SBriand 4 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I guess this was good enough to make me feel the need to post.http://www.cracked.com/article_18939_8-stu...ic-reviews.html#2 is awesome because there are other good reviews on Amazon that Cracked didn't post. My fav being this one: 54 of 57 people found the following review helpful:2.0 out of 5 stars This is just one of those things that seems like a good idea at the time..., August 20, 2009By G.C. "Serious Reviews for Serious People" (New Hampshire, USA) - See all my reviewsThis review is from: Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass - DYNJS0303 - Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass - 3 Each / Case (Health and Beauty)I must have been drunk for an entire week. Or depressed. Or maybe in a state of psychosis. I don't know. What I do know is that something had to have been very, very wrong with my mental state at the time, as it's the only way I can really explain my actions. I wish I could give you more details, but I remember very little of the actual thought process now that I have regained lucidity.At any rate, what I do remember is this...My boyfriend of 12 years and I were sitting around laughing about stuff, and we both decided that we wanted to lose some weight. I believe there was a program on television about Star Jones or some such other celebrity who had undergone bariatric surgery and now looked fit as can be."If only we had that kind of money!" I lamented. "I wish this was like ear piercings or tattoos where you could just do it yourself."That's when it dawned on me that instructions for doing just about anything, no matter how dangerous, ill-advised, reckless, or insane, live on the internets. So I searched for DIY bariatric surgery, and lo and behold, I found this kit. I realize now the error of my ways, and that perhaps this kit was not meant for the layperson to perform surgery on themselves. But Roger is a very independent man, and he was very encouraging throughout this whole process. He remains convinced to this day that doctors are no smarter than you or me, and often times are much less smarter.We ordered the package of 3 kits, which Roger justified saying "Well, that way if we mess one of ours up, we have an extra to redo it!"I remember the night we planned to do the surgery. We hung a mirror on the ceiling and put an old sheet down over the bed. We were each going to perform the surgery on ourselves, using the mirror as a reference and instructions we pieced together from various websites and notes taken from watching clips of surgeries on Discovery Health Channel. It seemed like such a great idea -- our minds were fogged, almost possessed by greed and vanity and lust, enchanted by the promise of perfect bodies and perfect lives that were just around the corner.Roger went first. From the get-go, he was more confident than I was, more eager to prove that he was just as smart and adept as a hoity-toity medical school doctor. With two pillows propped under his head, he grasped the scalpel purposefully and began to make the first incision. He didn't scream out, as enough painkillers to down an elephant were coursing through his veins. The incision was perfect, even, smooth, and he drew the blade slowly, opening the flesh...And that's when the dog jumped on the bed.I miss you, Roger.See ya! Link to post Share on other sites
CaneBrain 95 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 That they're in England?I did forget about how Billy Elliot has shaped the culture there. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Voldemort 0 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 YUMMY!Enjoy LG! Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Buddhist 1 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 So, I woke up this morning to my roommate pounding on my door at 4:30. Our apartment had filled with smoke. We put on our coats, ran down the 5 flights of stairs, and made our way outside to see this: http://grezakster.wordpress.com/2011/01/04...st-village-nyc/The building next to mine caught on fire and the smoke was filling into our apartment. So, I and my roommates had to wait outside for two hours while firemen went into the burning building, broke pretty much ever window, and put out the fire. Smoke was everywhere, as you can tell from the video. It was pretty exciting.No one was killed or seriously injured, fortunately, and all of our stuff is in tact (thought everything we own smells like burning smoke).The trick is not to be asleep at 4:30. I rarely am.Something from The Onion that puts your job in perspective:Snooki's profane antics and drunken fights drew in millions of viewers each week and propelled the 23-year-old to national fame, helping her to eclipse—among others it honestly would be too painful to bring up—the men and women behind the Large Hadron Collider, perhaps the most significant piece of experimental technology in centuries of scientific research, developed by people whose work in the field of physics this year forced us to entirely rethink the way we view the universe and, consequently, our very existence.Snooki got punched in the face on TV. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeleton Jelly 2 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Something that puts your job in perspective: New version of Huckleberry Finn will replace "nigger" with "slave."You should do this for Shakespeare. Take out everything that isn't politically correct and replace with less offensive terms. I mean, The Merchant of Venice is rife with anti-Semitism, amirite? Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Is it not obvious that he's unattractive? Or did you just want to make her say it?but you know women are always coming up with other ways of disliking guys besides them just being ugly. but yeah, I mainly wanted her to say it. (and mainly for the hope of some insight as to why I have so many wonderful female friends.)I know him through my dancing, he is a good dancer and seems like an interesting guy, but he is shorter than me (big turn off) and generally not my taste. I don't want to say too much because some of y'all have me on FB and I don't want it to be obvious who he is. Of course, none of you are snoopy like me...so he's ugly...That's how he's going to reel you back in.oh he's smart, smart indeed...it's just, he dislikes me so much... it's... irresistible! I'm pretty sure I remember during all the Mosque bruhaha that there was a mall (being built?) there.AMERICA... FUCK YEAH Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey 6 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 He's not ugly... It may be a racial thing. Link to post Share on other sites
vbnautilus 48 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 aaah he's white. Link to post Share on other sites
JubilantLankyLad 1,957 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Link to post Share on other sites
JubilantLankyLad 1,957 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/monologues/4spiderman.htmlThis is just so badly written and unfunny. "Someone" around here should really do something about that. Link to post Share on other sites
loogie 115 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/monologues/4spiderman.htmlThis is just so badly written and unfunny. "Someone" around here should really do something about that.Like what? Link to post Share on other sites
Tactical Bear 3 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Kayla: "What? No. Why would I... no. I just called him a faggot and asked what color his panties were." Wang: "What did he say?"Kayla: "He asked me what color my panties were."Wang: "And wha-"Kayla: "You know damn well I never wear underwear."(end totally out of context introduction that isn't relevant)Wang: (laughs) "Ah, that's why I love you."Kayla: (deer in headlights)Wang: "I mean, that's one thing I love about you."Kayla: "..."Wang: "Let me be clear: I love your sense of humor, but I do NOT love YOU."Kayla: "..."Wang: "Oh my God how did your eyes get bigger?!"Kayla: "..."Wang: "Have I ever told you my rape joke?" Link to post Share on other sites
loogie 115 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I like it when a girl wears underwear. Not a thong. Underwear. I like removing it. Link to post Share on other sites
runthemover 39 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I'm gonna ask LG to mail me one of those sprout burgers. yumshey sporticans, http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...howtopic=144516 . we've still got a couple spots. help us out. Link to post Share on other sites
timwakefield 68 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 So, I woke up this morning to my roommate pounding on my door at 4:30. Our apartment had filled with smoke. We put on our coats, ran down the 5 flights of stairs, and made our way outside to see this: http://grezakster.wordpress.com/2011/01/04...st-village-nyc/ Such a brag post. Ooooh look at me, I live in the East Village. Sonofabitch. And not even in Alphabet City! Fourth and Second I hate you!! Actually, the more I think about it, the more I remember when a friend of mine lived on Seventh between First and Second. He had the smallest apartment in the history of humanity, so perhaps I shouldn't be quite so quick to be jealous of you and your fifth floor walk-up that is on fire (confused face). Totally unrelated, The best sports gifs of 2010 Link to post Share on other sites
JubilantLankyLad 1,957 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Like what?oh, not you. you're not "someone"Kayla: "What? No. Why would I... no. I just called him a faggot and asked what color his panties were." Wang: "What did he say?"Kayla: "He asked me what color my panties were."Wang: "And wha-"Kayla: "You know damn well I never wear underwear."(end totally out of context introduction that isn't relevant)Wang: (laughs) "Ah, that's why I love you."Kayla: (deer in headlights)Wang: "I mean, that's one thing I love about you."Kayla: "..."Wang: "Let me be clear: I love your sense of humor, but I do NOT love YOU."Kayla: "..."Wang: "Oh my God how did your eyes get bigger?!"Kayla: "..."Wang: "Have I ever told you my rape joke?"oh hey, how you doin'?Such a brag post. Ooooh look at me, I live in the East Village. Sonofabitch. And not even in Alphabet City! Fourth and Second I hate you!! Actually, the more I think about it, the more I remember when a friend of mine lived on Seventh between First and Second. He had the smallest apartment in the history of humanity, so perhaps I shouldn't be quite so quick to be jealous of you and your fifth floor walk-up that is on fire (confused face). Totally unrelated, The best sports gifs of 2010and you can get on that guy for his grammar! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey 6 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Wang: (laughs) "Ah, that's why I love you."Didn't you 'accidentally' say "I love you" to another girl fairly recently? That part sounded really familiar Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 so it happens on or around the 5th of each month. I'll mark my calendar. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey 6 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 so it happens on or around the 5th of each month. I'll mark my calendar. Link to post Share on other sites
Napa Lite 3,278 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I feel like Im taking crazy pills! Link to post Share on other sites
loogie 115 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 oh, not you. you're not "someone"You're right about that. I'm somebody. Well, I could have been. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeleton Jelly 2 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Didn't you 'accidentally' say "I love you" to another girl fairly recently? That part sounded really familiarYou're probably thinking about this:When I was in college... [cut]One Thursday about 3 weeks later, we were walking back from class, trying to figure out what our plans were for that night, and Milty peeled off so I could get her alone. Wang: "Hey, I... don't do this very often, but do you want to go out sometime?"Ellen: "Uh, sure. We're going out tonight, right? I mean, I've been wanting to meet your friends for awhile, so I'm coming to your dorm and we're hitting the town."Wang: "No, I meant... like, OUT out."Ellen: "Well, I'd be disappointed if we stayed indoors all night."Wang: "No, I meant... like do you wa-"Ellen: "I know what you meant..."Wang: "Oh. Oh! Oh goodness... this is..."Ellen: "Awkward?"Wang: "And embarrassing."Ellen: "Are you going to be weird about this?"Wang: "I don't think so. Well, okay, I'll be... I'll be weird for a bit. I mean, I'm kind of..." [vague hand gesture] "...you know?"Ellen: "Uh, sure. It's cool."Wang: [has no idea what to say, but is hyper-aware of the lengthening pause and the accompanying awkwardness] "Cool beans."Ellen: "..."Wang: [must fill silence] "What do you think the coolest bean is?" Link to post Share on other sites
LongLiveYorke 38 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Such a brag post. Ooooh look at me, I live in the East Village. Sonofabitch. And not even in Alphabet City! Fourth and Second I hate you!! Actually, the more I think about it, the more I remember when a friend of mine lived on Seventh between First and Second. He had the smallest apartment in the history of humanity, so perhaps I shouldn't be quite so quick to be jealous of you and your fifth floor walk-up that is on fire (confused face).Aside from the occasional bouts of flame-related issues, my apartment is pretty kick-ass. It had better be, since I pay about 90% of my income for it./brag post Link to post Share on other sites
Theraflu 1,035 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I liked your initial response better. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now