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I Called In Sick Today

turd ferguson

By turd ferguson,
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brvheart

brvheart 1,752

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No, it was pretty good. I especially like the Verbal Kint maneuver he pulled in telling you where he works.
Hes GOTS to kill the pains, Speedz.
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TommyGavin81

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Hi Tommy. I'm John. I live in the greatest state in the nation (Is this heaven? no, it's Iowa), and I own a DQ. I have 5 kids and I love me some Jesus. I wasn't a sickie back when you were around, so I don't know you. What's up?
Hi John. I know you. Oh yes I know you. And I love Field of Dreams.
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brvheart

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Hi John. I know you. Oh yes I know you. And I love Field of Dreams.
Thanks for the wonderful introduction.
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TommyGavin81

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Thanks for the wonderful introduction.
Your welcome!My most aggravating call. I had done ride along time 2 hours away the day before. I woke up at 4AM and did 17 hours of time for free. Drove back 2 haours and got home a little after 2AM. Woke up at 530 to go to work. Ran calls pretty much all day without a break. Finally laid down a little after midnight to hopefully sleep through the night because I had class in the morning for 8 hours that i had to go straight from work to. At 3 AM we get a call. The guy says he has a headache and he's had it for 6 days now. I ask what made it worse that he called 911. He said its not worse I'm just sick of it and need to go to the hospital. I lose all professional courtesy and tell him to get to the ambulance. His wife chimes in that she will be following us to the hospital in her car. He of course wants to go to one of the farthest hospital from where we are. Oh yeah. No job. No insurance. But he had a 50 inch flat screen and his wife followed us in an Escalade.
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TommyGavin81

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Good series finale of King of the Hill. I'm a little sad it's over.
Thats one of those shows that I've probably watched 5 times in my life but I laughed EVERY TIME I WATCHED IT.I'm sorry for your loss. In these times we can only turn to the things that bring us joy. Friends, family, hostess cupcakes. Whatever gets us through. I'm retarded.
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brvheart

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Your welcome!
Apparently, you don't need strong English skills to not help coloreds in the ghettos of Milwaukee. (I, for one, am going to enjoy your stories)
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strategy

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Apparently, you don't need strong English skills to not help coloreds in the ghettos of Milwaukee. (I, for one, am going to enjoy your stories)
what an original observationpointing that out therealmost feels as though someone beat you to the punch two minutes earlier
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Nikki_N

Nikki_N 17

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good job on reinforcing the idea that money is the most important thing in life.
I'd like it not to be that way, but that's the way to get the message to them. Other punishments and rewards don't have the impact that money does to them. We've exhausted many other avenues with poor to mixed results.
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Nikki_N

Nikki_N 17

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When I said that you were going to return with some kind of crazy story, this is not what I expected. There has to be some kind of explanation.Note to Speedz' Girl: If I've been drinking all night, you're making me wear a condom, and we just ended round 1 less than three minutes prior to round 2, you should be proud of yourself for even getting me going, not pouty about the fact that I couldn't finish again.Note to Self: You're too old for this shit.
Geez, she has high expectations. She's lucky you didn't have whiskeydick for the first go round.
Hi Tommy. I'm John. I live in the greatest state in the nation (Is this heaven? no, it's Iowa), and I own a DQ. I have 5 kids and I love me some Jesus. I wasn't a sickie back when you were around, so I don't know you. What's up?
What is it with Iowans being so proud of their state? It's like you're all brainwashed at birth to extol Iowa's virtues. The Colts won today. This pleases me. I'm sorry Randy had to see Stokely fuck up the Bengals game with that amazing touchdown. I really like Brandon, though, so I'm not that sorry. I'm just sorry it happened to Randy.
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TommyGavin81

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When I said that you were going to return with some kind of crazy story, this is not what I expected. There has to be some kind of explanation.Note to Speedz' Girl: If I've been drinking all night, you're making me wear a condom, and we just ended round 1 less than three minutes prior to round 2, you should be proud of yourself for even getting me going, not pouty about the fact that I couldn't finish again.Note to Self: You're too old for this shit.
I just fake the second one. Makes everything easier. Women don't understand the difficulties we have. It usually shuts her up and puts her to sleep. Oh and condoms? That's just silly talk!
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speedz99

speedz99 145

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How old is this girl???
She's legal, as far as you know.
Oh and condoms? That's just silly talk!
Tell me about it.SG: Does it really feel that different?Me: Seriously?SG: Well, yeah.Me: Would it feel different if I lined the inside of your vajayjay with latex? SG: Oh.Me: Yeah.
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brvheart

brvheart 1,752

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what an original observationpointing that out therealmost feels as though someone beat you to the punch two minutes earlier
Too late, Strat... I already won the round.
What is it with Iowans being so proud of their state? It's like you're all brainwashed at birth to extol Iowa's virtues.
Do you not understand what 'greatest state in the nation' means? greatest.
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brvheart

brvheart 1,752

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Tell me about it.
You might not know this, but I haven't had sex with a condom for at least 10 years. Wait... maybe you did.
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LadyGrey

LadyGrey 6

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I guess it's like Friends in that it's about people that age, but that's about it. Jason Segel is awesome.
Yeah Jason Segel is way too good for that awful show, and so is NPH. The two of them should leave and make a good show, then I'll watch it and be happy.
Bizzle left, Speedz middle, mk right
No, see, you've got that mixed up. The boy on the right has kittens, and Speedz loves cats, ergo the boy on the right is Speedz. With us now?Regarding condoms, the rule is or should be: if you're in a monogomous relationship and are both clear of STDs (nowt wrong with getting tested if you've been around the block a few times) then get her the pill and go for it bareback. Otherwise, better safe than herpes.
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