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I Called In Sick Today

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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Speak for yourself




I wonder if there is a gf in the picture.


Incorporate the phrase "hurtin for a squirtin" into a text.


Of course Simply Irresistible was awful, but I thought you would appreciate the Patricia Clarkson ref.


I think direct hints are the way to go, but I'm drawing a blank otherwise.


Of course there's a girl in the picture


I wish I was half as motivated as Strat to apply for jobs.


I gotta step up my game at some point


You said by 2014 right? Deadlines spur action.


If you were offered a job with a huge company that had offices in every major city in every state and it paid $75k annually regardless of which location you were in, which city would you choose?


Right out of college it would be Venice (CA), Manhatten Beach, Huntington beach. Such cool little beach towns with great bars/night life and mostly naked women walking around 18 hours a day.


who cares, how could you date someone with such small teeth anyway.


Best BJ's ever.



"My last date used too much teeth during the BJ, thought that wouldn't be an issue with you"



Yeah I was never good at this either.


The fact this was posted by iBeaver made this even funnier.

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75k right out of college? Maybe Phoenix, hot girls, golf, money goes a long way, easy car ride to Vegas. Good hypo.


Titly, if your company screws you once, they will screw you again. Id start discretely looking around.

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didn't talk to or text the girl today. success. working basically a half day tomorrow and will be ridiculously busy Friday, so it should be smooth sailing on into never seeing her again.


She couldn't be more relieved.


hey dude she's my girlfriend and you cant talk about her like that.


Is she? (Hint: no, no she isn't. She isn't even a friend)


She is running out of people and pets to write out of the script, so we'll find out eventually.

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hey dude she's my girlfriend and you cant talk about her like that.


Big D was quoting a good movie there.


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jesus christ people. i know she isnt my girlfriend because i'm not actually a moron. i also knew he was referencing silence of the lambs because like i said i'm not a moron.


You seem a little too concerned about people thinking you're a moron or not. The Alpha move there, is to claim you've never seen the movie and keep playing dumb, laughing at brvy behind the screen. Instead, you beta'd out, worried bry might think less of you. Typical beta.

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whatever i'm cool. i'm hip. i text, LOL (laugh out loud) OMG (oh my god) WTF (why the face?).







you're just being a dick for dick's sake.



This CANNOT be news to you.


You know I'd rather it went your way, but since I didnt, someone has to make the mean jokes. In Wanderlust, Ken Marino is the dick brother and he has a quote of "What? What's the problem? I'.m just being a dick to be a dick."




Haha the Modern Family hater quoted Modern Family.


I feel he's making a joke about using a quote of show he hates (yet hasn't seen)

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I am off to West Palm for the day and night to hang with a buddy who's wife and kids are out of town. I miss the old haunts and people, and I've got time, so screw it. I know, more wasting of capital, but screw it


#gasmoney #beermoney #bartabs #eatingout #hookermoney

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