I Called In Sick Today

[El Guapo 8]

I just want to make note of the fact that more than one person In my office said in all seriousness "I wonder if that had anything to do with that hurricane out there?!" and yes, they all make way more than I do.

It's the fucking downward pressure man. It's science!

[Roll the Bones 74]

HAHAHA- Shake was laughing about his house coming down in a hurricane and an earthquake snuck up and crushed it. That's irony!And 45 minutes to a case of Juengling and Fins to the Left!

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

don't worry, i'm working on an appeal right now. this won't stand.

appeal successful. victory is mine

[ShakeZuma 585]

crazy as it may seem, nothing on my house fell down.

[Theraflu 1,035]

I really liked A Shack for Shake.

[Sickinfo2 291]

I really liked A Shack for Shake.

That and the total loss had me giggling... sorry salute, Ill bow out of the roast ...for today, anywayOh yeah, the rest of the story from before daylight this morningSo anyway, there I was inside Terrible Herbst buying a couple cases of suds for the upcoming Jeep trip. While standing idly waiting on the somewhat homely cashier to pay the gambler his twenty five somalians, I eyeballed the counter and its contents of last minute "bargains"One of these high quality items happened to be a "E-cigarette"Recollecting back to a television advertisement featuring the devices, I grabbed one since Shane and I had discussed the numerous places in which one of the "smokes" could create havoc, such as the airlines, hospitals, restaurants, gas pumps, and other locations that actual smoking is frowned upon. You know us, if it makes a scene, its for usI immediately exercised the device in the Jeep, drawing in a deep breath like with an actual coffin nail and watched as a plume of "smoke".....actually some sort of water vapor... exited my mouth. The tip even glowed red. Oh boy was this gonna be funFor the next several days we harassed the general public at the above mentioned areas, except for the hospital, which was often discussed but never attempted. We have made a pact to hit up the library, DMV, and other public offices to make up for it though. Actually we are waiting for someone we know to be admitted so the act can take place in an actual room, intensive care being the best case.But wait! theres more! Since Shane is a certified chain smoker and all, he shocked me with the revelation that the device was actually curbing his desire to light up. After secretly observing his Marlboro consumption, I came to the conclusion that he was correct on the matter and had shaved nearly a full pack of real cigs off his daily requirement. Huh. After a few minutes of thought, I drove around to several stations around the warehouse area and purchased almost thirty of the fake fags for distribution amongst my numerous soon to croak smoker friendsAt first it was a hard sell but with the information that Shane himself had almost kicked the habit more and more folks attempted a shot at them. Within two weeks of hitting the hills here, I can proudly state that two hasnt has a real smoke in several days and the rest has cut back to just a few per day. My last twitter video shows Tony enjoying one of the devices, which is almost a better testimonial that Shane since he regularly "sleep smokes" and has burned down at least two mattress/box spring sets in the last five year period. He has cut back from two-plus packs per day to seven or eight, depending upon how long the battery lasts, that is. Unless the devices start coming with a tiny set of jumper cables for emergencies, he will continue to tote around the real things for quite a spell. Can ever be too safe, ya knowEven the wife has had no more than two a day since the things hit. She isnt a heavy smoker but I foresee the end to the awful smoke smell to disappear from her hair in the near future...So in conclusion, my purchase for evil actually turned out for the good. I suppose there is a first time for everything. Not only has my closest friends and relatives made a significant step toward being more healthy, its has given me a great deal of happiness that I could be of assistance. Yeah, my wallet is significantly lighter to the tune of several hundred dollars, but I imagine that there is some sort of product out there that will help ween them off the Beans expense account. I just need to find it. Help?They can be found at most convenience stores for around ten bucks each. I recently starting having them bulk shipped for quite a bit less from here Shake, Ill be tickled pink to send you a sample. The first shipment should be here by Friday. I cant really put you on the free program right now or Ill end up robbing liquor stores for beer in the coming days. Also, for you non smokers, look up the company and buy a shit load of stock. Youre welcome for the profitsI just cant wait for my next checkup in November. Guess who will be sitting bare assed on a sheet of paper smoking a butt when the doc rolls in the room

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I really liked A Shack for Shake.

Agreed. I'm also a little perturbed. I have, over the years, been convinced that Shake is smarter than I had originally given him credit for, and now that Speedz has pointed out his accent, I'm back to assuming he's retarded. EDIT: Sorry, Shake - "retarded" means what y'all would call "slow".

[Tactical Bear 3]

LOL GOOGLE

[ShakeZuma 585]

One of these high quality items happened to be a "E-cigarette"

you know, one of my friends bought one of these a while back, mainly for the same reasons you did. he'd light it up in the middle of bars all the time just to see the managers come running. I think it actually did work for him for a little while but like you mention, the cost can become a bit prohibitive, even compared to regular smokes.but in all reality, I only smoke on weekends when I drink now. just don't have the urge if I'm not drinking a beer for some reason. on another note, I just fixed a leak in my water line a couple of weeks ago and there's already another hole in it now. this pretty much means that the whole thing needs to be replaced, but to do that I'm looking at a couple grand. that's just idiotic. I really don't like this house.

[Sickinfo2 291]

but in all reality, I only smoke on weekends when I drink now. on another note, I just fixed a leak in my water line a couple of weeks ago and there's already another hole in it now. this pretty much means that the whole thing needs to be replaced, but to do that I'm looking at a couple grand. that's just idiotic. I really don't like this house.

Back when I quit, drinking had to go for quite a while, too. Every time I got more than three or four suds in my gullet the urge was damn near irresistible. Still to this day whenever I take the top off a bottle I flick it like a spent butt...Its a good thing that in bars and casinos they bring them to you openThe line from the meter to the house?Is it black plastic or metal?In other news,About fifteen minutes after reading Guaps post about his wildlife problems, I staggered downstairs and saw this on the televisionLoogie sure works fast, no?edit...Ive seen this damn thing like fifty times since then, so why in hell has four hundred and seventeen thousand people watched it on youtube? I took a shot in the dark that it would even be on thereThere just can be that many guys out there like me using it as a prop for a poorly thought out joke, right?Ill be in the shop today working on a project and pondering the idea of an E-beer if anyone needs me

[iZuma 764]

it's the black plastic (pex I believe?) stuff but it's only rated to 100 psi I think, which is obviously one of the main problems. tying it into the house and well house (where my hose comes out of) shouldn't be too much of a problem, but the tying into the town water connection (no idea how to do it) and the 100 feet or so of digging is where the problems arise. just too much of a damn project. Id love to be able to pay somebody to do that but on a mcdonalds assistant manager's salary, it just ain't possible.

[Sickinfo2 291]

it's the black plastic (pex I believe?) stuff but it's only rated to 100 psi I think, which is obviously one of the main problems. tying it into the house and well house (where my hose comes out of) shouldn't be too much of a problem, but the tying into the town water connection (no idea how to do it) and the 100 feet or so of digging is where the problems arise. just too much of a damn project. Id love to be able to pay somebody to do that but on a mcdonalds assistant manager's salary, it just ain't possible.

That stuff has dealt misery to untold millions over the yearsIs it three quarter or one inch?One of our specialties is pulling off the impossible, so if you dont mind killing a weekend afternoon I can show you how to replace the line without digging it up. We do it all the time under buildings, parking lots, and other areas that the demolition would be astronomical cost wise. And we just charge half astronomicalSeriously, if its just a hundred feet or so you can usually get by with just digging three of four holes. One at each end and maybe one or two wherever there is a barbed coupling or splice in the line. Any idea what the main pressure is there?

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

That stuff has dealt misery to untold millions over the yearsIs it three quarter or one inch?One of our specialties is pulling off the impossible, so if you dont mind killing a weekend afternoon I can show you how to replace the line without digging it up. We do it all the time under buildings, parking lots, and other areas that the demolition would be astronomical cost wise. And we just charge half astronomicalSeriously, if its just a hundred feet or so you can usually get by with just digging three of four holes. One at each end and maybe one or two wherever there is a barbed coupling or splice in the line. Any idea what the main pressure is there?

But how is shake to know where there may be a barbed coupling or a splice in tge line? It's not like he has a camera snake (or does he? Single moms everywhere just perked up)

[El Guapo 8]

About fifteen minutes after reading Guaps post about his wildlife problems, I staggered downstairs and saw this on the television

So what you're telling me here is that Allstate will get rid of my coon problem?

it's the black plastic (pex I believe?) stuff but it's only rated to 100 psi I think, which is obviously one of the main problems. tying it into the house and well house (where my hose comes out of) shouldn't be too much of a problem, but the tying into the town water connection (no idea how to do it) and the 100 feet or so of digging is where the problems arise. just too much of a damn project. Id love to be able to pay somebody to do that but on a mcdonalds assistant manager's salary, it just ain't possible.

Really sucks you guys don't have any Mexicans.

But how is shake to know where there may be a barbed coupling or a splice in tge line? It's not like he has a camera snake (or does he? Single moms everywhere just perked up)

LOL. Redneck sonograms.

[Sickinfo2 291]

But how is shake to know where there may be a barbed coupling or a splice in tge line? It's not like he has a camera snake (or does he? Single moms everywhere just perked up)

First he digs up the line at the shack...After cutting the line, he slides a new SCH nine line the next size smaller through the old line toward the main. Now I know what youre thinking...if he has a three quarter inch line and uses it as a sleeve for a new half inch one, he will be restricting flow to the house. No, not necessarily. Thats why I asked what his static main pressure was. He can trade off volume of water for increased pressure to the larger three quarter line under the house by installing a three quarter inch pressure reducing valve at that point. A half inch line at one hundred psi will easily flow three quarter volume at a normal pressure of fifty five to sixty psi. So in a perfect world the new line would go all the way to the meter, but since barbed fitting reduce the inside diameter of the old line it will stop at that point. He then needs to mark the location of the new pipe where it stops inside the old one, pull it out, and lay it on the ground over the path of the underground line. At the end will be the location of the fitting that is blocking it. He needs to dig this spot up and but out the fitting to continue sleeving the new pipe to the meterOf course he cannot pinpoint the location as accurately as we can with tracer wire and electronic locators, but he can get close enough to find it within shoveling distance...Since hes lived there for many years I figure he has a pretty good idea where leaks has been fixed and their locations. I realize Im giving him a lot of credit hereThere is a point where too many fittings are in the line to make this all worth doing as well....At that point I would just tell him to man up and dig the hundred feet with a pick and shovel and be done with it. Unless he has total rock garden dirt, it shouldnt take but four or five hours and a case or so of beer on a bad day

[Sickinfo2 291]

So what you're telling me here is that Allstate will get rid of my coon problem?Really sucks you guys don't have any Mexicans.LOL. Redneck sonograms.

No, all I can say for sure is that I really hate insurance advertisements. I want to slap the shit outta that Flo gal on the Progressive ones. Or give her a hate fuck, whichever GO BIG MONEY!bitch

[iZuma 764]

well huh, that is some damn ingenious thinking there... it is 3/4, so I'd have to do the fix you talked about, but that's still not a terrible option. I think I'd still prefer to redo the whole line so when I sell it I'll at least have that as a sales pitch (cause there sure as hell ain't much else), but man thats a lot of digging. I think I know where the repairs are, at least the ones Ive done, but theres really no telling over the years. I did also think to myself yesterday that it was a shame I didn't know any mexicans.maybe I'll start with the 20 or so feet from the house connection to the well house, since thats been the biggest problem lately, and see how difficult that is. now that it's cooled down some, it might not be that bad. guess I better call miss utility here pretty soon.

[brvheart 1,752]

No, all I can say for sure is that I really hate insurance advertisements. I want to slap the shit outta that Flo gal on the Progressive ones. Or give her a hate fuck, whichever

Are you crazy? That commercial was great. Of course, it's very personal to me, since I had to call a wildlife dude to come get a family (of coons!) out of my attic a few years back. That dude nails exactly what they did.

[brvheart 1,752]

it's the black plastic (pex I believe?) stuff but it's only rated to 100 psi I think, which is obviously one of the main problems. tying it into the house and well house (where my hose comes out of) shouldn't be too much of a problem, but the tying into the town water connection (no idea how to do it) and the 100 feet or so of digging is where the problems arise. just too much of a damn project. Id love to be able to pay somebody to do that but on a mcdonalds assistant manager's salary, it just ain't possible.

How about quit buying brand new foreign cars and stupid sunglasses?

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

After cutting the line, he slides a new SCH nine line the next size smaller through the old line toward the main. Now I know what youre thinking...if he has a three quarter inch line and uses it as a sleeve for a new half inch one, he will be restricting flow to the house. No, not necessarily. Thats why I asked what his static main pressure was. He can trade off volume of water for increased pressure to the larger three quarter line under the house by installing a three quarter inch pressure reducing valve at that point. A half inch line at one hundred psi will easily flow three quarter volume at a normal pressure of fifty five to sixty psi.

I knew this would be the fix, because I'm just that smart. I also remember you mentioning it years ago as your revolutionary fix for leaky piping encased in concrete.

[iZuma 764]

well I just called miss utility to mark the power lines and such. maybe I'll start digging during the hurricane this weekend. ground'll be soft!

[qyayqi 11]

well I just called miss utility to mark the power lines and such. maybe I'll start digging during the hurricane this weekend. ground'll be soft!

with any luck an earthquake will split the ground in the right place. may as well wait for that.

[CindyLou 11]

Iowa!It's a football trophy?

[vbnautilus 48]

Well, it was.

[speedz99 145]

on another note, I just fixed a leak in my water line a couple of weeks ago and there's already another hole in it now. this pretty much means that the whole thing needs to be replaced, but to do that I'm looking at a couple grand. that's just idiotic. I really don't like this house.

Everyone's thinking what I'm thinking about this, right?