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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Conversation:(Wang's phone rings)Wang: "Heeeeey brother."Brudder: "What up, nigga?"Wang: (hears music, people in background) "Do I hear music? Isn't it a school night?"Brudder: "It's finals week. I don't want people thinking I'm some kinda brain."Wang: "Okay."Brudder: "Hey, you gonna be at home at all this summer, Brain?"Wang: "Yeah, sure. Probably go to some baseball games with you and The Guv."Brudder: "What do you think about going on a double or triple date?"Wang: "If you're relying on me getting a date, you're going to be disappointed."Brudder: "No no no, I'll supply the girl."Wang: "What are you talking about?"Brudder: "My friends always joked about sleeping with you to get under my skin, and always pester me about it and shit, so I thought it would be hilarious if you take a few of them out with me and the woman."Wang: "Dude. They're all 6 years younger than me."Brudder: "We'll do it before your birthday, so it'll be five, and I'll find one that's more than halfway to the next age so you can round up. Then it's only four."Wang: "..."Brudder: "Oh come on! How... how funny would that be? They're always goofing about it, so I'll just tell one of them, 'Hey, my brother's in town, you know, wants to go out with us, but I don't want him to feel left out, and we're in college now, so, you know, he'll take you out.' Then you can try to sleep with her."Wang: "..."Brudder: "OH COME ON!! Even if you don't, even if you just pretend, how fucking hilarious will that be? You can pretend to be a sleaze, and -- worst case scenario -- she'll freak out and it's fine because you were just fucking around and I can just laugh at her. But what if she's into it or something? You can take her to Deer Park and make out with her in front of the retarded duh-duh-duh-duh-deers!"Eventually, I gave him a tentative yes. At first I thought it'd be the sickest thing ever, but -- even though he was kinda drunk at a party -- he persuaded me that it'd be hilarious. He said I have to wear loafers, jeans, and a blazer, and no matter what I have to bribe the host to get a good table in front of everybody, even though we're at Applebee's or something. He said if I order a bottle of cheap house wine, smell the cork, and send it back, he'll pay for the whole dinner. I think I'm going to go on a date with a 19 year old girl and her 19 year old friends and my little brother this summer, and document the whole thing. It might end up being the best thing ever. I can't get over the idea of the loafers and the blazer at TGI Friday's or Applebee's or something.WangEDIT- Just got a text from him. "Brudder- You have to dress up like somebuddy who owns a boat. I will send you a link."EDIT2- He sent me this link, and said, "THIS GUY OWNS A BOAT LOOK AT HIS UNDERSHIRT. JACQUES COUSTEAU."
This is a great plan.
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He said if I order a bottle of cheap house wine, smell the cork, and send it back, he'll pay for the whole dinner.
only an amateur would smell the cork...doesn't really tell you much. you should squeeze it though, as the cork should be flexible, not brittle.
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you know what phrase I hate? "when life throws you lemons, make lemonade." what the fuck does that even mean?
I thought it was "when life throws you lemons, have a party." Is it not?
Asians are so cute. I want one.
isn't that cdubb?
No. Its Socal.
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sorry to the thread for this boring conversation
Yeah, I apologize as well...Im cutting out the mechanical tutorials and going back to my old ways of just telling stories and poking fun at folksI get the same feeling that you get after speeding by a cop every time strat posts in here.... I know hes about to blow a fuse (whoops.... just a figure of speech, not car related)
stepping limping in front of the train didn't seem like such a bad option today
Dont be surprised to find a cane with a flashlight attached to it at your doorstep one of these days
Does anyone in here own a motorcycle?
Yep....Oops again...I mean, pm DNA
19 is even a bit too young for ME. go for it.
SEVENTEEN!
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Does anyone in here own a motorcycle?
You're going throught the earliest and most ridiculous quarter-life crisis I've ever seen.
Spurs, up by 6 with 2 minutes to go in the third quarter, go to the Hack-a-shack. I'm confused...
What is there to be confused about? It's a proven strategy.
EDIT- Just got a text from him. "Brudder- You have to dress up like somebuddy who owns a boat. I will send you a link."EDIT2- He sent me this link, and said, "THIS GUY OWNS A BOAT LOOK AT HIS UNDERSHIRT. JACQUES COUSTEAU."
I really like that kid.
knight_i.jpg
How 'bout a Fresca? Hmm? Hmm?
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jeff's finals schedule:Monday, May 121:30pm - 4pm MGMTTuesday, May 1310:30am - 1pm BLAWWednesday, May 141:30pm - 4pm BIOLFriday, May 16 7:30am - 10am DSCI10:30am - 1pm MKTGcoincidentally, the two on friday are going to be by far the most difficult.

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Zimmy's Finals Schedule:I'm done. It's a celebration bi[/itches!!!!!!!!!!!!!
damn, that's really is worthy of celebration. seems like yesterday i was slacking off creating elaborate goldeneye tourney brackets instead of studying for finals.
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Friday, May 16 7:30am - 10am DSCI10:30am - 1pm MKTGcoincidentally, the two on friday are going to be by far the most difficult.
Does "MKTG" stand for something other than marketing?
Martin: Brushing my teeth balls.
Que?
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this is funny. Wang's story is really funny, "before your birth day, age and a half, rounding up, and bribing the host for a good table" is funny. dressing up like a sailor isn't quite as funny. maybe it is. i dunno.(Jim's phone rings)Jim: Hello?Martin: Hey, it's Martin.Jim: Oh hey i called you just a few minutes ago but you didn't pick up.Martin: I know. I'm calling you back.Jim: Oh. So i was gonna... What were you doing when I called?Martin: Brushing my teeth balls.
The point isn't so much to dress up like a sailor, I don't think. It's to dress up like a guy who is dressing up to make it look like he spends time on a boat. "Check this out. These are dock shoes. I can prove it: no socks! Also, this take a look at my shawl/cardigan thingy. I am rich and maybe wearing a blazer. Note the gold buttons on my sleeve."RE: cork sniffingDear mk,I hate you.Regards,Wang
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