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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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I've been working on my game for a while now and almost gave up on being a poker player until last night.Two weeks ago, I started an excercise routine, dropped all my bad habits (except for drinking and smoking), and started a new diet recommended by my doctor. Not liking the diet plan at all, I made a key modification to it that works better for my lifestyle. So after dinner last night (I eat 6 boiled eggs for breakfast, 12 for lunch, and 12-15 for dinner) I drove down to the Sahara for the $42 nightly tourney. After buying a package of tums at the gift shop, I bought in and was seated at table5, seat 4. The night progressed slowly, picking up a few key pots until we reached the final table. Now I noticed that something was wrong about halfway through the event because the other players started staring at me even after I folded my hand. This concerned me until I realized that they were just amazed by my expert play at the table, and dismissed any ideas that someone might have heard me let a small poot once in a while. After winning the event, the staff told me that it was the shortest time in history for one person to eliminate 8 people. You should have seen it! The first hand the players on both sides of me go all-in, one with 7-2 of clubs, the other with 8-3 off. The next hand everyone but me goes all-in and leaves the poker room without even seeing who wins! Talk about intimidating people!! My play has gotten so good that they knew it was pointless to even hang around there. I was pretty glad that it was over pretty quick anyway, I was out of Tums and was feeling a little queazy.

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I need a PR man....seriouslyGimme a few months... I've got something in mind for you
Penis rubber?whatever it is, I'm your man
Is it bad to start the New Year off that will be a year of eating good food by going to BK and getting a Whopper w/cheese, Onion Rings, and a Coke?I could have ordered the Triple Whopper. But I didn't as you can see.
aren't you like a buck forty? You don't count string bean
I was thinking Velori. Kind of an ode to the person as well as those hip sweatsuits.
You. You're good
Okay, I just spent waaaaaaaay too much time searching for and copying my stories to a word document. Anybody remember any good posts that I've made?
what's your screenname?
Hey, good news. I just got a call from that chick I met at the tanning salon. I'm going to meet up with her at her place in a few minutes.Think I'm gonna try and channel MisterB while I'm over there.
do you have a bail bondsman on retainer or will you play it by ear once you're booked?
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Well, considering that nobody from this thread is getting into your bread box, I don't count you as female. I've positioned you neatly in the hermaphrodite category with the rest of us.
hey, speak for yourself. I'm pretty certain if I ever made it over to England, LadyGrey would enjoy a few lessons on Shake's Spear
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hey, speak for yourself. I'm pretty certain if I ever made it over to England, LadyGrey would enjoy a few lessons on Shake's Spear
what are the rape laws like in England?
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aren't you like a buck forty? You don't count string bean
5"11 174lbBut my gut is damn huge. I just need to eat better and work out more. I am not a low cal diet per se, but this is what I ate all weekend.Friday lunch Double Cheesburger/Fries/CokeFriday dinner 2 Double Cheesburgers (sliders) Onion Rings/CokeSaturday lunch Chicken, Potatoes, Green beans, rolls, stuffing (2 servings of each) Chocolate Cake and homemade ice cream and water (ooh how good of me)Saturday Dinner 45 Jeno Pizza Rolls and grape juiceSunday lunch 15 Mini Grilled Chicken Quesadillas and grape juiceSunday Dinner I made Linguine with Pesto and roasted chicken and Hungry man Biscuits and BeerMonday Breakfast 6 Pancaks, 4 sausage links and grape juiceMonday Dinner 20 Chicken Taquitos and waterTuesday Lunch Whopper/Onion Rings/CokeSo I eat very poorly and would better myself by cutting a lot of that crap out.
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5"11 174lbBut my gut is damn huge. I just need to eat better and work out more. I am not a low cal diet per se, but this is what I ate all weekend.Friday lunch Double Cheesburger/Fries/CokeFriday dinner 2 Double Cheesburgers (sliders) Onion Rings/CokeSaturday lunch Chicken, Potatoes, Green beans, rolls, stuffing (2 servings of each) Chocolate Cake and homemade ice cream and water (ooh how good of me)Saturday Dinner 45 Jeno Pizza Rolls and grape juiceSunday lunch 15 Mini Grilled Chicken Quesadillas and grape juiceSunday Dinner I made Linguine with Pesto and roasted chicken and Hungry man Biscuits and BeerMonday Breakfast 6 Pancaks, 4 sausage links and grape juiceMonday Dinner 20 Chicken Taquitos and waterTuesday Lunch Whopper/Onion Rings/CokeSo I eat very poorly and would better myself by cutting a lot of that crap out.
Ron, wipe that slobber off your monitor...
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alright sirpretty sure we're fresh out of women in this thread so I guess we won't be seeing DNA anymore. I'll miss him.
Yep, no reason for me to stay either.What am I? Chopped liver? And you never retexted me back for sex you tease.
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Yep, no reason for me to stay either.What am I? Chopped liver? And you never retexted me back for sex you tease.
sorry, you are army's possession. We don't have any women of our own. Lady Grey likes women so she doesn't count, nevermind the fact that she's really Caleb.I shut my phone off so I could sleep.
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Creepiest. Thing. Ever. At least when I imagine you saying it. "I can... I can be a friend to the gay...?"I have a few gay friends, and they're all a riot. I lived in Ann Arbor for a while and there's a pretty sizeable gay population there. People used to think I was gay a lot, so I end up randomly meeting gay guys a lot. The weirdest thing ever...
My brother in law went to Michigan and lived on campus for a long time afterward doing research for a living. He says the same thing about a large gay population.
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sorry, you are army's possession. We don't have any women of our own. Lady Grey likes women so she doesn't count, nevermind the fact that she's really Caleb.I shut my phone off so I could sleep.
I don't like being in the "not ever gonna happen" category. It doesn't give me much power, does it? I mean, if your response to "give me a couple of hours" is to shut off your phone, I should probably just give up being a chick at all.
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Well, I also missed the Lori stuff, but I'm sure I'll get caught up soon enough.Went to Venice today, beach was pretty awesome. I also have a couple pictures that are worth millions, if not billions.Not doin much tonight, plane leaves early tomorrow, I'll be back in Ann Arbor tomorrow night.

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Well, I also missed the Lori stuff, but I'm sure I'll get caught up soon enough.Went to Venice today, beach was pretty awesome. I also have a couple pictures that are worth millions, if not billions.Not doin much tonight, plane leaves early tomorrow, I'll be back in Ann Arbor tomorrow night.
There's still time to visit Caleb's house aka Sexytown.
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There's still time to visit Caleb's house aka Sexytown.
Had you told me where you lived I may have. I really haven't done that much out here other than yesterday. Being winter there isn't much going on along the beaches and stuff, and I'm not into the Hollywood thing that much.I'd love to come back when I'm 21 though.
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Had you told me where you lived I may have. I really haven't done that much out here other than yesterday. Being winter there isn't much going on along the beaches and stuff, and I'm not into the Hollywood thing that much.I'd love to come back when I'm 21 though.
I'm probably about an hour or 45 minute drive from where you are right now, but it would be way too awkward to meet in person. I was just messing around. You aren't missing anything though. Southern California is an excrement receptacle.
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I'm probably about an hour or 45 minute drive from where you are right now, but it would be way too awkward to meet in person. I was just messing around. You aren't missing anything though. Southern California is an excrement receptacle.
Yeah, there are very few people I would say meeting in person wouldn't be extremely awkward. Even then all those meetings would have to revolve around poker.I've probably driven very close to your house at some point.SoCal isn't bad, I'm just enjoying the better weather than home, and In n Out Burger.
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Yeah, there are very few people I would say meeting in person wouldn't be extremely awkward. Even then all those meetings would have to revolve around poker.I've probably driven very close to your house at some point.SoCal isn't bad, I'm just enjoying the better weather than home, and In n Out Burger.
The weather is nice for a while, but the seasons never change, and In n Out is just the tits, but other than that everything else should just burn in hell.
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wish I'd known that turd...I was just in those parts over the weekend. I watched a sideshow freak on the SM pier juggle a bowling ball, apple, golf ball, and a soccer ball.... all at onceHe was pushy for tips thoughI spent three hours under the thing singing "Under the Boardwalk" (Bruce Willis version) and drinking... not really...just ten minutes

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