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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Jason Stratham. Love that one. Didn't Loogie see him running one time?

 

Nice memory. I did. He was leaner than I expected.

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I played little league for 3 years. Pitched and played 3rd/left field. Made the all star team 2 years for pitching.

 

Couldn't hit a beach ball with a 2 x 6 from 10 feet away. Well, not quite that bad but, yeah, i was a horrible hitter. Teams didn't care because I was a pretty good pitcher.

 

One day a buddy was coming to pick me up for our game that day, decided I didn't want to go. Never played again.

 

Weird. Wish to this day my Mom would have made me go that day.

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I was THE catcher ya'll. Probabaly why me and SA are such good brajs. I was a power hitter. And I was always the smallest kid on the team believe it or not and so teams would always have their outfielders move in and so I would always put it over their heads and get a double or triple. One time I got an infield homer where I was really out at the plate but the umpire was a friend of my brothers and called me safe.

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I tried bunting once, but held my fingers out in front. Caught the ball square on the ring finger at about 50mph from 45 ft. Ran to first holding my hand, was safe, went back to the fire station with pops to pop the blood blister, eventually lost the nail. Mild shock and some tears may have ensued. I was...11? I was a good player, Eckstein type. No power, but good infielder with good contact skills. Made a couple all-star teams, but my town is pretty small. Stopped playing entirely too early to focus on spring soccer at like 12.

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good for strat. i'm glad somebody on here is out there grabbing life by the boobs.

 

beans, richard is probably #1 on my list of "reality" show personalities that would be fun to have a few beers with.

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twenty eight bud lights this evening. No record, of course. From three thirty to twelve. Actually, slacking...

 

 

 

Few crown and real cokes involved, though. Maybe even a twit vid. Dont remember.

 

 

 

Im building a beauty salon. Too many hot women around for me to concentrate....

 

 

 

One of them is a sorta kinda maybe a slightly chunky real blond. Tongue piercing. Funky as I call em

 

 

 

"Beans... how do you drink so much and still be able to do this stuff?"

 

 

 

"What stuff?"

 

 

 

"Put all of these pipes and things together"

 

 

 

"Ive been doing it all my life"

 

 

 

"Drinking or piping?"

 

 

 

"Both"

 

 

 

(slowly creeps up beside Beans and nuzzles against him)

 

 

 

"You can pipe anything?"

 

 

 

"Yep.... you get much closer and find out"

 

 

 

 

Luckily, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, she flirted around for a while and left. I dont really need a twenty year old mistress at this point in time. We all know the good side to it, and only me and maybe one or two around here realize the downside...

 

 

 

Point is, well, there is no point.... Im hitting the sack with the old lady. Please dont discuss this conversation in here again

 

 

 

Thats my beer and boobs contribution to the last several pages....

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and as far as the ferrari goes, it will have the typical gas monkey touches to it. No gonna be red. Its too ****ed up to be restored. Ive already said too much. Dog on my drunken lap twit vid to come

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Hey brvy, that tweet of mine you retweeted might be my 2nd best tweet ever.

 

It was definitely a good one.

 

 

Awful... but exactly like Bobby Knight, and everyone loves him.

 

I'd say 10 but there is no chance you'll be married and have kids in 10 years. Hell, maybe 20.

 

I would bet that Essay will be at least engaged in 6 years.

 

The real bad one for me was after a game, senior year (football) where we clinched the playoff spot and beat the areas other best team 40-6, we go to the locker room and there is my overbearing dad there for some reason. I'm hyped up so I ask what the fck he was doing in the locker room. BOOM, right across the face with a pimp slap. Right in front of my coaches and teammates. A coach escorted him out of the locker room.

I did get my revenge. His car was on the way to the bus. I was still tearing up a little and angry, so I took my helmet and slammed it into his front quarter panel as hard as I could. Ear pads went flying. I got on the bus undetected. Left a huge dent. He asked me later if I noticed it or saw anything. Of course I didnt.

 

I ****ing hate your dad. I'm sure he's a nice guy and has redeeming qualities, but I can't stand parents like that. We definitely would have been best friends. I always befriended the kids with terrible parents, because I felt so badly for them. One kid, Dustin, was a total retard, and I hated hanging out with him, but I felt like I couldn't leave him alone with his dad. It was terrible. He got beaten so badly and so often, I actually cried several times just thinking about it. Every time we came home from a baseball game his dad would be screaming at him the entire trip home for stupid stuff that he screwed up in the game. Anyway, long story short, I hate your dad. Sorry.

 

i'm sure those of you who matter have seen this...

 

YES! I matter!

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Yeah, not really. It wasn't all bad with my dad, there were good times, but the bad sticks in your head. He was out of the house by the 10th grade. But yes, he was an abuser of us, my mom, and was an alcoholic. But it wasn't 24/7 of mess. There was fun times. I can't be a negative nancy.

 

He died on my bday when I was 20. I joke that it was the best bday gift he could give me.

 

My parents weren't bad, my mother is great as is my step father who's been around for 23 years now.

 

Lets start this day off right. I may whack one out before work.

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The only time i really kept count was a football Sunday at the bar. I had a note pad for something else that I was carrying around, and we started marking down the number of beers we drank, and then bathroom trips

 

From noon until about 5:15 or so, I knocked back 23 bottles of Miler light and had 6 or 7 bathroom trips. I was also pounding diet soda, you know, to hydrate.

 

Then i drove home. Yes, I know, not bright

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I've never tracked how many from beginning to end in one night, but I once drank twelve 14oz beers in an hour. Drinking slowed considerably after that, but was still drinking 6 hours later.

 

I was good at baseball until I was about 13. My skills stopped improving while everyone else got better.

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Yeah, my theory is, if you can keep track, chances are you arent drinking enough. We had about 8-10 people at the table.

 

With food and $10 buckets (5 beers), our bill was nearly $400 dollars, and that was just for 4 of us. There may have been a round of jarger bombs

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In our college minds, it was a competition to see if we could do it. The 12 beers in an hour was certainly not normal drinking pace. 9 in an hour is the most recent "record", and the only reason we knew that one is that we only stayed for an hour at the bar and the bill was itemized with the time we ordered.

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I've done the century club, I've done the 12 beers in a hour, and all those other college drinking contests. At some point I realized that this drive to increase my tolerance further was going to bankrupt me and that being a cheap drunk had its advantages. I'm still not really a cheap drunk but I cannot come anywhere close to drinking the ridiculous amounts I used to be able to handle. No more chugging bottles of Jack Daniels, no more funnels or keg rides, no more boat races...

 

Fuck I feel old.

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I've seen pics of them in London, and he looks thin. That's all I know.

 

Good ol' Strat-o-matic. I hope it goes well.

 

But not too well, you know?

 

Unless it goes super really well.

 

It's just that weird middle ground that could be troublesome.

 

We're all good at baseball.

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I'll give you old, or just a square, i have no idea what half the stuff you listed even means

 

I've always just drank to drink. Never needed a game or contest. Never played beer pong or beirut. I would probably be crushing beers while playing, which defeats the purpose, no?

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