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I Called In Sick Today


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Shane and I were discussing the hurricane yesterday. I told him that it was a damn shame that we couldnt get in on the action"Well Beans to tell the truth its probably a good thing""Yeah...just imagine if we were eleven or twelve again and one was coming at us""Shit... I can just imagine.... we'd probably rig my brother up in another kite suit""Holy fuck.... I had forgotten all about that!""Mom sure hasnt Ill bet""The lawn mower didnt have enough speed to get him up in the air or anything""Yeah but she caught us right before we were gonna tie him to the horse""Ya know....If I had only tied his arms to electrical conduit and used heavier trash bags""Yeah but he kept falling off the skateboard if you remember.... we destroyed the wagon riding it off the cliff and into the river""Ah....those were the days""Yeah""Yeah""He still on all kinds of medication?""I guess... dude is nuts for some reason""Every family has one""Yeah"(long pause)"So.... how far is it to North Carolina?"

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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Yeah...um...adblock probably is the culprit.
I disabled it, but the takeover thing still isn't working. I even tried it on IE and Chrome. Nothing.I did see the other ads though. NICE GOING!
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you know beansie, I had the strong notion when I left work this evening to just drive on down to virginia beach, park the car, and watch the storm come in. I mean I didn't of course because I'm a wussypuss fruitfag, but still. for just a second there, I almost pulled a you.hey rhinestone, change back to glen campbell god damn it. that's classic and you need to do it cause that's what's up.

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oh shit yo the takeover's working! yo dat's my nigga yo! yo my nigga did dat shit dawg!actually that was my first reaction. so yeah, maybe I'm black. but still. that's pretty cool loogster. it was neato.

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oh shit yo the takeover's working! yo dat's my nigga yo! yo my nigga did dat shit dawg!actually that was my first reaction. so yeah, maybe I'm black. but still. that's pretty cool loogster. it was neato.
Awwww yeeeeeeaaaaaah!!!Thanks, brah. I hope Danica's picture was still up when you got to see it. So much more erotic that way.
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Can we get a pool going for the exact minute that Shake's house gets destroyed?
This is perfect. It'll be like a charity thing, 50% goes to the winner, 50% goes to shake to replace his house. I'm in.
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IDIOTS it's a hurricane so it'll be destroyed piece by piece over an extended period of time with no pinpoint moment of total destruction IDIOTSgive me the money anyways

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I tell you, if there's only one thing that this hurricane has taught me, it's that you northerners are the hugest pussies in the entire world. OMG 70 MPH WINDS WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE HOLD ME
Up here we have things that actually matter and we'd prefer not be destroyed. But bravo on not being afraid of losing a few trailer parks and tin sheds.
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seems to me it's more like your "things" are built with popsicle sticks and vaginas"oh you know that's the truth!" - several black women in the background

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IDIOTS it's a hurricane so it'll be destroyed piece by piece over an extended period of time with no pinpoint moment of total destruction IDIOTSgive me the money anyways
I know you're not above lighting off a stick of dynamite to make sure you win the pool if the pot gets big enough."There goes a the shingle.""Oh, I think that piece of siding is going to go...""Who puts up a weather vane in a hurricane, anyways?""Hey Shake! Looks like I'm going to win! 25 seconds until 12:24 and the house is still standing. You're going to go over on time. HahahaHOLYSHITWHATWASTHAT? WHERE'D THE HOUSE GO?"
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I feel bad for giving ole Shake such a bad time about his crib and all, but...I was sorta hoping for a live blow-by-blow update of the storm situation@salparadise shake zumaslight wind from the south. sitting on porch drinking coffee enjoying cool breeze27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumaporch swaying slightly. trash cans knocked over but no problem27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumagoing inside now. house shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumarain picking up some. placing tarps over TV and bed27 Aug via web Favorite Reply@salparadise shake zumabailing water from floor into bathtub with pot. finally found that lost remote. floated out from under sink. YEAH! 27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumafucking tub drain stopped up. its like deadliest catch in this sonofabitch27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumaaccording to my flower vase rain gauge we've got five and a half inches so far27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumaeverything turned out just fine. just need to go get dining room out of the middle of road28 Aug via web Favorite Reply

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LOL - drank enough to make you proud last night. Also got a bunch of mom's to start doing shots of tequila, got them all riled up, then walked away to drink my beer(s) in peace while floating in the pool.

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LOL - drank enough to make you proud last night. Also got a bunch of mom's to start doing shots of tequila, got them all riled up, then walked away to drink my beer(s) in peace while floating in the pool.
Nice. The more folks that I convert over to Beansism, the better odds of getting a majority of them on a future jury...Riled up can be taken two ways. As in pissed off or hotter than a fresh fucked nanny goat?I almost went with nuns **** on the above but that would be too much, right?Both are local sayings that apparently date back to the fifties. I use then as much as possible when intoxicated in a public setting...In other newsI spent the day working on an entry to an upcoming car event scheduled for October the first...At the present time, the vehicle is in several hundred pieces scattered around two different states. One month. Lotsa work. Other things to do. YeahWhy would Beans subject himself to the torture of such a thing?Maybe he just needs a challenge...Maybe hes watched one too many of those fake reality shows that keep the participants under the gun until the last second...Maybe hes known about it for several months now but has been procrastinating...I think we all know the correct answer to this oneSo, yeah... I have exactly thirty something days to pull off a project that would be virtually impossible to a sober man with a nine to five job. What are the chances of me pulling it off?Even money is my guess...Nah, Ill do it. I promised the kid. He has dreams of winning first place in our division and cruising the high school before winter hitsSo why is Beans pecking on the keyboard while sipping Nevadas instead of working on said project?...because hes been sweating his ass off since nine this morning spraying two k primer on the bastard and had to take a break...thats whyYeah, Im killing time. I know it, you know it. What the hell. It may be because Im tired. It may be because I had to check the weather.In reality I had to come in to ice down a twisted ankle that cam to be because of stepping on one of the dozens of empty beer bottles lying on the ground around the car...Its not too bad but Im not looking forward to getting up in the morningThe vehicle in question is a nineteen eighty seven Callaway Corvette convertible. My first love.So in the coming days look forward to random updates on pics via twatter. I know everyone will be glued to their screensHey Sal? You still alive out there?hickup
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@salparadise shake zumaslight wind from the south. sitting on porch drinking coffee enjoying cool breeze27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumaporch swaying slightly. trash cans knocked over but no problem27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumagoing inside now. house shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumarain picking up some. placing tarps over TV and bed27 Aug via web Favorite Reply@salparadise shake zumabailing water from floor into bathtub with pot. finally found that lost remote. floated out from under sink. YEAH! 27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumafucking tub drain stopped up. its like deadliest catch in this sonofabitch27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumaaccording to my flower vase rain gauge we've got five and a half inches so far27 Aug via web Favorite Reply @salparadise shake zumaeverything turned out just fine. just need to go get dining room out of the middle of road28 Aug via web Favorite Reply
I received immense enjoyment from this.
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yeah, still alive and still have a house. but worry not! hurricane season is far from over, so there's still plenty of opportunity for all that to change!yall see the outer banks get f'ed in the a? the whole lower half (small towns like waves and salvo, plus hatteras) is completely cut off after the road washed away. not surprising if you look on google maps though; some spots only have like 20 feet of land on either side of the road.

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i haven't even ever seen the movie
Why don't you go ahead and put this hurricane on hold and get to it? What do you say, maybe?
If you have a reptile, do not expect my help. I have paid attention for about five out of 300 minutes of lecture on the subject.
Reptiles are animals too, speedz.
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