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I Called In Sick Today

turd ferguson

By turd ferguson,
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BigDMcGee

and after 3 days, he is risen!

David_Sklansky

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

AmScray

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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El Guapo

El Guapo 8

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Who knows - your GF might surprise youVoldy: Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?Speed: What are you talking about? I'm not goin' to do it.Voldy: You're not goin' to do it? What do you mean you're not goin' to do it?Speed: I can't. I'm not an orgy guy.Voldy: Are you crazy? This is like discovering plutonium...by accident!Speed: Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends.... Naw, I'm not ready for it.Voldy: Step aside, I'll handle it
Mr. Mover is wearing off on people.
Rotation 4: Swine. We got to play with pigs. They were cool as shit...but not quite as cool as the cows.
Hmmm. This is interesting information that I feel like I could use somewhere, but I am not sure exactly where. I think I will store it for another day.
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JoeyJoJo

JoeyJoJo 18

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You know Charlie Walser? Has the place east of Sanderson? Well you know how they used to slaughter beeves, hit 'em with a maul right here to stun 'em... and then up and slit their throats? Well here Charlie has one trussed up and all set to drain him and the beef comes to. It starts thrashing around, six hundred pounds of very pissed-off livestock if you'll pardon me... Charlie grabs his gun there to shoot the damn thing in the head but what with the swingin' and twistin' it's a glance-shot and ricochets around and comes back hits Charlie in the shoulder. You go see Charlie, he still can't reach up with his right hand for his hat... Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer the issue is not certain.-SA21

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speedz99

speedz99 145

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And now, A Disturbing Conversation.Speedz: ...and we've been working on dissecting a dog. We opened her up, and at the moment we're learning about the front leg muscles.Grandpa Speedz: I just don't know how you do it. When I was in the war, a buddy of mine got shot across the stomach, and I spent a few minutes trying to keep all of his insides from falling out of his body before he died, and it didn't bother me. But since I've been home I don't even like seeing blood.Speedz: ...Speedz: ...Speedz: ...Speedz: I guess it's all about context.Grandpa: What other classes are you taking?

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El Guapo

El Guapo 8

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Anyone know where I can get streaming episodes of entourage without having to fill out ridiculous surveys and give verifiable information?
go to the pinned thread in the entertainment forum and one of the last posts is by brvheart with a link to like 40 of them.
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brvheart

brvheart 1,752

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Bovine. Cows are fucking awesome. They're big dumb animals that are incredibly friendly but are fun as hell to work with because you really have to wrestle them to get anything done. Swine. They were cool as shit...but not quite as cool as the cows.
Iowa is calling you Speedz!
You know Charlie Walser? Has the place east of Sanderson? Well you know how they used to slaughter beeves, hit 'em with a maul right here to stun 'em... and then up and slit their throats? Well here Charlie has one trussed up and all set to drain him and the beef comes to. It starts thrashing around, six hundred pounds of very pissed-off livestock if you'll pardon me... Charlie grabs his gun there to shoot the damn thing in the head but what with the swingin' and twistin' it's a glance-shot and ricochets around and comes back hits Charlie in the shoulder. You go see Charlie, he still can't reach up with his right hand for his hat... Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer the issue is not certain.
No Country is to frickingtm awesome.tmRegistered trademark to baby Guapo.
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brvheart

brvheart 1,752

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sweet christ, monday's conan was so good.http://www.hulu.com/watch/93112/the-tonigh...2009#s-p1-so-i0norm mcdonald's bit was just amazing. whoever mentioned that deserves a medal.
Tell it to Joey! I need the extra base.
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brvheart

brvheart 1,752

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And now, A Disturbing Conversation.Speedz: ...and we've been working on dissecting a dog. We opened her up, and at the moment we're learning about the front leg muscles.Grandpa Speedz: I just don't know how you do it. When I was in the war, a buddy of mine got shot across the stomach, and I spent a few minutes trying to keep all of his insides from falling out of his body before he died, and it didn't bother me. But since I've been home I don't even like seeing blood.Speedz: ...Speedz: ...Speedz: ...Speedz: I guess it's all about context.Grandpa: What other classes are you taking?
I love your Grandpa... and I'm serious. I love him. He was in WW2, or not that old... maybe Korea?
Meh, the ones I tried from his list don't work. I'm really just looking for season 1.
It's an old post... I'll look around for you.
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brvheart

brvheart 1,752

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I coming on the bench right now, trying to keep the rally goin'. Come on Guys! We can DOOOOOO IIITTTT!

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speedz99

speedz99 145

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Iowa is calling you Speedz!
What else would it call me?
I love your Grandpa... and I'm serious. I love him. He was in WW2, or not that old... maybe Korea?It's an old post... I'll look around for you.
Dubya Dubya Two. And thanks for the effort.
I coming on the bench right now, trying to keep the rally goin'. Come on Guys! We can DOOOOOO IIITTTT!
Is...are you drunk? I only say it like that because I assumed that you don't drink to excess. And yet...
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brvheart

brvheart 1,752

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Is...are you drunk? I only say it like that because I assumed that you don't drink to excess. And yet...
Naw. I've actually never been drunk. True story. I just had a couple posts in a row and decided to make fun of myself before someone else could.
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JubilantLankyLad

JubilantLankyLad 1,957

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I'm pretty sure she would have a threesome with me and my girlfriend, but the girlfriend most certainly would not be into it. Plus I don't have the sexual competancy to pull my pud during something like that.
fyp
Turtle pic was Guapo's idea, my execution. And I mean execution in the getting done sense, not in the equine medicine sense.
carveyturtlel.jpg
guapo is a hack
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Ron_Mexico

Ron_Mexico 4,219

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Ok I know this is like every guys fantasy and whatnot, but here's the obligatory warning from the average girl: if your girlfriend finds out that you went to a strip club with a hot bisexual ex-stripper in an open-relationship that wants to watch you getting a lapdance because it will turn her on, there is a big chance that she will be very unhappy about it.
HOLY CRAP!!!! YA DON'T SAY?
me too
that's one
I think he might be ok since he is in Palm Beach county. People here in Dade county were furious today....no one at work was talking about anything else. There is also an article up on yahoo that basically details how and why Florida sucks. Good day to be a renter whose rent is locked in for two years.
this
no, amazingly there's a tubby, slightly alcoholic banker's clause that excludes him. quite the luck!
that's twowhat the heck did I do to you?
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