I Called In Sick Today

[hank213 1,823]

Let's say a woman is very...excited, to have sex. With you, immediately. But you have the runs, and you feel a bout a'coming. If you have sex, it could explode, but if you pause for a poo break it will almost definitely ruin her very optimal mood.Using percentage chance of shitting yourself mid-coitus, how much of a chance would you take to immediately engage in the sexo? I think that more than 15% is pushing it.

Sounds like the perfect opportunity to go for a blumpkin.

gotta shit first. you can't run that risk. i mean i assume we're talking about a girlfriend, so there will be other chances. now if megan fox wanders into my apartment as i'm getting off the couch to make, i about face and handle it, consequences be damned.

As your internet bot imaginary friend, I strongly urge you to consider the source of this advice before granting it much sway.

i feel like this will come in handy later. and i don't want to wait for the right time to use it.

Yeah, sorry I don't post more frequently.

[DJ Vu 176]

LOL!

There's almost no way to properly respond to this, but I really enjoyed it. (I'm not editing the post for brevity, I'm specifically talking about that one part. (Although the rest was spot on.))

[Tiltinagain 973]

Either my hypothesis is true in that you have no idea how to interpret or execute sarcasm or my opinion of you is so low that I just assume that your attempt at sarcasm is a legitimate question i.eThis is phrased like a honest-to-God actual dumb as shit question, because clearly, I don't know if they do. I just asked an experienced accountant three posts earlier for his opinion. Why the **** would I do that if I knew? Am I taking crazy pills here? Which brings me to my next point...This is how I interpret this postWHY WOULDN'T YOU DOUBT THAT I KNOW IF THEY PIGEON HOLE WHEN I WAS JUST ASKING!?!You can tell I recognized that part as sarcasm at my edit saying I wanted to do this, but it wouldn't work because...sarcasm.LOL!

#1 was a "dumb as shit" question? Why? because I'm supposed to know that even though you do something somewhat accounting related (as far as I can tell) you're a ****ing retard that knows nothing about the business he wants to be in? I'm sorry for giving you too much credit. And, yes, it was a legitimate quesiton, because I didn't know.#2 I guess like you do with me, I just assumed you were being a ****ing assclown rather than, again, totally ignorant about the field you keep talking about wanting to get into.edit; The issue is, you, and others, refuse to give me the benefit of the doubt and just jump to the conclusion that I'm being an a-hole. I assure you, I rarely am.Except for #1 and #2. Those are rare examples of me being an a-hole. At least on purpose.

[DJ Vu 176]

You keep saying stuff like a-hole or douche. "Stupid" is the word you're looking for.

[DJ Vu 176]

No offense.

[DJ Vu 176]

Oh man, strategy is not going to like this.

[iClint 61]

1) If I had posted "I'm thinking of taking a job with a firm that deals primarily with ag companies.". And you had asked "i dont know anything about accounting, do accounting firms tend to pigeon hole? You don't want to limit yourself in the future" than it wouldn't have been a dumb question to ask me. You could reasonably assume I knew that about the industry. However, that wasn't the case. I had literally just asked the same question three posts earlier. A reasonable person would assume I was asking because I didn't know and so it would be an exercise in stupidity to ask me knowing I already don't know the answer. That's what makes it a clown question, bro and why it deserved a reply laden in sarcasm, which it appears you failed to pick up. 2) You're right. You should have assumed that that lengthy, unprompted question was an attempt at sarcasm. Sarcasm works best without a frame of reference, which you already know because you're a master at it. I said that part for Shake. And it's a safe assumption that I know everything about an industry I hope to get into before having any actual experience in it. That's why I expect to be hired as a partner because i have a wealth of experience and knowledge to share with the entry level peons who haven't learned everything yet! Although, jokes on them because they're assclowns if they dont already know everything about it! LOL!3). And I think you're wrong about everybody thinking of you as an *******. I think everybody, well at least me, thinks of you as the mostly unfunny new guy who stuck around for months with nobody even acknowledging him who is just now starting to reap the benefits of his persistence and trying to hard to fit in. I think for the most part you're probably a really nice guy who means well and who loves dogs and buying four wheelers on whims and would probably be decent company if I meet you after I'm already a few beers deep.Edit: what DJ said... not an a-hole; kind of dumb. Or maybe not stupid, just...still trying to figure out the "tone" of the thread; which is understandable since you did nothing but read the posts for monthsEdit2: no offense

[ShakeZuma 585]

I did not enjoy the gif of the person/people dying.

Ok, last one. For now. Is this strat's place or Shake's?

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU GET OFF MY SCREEN I HOPE YOU DIE

Either my hypothesis is true in that you have no idea how to interpret or execute sarcasm or my opinion of you is so low that I just assume that your attempt at sarcasm is a legitimate question i.eThis is phrased like a honest-to-God actual dumb as shit question, because clearly, I don't know if they do. I just asked an experienced accountant three posts earlier for his opinion. Why the **** would I do that if I knew? Am I taking crazy pills here? Which brings me to my next point...This is how I interpret this postWHY WOULDN'T YOU DOUBT THAT I KNOW IF THEY PIGEON HOLE WHEN I WAS JUST ASKING!?!You can tell I recognized that part as sarcasm at my edit saying I wanted to do this, but it wouldn't work because...sarcasm.LOL!

[Tiltinagain 973]

You keep saying stuff like a-hole or douche. "Stupid" is the word you're looking for.

Why am I or what I said stupid? I legitimately didn't/don't know how the accounting world works. No idea. In my field it is very common to be pigeon-holed in whatever segment you're in, whether finance, fashion, hard goods or whatever. I was simply showing an interest in asking if the same thing happens in the accounting world. How anyone could take the question I asked as sarcasmn is beyond me. If Napa didn't know, all he had to say was, "I don't know, that's why I asked DJ since that's what he does". And that would have been the end of it. Instead, he lashes out at me for asking "dumb as shit" questions. But I'm the bad guy.I guess that's what I get for showing an interest...

[ShakeZuma 585]

Why am I or what I said stupid?

YES YES YES YES

[iClint 61]

WHO...the hell put BOUILLON CUBES in the shower head?! Huh?! Did you? You?! If it happens again, I will wait. In my suv. Blast me some speed metal...5.1 surround sound; heavy on the bass. And someone. Wil be getting. Mowed. Down.

[DJ Vu 176]

Why am I or what I said stupid? I legitimately didn't/don't know how the accounting world works. No idea. In my field it is very common to be pigeon-holed in whatever segment you're in, whether finance, fashion, hard goods or whatever. I was simply showing an interest in asking if the same thing happens in the accounting world. How anyone could take the question I asked as sarcasmn is beyond me. If Napa didn't know, all he had to say was, "I don't know, that's why I asked DJ since that's what he does". And that would have been the end of it. Instead, he lashes out at me for asking "dumb as shit" questions. But I'm the bad guy.

I was just speaking in general terms.

[ShakeZuma 585]

napa really is crazy!

[Tiltinagain 973]

My apologies Napa. Clearly I'm just an ignorant moron that doesn't know that just because someone studied for a particular field it doesn't mean that they know even a basic element like whether starting your career as an accountant in one industry will make it harder for you to become an accountant in another industry down the road.I'm truly sorry for my ignorance and the frustration my dumb ass questions have caused you this evening.Hugs?

[DJ Vu 176]

Although I'm not saying it doesn't apply specifically here.Edit: I think I just got reverse ol /dr'd.

[Tiltinagain 973]

I was just speaking in general terms.

Oh...well okay then

[iClint 61]

...Still not quite getting it, are we? Sorry, I missed the day in class where the prof said whether or not working within a pretty specific segment(regional ag business) of the overall auditing industry would impact further career paths. I skipped a lot. And I know the relationships of starting in public versus private versus governmental and maybe one or two levels below those (public> big 4 vs regional vs local and then specialization > assurance/tax/consulting, etc etc) but when you are start getting into deeper shit, like regional ag business auditing versus working at a smaller local firm where I would do some tax and small business auditing, I wanted to double check with somebody who has much more experience than I do rather than finding out x years down the road after getting layed off and not being able to find a job outside the ag business auditing industry because employers in other worlds don't think highly of that experience. If me wanting to get some confirmation means I don't know anything than so be it. I don't have all the answers like clearly you do.

[ShakeZuma 585]

it says dj posted last but obviously tilt posted last so thanks a lot guys you finally broke the forumhahaha, yeah right huh brv! it was already broken wasn't it! haha!but seriously, fuck that spider gif. god damn it.AND GOD DAMN YOU NAPA OL/DRING SONOFABITCH

[iClint 61]

TG...how's the CHEST, brah? Tommy Gavin....now that was a new guy that got "it".

[Napa_Don 688]

Related, serious question for DJ, et al (yes, even you Tilt)So this firm in question says "send resume/cover letter to this address or via email". Normally, I would say send paper resume/cover letter because it shows a little more initiative, probably more likely to get noticed, etc. However, this firm states in their about me section that they are committed to being a paperless office and would like a candidate thats tech savvy, so that makes me think email would be better.Thoughts? Am I overthinking this? Do employers really care anymore anyways?

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Related, serious question for DJ, et al (yes, even you Tilt)So this firm in question says "send resume/cover letter to this address or via email". Normally, I would say send paper resume/cover letter because it shows a little more initiative, probably more likely to get noticed, etc. However, this firm states in their about me section that they are committed to being a paperless office and would like a candidate thats tech savvy, so that makes me think email would be better.Thoughts? Am I overthinking this? Do employers really care anymore anyways?

Well you've been in the job-looking-for business for a while so I assume you already know all about how to send resumes. This thread hurt my brain today. It was a good kinda hurt though. Like when the girl you've been crushing on all semester rejects you because she knows it's not going to work out and you know it's all for the best. Still makes me want to curl up on the sofa after a long bath and have a cup of tea while I read my book and pet the kitty who replaces real life friends because he'll never leave me and really understands me. Where's whiskers?

[Tiltinagain 973]

...Still not quite getting it, are we?

Aparently not.So, with enough brain damage to last a lifetime, you win.Peace out.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

So my wife took the recycle down to turn in yesterday and I got "a talking to" when she got back. There were about 10 large plastic bags full of bottle, can, etc. pretty much for the whole summer and prob back into spring. Apparently there were enough brown bottled beers to fill an entire garbage can at the recycling weigh place. It's not my fault beer is yummy and delicious and it's really easy to drink on a riding mower.

You caught shit for the beer? Tell her you need to be a little buzzed to sex her, so she should appreciate all that you do for her. They don't pick up your recycling once a week at your curb?

I know full well if companies pigeonhole you and which industries are pigeonholed more than others. I was just trying to throw DJ a bone since he seems to be down a little lately. That's why we've been calling him Whiskers.

I swear you had me cracking up with the Whiskers stuff. Three in a row with perfect timing and use. Slayed me. Mad props yo. You guys seem to be judging Tilty a tad harshly. We used to be the friendly thread. C'mon now, we're better than this. If you don't like his stuff, Jeepster him. To be fair, I didn't really read the back and forth with napa, so maybe it got pear shaped. Anywho, I got nothing much else to add tonight

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

I spend one afternoon without internet and we shed a member. ****ing unbelievable. Time Warner is as much to blame as Napa.

[Essay21 2,385]

Just got home from the gym. Did some shoulders and cardio. FeelIng straight jacked. I have no comment on tilty.