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I Called In Sick Today


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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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The only good thing is the no open container laws in this state. I mean, I'd be drinking at home if I wasn't here, but drinking in a car legally just feels...special-er. Drinking bud light. Tastes a little watery, goes down easy. Not sure of the born on date. I'll make sure to find out for when I write my officially blog review.

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I've made a huge mistake.

 

What's her name?

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After spending the majority of the day sifting through all of the suggestions, Ive made a decision. Look for an upcoming twit pic that reveals the winner after the sign is completed

 

 

 

Hint: The winning entry was so good I decided to have the first ever* scratch-n-sniff business card printed....

 

 

*actually I think Larry Flint came up with it first but never had it produced to my knowledge

 

 

 

 

 

In other news...

 

 

 

I have a new shop dog. Actually, shes a house/car/shop/wherever the hell she wants to go dog. I was told shes a black lab/springer spaniel mix. Dunno exactly

 

 

 

Started off pretty innocent as I was staggering around a little hick town named Lincoln, AR. They were celebrating another year afloat by throwing an apple festival. Those who follow my antics know that for the last several years Ive participated in their car/tractor/horse/cow/anything that moves parade around the town square. This year I missed driving in both it and the annual corvette fest in eureka springs due to inclimate weather. We were welcomed Saturday morning with near freezing temps along with rain and sleet. Not the best idea with a wide tired machine that likes to swap ends if a fly lands on the accelerator

 

 

 

So around noon the wife, her brother and his wife decided we would drive down there anyway so they could purchase a few gallons of fresh squeezed apple cider. I went along to drink and drive them there. After four or five stops to piss and investigate old abandoned cars along the way, we arrived and started looking for a parking spot...

 

 

 

 

(kid standing on the side of highway holding sign)

 

 

 

"Hey.... five bucks to park in a muddy field?"

 

 

 

"Uh...yeah"

 

 

 

"Kinda steep, huh?"

 

 

 

"Its for our band...we need to take a trip to St Louis"

 

 

 

"Hmm... how about three bucks?"

 

 

 

(dirty looks from women)

 

 

 

"I dunno.... uh..... well....if thats all ya got I guess thats ok"

 

 

 

(Beans hands over a ten and spins off into cow pasture)

 

 

 

 

 

The festivities were on the grim side since most folks had already left or were smart and didnt attend. I toted around five beers in my camo britches to reload the diet coke cano so I didnt plan to be away from the rig for more than thirty minutes or so. About that time had expired the BILs wife decided to go inside the VFW building and purchase a hot apple cobbler portion from the band kids....

 

 

 

 

"Hey.... lets get outta here"

 

 

 

"Just wait a minute....she wants a cobbler"

 

 

 

"Well.... I wanna beer"

 

 

 

"You can go back and get the car and we'll meet you right over there"

 

 

 

"Alright"

 

 

 

 

(Just then a ten or so year old kid walks up holding a puppy)

 

 

 

 

"You folks want a free puppy?"

 

 

 

"Awwwww....look here Beans"

 

 

 

"Yeah...cute"

 

 

 

(wife takes dog)

 

 

 

"Shes six weeks old....lab and springer mix"

 

 

 

"We need another one, Beans"

 

 

 

"Yeah... like another hole in my head.... Swayne would shit and pack up her things and leave"

 

 

 

"No she wouldnt.... she needs more canine company"

 

 

 

 

"Tony talks to her all the time"

 

 

 

 

"Like I said....company with intelligence as high as hers"

 

 

 

"Alright...gimme the thing but hurry up and meet me over there"

 

 

 

 

 

 

So in the hundred or so yards back to the rig I was stopped at least ten times by women who wanted to hold her. As usual I took the drunken opportunity to have some fun....

 

 

 

 

 

"Shes sooooo sweet!"

 

 

 

"Yeah....a kid just gave her to me"

 

 

 

"Ooooooh..... I wish I had her"

 

 

 

"Fifty bucks and shes yours"

 

 

 

(mean look)

 

 

 

"YOU SERIOUS??"

 

 

 

"Of course....guys gotta make a living....its either that or get forty at the animal testing lab"

 

 

 

"YOU CANT BE SERIOUS!"

 

 

 

"Nah...thats my biggest problem"

 

 

 

"Well...I was about to kick your ass....what ya gonna name her?"

 

 

 

"Well....I was thinking Cori...as in apple core"

 

 

 

"THATS SOOOOO SWEET!"

 

 

 

 

"Uh...excuse me...that blond over there is smiling at us"

 

 

 

 

 

So there ya have it. Another canine hits the lottery of life and gets to spend its eternity with the Icewater family. Tomorrow is vet day where she will get the full tune up, balance, and rotate. Already has more toys than I did as a kid. Its taken an hour to post this due to three whining fits and an accidental pee in the floor...

 

 

 

Not from the dog.... Ive just had way too many Modelos and no supper as usual

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The Mrs has puppy fever but with a 12 year old dog already in the house on her last legs, we think an energetic puppy might drive her to the grave. She wasn't one to play well with others before. Puppies are great but if I get stuck with a yappy or annoying dog, I'll be one unhappy selfish douche.

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anybody? where is nappy to tell us about the wedding? had to be an interesting thing or two. i know i'd love to hear about any hot ladies who might have been there and how you didn't talk to them.

 

shake, whats going on with the bald cap search? and the mustache? maybe a photo would liven this place up.

 

strat, any updates on this trip to florida?

 

ron, hows the lazy day going?

 

jesus people pull your weight. i've had nothing to do but work over here and that's on you all.

 

edit: i mean i could tell you all about my day, but all i've done is read treasury regulations about partner's assuming partnership liabilities. did you know that any increase in a partner's individual liabilities by reason of a partner's assumption of partnership liabilities is treated as a contribution of money by that partner to the partnership?

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and i know what you're thinking, why the hell does that matter? well let me tell you: an increase in a partner's share of partnership liabilities or an assumption by a partner of a partnership liability increases the partner's basis for his partnership interest under sections 705 and 722. a decrease in liabilities would of course have the opposite effect, generally speaking.

 

pretty cool stuff really.

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anybody? where is nappy to tell us about the wedding? had to be an interesting thing or two. i know i'd love to hear about any hot ladies who might have been there and how you didn't talk to them.

 

edit: i mean i could tell you all about my day, but all i've done is read treasury regulations about partner's assuming partnership liabilities. did you know that any increase in a partner's individual liabilities by reason of a partner's assumption of partnership liabilities is treated as a contribution of money by that partner to the partnership?

 

 

I have no idea what anything after "did you know" means.

 

I've made a huge mistake.

 

Napa's last words. RIP

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The wedding was the worst. There were 30 people there, tops. The majority being dudes from my frat and a date or two. The only twenty something females there were the three bridesmaids. One was married, and the other two wouldn't stop talking about their boyfriends. The ******* working the bar ID'ed me everytime I got a drink. The staff was late on getting the food out so most of the time was spent sitting at the table bullshitting with the bridesmaids husband about fantasy football with some of my friends. Couldn't sleep on the way home.

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i actually feel a little sorry for those people. you deserved it because you touch yourself at night.

 

i can't sleep in the car either. just not comfortable to sleep sitting up like that. i have to be laying down, in my bed, with total darkness and silence. otherwise i'm awake and i'm not happy.

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