I Called In Sick Today

[silkyjonson 1]

I paid for everything myself since grade 12 of high school. Granted I had a bunch of loans in professional school but I wanted to cover everything myself. My parents let me stay at home rent free though, whenever I was home but I helped them out doing alot of stuff. I could'nt wait to get out of the house, and though I don't have a job yet its nice to be completely self sufficient and self made, I think that once a kid graduates university they should be supporting themselves or at least paying back whatever help they are getting. The longer they stay on the tit the worse off they are going to be in life imo.

[brvheart 1,752]

this is question is so ridiculous. I mean, think about the actual numbers here. If we made 100k a year, which I don't, it takes 10 years to make a million and 30 years to make 3 million. We can do a lot with less than we think.

This guy speaks the truth.

Alright.... not that Im joining the fan club or anything..... heres a cat related feature for speedy, LG, and strat that is quite out of the ordinarySince Ive done the same thing in the shower after an extended drinking session and the cotton mouth that goes along with it, Im guessing that he/she has already washed all the shampoo out of it hair...Dove brand tastes the worst in case youre curious

That's incredible.

[Nikki_N 17]

Four days after I broke up with "Sharron" -- the 4'10" black chick -- she got engaged. Not like "really engaged in reruns of LOST," but "engaged to be married." They have set a date. She is getting married. To a person.Four. Days.This is, by far, the most ridiculous thing that has ever happened in my love-life, and that's saying something. When I get an invitation, I will be sure to post it here, as nobody in his right mind would believe me. Four days. How about that? Before we split, we planned on going to a wedding together. It's tomorrow. I did not cancel, as that would not be funny enough. I am a cartoon character.

Wow. You should still show up to take her to the wedding. Please carry a hidden camera.

FUpenguin.com

I saw this book at Borders. It was funny.

Sounds to me like you guys have been way too nice to her.

I agree. I got out at 18. My children have to go before 25. WAY before 25. Raist is talking about the Navy. That will ensure that he moves out. Conner is only 9 so I'm not sure what he wants to do, yet.

[Nikki_N 17]

Fines Dave and I came up with for things the children do that piss us off and Rewards they can earn for doing things that we like:Action Example Fine - Mom Fine - Dave Fine - Mean Above & Beyond Laundry tasks Sorting & hanging others' laundry 3.00 3.00 3.00 Attitude "I do all the work around here!", backtalk -0.50 -1.00 -0.75 Basic non-compliance Forcing your mother to repeat instructions -0.50 -0.50 -0.50 Buying of collectible card games (3x amount but at least . . .) -5.00 -5.00 -5.00 Cleaning the gutter 5.00 3.00 4.00 Disgregard for others' possessions Leaving CDs out of the cases -0.75 -0.75 -0.75 Disregard for your own possessions (+ actual damages) Leaving shoes tied -0.50 -0.50 -0.50 Excessively loud music 0.00 -0.25 -0.13 Failure of Hygene Failing to brush teath -1.00 -1.00 -1.00 Failure to complete chores in allotted time Not washing dishes before 9pm -1.00 -1.00 -1.00 Innapprioate Violence -3.00 -5.00 -4.00 Lack of homework planning creating undue burden on parents Leaving too much for the last night of a project. -3.00 -1.00 -2.00 Lack of preparation -1.00 -1.00 -1.00 Littering -0.50 -0.50 -0.50 Lying -10.00 -100.00 -55.00 Missing the bus -3.00 -10.00 -6.50 Normal communication Saying ouch 0.00 0.00 0.00 Poor manners in private Talking with mouth full -0.05 -0.05 -0.05 Poor manners in public -0.50 -0.50 -0.50 Poor singing with headphones on 0.00 0.00 0.00 Pulling weeds 5.00 5.00 5.00 Push mowing or trimming the yard 5.00 5.00 5.00 Riding around on the mower 3.00 1.00 2.00 Sleep sabatoge Talking after lights are out -0.50 -0.50 -0.50 Taking out the trash 0.50 0.50 0.50 Vacuuming public areas of house 1.00 1.00 1.00 Washing & putting away dishes 1.00 1.00 1.00 Wasting energy leaving on lights -0.10 -0.10 -0.10 Whining -0.25 -0.25 -0.25

[Dawson Leery 12]

I would need to take out a loan if I were your kidAnd that's me right now, not me 15 years ago

[Vinnie_Terranova 5]

Fines Dave and I came up with for things the children do that piss us off and Rewards they can earn for doing things that we like:

good job on reinforcing the idea that money is the most important thing in life.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

good job on reinforcing the idea that money is the most important thing in life.

isnt it?

[Vinnie_Terranova 5]

isnt it?

not to me, sir. not to me. i'm going to teach my children (ha!) that things should be done for themselves, because they are right and because they are worthwhile. not because of cock sucking motherfucking money.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

not to me, sir. not to me. i'm going to teach my children (ha!) that things should be done for themselves, because they are right and because they are worthwhile. not because of cock sucking motherfucking money.

good thing you wrote that on a computer you paid money for and a monthly internet service that costs as well. Oh, and having kids costs money, lots of it. Oh, and to get a girl to sleep with you, that takes money as well. Lots and lots of it. So yeah, good luck with your poverty and fruitful existenceMoney can't buy happiness, but it certainly makes for a hefty down payment. That's the way it goes

[Vinnie_Terranova 5]

good thing you wrote that on a computer you paid money for and a monthly internet service that costs as well. Oh, and having kids costs money, lots of it. Oh, and to get a girl to sleep with you, that takes money as well. Lots and lots of it. So yeah, good luck with your poverty and fruitful existenceMoney can't buy happiness, but it certainly makes for a hefty down payment. That's the way it goes

capitalist swine!

[El Guapo 8]

Bizzle, Speedz, who is in between you two?

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

you all are a bunch of faggots

[speedz99 145]

Four days after I broke up with "Sharron" -- the 4'10" black chick -- she got engaged.

When I said that you were going to return with some kind of crazy story, this is not what I expected. There has to be some kind of explanation.Note to Speedz' Girl: If I've been drinking all night, you're making me wear a condom, and we just ended round 1 less than three minutes prior to round 2, you should be proud of yourself for even getting me going, not pouty about the fact that I couldn't finish again.Note to Self: You're too old for this shit.

Coooool. This reminded me of an advert I saw the other day for that "How I Met Your Mother" show. I guess we are just getting it here in the UK, and this is how they are advertising:The advert isn't up on youtube so I can't just show it to you, but that's all the best bits. I found it pretty funny, although I think Jason Segel is the Chandler and Ted is more like Ross. I'd never drawn the parallel before, but it is spot on.

I guess it's like Friends in that it's about people that age, but that's about it. Jason Segel is awesome.

Gay? Awesome? Both?http://video.yahoo.com/network/100063489?v=5854827

Definitely gay, and awesome for the first minute, but boy did that jump off the rails fairly quickly.

not to me, sir. not to me. i'm going to teach my children (ha!) that things should be done for themselves, because they are right and because they are worthwhile. not because of cock sucking motherfucking money.

Mm hm.

Bizzle, Speedz, who is in between you two?

Well, he obviously likes guns but he's a bit too effeminate to really pull it off. Who do you think?

[TommyGavin81 0]

I finished school! Officially a paramedic now. It was a long year. I've been working the last 6 months as an EMT in Milwaukee as I finished school. My services zone is the ghetto area of the city. Boy do I hate BLACK PEOPLE now! 911 abuse is so gross. On the plus side MANY PLUS-SIZE African American women tell me I'm cute. My chest is nothing like it was imagine what they'll think when I get back into shape! I live with my girlfriend. All issues are in the past. We've been happy for almost 10 months now. The Brewers suck and that hurts me bad. Brett Favre has become a clown and I hate him. Its just sad. Whatever. I miss Ron and Sal/Shake and Speedz and others. Oh yeah! JubilantLankyLad. I got like 1000 pages of catch up that I'll never do. Did Napa or Zimmer ever lose their virginity? This is about all I care about.

[Randy Reed 0]

I finished school! Officially a paramedic now. It was a long year. I've been working the last 6 months as an EMT in Milwaukee as I finished school. My services zone is the ghetto area of the city. Boy do I hate BLACK PEOPLE now! 911 abuse is so gross. On the plus side MANY PLUS-SIZE African American women tell me I'm cute. My chest is nothing like it was imagine what they'll think when I get back into shape! I live with my girlfriend. All issues are in the past. We've been happy for almost 10 months now. The Brewers suck and that hurts me bad. Brett Favre has become a clown and I hate him. Its just sad. Whatever. I miss Ron and Sal/Shake and Speedz and others. Oh yeah! JubilantLankyLad. I got like 1000 pages of catch up that I'll never do. Did Napa or Zimmer ever lose their virginity? This is about all I care about.

Go die fucker, I just got back from the Bengals game.Kidding, good to hear everything is well.

[Randy Reed 0]

Bizzle, Speedz, who is in between you two?

Bizzle left, Speedz middle, mk right

[Sal Paradise 57]

I finished school! Officially a paramedic now. It was a long year. I've been working the last 6 months as an EMT in Milwaukee as I finished school. My services zone is the ghetto area of the city. Boy do I hate BLACK PEOPLE now! 911 abuse is so gross. On the plus side MANY PLUS-SIZE African American women tell me I'm cute. My chest is nothing like it was imagine what they'll think when I get back into shape! I live with my girlfriend. All issues are in the past. We've been happy for almost 10 months now. The Brewers suck and that hurts me bad. Brett Favre has become a clown and I hate him. Its just sad. Whatever. I miss Ron and Sal/Shake and Speedz and others. Oh yeah! JubilantLankyLad. I got like 1000 pages of catch up that I'll never do. Did Napa or Zimmer ever lose their virginity? This is about all I care about.

renae's pregnant with ron's baby, randy's taken up heroin, and speedz has AIDS. so no, not much has happened.

[TommyGavin81 0]

renae's pregnant with ron's baby, randy's taken up heroin, and speedz has AIDS. so no, not much has happened.

All Jews are born with AIDS so no big surprise there. But you, YOU I missed. Don't think I've changed I still hate women. I'm just forced to live with one now.

[Sal Paradise 57]

All Jews are born with AIDS so no big surprise there. But you, YOU I missed. Don't think I've changed I still hate women. I'm just forced to live with one now.

good, good. never let the hate die. hide it, pretend it isn't there even, but never let it die.I hope I don't turn into a serial killer.

[speedz99 145]

All Jews are born with AIDS so no big surprise there.

Wait...I didn't remember that you were funny. Welcome back, and please tell stories about the blacks you deal with, and how similar they are to the Black family on Curb Your Enthusiasm.I went to this awesome taco place for the first time with Speedz' Girl today, and was really excited when we walked in and were the only non-hispanic people there. I sat down at the table, pumped to get some real Mexican food, and immediately realized that she was petrified. Poor girl...that's what happens when you grow up in a town where 1.3% of the population is non-white.

[wangs ex-girlfriend 3]

renae's pregnant with ron's baby, randy's taken up heroin, and speedz has AIDS.

An DO NOT foget bout what wang been doin wift me, against me, and ta me, Girlfriend! I stills says this dont be over yet prissy honky be jivin me wift that whole lez jus be friens shiiiiit. He be crazy asa nigga spoutin off toa cracka cop ina dark alley wift no witneses, huh.

[Sal Paradise 57]

that is... the best.

[brvheart 1,752]

that is... the best.

yeah... it's pretty solid.

[TommyGavin81 0]

Wait...I didn't remember that you were funny. Welcome back, and please tell stories about the blacks you deal with, and how similar they are to the Black family on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I am woefully behind on Curb Your Enthusiasm so the comparisons will have to wait till I catch up on that show.My favorite story so far. We got called to a crack house apartment building for back pain. We get there and the police are already there. They're shouting to someone through a window. He's screaming that he cant get out of his room. The police are laughing their asses off. The police in this zone care about nothing as long as no ones killing anyone. We go to the apartment door because the police didn't know he had called 911. We get to the door and knock and he says the door wont open. We try the handle and its obviously locked. We tell him to unlock it he says there's no lock on the door. The cops are out in the hallway with us laughing uncontrollably. He starts pushing hard against the door but the door needs to be pulled for him to get out. After about 5 minutes we get the door open and a huge cloud of marijuana smoke billows out of the door and he has a joint in his mouth. He tells us his back hurts and he needs to go to the hospital. We say ok get your things and lets get going. He grabs his crack pipe and puts it in his pocket and says I'm ready. He comes out in the hallway walking fine and a lovely lady comes out of the apartment across the hall. He starts getting in her face saying she a crack whore and she owes him money for some head she refused to give him. She starts getting in his face and a woman comes out of another apartment and gets involved. This is the crack whores lesbian lova. The crack whore starts grabbing the cops saying hold me back I dont wanna fuck this (insert unsavory term for African Americans here) up. The cops are still laughing uncontrollably. Our patient is jumping up and down doing the cover the mouth dance the African Americans do. We finally get him outside and he tries to light up the joint he has so he can smoke before he goes. We tell him to wait til he gets out of the hopsital. He screams, "I gots to kill the pains!" The cops vanish because its shift change and he starts telling us his story of why his back hurts. He tried to take money from his 70 year old mother earlier this morning because he knew she was gonna use it for crack. She pushed him down and now he wants to go to the hospital so he can sue her for the PAINS! He walks to the ambulance and as hes getting there he starts overacting with the limping and then he crawls in the back of the ambulance and pretends he cant get on the cot. We get him on the cot and start buckling down the seat belts on him and he screams, "Don't be tying a (IUTFAAH) down! He says we got to start treating him with more respect because he works for a living and he has insurance. He gives us his insurance card which of course is state sponsored insurance and I ask him where he works and he pauses and says MEDTEC. Which when I looked in his sight line was the sign in front of him which was the type of ambulance we were in. He wants to go to a hospital thats about 25 minutes away. We tell him its closed to ambulances (a lie) and tell him he can only go to the hospital thats 5 minutes away. He starts calling me a slave owner. My partner is done and says we can either take you to the closest hospital or you can get out of the ambulance. He says, "free me from these chains!" We take him out of the seat belts and he says hes gonna call Hupy and Abrahams (slimy personal injury attorneys) on us. he says he'll call a cab and use his own money to get to the hospital. We say sounds like a plan and kick him out of the ambulance and lock the doors and speed off. We get back to the station and a call comes in 2 minutes after we get there for back pain at the same address. Luckily we weren't first up so another crew took him to the hospital he wanted. What a bunch of softies. That story probably isnt as funny in print. But it went from absolutely hilarious to downright infuriating as I was involved in it.

[brvheart 1,752]

I finished school! Officially a paramedic now. It was a long year. I've been working the last 6 months as an EMT in Milwaukee as I finished school. My services zone is the ghetto area of the city. Boy do I hate BLACK PEOPLE now! 911 abuse is so gross. On the plus side MANY PLUS-SIZE African American women tell me I'm cute. My chest is nothing like it was imagine what they'll think when I get back into shape! I live with my girlfriend. All issues are in the past. We've been happy for almost 10 months now. The Brewers suck and that hurts me bad. Brett Favre has become a clown and I hate him. Its just sad. Whatever. I miss Ron and Sal/Shake and Speedz and others. Oh yeah! JubilantLankyLad. I got like 1000 pages of catch up that I'll never do. Did Napa or Zimmer ever lose their virginity? This is about all I care about.

Hi Tommy. I'm John. I live in the greatest state in the nation (Is this heaven? no, it's Iowa), and I own a DQ. I have 5 kids and I love me some Jesus. I wasn't a sickie back when you were around, so I don't know you. What's up?