I Called In Sick Today

[Napa_Don 688]

Man, that's going to get you sooooo much pussy, Herman. How many women have you had sex with? Like 2? 3? Prepare for that number to double, good sir. Prepare those crocodile tears, as you relive your mother's near-death over and over so you can give local co-eds a deepdicking they'll never forget*.*- Unless you take a page from the Dawson/Wang/EveryDudeEver handbook and get her so drunk she blacks out. I don't know what's wrong with me; I've got nothing to offer at all. I'm sorry.

So if I do do this movie, I should have it playing on the wall at my parties? I just fail to see how to bring it up in conversation. "Hey, what's up?" "Not much, you?" "Oh, you know, just thinking about that time I saved my mom's life and was in an educational video" "OMG sex me!"But then again, this post was probably a joke, so, I don't know.

I'm reading Seinfeld's book, Seinlanguage...well I should say re-reading...anyway, today I was reading a portion where he says"The one movie ad I don't get is this one: "If you see only one movie this year . . ." If you see only one movie this year, why go at all? You're not going to enjoy it. There's too much pressure. You're sitting there, "All right, this is it for 51 more weekends , this better be good.""you didn't manage our expectations well, start. not that I really mind. maybe save the "really" good links for the touch account. think about it as a "touch" of gold. walk don't "run" towards this idea. if you're going to be in "Mexico" you might as well have a sandwich. now you're probably wondering why I changed "speedz" so to speak of this post. that's just how "tactical" I am with my persona. you might feel like I'm taking a "napa" and turn away but next thing you know there's a "loogie" all over your neck. it "beans" crazy lately 'round here which is good. I gotta make sure y'all know who the top crazy (me2). one minute you say "theraflu" going around or what? the next minute you're wondering if there "bizzle" a fire alarm going off. all I know is you better go find a mirror and make sure there's not "LG" in your teeth. have a whale of a time everyone because it don't get better than this. you're not "suited" for "JLL" or even "El G" so don't break the law. man's or otherwise. "JoeyJoJo", "GoBears", "other people"

Holy shit, I actually understood this post and it made me laugh!

[strategy 4]

Here you go speedz, your very own mini mix CD:http://www.megaupload.com/?d=T1L5SDTH

[gobears 0]

Wang: You're not a bad person - we must not deprive this world of little wangsters.Napa: I think your wingman needs to bring up your heroism whenever possibleSo at gymnastics class Today as I'm picking up two of the kids - my wife tells my oldest not to let our dog lick her. Sort or strange. We get home and my kid says "why was my rock (tombstone) for the chinchilla moved?". I go out and there is actually a hole where the chin was buried. My daughter puts two and two together; calls Mom and says "did the dog dig up our poor chin?!". So the story comes out that she caught the dog digging, pushed him away but he had already uncovered the bones/worms/maggots of the chin and it smelled pretty bad. She dropped off the chin in the park two blocks away. My kid says "did you bury him? you didn't put him in the trash did you?". I told my wife - you should have filled in the hole and put the rock back on top...Also, the dog figured out how to get out of the crate the other day. He actually pulled the metal gate back with his teeth and popped it out. I came home to a dog wandering around our household - no real damage though which was nice of him. Just turned over waste cans. He seems to be ok being left alone in the backyard but I'm pretty sure he can scale the six foot fenceif he was so moved.

[strategy 4]

I have progressed into full-on hate for this dog.

[jeff_536 3]

I have progressed into full-on hate for this dog.

Make him watch the video. It'll be reciprocal.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Make him watch the video. It'll be reciprocal.

heyo!

[LadyGrey 6]

Also, the dog figured out how to get out of the crate the other day. He actually pulled the metal gate back with his teeth and popped it out. I came home to a dog wandering around our household - no real damage though which was nice of him. Just turned over waste cans. He seems to be ok being left alone in the backyard but I'm pretty sure he can scale the six foot fenceif he was so moved.

I really don't understand why you have this dog. It is clearly an evil, annoying asshole of a cuntdog and needs to be replaced by a cuter, kinder pet.

[Bizzle 0]

I don't know if anyone else has seen it yet, but there's a

for It's Always Sunny that will blow speedz' (speedz'? speedz's? speed's?) mind.In short, there's a small clip of Charlie creating a cat product.

[mk 11]

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1917993credit to chris for showing me this. if you EVER watch a single strat video, let it be this one.

FTHJi liked it, mostly because of the actor who played the dad. he did that about as well as anyone could.

[Voldemort 0]

pretty sure Voldy would kindly prefer that people didn't use his old screen name in their posts.admittedly, not your problem, it's his, but still. Help a negro out.That's why he wrote "Oops?" with the question markDon't worry Voldy, I get you

Ty sir

[Voldemort 0]

I'm not ruling your thought process out totally just yet. In fact, you may be right. Dammitand I sent that damn LG a lovely card and she said she never got it. What a bitch!!!

It was both actually.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I don't know if anyone else has seen it yet, but there's a

for It's Always Sunny that will blow speedz' (speedz'? speedz's? speed's?) mind.In short, there's a small clip of Charlie creating a cat product.

I'm not going to lie - there's a part of me that doesn't think this is a coincidence.EDIT: Now that I've watched this, I'm less impressed - those weren't mittens made out of kittens!

[JoeyJoJo 18]

speedz'sI didn't watch any of the videos.

[mrdannyg 274]

speedz's

I'm pretty sure it is speedz'. I hope so, since wang everyone believes the only thing I contribute is technically accurate grammar.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I'm pretty sure it is speedz'. I hope so, since wang everyone believes the only thing I contribute is technically accurate grammar.

William Strunk, Jr. (1869–1946). The Elements of Style. 1918. II. ELEMENTARY RULES OF USAGE Form the possessive singular of nouns with 's. Follow this rule whatever the final consonant. Thus write, Charles's friend Burns's poems the witch's malice This is the usage of the United States Government Printing Office and of the Oxford University Press. Exceptions are the possessives of ancient proper names in -es and -is, the possessive Jesus', and such forms as for conscience' sake, for righteousness' sake. But such forms as Achilles' heel, Moses' laws, Isis' temple are commonly replaced by the heel of Achilles the laws of Moses the temple of Isis The pronominal possessives hers, its, theirs, yours, and oneself have no apostrophe.

[mrdannyg 274]

William Strunk, Jr. (1869–1946). The Elements of Style. 1918. II. ELEMENTARY RULES OF USAGE Form the possessive singular of nouns with 's. Follow this rule whatever the final consonant. Thus write, Charles's friend Burns's poems the witch's malice This is the usage of the United States Government Printing Office and of the Oxford University Press. Exceptions are the possessives of ancient proper names in -es and -is, the possessive Jesus', and such forms as for conscience' sake, for righteousness' sake. But such forms as Achilles' heel, Moses' laws, Isis' temple are commonly replaced by the heel of Achilles the laws of Moses the temple of Isis The pronominal possessives hers, its, theirs, yours, and oneself have no apostrophe.

Ah. So in fact none of options were correct, and it should have been written "blow the mind of Speedz" or some such variation.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Ah. So in fact none of options were correct, and it should have been written "blow the mind of Speedz" or some such variation.

Um, what?"Form the possessive singular of nouns with 's. Follow this rule whatever the final consonant."

[mrdannyg 274]

Um, what?"Form the possessive singular of nouns with 's. Follow this rule whatever the final consonant."

...except in the case of an ancient proper name, in which a rephrasing is preferred.I have officially been reduced to making grammar jokes...which require explanations.By the way, I can only hope that speedz's the lack of SSS-contribution of speedz in relation to his Yid status have been well-covered, no?

[JoeyJoJo 18]

...except in the case of an ancient proper name, in which a rephrasing is preferred.I have officially been reduced to making grammar jokes...which require explanations.

Not only do they require explanations, but they're technically incorrect anyway."Exceptions are the possessives of ancient proper names in -es and -is."(Note: I think the word "ending" is missing after "names.")Maybe stop posting today and give it another go tomorrow?

[jeff_536 3]

Not only do they require explanations, but they're technically incorrect anyway."Exceptions are the possessives of ancient proper names in -es and -is."(Note: I think the word "ending" is missing after "names.")Maybe stop posting today and give it another go tomorrow?

He already tried that for more than a year. It didn't take.

[Randy Reed 0]

she got mine, sucka.

Umm, I forget why I quoted this. What did you get? Bitch.

So, I just got a call from my mom.Awhile back I posted the story about how I received some award from the governor for saving my mom's life. Well, along with that award the American Red Cross gave me an award, too. I had to accept it in front of some big conference as well as in front of my high school. I guess that there is some new legislation that says all high schoolers have to be CPR certified to graduate come 2011 and they want me to be in some movie which I can only assume is some sort of educational video that will be shown to these high schoolers. I'm a little torn because it took me awhile to come to terms with that whole ordeal and don't know if I really want to relive that whole story on camera for the whole world (maybe not whole world) to see. On the other hand, I am a firm believer that CPR is an invaluable skill to know, for obvious reasons, and it would be pretty cool to maybe make some kid pay attention a little more and then maybe save another life. I don't know, just kind of rambling a little bit.

Dude! You get an opportunity to hang with NURSES and ACTRESSES. Do we really have to spell it out? Let alone the fact that every school girl in America will henceforth see the Napster on the screen and say, "AWWWWWWWWWW". And with any luck you might be able to get a part in the school's safe sex video.

[Randy Reed 0]

Your triathlons are missing something.

put it on a tee, BillyBizzle WILL knock it out of the park

Real men don't wear thongs, we kayak bitch.

[mrdannyg 274]

Not only do they require explanations, but they're technically incorrect anyway."Exceptions are the possessives of ancient proper names in -es and -is."(Note: I think the word "ending" is missing after "names.")Maybe stop posting today and give it another go tomorrow?

I think we can agree that is not a good idea.

[Governator 54]

I'm not ruling your thought process out totally just yet. In fact, you may be right. Dammitand I sent that damn LG a lovely card and she said she never got it. What a bitch!!!

I'm expecting something epic for your 20,000th post.

[GrinderMJ 0]

I won't hype this college humor video strategy style and it's really old but it's still my favorite:

. However, if you only watch one college humor video this year, let it be this one.