the smile, the widening eyes and slight lean forward, the "in this economy"...it was perfect. He was just so damn excited to talk about how upset he was. Well done, sir. Sending us to the guy before instead of the one you were referring to was genius.

said that

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone Power Technologies. "We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter."That is a real quote.IT'S FUCKING STARTING. I mean like, how is that not a line from the new Terminator or whatever, and then we flash forward 40 years and the robots are fucking feeding on the human population. Like, could he be any more ominous? 'I swear guys, the last thing these robots would ever do is rise up against humanity and fuel themselves with our tears. In fact, it's so unlikely that we don't think about it or prepare for it. Sleep tight!'

this is awesome, where's it from?

FACEBOOK FRIENDS SUGGESTIONS SCARE ME! It suggested that I be friends with "Randy Reed". This particular Randy Reed was from Cincy and had only ONE FRIEND! Gary. HOW THE **** DOES FACEBOOK KNOW THAT I KNOW YOU!?!?!?

i had the same thing happen today (facebook suggested i be friends with someone i actually know who only has 3 friends, none in common). my wife says that facebook scans your email address for friends. i was so upset i changed my status. i almost never do that.

[Napa_Don 688]

jimmy fallon has his awesome spoof of mtv's the hills using The Roots and has GOB as a guest tonight. also adam sandler is on conan.whyyyy do I have a job that requires me to get up early.GN fags

I saw both of these and when Gob came out, they definitely played "the final countdown". Unfortunately, he did not dance around like he should have.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Dr. Katz

Ray Romano killed on Dr. Katz.Which is weird, right?I mean, Ray Romano?But he was my favorite guest, even over Mitch Hedberg.