Jump to content

I Called In Sick Today

turd ferguson

By turd ferguson,
in General

 Share Followers 7

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 268k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Ron_Mexico

    19414

  • speedz99

    16304

  • Napa Lite

    7767

  • ShakeZuma

    7517

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

BigDMcGee

and after 3 days, he is risen!

David_Sklansky

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

AmScray

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

Posted Images

mk

mk 11

Posted
Posted
-open the cheapest box of wine you can find (preferably merlot)
when you're an alcoholic like i am, you don't split hairs.if it is wet and booze i am going to drink it.unless it's at a restaurant and they bring out something other than what i ordered.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ron_Mexico

Ron_Mexico 4,219

Posted
Posted

I think I'll call this "God hates me but retards love me"So, I had to go on a business call to visit a clients place of business, to make sure they aren't a front for money launderers, or something. I can't actually remember why they told me to go out there, they just gave me a form and a pen and asked me to fill it out. Anyway.I go to the business, they are on vacation till the 30th. Yeah, great intel. Its a storefront so I get the required info I need and fudge the rest. No biggie. Well, I'm hungry as balls so I look around and in the same plaza, there is a Burger King. Now mind you, I've been jonesing a Whopper for some time now and I figure, what better time than the present. So I pull in, park, grab a magazine to read, because I might as well kill some time while I'm out of the office.I wait in line, 4 deep, get up to the front, I order the old number 1, Whopper, diet coke and whathaveyou. Guy looks at me and deadpans "we don't have any burgers" hardy har har. Ok, I'm the cherubic chap having BK, I get it. I give him a courtesy laugh, then he looks me in the eyes, which bothered me a bit because I don't like eye contact with strangers, "seriously, broiler is broken, we've got chicken"Um, ok, huh? This is fucking BURGER king. I get that sometimes, problems happen, but I make one visit to Burger King in the last 6 months, and they don't have burgers? Jeez Louise.Ok, since I'm lazy, I just decided to get a grilled chicken sandwich. Fatness plan foiled.So I grab my order and head to my seat to enjoy my no work time and my draft preview issue of The Sporting News, because, you know, ESPN has barely mentioned the draft this month. As I'm sitting down, some guy, who I came ot find out is probably a retard, is holding court in the middle of BK. He gets my attention by saying, "What kind of place is this, no burgers?" I give him the standard, "yeah huh" but apparently, that didn't satisfy his need to chat with complete strangers. He goes on about how he cant believe that this has happened and how someone should be notified. I nod, acting like my magazine is the second coming of :insert literary work you love here: He doesn't let up, now, at this point, I still don't put together that he is a little off. I just figure he's trying to rile up the fat guy that didn't get his burger fix. Maybe he figured I'd go into a Hulk-like rage and start throwing chairs and old men around like dolls, but I wasn't going to. He had the wrong fat guy.So, he stops talking for a sec, and just as I'm getting ready to take a bite of my sammich, he leans over and says "make sure not to get any ketchup on your shirt. That wouldn't be good." (I am wearing a while Polo Oxford)I tell him he's a wise man, take my bite and he moved on to a black dude that was just sitting down. He started from the beginning, even asking him where he was from. Jamaica btw. And he does miss it sometimes.RETARDS, FTWIn the car on the way back, I kinda wished I messed with him a bit. I'm already going to hell, why not have some fun with it? I was gonna give him the universal sign for shhhhhh and tell him in a whispered voice "they are listening" but it didn't come to me. And I didn't have an audience. Oh well, next time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Whiskey16

Whiskey16 1

Posted
Posted
But has it rained? Here is what you need to do...It's that easy.
When Kevin Costner wanted a rain out, he just turned on the sprinklers. just sayin.
Link to post
Share on other sites
GrinderMJ

GrinderMJ 0

Posted
Posted

Ron Mexico, How offended should I be by this: Yesterday I went to my bank to deposit a check I got from Ultimate Bet (11k). I go to the teller whatever, I am filling out the deposit slip. The first thing I felt was ridiculous was her saying, "Wow, that's a lot a money, huh?" This was said loud enough for people in line behind me to hear. Second thing she said was, "So, what'd you do to get a check like this?" I thought this was way out of line as well, am I being overly sensitive.

Link to post
Share on other sites
mk

mk 11

Posted
Posted

matt, that's ridiculous. you shoulda slapped a ho.i sent out an email for the tourney tonight but it's taking a while to go through for some reason.

Link to post
Share on other sites
speedz99

speedz99 145

Posted
Posted
Ron Mexico, How offended should I be by this: Yesterday I went to my bank to deposit a check I got from Ultimate Bet (11k). I go to the teller whatever, I am filling out the deposit slip. The first thing I felt was ridiculous was her saying, "Wow, that's a lot a money, huh?" This was said loud enough for people in line behind me to hear. Second thing she said was, "So, what'd you do to get a check like this?" I thought this was way out of line as well, am I being overly sensitive.
Grandpa? Is that you?edit: nobody is going to get that...i'm saying you're being hypersensitive and comparing you to an old jewish man
Link to post
Share on other sites
Whiskey16

Whiskey16 1

Posted
Posted
Grandpa? Is that you?edit: nobody is going to get that...i'm saying you're being hypersensitive and comparing you to an old jewish man
No ass-raping and beat down in the parking lot, no foul, clearly.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Napa_Don

Napa_Don 688

Posted
Posted
Ron Mexico, How offended should I be by this: Yesterday I went to my bank to deposit a check I got from Ultimate Bet (11k). I go to the teller whatever, I am filling out the deposit slip. The first thing I felt was ridiculous was her saying, "Wow, that's a lot a money, huh?" This was said loud enough for people in line behind me to hear. Second thing she said was, "So, what'd you do to get a check like this?" I thought this was way out of line as well, am I being overly sensitive.
I would have gotten her name and then asked to speak to the manager and then explain in very loud voice that you want her to feel just as uncomfortable as you did when she shared your personal finances with the rest of the bank. When asked what I would like to be compensated with, I would say, your humiliation. Then I would sit there for 45 more minutes and then tip her a $20 and say that's what I tip the sh.itty tellers. - Randy ReedOk, I talk a big game but I got nothing. I would just come here and rant as well.
Link to post
Share on other sites
kers2

kers2 0

Posted
Posted
Ron Mexico, How offended should I be by this: Yesterday I went to my bank to deposit a check I got from Ultimate Bet (11k). I go to the teller whatever, I am filling out the deposit slip. The first thing I felt was ridiculous was her saying, "Wow, that's a lot a money, huh?" This was said loud enough for people in line behind me to hear. Second thing she said was, "So, what'd you do to get a check like this?" I thought this was way out of line as well, am I being overly sensitive.
She was probably hot and wanted you, but you're too morose still to realize it
Link to post
Share on other sites
Randy Reed

Randy Reed 0

Posted
Posted
I would have gotten her name and then asked to speak to the manager and then explain in very loud voice that you want her to feel just as uncomfortable as you did when she shared your personal finances with the rest of the bank. When asked what I would like to be compensated with, I would say, your humiliation. Then I would sit there for 45 more minutes and then tip her a $20 and say that's what I tip the sh.itty tellers. - Randy ReedOk, I talk a big game but I got nothing. I would just come here and rant as well.
Nice. I see someone is learning.Sickie game tonight?
Link to post
Share on other sites
keith crime

keith crime 8

Posted
Posted

back in the day they respected big depositers now they think you are a terrorist or a drug dealerwhat you should have said was What did you do to wind up with such a shitty job?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ron_Mexico

Ron_Mexico 4,219

Posted
Posted
Ron Mexico, How offended should I be by this: Yesterday I went to my bank to deposit a check I got from Ultimate Bet (11k). I go to the teller whatever, I am filling out the deposit slip. The first thing I felt was ridiculous was her saying, "Wow, that's a lot a money, huh?" This was said loud enough for people in line behind me to hear. Second thing she said was, "So, what'd you do to get a check like this?" I thought this was way out of line as well, am I being overly sensitive.
It was completely inappropriate and unprofessional. She was wrong and out of line. Personally, I wouldn't go to a manager and get someone in trouble. Not my style. Sarcasm is my style. :insert many different crude, sarcastic comments that made me laugh to myself thinking them up on the way home here:ok, one of em whiskey wrote. Screw it, I'm a ham and go for the easy laugh. Here is what I would've done.Tell her: (if she is younger)1. Well, you see, I recently won a penis measuring competetion. I beat out 4 black guys and a shetland pony. PAYDAY BABY2. I recently won my first professional yahtzee tourney. Turned pro last year. (this is where you make a fist, bring it to your mouth, blow on the fake dice, fake throw them and yell YAHTZEEEEEE right in her face.3. Say, "two words, GAY FOR PAY" Young, good looking kid like me can make a fortune.
what you should have said was What did you do to wind up with such a shitty job?
says the guy on unemployment
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Followers 7
Go to topic listing

Announcements

×
×
  • Create New...