I Called In Sick Today

[brvheart 1,752]

so blondie has been texting the hell out of me this weekend. says she wants to come up to see me next weekend.

 

I'm going to be honest. I don't even understand how something like this is possible. This lady's husband was already jealous of her meeting you and speaking with you, correct? How the hell could someone be texting you all weekend without getting caught at some point. Are there seriously marriages where neither person sees or speaks to their spouse for days on end? I don't get it.

 

I saw Snakes on a Plane in a theater where I was the only white person (I went with my drug dealer), and it's the most fun I've ever had at a movie.

 

"Oh naw. DO NOT OPEN THAT SHIT, ya DUMB ************!"

*stands up, spins in place"

 

Awesome. My imagination is super happy you experienced that.

[brvheart 1,752]

The Oakland A's run differential through the first half of the season is almost magical. I'm going to be so sad when they storm into the playoffs to lose in the ALDS to the Tigers in 5 games.

 

There are only 14 teams with a positive run differential, and the A's have the #2 team more than DOUBLED. Unreal.

 

1. A's 133

2. Mariners 65

3. Angels 60

4. Nationals 58

5. Dodgers 56

 

 

Suited, you need to seriously consider going to the series in KC in early August.

[hank213 1,823]

I'm going to be honest. I don't even understand how something like this is possible. This lady's husband was already jealous of her meeting you and speaking with you, correct? How the hell could someone be texting you all weekend without getting caught at some point. Are there seriously marriages where neither person sees or speaks to their spouse for days on end? I don't get it.

 

I think he was at an art museum or something.

[brvheart 1,752]

Well, now he sounds like a great guy and someone should definitely warn him about this monster.

[hank213 1,823]

see, i'm doing him a favor. the work i do for the betterment of mankind.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

brv, watch episode 8 of season 2 of Maron

[Theraflu 1,035]

Oh shit, someone else watches it? I've been pleasantly surprised it improved over an average first season.

 

Mouth cancer was probably the high point.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I got nothing.

 

 

Wait, I do. Golfed at 12:30 yesterday. Holy crap it kicked the crap out of all 4 of us. So hot

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

Oh shit, someone else watches it? I've been pleasantly surprised it improved over an average first season.

 

Mouth cancer was probably the high point.

it really sucks, because telling someone to tough it out for a whole first season is such a hard sell.

 

good thing mouth cancer doesn't need any context to be funny.

[Theraflu 1,035]

As long as you know who he is, you don't really need to watch the first season. He's not exactly rewriting the comedy formula.

[Tiltinagain 973]

The Oakland A's run differential through the first half of the season is almost magical. I'm going to be so sad when they storm into the playoffs to lose in the ALDS to the Tigers in 5 games.

 

There are only 14 teams with a positive run differential, and the A's have the #2 team more than DOUBLED. Unreal.

 

1. A's 133

2. Mariners 65

3. Angels 60

4. Nationals 58

5. Dodgers 56

 

 

Suited, you need to seriously consider going to the series in KC in early August.

 

After the trade with the Cubs, which should make their #1 rotation even better, as long as their offense keeps producing even close to what they have the first half of the season the A's have nothing to worry about.

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

"Oh naw. DO NOT OPEN THAT SHIT, ya DUMB ************!"

*stands up, spins in place"

 

Awesome. My imagination is super happy you experienced that.

 

I mean, in a true black theater, they do that for basically any movie (QT movies are the best, blacks love him for the exact reason I do, which is rare), but there was something special about this one. There was so much anticipation building up to the "motherfvckin snakes/motherfvckin plane," and when he finally landed it, the place just went bananas.

 

That's mostly all I remember, I was high as shit, obviously,

[frautotenkinder 1,025]

I could really go for some ice cream right now. Good thing I'm too lazy to just go to the store for that alone.

 

I have peanut butter and milk chocolate Hagen Dazs bars in the freezer, as well as Twix ice cream bars.

There's a fro-yo place across the street from me. Well, it's probably like a block by the time I walk across my apartment complex and across the street. But even that's too far. I just can't be bothered to leave my place, really.

 

I live about a 15 minute walk from a place called Yogurtland. It's a self serve set up, they have at least 10 flavors going, and the toppings are self serve, as well. The pricing is by the weight--so I can go and make a

 

Dutch Chocolate

Nutty Coconut

Pomegranate

 

combo, and put mini M&Ms, granola, and fancy tuilles cookies on top for $2.

 

EMA at the Troubadour, wishing I had eaten dinner.

 

Not a good show. I loved her first album, loved it. I saw her open for Wild Flag a little over a year ago--I forgot how not good of a performer she is. The ticket was $15 though, I heard the songs I wanted to hear, and then left before the end.

 

You know my forum title "Forum Entitlist" comes from ron calling me entitled because I was asking DN to award the prizes he had for a promotion, 6 months after that promotion was over. We've come a long way, baby.

 

I've had a secret hope you worked in sporting goods, and would randomly send out tennis rackets to your online friends. I like my version of things better.

How much do you think I'd have to pay Pitbull to cover "Thugz Mansion" at my funeral? Hopefully by the time I die, the bottom will have fallen out of that market.

 

Also, I know a lot of you guys are going out like Broomcorn's uncle in general, but what do you think of arranging for your money to be blown on a killer funeral or monument/mausoleum? I used to say that I just wanted the cheapest cremation allowable by law, but I don't want my money to benefit anyone but Pitbull and my coffin jeweler.

 

Have you considered the Viking funeral?

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

 

 

I have peanut butter and milk chocolate Hagen Dazs bars in the freezer, as well as Twix ice cream bars.

 

 

I live about a 15 minute walk from a place called Yogurtland. It's a self serve set up, they have at least 10 flavors going, and the toppings are self serve, as well. The pricing is by the weight--so I can go and make a

 

Dutch Chocolate

Nutty Coconut

Pomegranate

 

combo, and put mini M&Ms, granola, and fancy tuilles cookies on top for $2.

 

 

 

Not a good show. I loved her first album, loved it. I saw her open for Wild Flag a little over a year ago--I forgot how not good of a performer she is. The ticket was $15 though, I heard the songs I wanted to hear, and then left before the end.

 

 

 

I've had a secret hope you worked in sporting goods, and would randomly send out tennis rackets to your online friends. I like my version of things better.

 

 

Have you considered the Viking funeral?

 

I can't afford a big enough boat to leave an enduring shipwreck.

[frautotenkinder 1,025]

I can't afford a big enough boat to leave an enduring shipwreck.

 

But

 

 

 

 

 

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

 

 

But

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think to go out like a Winner, it has to be a billion dollar boat. If I get that rich, I'll put it on the list.

[brvheart 1,752]

After the trade with the Cubs, which should make their #1 rotation even better, as long as their offense keeps producing even close to what they have the first half of the season the A's have nothing to worry about.

 

Nothing worry about? Have you ever watched baseball Tilt?

 

They ****ing just got swept by the Tigers this ****ing week.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

EVERYONE CALM DOWN.

[Napa_Don 688]

Baseball records aren't even worth looking at until after the All Star break if you ask me.

[Napa_Don 688]

Been going through my computer cleaning stuff up and reorgazining files. Cleaned up about 220 GB of stuff.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

hope you kept the important stuff, the porn.

[iQuack 128]

If the A's get any better Essay might start rooting for them.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

If the A's get any better Essay might start rooting for them.

 

i already have.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Do you just read the standings and whoever is in first is your team for the day?

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

for the a's, i admire billy beane and what he's accomplished despite all the limitations of his organization. i want them to win to silence the moron who says, "money ball doesn't work, the a's havent won a title."