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I Called In Sick Today

turd ferguson

By turd ferguson,
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BigDMcGee

and after 3 days, he is risen!

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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

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Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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loogie

loogie 115

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Hmm... eternity: as a jellyfish. Someone got screwed.
How can you be so sure that's a terrible thing? It could feel wonderful to be a jellyfish.
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vbnautilus

vbnautilus 48

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How can you be so sure that's a terrible thing? It could feel wonderful to be a jellyfish.
You're right, it's not terrible. They don't have too much of a nervous system, so its probably more like nothing at all.
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speedz99

speedz99 145

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Holy crap! Awesome veterinary science-y thing!
How...did you find that? The "hold crap!" seems to indicate that you stumbled across it and were amazed, but that almost seems unpossible.Also: very cool.
You're right, it's not terrible. They don't have too much of a nervous system, so its probably more like nothing at all.
I got stung by a Portuguese Man o' War in Florida once...it fucking hurt. I'm not sure what has to do with anything, and I'm equally unsure of why I'm responding to your post specifically, but...there it is.
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JubilantLankyLad

JubilantLankyLad 1,957

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How...did you find that? The "hold crap!" seems to indicate that you stumbled across it and were amazed, but that almost seems unpossible.Also: very cool.I got stung by a Portuguese Man o' War in Florida once...it fucking hurt. I'm not sure what has to do with anything, and I'm equally unsure of why I'm responding to your post specifically, but...there it is.
I'm at "T" on wikipedia.
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vbnautilus

vbnautilus 48

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I got stung by a Portuguese Man o' War in Florida once...it fucking hurt. I'm not sure what has to do with anything, and I'm equally unsure of why I'm responding to your post specifically, but...there it is.
Maybe you sensed that I also got stung by one of those fucking things once. In Florida. It got me in the stomach and I reached down to take it off of me. I couldn't really move my hand for several days after that. I hate those things.
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speedz99

speedz99 145

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I'm at "T" on wikipedia.
Just keep swimming...
Maybe you sensed that I also got stung by one of those fucking things once. In Florida. It got me in the stomach and I reached down to take it off of me. I couldn't really move my hand for several days after that. I hate those things.
It got me on my leg...I was pretty young (8 or 9) so I don't remember much other than the pain and everyone's interest in the fact that the lifeguard was spraying meat tenderizer on the area. They're not the most scientifically inclined people in the world, so I'm pretty sure that to them it was an "ooh...ahh" at voodoo magic moment.
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speedz99

speedz99 145

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Unexpected benefit of P90X after just one week: I've always been embarrassingly inflexible, but I've gotten about 2-3 inches closer to being able to touch the floor without bending my knees. A few more and I'll be able to do it for the first time in my life. This, sadly, is exciting for me, and a new goal.

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vbnautilus

vbnautilus 48

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It got me on my leg...I was pretty young (8 or 9) so I don't remember much other than the pain and everyone's interest in the fact that the lifeguard was spraying meat tenderizer on the area. They're not the most scientifically inclined people in the world, so I'm pretty sure that to them it was an "ooh...ahh" at voodoo magic moment.
That's how old I was too. Parallel lives?
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beans-n-icewater

beans-n-icewater 18

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I've gotten about 2-3 inches closer to being able to touch the floor without bending my knees.
Pffft...After a bottle of Crown Black I can touch all parts of my body to the floor without bending anything...and do like I doMix it fifty-fifty with grapefruit juice so youll at least drink healthySpeaking of crown, did I ever tell the story about Shane saving all of his purple Crown bags so he could have his mother sew them all together for a baby blanket?Unfortunately for the company, he didnt think of the idea until his wife was in her eighth or ninth month of pregnancy.... most of us overlooked his drinking binge since it was technically for his kidIt didnt turn out well, though....During the first wash all of the purple dye came out, but really....it was the thought that counted
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speedz99

speedz99 145

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Mix it fifty-fifty with grapefruit juice so youll at least drink healthy
Pffft...you're talking to a guy that's been mixing vodka with V8 Fusion for the better part of a year as part of a plan to introduce more (ok, any) friuts and veggies into his diet.
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LadyGrey

LadyGrey 6

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Unexpected benefit of P90X after just one week: I've always been embarrassingly inflexible, but I've gotten about 2-3 inches closer to being able to touch the floor without bending my knees. A few more and I'll be able to do it for the first time in my life. This, sadly, is exciting for me, and a new goal.
Aw I have never been able to touch my toes like that, even when I was a kid. I think my body is just proportioned that way so I would have to get super flexible to be able to do it. Seemed like all the othe kids could do it when I was in school. I can only reach about midway down my shins without bending my knees, and that's being kinda generous.I just started a running schedule thing, trying to build up to be able to run 30 minutes in one go. I don't think it will help my flexibility though. I intended to stretch before and after but I keep forgetting, I'm very undisciplined.
Please watch
...and then, probably, the following volumes, because there's a lot of amazing in them.
Seen it, good stuff.
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mk

mk 11

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I just got done with my 3rd final. When I came in the room late and sat down to take the final in my GEO 324 class this morning (180 students), my prof walked over and sat down beside me. "Why are you taking the final? You're getting an A even if you skip it." "yeah, but if I score a 46/50 then I have the best grade in the class." "haha, good luck."If I score an A on my stat final in the morning then I'll end up with a 4.0, but I have a feeling that I'm going to end up with an A- in stat.
everybody hates an ass kisser
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speedz99

speedz99 145

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everybody hates an ass kisser
Well that's just not true at all.
Last final is done, first beer cracked. Tee time at 1. Life is good today.
Congrats, and I'm sorry.Hey, whatever happened to the rest of the Wang's Harem cards?
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strategy's_touch

strategy's_touch 0

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was looking at this $18/hr job in Tulsa. as has happened so many times, I got to the part where they ask for a cover letter and was like, "oh, fuck this" and closed the tab. plus, if there is a place for a Kansan to look down on, it's Oklahoma.

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