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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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!How the Milky Way was formed- pretty cool.
I thought this was going to be a picture of Jesus. Color me surprised.
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Yesterday I went to lunch with some buddies at a place called JJ's...Its a generic Hooters where the gals are dressed Daisy Duke style. Cold beer and good food is just a bonusAnyway, we sat and drank beer instead of eating. Big surprise. And to top it all off we had the hottest gal serving us who had apparently just started that very day...(Blondie walks by Beans)"You guys doin ok over here?""Uh... not really.... this beer mug has a bad leak or something.... Id like another please"(Blondie looks surprised and holds mug up to light for a close inspection)"Well.... I declare... Ill just have to get you another one...sorry about that!"(two hours later)"You guys ready for the ticket?""Yeah... bring it over, close your eyes, circle the table two times, and put it down....whoever its closest to gets to pay""..."(five minutes later)"Alright.... Ben has to pay...thank you so much""No problem....and I did credit the ticket for the two leaky mugs that I served you....so sorry about that!""..."All I can say is the world is in a heap of trouble. For the last twenty some odd years Ive ordered another round a million times like that. This is the first time that Ive been taken seriously. Its the sign of the end, ladies and gentlemen We sat there discussing why girls like that weren't around when we were younger long enough that we fired up another tab...Seriously, its not fairAs far as the gravity thing goes, Ill refer to a comment from one of my lifelong idols..."Im so drunk that I cant even lie down without hanging on" -Dean MartinThink about them apples for a while

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You do? My friend had/has colitis. He actually just had his large intestines removed a few months ago because of it, and now his digestive system ends in a bag that he carries around (but that's only temporary until he has the rest of his surgery).Is yours really bad? His pretty much ruined his life for a year before he opted to go into surgery.
Never that bad, been on drugs to control it for over 25 years. Get on steroids when it gets bad that get it under control.
But it sounds like you don't know anything about big solid turds.
If I've been eating blueberries I do.
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I never have big solid turds.
it sounds like you don't know anything about big solid turds.
If I've been eating blueberries I do.
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Emphatically I can say "No"That poop is never solid.
yeah well apparently I celebrated way too soon. the rest of my day was filled with liquid explosions the likes of which haven’t been seen since chief brody shot the oxygen tank in jaws’ mouth.I haven't ran or worked out at all since monday evening because of this whole upset stomach thing and it's starting to get really old. weird thing is, I used to have stomach problems as a kid all the time but once I started working out and eating relatively healthy, I NEVER have problems anymore. until this week of course. hope this shit (ha!) goes away soon.
I thought this was going to be a picture of Jesus. Color me surprised.
hahaand beans, you're surprised that a woman did something stupid. I'd say that is more of a sign of the end times than anything.
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yeah well apparently I celebrated way too soon. the rest of my day was filled with liquid explosions the likes of which haven’t been seen since chief brody shot the oxygen tank in jaws’ mouth.I haven't ran or worked out at all since monday evening because of this whole upset stomach thing and it's starting to get really old. weird thing is, I used to have stomach problems as a kid all the time but once I started working out and eating relatively healthy, I NEVER have problems anymore. until this week of course. hope this shit (ha!) goes away soon.hahaand beans, you're surprised that a woman did something stupid. I'd say that is more of a sign of the end times than anything.
So you shit out the plug then all hell broke loose. Sounds about right.Was downtown today with my son, he had to shit, snuck into a high rise and the security took pity on the little guy and let us up to the second floor. Tried to slip him a 20 on the way out because he saved me a lot more than that had he shit his pants. Surprisingly he wouldn't take it.
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and beans, you're surprised that a woman did something stupid. I'd say that is more of a sign of the end times than anything.
Yeah, but stupid is one thing.... stupid is another
So you shit out the plug then all hell broke loose. Sounds about right.
Reminds me of a joke that Shane came up with many moons ago...Too many BLLs has fogged my memory but it went something like thisSo-n-so was sitting in the bathtub last night when he decided to remove his butt plug......all the water ran up his ass!Badoom-chadda-ching!(announcer)"Dont forget ladies and gentlemen that this free show was provided by our friends over at Barrys Bail Bonds, where they treat ya just like family...including the part where ya get the shit beat outta ya if ya dont pay us back!....and the fine folks at Larrys Villa where you always leave with something...penicillin not included!" (bums pushing shopping carts funnel from arena)"Come back next week when Beans....."(crickets)BBLLC=hahahaha
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I don't even understand most of that post, and I was still delighted. Beans!
Well, when you do figure it out, do me a favor and fill me in...I have the bodywork blues All I can say at the moment is to be sure and invest in the cattle industry...I've bought enough cow hides in the last six months to cover the fattest Indian tribe in Oklahoma Im pretty sure that my current visa balance has an exponent next to itLuckily it's a company card for official useI dunno, maybe we should discuss turds once in a while
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All I can say at the moment is to be sure and invest in the cattle industry...
I'm learning about cow diarrhea this week. Eight hours of lecture. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH DIARRHEA THAT IS???
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I'm learning about cow diarrhea this week. Eight hours of lecture. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH DIARRHEA THAT IS???
A shit load?In other irrelevant news...Its time once again for an Icewater family camping trip. Three fun packed days of four wheeling, ATVing, fishing, drinking, and relaxing. Ah, I can just see it now... sitting around the camp fire watching scary movies on the big screen while mixing margaritas in the blender, then crashing in a soft mattress in air conditioned comfort.I just love roughing it...
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Its time once again for an Icewater family camping trip. Three fun packed days of four wheeling, ATVing, fishing, drinking, and relaxing. Ah, I can just see it now... sitting around the camp fire watching scary movies on the big screen while mixing margaritas in the blender, then crashing in a soft mattress in air conditioned comfort.
That sounds strangely like a "day" for you.
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Probably my last post here; I've found a new place to go.917 guests, 16 members, 5 anonymous membersexcivaMatalia, El Guapo, TrueAce13, TheDaveyG, bigkg, Athletearrircurnfaub, Babying, Lesbian Forum, LongLiveYorke, wsox8, HighwayStar, Dubey, gruven, Pot Odds RAC, Voldemort, JubilantLankyLad

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It's amazing that anyone does.
Rit'lin? I love how when you call Con Edison they tell you the estimated wait time to talk to a real person (8 minutes on my call today). I don't love that they don't update that estimate as you sit and wait, particularly since I waited 17 minutes. And yes I timed them - my phone does it automatically!
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