you know you're playing a fish when he says...

[CobaltBlue 662]

Playing .5/1 NL game...UTG limps, I raise to $4 with AQ, blinds call, UTG calls.Flop Ac2c5c. Somewhat scary board, but I bet the pot anyway ($15). Short stack goes all-in for $11. Other guy (UTG) just calls. Turn is blank. I force him all-in for $45 more suspecting he's on the flush draw. (Might've been a dumb move on my part.)He calls and flips over 3d4h.I say, "Wow. Are you kidding?" He says, "I flopped it." "I was more talking about 34 UTG to a raise." He says, "It was suited." A couple of us point out that it was not in fact suited. He says, "Oh well. My money." I thought, "Not for long." :roll:

[KTW 0]

"I always gotta see the flop with T5, cause they're used in every possible straightBoondoggle

Classic!

:think: I happen to like 9 7 os or s. Obviously I know when to hold them and when to dump them, but it's interesting how often those cards are "involved" in the hand. Don't take my word though. :wink:

[GTKID 0]

Just had one happen, guy was chasing QJ suited flush against my A10 suited on flop of 239 2 diams. Turn is ace, i bet again he calls, the original raiser folds, river is Kd and we go 4 bets. He then says, " I finally make a flush for the first time in 9 flush draws and I get beat the the only card that can beat me"

[fryer98 30]

I was playing on PS and a guy called someone's raise pre-flop with J4. Someone questioned him on it and he said that Js, 4s, and 8s hit on the flop more than any other cards. Um....ok.A guy that comes to my home games said "my cousin told me to play any 8 a lot more cause they hit all the time. I noticed that they do."I think J4 guy on PS and guy's cousin might be the same person!

[GTKID 0]

Actually they are completely right because online poker is rigged to have jacks 4's and 8's hit more to help out the fish and the good players will keep playing stupid shit like ak and aa and lose but think they can overcome it and feed the online poker machine.... [sw]

[*Lone*Trout* 0]

Actually they are completely right because online poker is rigged to have jacks 4's and 8's hit more to help out the fish and the good players will keep playing stupid censored like ak and aa and lose but think they can overcome it and feed the online poker machine.... [sw]

Unfortunately it feels that way some days.

[flyingmoose 0]

"Nice call jack***"or"How could you..."any barraging in a hand is a sign of fish, and it really censored me off at tables.  You see it once an hour online. Some one gets a bad beat, and then is stupid enough to give the fish LESSONS!  What are you doing? Why don't you want him to stay bad, and more importantly why dont you want him to have fun and feel excepted.  Pros make the fish feel like its just a fun game.  No insults, or the bad players feel bad and they will leave.  Any good player knows that.If you make fun of the live ones, you probably are yourself.

You only see it once an hour? You must not multi-table."Play me $500 heads up right now!!!"-- dozens of fish, daily

[MentalGame 0]

ok so im playing a holdem cash game and the flop comes AKQ of hearts and i guy goes allin i fold then the guy behind me folds his friends looks at his cards and says y did you fold all you needed was a jack for a straight. i look at the guy call him an idiot cash in my chips and leave.

[Aces_Up 0]

Playing low limit HE at PS. Click to a table and see a guy saying "Gawd, I love low limit players..."Next hand, I raise with Q's, he re-raises from CO with A6o. After the hand is over (he won when he spiked on A on the turn), I say "Your making fun of low limit players, and you re-raise with A6?"He replies, "late position, but you wouldn't know anything about that."After I respond with "No, I wouldn't know anything about CO.", he shuts up until I ask him if he has any more witty comebacks, at which point he moves away from poker and into random personal insults. Had me laughing for about 10 minutes.

[mrdannyg 274]

these were so good i almost started a new thread for them. the latter is quite likely the best fish quote in history.first quote - a guy calls me to the river on a board of 2-3-3-10-J (in that order) and calls on the river. I reply "you win" (i was betting a draw) and he shows KQ. i muck. he explains "i never fold a flush draw" (how about ON THE RIVER?). funny stuff.the greatest quote in history:guy calls a raise with 2Ko. flop comes KKK. flop gets checked around, he bets turn, everyone folds. he shows. he says:"man, flopping 3 on the board when you have one is the worst"wow. i just looked him right in the eye and said "no sir, its the best" (well next to flopping a straight or royal flush i guess). man that was classic. ah well.daniel

[Guest XXEddie]

had AA went all in on a KK24 board guy called with 888 on riverfish says: "good call"

[Guest XXEddie]

when they look at their screen and see the options-Bet-Check-Fold.............and click fold

[bascomeb 0]

Well on the flop I was 65.1% favorite and on the turn I was a 77.3% favorite.  True he needed a 3, 5, 7, J to beat me but it was also a full table so im sure someone through away a 3,5,7, or possible J. Making my odds better. But how knows thats why its poker and catching cards is what its all about.

[Meatwad 0]

** Dealing Flop ** [ Ad, Ac, Th ]** Dealing Turn ** [ 9h ]** Dealing River ** [ 7h ]seandowns111 shows [ Jh, Kh ] a flush, king high.Horsehung shows [ Js, Jc ] two pairs, aces and jacks.seandowns111 wins 4960 chips from the main pot with a flush, king high.phatzach2008: see thats y i hate party poker there like absolutely no way that would happen

[Kalf 0]

How many times have you heard this:"well, I think you have me beat, but I'm going to call anyway."so, in other words, my bluff has accomplished everything i set out to do: I have convinced you that you are beat. SO WHY ARE YOU CALLING?? Folding is an option!!!

[Sushiman 0]

How many times have you heard this:"well, I think you have me beat, but I'm going to call anyway."so, in other words, my bluff has accomplished everything i set out to do:  I have convinced you that you are beat.  SO WHY ARE YOU CALLING??  Folding is an option!!!

This is why I tend not to bluff in online cash games. I flopped a straight flush draw and bet hard. One guy calls. Turn was a blank, I still bet hard. Guy calls again. River was a 4 which did not connect with the board, figured I'll try and bluff it so I bet the pot. The guy calls and turns over A4. Entire time he had A high and no draws but takes it with his pair of 4s. Then he says "I probably wouldn't have called that if I didn't hit that pair." He then played like that for about another 20 minutes and went broke to another idiot who went all in with top pair 6 kicker.

[Shaffer 0]

"These damn kickers are killing me"(um, dude, that's because you're playing K3 offsuit and going all-in from UTG when you spike a king...)"Um, why didn't we split that pot? We both had a full house!" -- and then going on a 5-minute diatribe about how this site is "rigged"($50 buy-in Omaha tourney, KK55x on the board, I had AKxx, he had KJxx. This hand just about put the guy out, so I took pity on him and explained the basic rules of Omaha)"Goes to show you that good play isn't always rewarded."(Guy that had just gone all-in, ~2000 or so, into a $50 pot in an online SNG. Another fish calls him with 89s, and he [virtually] flips over 66. The 89 hits and this guy goes ballistic. Granted it was a retarded call, but still...)"Nice suckout b1tch"(after I hit my 21 out draw, ThJh against 94 offsuit on a 5s8h9h board.)"I'd call if they were suited"(common in my home game - after pondering a big all-in call for like a minute and a half and then showing a 93 offsuit).

[Nutcracker 0]

Last night, I got a decent run of cards. I get 99 UTG and raise (tight table, good chance blinds are mine). MP cold calls and we go heads up to the flop. It's T76 and I bet, he raises, which happens to be the last of his chips, so I call. He had Q4 and turn/river are blanks. He proceeds to say "you keep getting lucky".

[djradoff 0]

4-8 at a B and M. After a check raise, a women at the table says; "I think check raises are rude, I'm not trying to make a living at this."

[HelioCentric 0]

Party MTT. long setup story made short and sweet... I am forced to fold my AK on an Kh Js 3h after being the original raiser with crazy action ensuing. Two remaining players all in showdown:fish1: Ah 7hfish2: Jd 5sturn 5c river 9d.me: okme: crazy bastardsfish1: i was one away from a flush and didn't get it. ugh!me: ...and your serious. That's why I love you.Edit: Apparently fish1 busted while I typed that up. I'm :cry: now.Gotta love the shock of missing his flush draw. He was ONE AWAY!

[Guest XXEddie]

Party MTT.  long setup story made short and sweet... I am forced to fold my AK on an Kh Js 3h after being the original raiser with crazy action ensuing.  Two remaining players all in showdown:fish1: Ah 7hfish2: Jd 5sturn 5c  river  9d.me: okme: crazy bastardsfish1: i was one  away from a flush and didn't get it. ugh!me: ...and your serious. That's why I love you.Edit: Apparently fish1 busted while I typed that up. I'm  :cry:  now.Gotta love the shock of missing his flush draw. He was ONE AWAY!

I might have posted this aleady buthad AA heads up in a SnG had 5k he had 10kflop JJ5 he goes allin i callhe flip T9s for flush drawmisses itfish:Youre lucky I missed my flush, I was a 3-1 favorite"

[HelioCentric 0]

I might have posted this aleady buthad AA heads up in a SnG  had 5k he had 10kflop JJ5 he goes allin i callhe flip T9s for flush drawmisses itfish:Youre lucky I missed my flush, I was a 3-1 favorite"

And you know the best comeback...nay... only comeback to this statements?"Your right"closely followed by"nh"Definitely +EV for us all.Note I failed to follow my own advice in the post two above this one. -EV for me.

[Nutcracker 0]

There was a guy on my table earlier today that had 100% VP$IP through about 100 hands and kept berating people each time he lost (which was obviously a lot). It was grand. He left after reloading 4 times though.

[wildo 0]

You know your playing a fish when after sucking out on you he says, ". . .went fishing."

[Quadrupled 0]

long time ago at partypoker 1/2. Utg limpcalls my raise from BB in multiwaypot.I have some strong drawing-hand, and hit something good on flop, bets out, gets called from utg and maybe some more.Turn, I bet out, utg calls (maybe I checked it, but point is coming...)River, I miss my draw, bet out, and he raises, I fold. He flashes AA. I respond saying : "Nice hand".his answer : "thanks, I slowplayed it."hmm... like I didnt allready know that???And another one, live 1-table-tourney. I make one bluff, gets called all the way, response "I didnt believe you". Ok, he had an ok hand... Then like 1-2 hour later in that tourney, I've been playing VERY selectively and only showing major hands. I get involved in a flop with nutflushdraw (AQs) with only low cards, and bet out. He calls, I put half my stack in on turn, he calls, river is blank 9. He shows T9o, and wins after checking it down on river, saying "I didnt believe you first time, and I didnt believe you this time either". NO DRAW! NO HAND! Calling turn??? He obviously wouldnt bet river, I know him that well.Then an "interesting" omahahand at stars. I raise pot on button with AAQT (AT is suited). Flop gives 2 suits of the other Ace, so I think I will try to bet him off if the flush comes (after all, its hard to call flushes with 2nd nut-flush in omaha). I bet pot on flop, he calls. Turn brings the flush, I call his halfpotbet, river is blank, he bets halfpot again, and I raise about 3/4 of the pot back. He thinks a while and calls with 6643, SIX HIGH FLUSH!I say a little frustrated "LOL! you calling with the best hand???". He answers : "Yeah, got scared, if u had betted less I wouldda reraised".this should also show that I am a little fish myself, I often make good "reads" on these fishes (he's weak, he's got nothing, now he's strong, etc). But I dont manage to read their reactions, cause no matter how weak they are, they still CALL with nothing.