I Called In Sick Today

[Sickinfo2 291]

Naw. I've actually never been drunk. True story.

"..."

Most Likely to Take a Dump in a Bag Brackets

Ive shit in a cardboard box before.... a few times actuallyThe last time was a few minutes before shipping off some cano....nevermindQuick story...A few years ago my crew was in Colorado finishing up the plumbing fixtures on a large commercial building. Since we were behind schedule by a few days, Shane and I thought it best to fly up and assist before the superintendent fired us and withheld a considerable amount of money from the contract. After calling the jerk and assuring him that reinforcements would be there bright and early the next morning, we landed that afternoon and headed directly to the local watering hole, staying until the doors closed around two oclock in the morning. Yeah, bright and early.Sometime around eleven that morning we rolled into the gates smelling like Crown Royal, beer, and chili dogs with extra onions. It was the only food available at the joint in case youre curious. After a quick meeting about scheduling concerns we pointed the rental car toward the back of the complex where we could hide out and recuperate for a few hours before commencing actual work. I found a nice carpeted closet to crash in and Shane crawled into an HVAC chase for a snooze. An hour or two later I awoke to a sound coming from my intestines similar to the soundtrack from Aliens, so after rising gently from my berber bed to prevent loss of bowel control, I duck walked down the corridor and into an employee bathroom that turned out lacking the main requirement of a functioning water closet, water. Damn plumbers, anyways.Since leaving the room without doing what I had entered it for was completely out of the question, I grabbed a Delta three hundred faucet box from the trash pile, tore the flaps off, and fitted it into the porcelain bowl to catch the discharge. I did briefly consider just using the fixture without flushing capability, but disregarded the idea after visions of fist fights to the death among the employees over who had to complete the remaining work inside that bathroom. Since Im a pushover, I knew that it would more than likely be me that spent several hours in the place doing the work, so that cinched the decision to shit in the box.Ill leave out the details that happened next for consideration of the weak of stomach among us, so refer back to the Aliens reference for a moment and leave it at that. Once the deed was done I was left with one minor detail that Id failed to think about, which was the method of disposing of the box once it served its final purpose that the packaging engineers at Delta marginally designed it for. The bulging sides were a constant threat of blowing out as I lifted it out of the bowl and carried it to the very same closet I had earlier inhabited and placed it in a far corner of a high shelf. I figured it was probably safe that it would not be found before we vacated the job site, and thankfully it wasnt. We completed the project the next night and headed home, the box of shit faded from memory a few days later.A few weeks later I received a final check from the general contractor, less the usual back charges for stuff like damaged walls, paint, and the like. I dont usually pay attention to the itemized charges unless they total a substantial amount, so the list was headed toward the filing cabinet when I accidentally spotted an item near the end circled in red ink....REMOVED BOX OF DEFECATION FROM SOUTHWEST CORNER OF SHELF- UNIT THIRTY SIX HALLWAY CLOSET - $150It was worth every cent, I tell ya....I also have a few stories about ass-wiped Christmas cards being sent to certain folks around the country....remind me around the holidays and Ill tell a few

that is shockingly accurate I think. top two were the exact ones I were thinking would battle it out.

Did I already tell that one, or was it a educated lucky guess?

took a dump in a bucket a couple of years ago because my toilet was clogged and I really had to go. man, that was unpleasant.

Did the paint roll out smooth afterwards?

[Sal Paradise 57]

The last time was a few minutes before shipping off some cano....nevermind

sonofa...

Did I already tell that one, or was it a educated lucky guess?

just a guess, but I mean I'd be more surprised if you HADN'T shit in a bag or box or something on numerous occasions.got rained on this morning while camping. of course there was only a 10% chance of rain in the forecast, so why would I need the rainfly? nah. won't need it. fuck.pictures to come via facebook soon though.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

got rained on this morning while camping. of course there was only a 10% chance of rain in the forecast, so why would I need the rainfly? nah. won't need it. fuck.

you got shit luck, kid.

[Sickinfo2 291]

just a guess, but I mean I'd be more surprised if you HADN'T shit in a bag or box or something on numerous occasions.got rained on this morning while camping. of course there was only a 10% chance of rain in the forecast, so why would I need the rainfly? nah. won't need it. fuck.pictures to come via facebook soon though.

Our clan is going four wheeling here in a few minutes.... it rained all evening yesterday so Im looking forward to drinking all the mud spray that hits the top of my beersIll take a few pics as well...Todays local news update is brought to you by the city of Fort Smith street light department, who is now working around the clock to replace all those burned out bulbs that led to this near disasterFlashlight donations are welcome

[brvheart 1,752]

sonofa...just a guess, but I mean I'd be more surprised if you HADN'T shit in a bag or box or something on numerous occasions.got rained on this morning while camping. of course there was only a 10% chance of rain in the forecast, so why would I need the rainfly? nah. won't need it. fuck.pictures to come via facebook soon though.

Did you start your campfire like Rosie in Point Break?

[Sal Paradise 57]

Did you start your campfire like Rosie in Point Break?

I KNEW I forgot somethingoh, and you go and look at ouch's thread pronto. need advice on new computers.

[Randy Reed 0]

Pretty layed back day. We rode bikes around the neighborhood all morning, well 15 miles or so and alot of hillsbut it was great out. This summer has been the most fantiastic weather in the history of the universe or something.Just great. Step daughter and her gf are over and I made chicken and andouille sausage etouffe. Pretty good stuff. Had a couple beers much to Deb's chagrin. Oh well, can't win em all. I least I didn't shit in a box I always say.Heading to KY tomorrow to see mom and then a fantasy draft with my son and co. Umm, not much else. Hope everyone is having at it.

[Nikki_N 17]

Pretty layed back day. We rode bikes around the neighborhood all morning, well 15 miles or so and alot of hillsbut it was great out. This summer has been the most fantiastic weather in the history of the universe or something.Just great. Step daughter and her gf are over and I made chicken and andouille sausage etouffe. Pretty good stuff. Had a couple beers much to Deb's chagrin. Oh well, can't win em all. I least I didn't shit in a box I always say.Heading to KY tomorrow to see mom and then a fantasy draft with my son and co. Umm, not much else. Hope everyone is having at it.

I had chili cheese ettouffe with crawfish yesterday. I also had jambalaya. I love Yats. Do they have Yats in other towns? Dave and I have been kid free since yesterday afternoon. It's been lovely. Yesterday we went to dinner after divesting ourselves of the children and then we went to see Extract. It was pretty funny. Today we played a little guitar, went to the zoo to see the Komodo Dragons (they are wrapping up their Indianapolis tour) and then we went to dinner. When we got home we watched Flags of Our Fathers. I enjoyed it. It was sad, though, and Dave says it was too choppy. I agree, but I wouldn't have come up with that on my own because I'm a horrible movie critic. I'm easily entertained.

[Sickinfo2 291]

I least I didn't shit in a box I always say.

Shittin in the box is the easy part.... wiping with the instruction booklet is another storyAvoid the staples at all costs...

they are wrapping up their Indianapolis tour

Looks like the Stones finally found an opening band more within their age group...Since we're on the timely topic of shitting....Hey sal, you have a class three receiver hitch on the back of that Chevy?Its a square slot about two inches square just under the bumperI plan to make myself one, but with a four foot extension away from the bumper....That way the wife can back me out over the river and prevent any disposal headaches

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

[Sal Paradise 57]

Hey sal, you have a class three receiver hitch on the back of that Chevy?

what are you kidding? I live in virginia. even bmw's come with hitches here.

That way the wife can back me out over the river and prevent any disposal headaches

and this is not a completely terrible idea. I think I've seen these before in some form. if I wasn't so worried about having a pile of poo and pee directly behind my truck when camping/drinking, I might would invest in one. I know it would turn out poorly thought. for my shoes anyways.and I sure wish brv/ouch/strat would look at my post in ouch's thread. I need advice on the computers I posted (good deals, quality, etc.).

[Randy Reed 0]

I had chili cheese ettouffe with crawfish yesterday. I also had jambalaya. I love Yats. Do they have Yats in other towns? Dave and I have been kid free since yesterday afternoon. It's been lovely. Yesterday we went to dinner after divesting ourselves of the children and then we went to see Extract. It was pretty funny. Today we played a little guitar, went to the zoo to see the Komodo Dragons (they are wrapping up their Indianapolis tour) and then we went to dinner. When we got home we watched Flags of Our Fathers. I enjoyed it. It was sad, though, and Dave says it was too choppy. I agree, but I wouldn't have come up with that on my own because I'm a horrible movie critic. I'm easily entertained.

Never her of Yats. The chili cheese crawfish sound awesome though. I love cajun food but no one else around here gets it as much as me but I still make it occasionally.I've seen the Komodo dragons before too at the Cinti zoo. Pretty cool.

Now that's soccer I could get into..

[Nikki_N 17]

Morning.

[LadyGrey 6]

Morning.

If this greeting doesn't come with a free bag of potatoes I'm afraid you'll have to do better, my friend.

[Nikki_N 17]

If this greeting doesn't come with a free bag of potatoes I'm afraid you'll have to do better, my friend.

I got nothin'. Sorry.

[speedz99 145]

Oh, shit, yeah, the draft. I ended up staying late after my softball game...we won ours, so we decided to sweat the next one because it had playoff ramifications. Long story short, we squeaked in. I got some sad news on Saturday morning when I stopped by my old job. Do you guys remember Emma, the first foster dog that I got last winter? There's a long backstory, but basically she was the first dog that was ever really mine, at least for a period of time, and she was just an awesome animal in every way. Last Thursday she was out for a walk and managed to get herself hit by a train (...yeah). She had been adopted by one of the techs there, and...well, the rest of the story is just more depressing, so anways, she'd dead. RIP.

[LadyGrey 6]

Last Thursday she was out for a walk and managed to get herself hit by a train (...yeah). She had been adopted by one of the techs there, and...well, the rest of the story is just more depressing, so anways, she'd dead. RIP.

Wasn't she on a leash? RIP Emma. That is my sister's name so it's weird saying that. RIP big beige dog.

[speedz99 145]

Wasn't she on a leash?

The girl's dad was walking/hiking with the dogs in a pretty rural area, and they're typically good about staying close, so it was ok to have them off leash. I guess it was a little stupid seeing as there were train tracks in the area, but it was a freak accident, so I don't really blame them.

[speedz99 145]

I have a pretty severe case of stress-induced bloody diarrhea. Oddly, it smells like asparagus. That's odd because I haven't eaten asparagus in months, and I'm not even sure what it smells like. Other than my bloody stool.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

I have a pretty severe case of stress-induced bloody diarrhea. Oddly, it smells like asparagus. That's odd because I haven't eaten asparagus in months, and I'm not even sure what it smells like. Other than my bloody stool.

I've got a runny nose. So, yeah, I'm suffering too.

[Napa_Don 688]

I've got a runny nose. So, yeah, I'm suffering too.

Man, that's rough, dude.

[speedz99 145]

I've got a runny nose. So, yeah, I'm suffering too.

Man, that's rough dude.

Man, that's rough, dude.

You said it, brother.The good news after all this studying is that I can tell you guys all about amino acid deficiencies and other assorted crap...in case it ever comes up, which it won't. Hey, did you know that cats can't synthesize taurine, so if they don't get enough in their diets they can develop retinal disease, cardiomyopathy, reproductive issues, and something else that I can't remember? I bet you didn't!

[Nikki_N 17]

Oh, shit, yeah, the draft. I ended up staying late after my softball game...we won ours, so we decided to sweat the next one because it had playoff ramifications. Long story short, we squeaked in. I got some sad news on Saturday morning when I stopped by my old job. Do you guys remember Emma, the first foster dog that I got last winter? There's a long backstory, but basically she was the first dog that was ever really mine, at least for a period of time, and she was just an awesome animal in every way. Last Thursday she was out for a walk and managed to get herself hit by a train (...yeah). She had been adopted by one of the techs there, and...well, the rest of the story is just more depressing, so anways, she'd dead. RIP.

I'm so sorry. That's really sad.

I have a pretty severe case of stress-induced bloody diarrhea. Oddly, it smells like asparagus. That's odd because I haven't eaten asparagus in months, and I'm not even sure what it smells like. Other than my bloody stool.

Blood in your stool from stress? Yikes. Is this an ulcer in your colon or something? Ugh.

Man, that's rough dude.You said it, brother.The good news after all this studying is that I can tell you guys all about amino acid deficiencies and other assorted crap...in case it ever comes up, which it won't. Hey, did you know that cats can't synthesize taurine, so if they don't get enough in their diets they can develop retinal disease, cardiomyopathy, reproductive issues, and something else that I can't remember? I bet you didn't!

So they need to be given Sobe in their water dish?

[speedz99 145]

I'm so sorry. That's really sad.

Thanks.

Blood in your stool from stress? Yikes. Is this an ulcer in your colon or something? Ugh.

Nah, the blood's just rectal, I'd think.

So they need to be given Sobe in their water dish?

It's science.

[Napa_Don 688]

To add another (not so) sad dog story:I went home this weekend and got to see my yellow lab, Ace. He's eight years old and is starting to show. Starting to get white around the muzzle and in his coat. He used to run to meet me, but now he just jogs. I didn't seen him run once this weekend. He doesn't seem to be in pain when he does move, so maybe its just laziness and not the start of arthritis? It made me really sad to see him like that because he was always so full of energy and loved playing. I don't know if I'll be able to take him hunting this fall because it's always really thick grass and the fact that he doesn't really want to run anymore. I almost wanted to cry. Sigh, I miss my dog.