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So, here's my experience with the idiots who come begging for stakes. I hope you all get a kick out of this one:(3:49:48 AM) hooplehead1876: Hey, it's me from the poker forum. Is there any way you could stake me a couple of hundies? I'm a great player.(3:50:18 AM) oN3 40 se7en: which poker forum do you belong to?(3:50:24 AM) hooplehead1876: FCP(3:50:32 AM) oN3 40 se7en: cool, cool(3:50:37 AM) oN3 40 se7en: what's your name on there?(3:50:51 AM) hooplehead1876: I'm just a lurker.(3:51:31 AM) oN3 40 se7en: oh ok(3:51:50 AM) oN3 40 se7en: well, that might be possible(3:52:01 AM) hooplehead1876: So, like two hundy?(3:52:16 AM) oN3 40 se7en: perhaps(3:52:35 AM) oN3 40 se7en: let's just make sure you're ready for such a huge responsibility(3:52:45 AM) oN3 40 se7en: don't worry, i'm pretty lenient, so i'm sure it'll be no sweat(3:52:55 AM) oN3 40 se7en: but just gotta do this for a mere technicality(3:53:03 AM) hooplehead1876: cool, cool(3:53:16 AM) oN3 40 se7en: where do you play?(3:53:30 AM) hooplehead1876: Stars, Pacific.(3:53:54 AM) oN3 40 se7en: don't have money on either of them...but stars isn't too hard to get money on to(3:54:00 AM) oN3 40 se7en: what stakes do you play?(3:54:15 AM) hooplehead1876: Anything, man.(3:54:27 AM) hooplehead1876: I've played as high as $40/80(3:54:45 AM) hooplehead1876: I need this money soon to pat off a debt. Can we hurry?(3:54:51 AM) oN3 40 se7en: yeah yeah, sorry man(3:54:57 AM) oN3 40 se7en: just gotta make sure you're ready(3:55:03 AM) oN3 40 se7en: what games do you play?(3:55:08 AM) hooplehead1876: I was born readdy(3:55:29 AM) hooplehead1876: No limit holdem. The only man's game left!(3:55:36 AM) oN3 40 se7en: nice(3:55:44 AM) oN3 40 se7en: now that i know the basics(3:55:50 AM) oN3 40 se7en: time to get down to the nitty gritty(3:55:56 AM) oN3 40 se7en: what does UTG mean?(3:56:19 AM) hooplehead1876: under the giraff?(3:56:28 AM) oN3 40 se7en: you've learned padowon(3:56:32 AM) oN3 40 se7en: BB?(3:56:41 AM) hooplehead1876: big betty?(3:56:47 AM) oN3 40 se7en: i'm proud(3:56:56 AM) oN3 40 se7en: would you ever have sex with an octopus?(3:57:28 AM) hooplehead1876: Why would you need to know that?(3:57:39 AM) oN3 40 se7en: just answer it...your stake rides on it(3:57:45 AM) hooplehead1876: No(3:57:54 AM) oN3 40 se7en: you wouldn't have sex with eight women?(3:58:01 AM) oN3 40 se7en: are you light in the trousers?(3:58:22 AM) hooplehead1876: Naw, man. this is bullshit.(3:58:30 AM) oN3 40 se7en: sorry sorry(3:58:37 AM) oN3 40 se7en: we can ignore that question(3:58:44 AM) oN3 40 se7en: since you didn't understand the context(3:59:18 AM) oN3 40 se7en: new question:(4:00:28 AM) oN3 40 se7en: this is the first hand of the WSOP main event. Only there's a new rule this year: first one out gets a lap dance from the thunder from down under all-male revue. Everyone moves all-in in front of you, and you are dealt AA in Big Betty. Do you call?(4:00:48 AM) hooplehead1876: No(4:00:54 AM) oN3 40 se7en: WRONGO(4:01:02 AM) oN3 40 se7en: you call and accept the strippers as consolation(4:01:15 AM) hooplehead1876: I've heard from experts that you should fold 'em(4:01:35 AM) oN3 40 se7en: cmon man...free strippers don't come along every day(4:01:42 AM) oN3 40 se7en: think man, think!(4:01:48 AM) hooplehead1876: I'm not gay, dude.(4:01:58 AM) oN3 40 se7en: well, you wouldn't have sex with an octopuss(4:02:02 AM) oN3 40 se7en: i'm sorry(4:02:04 AM) oN3 40 se7en: let's continue(4:03:20 AM) oN3 40 se7en: trust me, this will all make sense in the end, when you are rolling in the hundos(4:03:32 AM) hooplehead1876: Okay.(4:04:41 AM) hooplehead1876: I'm going to be honest-- you'll likely never hear from me again.(4:04:51 AM) oN3 40 se7en: i know(4:04:53 AM) hooplehead1876: But it's good to help someone out(4:04:57 AM) oN3 40 se7en: i stake people lots(4:05:02 AM) oN3 40 se7en: they never call, they never write(4:05:05 AM) oN3 40 se7en: it's the way life go*Silence for 10 minutes*(4:15:40 AM) hooplehead1876: kay(4:16:20 AM) oN3 40 se7en: but if you were to ever have sex with kathy liebert, would you call her?(4:16:38 AM) hooplehead1876: Yeah?(4:16:47 AM) oN3 40 se7en: WRONG!(4:16:51 AM) oN3 40 se7en: she doesn't own a phone(4:17:21 AM) hooplehead1876: What? Dude, I don't know if you're trying to be funny or not.(4:17:30 AM) oN3 40 se7en: actually i was(4:17:33 AM) oN3 40 se7en: did it work?(4:17:40 AM) hooplehead1876: Yeah. LMAO(4:17:43 AM) oN3 40 se7en: good(4:17:52 AM) hooplehead1876: Are you going to stake me or what?(4:17:54 AM) oN3 40 se7en: just some humor to lighten up this whole situation you're in(4:17:59 AM) oN3 40 se7en: just a sec, just a sec(4:19:19 AM) oN3 40 se7en: who would win in a fist fight, and why? Mike Jones, or Matt Damon?(4:20:09 AM) hooplehead1876: Mike Jones. Because he's from the streets. Is this relivant, or are you just fucking with me?(4:20:32 AM) oN3 40 se7en: this is a test to tell what kind of character you have(4:20:32 AM) hooplehead1876: Are you just wasting my time. I told you I was good(4:20:54 AM) oN3 40 se7en: you're actually wrong, chuck norris would kick both their asses while eating a banana split(4:20:57 AM) oN3 40 se7en: but that's beside the point(4:21:22 AM) hooplehead1876: HOW THE HELL COULD I GUESS THIS SHIT?(4:21:28 AM) hooplehead1876: Fuck off!(4:21:31 AM) oN3 40 se7en: dude(4:21:32 AM) oN3 40 se7en: chill(4:21:39 AM) oN3 40 se7en: I was just stating my opinion(4:21:49 AM) oN3 40 se7en: do you want the stake or not?(4:23:27 AM) hooplehead1876: You're just fucking with me. My pokerstars name is the same as my AOL name. If you want to make money, stake me. If you just think you're a comedian, fuck off. (4:23:32 AM) oN3 40 se7en: seriously dude, every one of my stakees had to take this line of questioning(4:23:37 AM) oN3 40 se7en: and none of them complained(4:23:47 AM) oN3 40 se7en: i'm starting to think you're just yanking my crank(4:23:58 AM) hooplehead1876: I am?(4:24:09 AM) hooplehead1876: You're stupid!(4:24:37 AM) oN3 40 se7en: I'm not asking for the stake, am I?(4:24:56 AM) oN3 40 se7en: be respectful to me, since i still hold your money in my neteller account(4:25:30 AM) hooplehead1876: I just pray you need my help with a stake someday. Are we doing this or what?(4:25:38 AM) oN3 40 se7en: just two more questions(4:25:45 AM) hooplehead1876: Promise?(4:25:50 AM) oN3 40 se7en: promise(4:26:09 AM) oN3 40 se7en: fill in the blanks: my favorite hand is _____________________ because ______________________________________.(4:26:21 AM) hooplehead1876: AA(4:26:37 AM) hooplehead1876: Because it's a favorite over anything(4:27:11 AM) hooplehead1876: I also like 75, because no one sees it coming, lol(4:27:29 AM) oN3 40 se7en: lol(4:28:06 AM) oN3 40 se7en: fill in this last statement(4:28:10 AM) oN3 40 se7en: and the stake is yours(4:28:49 AM) oN3 40 se7en: I think Sam Grizzle is sexy because __________________________________________, but I think Robert Varkonyi is sexier because ______________________________________.(4:29:32 AM) hooplehead1876: If I answer, will you stop this **** and stake me?(4:29:39 AM) oN3 40 se7en: yes, now DO IT KNAVE!(4:29:55 AM) hooplehead1876: Who are these peole?(4:29:58 AM) hooplehead1876: people(4:30:06 AM) oN3 40 se7en: you don't know who Sam Grizzle is?!(4:30:22 AM) oN3 40 se7en: FUCK VARKONYI!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHO SAM GRIZZLE IS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!(4:30:51 AM) hooplehead1876: Is he that guy who beat the shit out of Phil Hullmuth?(4:30:55 AM) hooplehead1876: Hellmuth(4:30:57 AM) oN3 40 se7en: THANK GOD(4:31:08 AM) oN3 40 se7en: i thought i wasn't going to get to stake you(4:32:05 AM) hooplehead1876: I guess Sam is sexy because he's tough, but Robert is because he's rich(4:32:19 AM) oN3 40 se7en: you have succeeded(4:32:23 AM) hooplehead1876: Stake me now?(4:32:32 AM) oN3 40 se7en: but before we get started(4:32:38 AM) oN3 40 se7en: do you know the nickname for K3?(4:32:55 AM) hooplehead1876: No(4:33:02 AM) hooplehead1876: What the hell?(4:33:11 AM) oN3 40 se7en: and you've been lurking on FCP for how long?(4:33:15 AM) hooplehead1876: Are you staking me or what?(4:33:25 AM) oN3 40 se7en: sure sure(4:33:27 AM) oN3 40 se7en: just wondering(4:33:33 AM) hooplehead1876: A few months(4:33:36 AM) oN3 40 se7en: oh ok(4:33:40 AM) oN3 40 se7en: that explains it all(4:33:49 AM) oN3 40 se7en: here goes, the all-magical stake begins(4:33:55 AM) oN3 40 se7en: I put on my wizard robe and hat(4:34:05 AM) oN3 40 se7en: I cast level 200 Stake on PokerStars(4:34:07 AM) oN3 40 se7en: and I'm spent(4:34:08 AM) hooplehead1876: FUCK YOU!(4:34:10 AM) oN3 40 se7en: good night sir(4:34:14 AM) oN3 40 se7en: what?(4:34:17 AM) oN3 40 se7en: i staked you(4:34:48 AM) hooplehead1876: I hope you catch AIDS from all those little african kids you fuck(4:35:01 AM) oN3 40 se7en: have fun in zimbabwe(4:35:21 AM) oN3 40 se7en: douche

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I cant wait until someone asks for a stake from me. It won't be as good as these, but at least I can waste a few minutes of their life.

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"(4:25:30 AM) hooplehead1876: I just pray you need my help with a stake someday."Odds of this happening: 80000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 to 1.P.S. That was hilarious HM.P.P.S. Check my new signature.

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(4:33:55 AM) oN3 40 se7en: I put on my wizard robe and hat(4:34:05 AM) oN3 40 se7en: I cast level 200 Stake on PokerStars(4:34:07 AM) oN3 40 se7en: and I'm spentWell done. I just recently came upone the bloodninja stuff. Too funny.NH, sir.

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(4:19:19 AM) oN3 40 se7en: who would win in a fist fight, and why? Mike Jones, or Matt Damon?(4:20:09 AM) hooplehead1876: Mike Jones. Because he's from the streets. Is this relivant, or are you just fucking with me?(4:20:32 AM) oN3 40 se7en: this is a test to tell what kind of character you have(4:20:32 AM) hooplehead1876: Are you just wasting my time. I told you I was good(4:20:54 AM) oN3 40 se7en: you're actually wrong, chuck norris would kick both their asses while eating a banana split(4:20:57 AM) oN3 40 se7en: but that's beside the point
WHO?
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(4:33:55 AM) oN3 40 se7en: I put on my wizard robe and hat(4:34:05 AM) oN3 40 se7en: I cast level 200 Stake on PokerStars(4:34:07 AM) oN3 40 se7en: and I'm spent
BAAAHAHAHAHA :club::D:D
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well done :D (3:56:56 AM) oN3 40 se7en: would you ever have sex with an octopus?(3:57:28 AM) hooplehead1876: Why would you need to know that?(3:57:39 AM) oN3 40 se7en: just answer it...your stake rides on it(3:57:45 AM) hooplehead1876: No(3:57:54 AM) oN3 40 se7en: you wouldn't have sex with eight women?(3:58:01 AM) oN3 40 se7en: are you light in the trousers? :club: owise1

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hooplehead1876: under the giraff?I like this one. If Vince and Mike get a hold of it, it will be huge!
Just so it's known who started "under the giraffe"..... THIS GUY.Also, how can he know what "under the giraffe" is without reading some of these types of posts earlier and not realize right away that this is a jopke.This guy is R-E-T-A-R-T-E-DAlso, nh sir, I was laughing.
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I wish I could cockpunch everyone who has ever typed in "QFT". Not picking on Petoria in particular, but one day soon I hope the rest of the world will realize how terribly unfunny it is.

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I wish I could cockpunch everyone who has ever typed in "QFT". Not picking on Petoria in particular, but one day soon I hope the rest of the world will realize how terribly unfunny it is.
I'm not sure it's ever meant to be funny.
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  • 6 months later...

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