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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Not sure if this post is suited for this place but

 

signed a bunch of escrow documents for my condo today. highlights

 

1. everyone told me it'd be a couple hours. this guy? 30 minutes.

 

2. notary was showing boobage

 

3. my middle initial is in my vesting so I am expected to have this in my signature too. I was like really? really. I did my regular signature and just printed the initial in the middle. "I've never seen that before" was the response.

 

4. potential gifts from notary: kitchen towels; a bowl/cup/chalice thingy; kitchen towel and a brush; kitchen towel and an oven mitt (my choice); other things

 

 

/srp

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Definitely the same place Tilty. I've never gotten any food from there but have gotten some kitchen toys, a fair amount of beer and numerous bottles of champagne. Used to love my Sunday morning bfast and mimosas. Started filling a cool jar with the corks. Need to finish that. Maybe football season will help with that

 

My grandfather (RIP) loved his wine and used to save up the corks and make them into really neat cork boards. I always loved them as a kid so after he passed and I was helping my Aunt go through some things in their house I took the one that was in his office since I was little. Now it's in mine..

 

I've never drank a bud heavy in my life. Not a whole one anyways, shit is nasty. I was playing the part of a white trash redneck there. Keep up people.

 

Nice work on the brvy defense.

 

she calls your number and it rings some dude across the bar. "I, uh, must have mistyped while I was entering my number," you say.

 

Right. Like what's the chances that the random number he put in the phone would happen to ring someone in the same bar he's in at just that time?

 

Jeezus Strat.

 

I kept my spending to under 800 this month. excluding the 8k I chunked off for the last of my student loan debt. so now I'll be saving a huge amount of money. I spent like $120 on alcohol this month, buying beer for the family get-together, drinking alone, etc.

 

Wait. Didn't you, Ron and I just discuss this and while you didn't specify an amount I don't think, you left me with the impression that your monthly spending was far less than $800.

 

Why is the notary giving you something?

 

Right? Never got anything from the realtor, notary, title company, nothing. F'uckers.

 

 

Hey, SA. Cali is hot and muggy. 3 day weekend though and I think I'm going to suck it up about the drive and go play some cards tomorrow. Oh, and today was 2nd quarter bonus day with the normal payday!

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I'll remember that. Oh, you probably wouldn't approve as a tax professional and all but I changed my W4 to exempt so I didn't lose 40% to the government rake.

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Oh good. Had me worried for a minute.

 

5 large is better than 3 large though, right?

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Trip Report Day 2:

 

Started the morning with some Cracker Barrel breakfast so it was already a great day. Went to Winstar and registered for tomorrow. Played 2/5 for about 3-4 hours. Bought in for 400, cashed out a bit over 2k. Had some Asian maniac just hand me chips when I flopped a set of kings. Got a massage, dollar a minute here. What a deal.

 

Went to the Rangers game with Bizzle. Saw Yu Darvish embarrass Twins hitters for six innings before falling apart. His curveball was ridiculous though, glad we sat behind home plate. Really nice stadium, good crowd.

 

Tournament tomorrow, hoping for some epic good luck. Or that I play really well. Either way.

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nah, 800 is pretty good. 100 for health insurance, 30 for internet, 200 for gas, 350 for food+alc, 50 for phone. it's like 150 every 6mo for car insurance.

 

the only place that could be cut is food, and I'm sure I could go half that figure. but I don't really want to do that.

 

bizzle is such a nice guy IRL.

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nah, 800 is pretty good. 100 for health insurance, 30 for internet, 200 for gas, 350 for food+alc, 50 for phone. it's like 150 every 6mo for car insurance.

 

the only place that could be cut is food, and I'm sure I could go half that figure. but I don't really want to do that.

 

bizzle is such a nice guy IRL.

 

he's pretty nice on the internet too, unless he's a werewolf.

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So Im sleeping off the last few beers this morning around six when Miss Cori Anne Icewater decides that Ive had enough recuperation and commences trying to get me up. Shes one of the two family mascots by the way. Faithful canines that live a life of luxury few humans this side of wearing sheets in Dubai aspire to. Think therapeutic beds and food ranking up there in the top five in street value. The youngest of the two, the spoiltification has progressed so far in her first year on earth that she refuses to retrieve frisbees costing less than thirteen dollars. I was given a box of free ones gathered from a vegas convention a couple months back. Wont even chase those. Tried everything from smearing bacon grease on them to affixing a twenty five dollar price sticker on top. Used to work on the kid when he was in grade school with clothes and such. Although the teachers started complaining of flies swarming so that nixed that. Drawing a Nike swoosh on walmart specials continued until high school. A guy has to do what he must to keep the car habit going...

 

 

 

 

Anyway, back to the first problem. The little shit started with a few whines, a wet nose to the face after that, couple scratches to the hand, escalating to a full blown barking spree to the ears. Same thing the wife pulls when shes in the mood. Hiding under the covers usually quiets things down but the dogs too smart for that so I struck back with the only weapon at my disposal at the moment, a bloated gut from last evening drunken eating spree containing some fake ass bologna made from veggies or something. Looks like the real deal but tastes like a cross between a cucumber and a radish. Side of feces thrown in for good measure. Just awful stuff but when compared to the only other item in the fridge beggars cant be choosy. Plus the kid may get around to finishing that bowl of milk with the single swollen cheerio floating on top one of these days. Its only been stored there since tuesday. Even has a spoon already inside for quick ingestion when hunger strikes. I give it a random stir occasionally just in case he forgets about it at least we'll have some more homemade butter after the raisin bran bowl ran out

 

 

 

 

 

After some fine elevation adjustment my hind quarters were aimed and the covers were eased back releasing the safety on the bologna cannon. With the targeted nose still in the crosshairs and approximately six inches from the muzzle, I squeezed the firing mechanism and relaxed the bore, sending a five second explosion of rotten radish gas downrange and directly to the target. Bullseye. No more than three seconds into the blast the target began a defensive maneuver consisting of a tasmanian devil spin combined with a criss angel levitation across the pillows and down to the floor. By the end of the magazine the wounded soldier was already downstairs adjusting the sleep number dog bed to a softer digit. Mission complete.

 

 

 

 

Fifteen or so minutes of giggling later I surrendered rest and got up for the day all prepared to spend a quiet day drinking in the shop. Yeah. The wife damped that fire before I got the butter stirred

 

 

 

 

God damn branson. Wants to go to that hell on earth today. Only good thing in the place is one mexican joint so Ill be live tweeting and drinking from the car as she shops...

 

 

 

 

I just hope I have plenty of ammo left for the ride up there

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Beans being beans is always a good thing.

 

Strat, I wasn't suggesting your spending budget was out of line. It clearly is very reasonable. Just that I imagined your monthly expenses were lower based on our previous conversation.

 

That gas bill sucks though. I spend right about $300 a month for my car alone. Thankfully the company reimburses me for all my gas receipts but I still hate that I have to fork over the money every four days when I fill the tank.

 

Good luck at the tourney today Cane. Take it down and all that...

 

The wife is off tomorrow and decided the BEACH will be too crowded on a holiday weekend to offset the beat the heat factor it provides so she suggested we go to the casino instead. Works for me. So instead of playing cards tonight at the Commerce we will head down to the Pechanga so she can feed the machines while I play cards. I haven't been there in a few years but it has a big poker room and the games were soft. I expect it will be busy too but hopefully that will be good for seperating some tourists from their money.

 

Not much happening beyond some domestic duties today.

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