I Called In Sick Today

[leftygolfer 7]

I'm going to my fifth and final bachelor party of the summer this weekend. It's a trip up to a house we rented in northern VT. Highlights will include:

I wanna party with you cowboy.Save the skin...I'll send you our UPS #.

[CaneBrain 95]

yeah i can't just poop anywhere I mean are you people barbarians or what? and between wang telling us how great he is with women and cane telling us how rich he is I'm gonna have to go home and blow up my house just to even this place out. gettin' too fancy for my liking I gotta say.

Wouldn't you want to drop a deuce at the Donald's? I once was staying at a Holiday Inn Express and I had to take a crap in the shower because the toilet was broken. Better?

[strategy 4]

All of my classes this semester have downloadable video of the lectures available about two hours after class. I'm not sure why anyone would go to class.

that would have been so nice. I know for a fact that KU could have done that with its big lecture hall classes but didn't. that has to be the most efficient way to study: re-attend all the lectures.

This sentence has been written by approximately 80% of the American workforce at some point or another.

I had it so nice in my internship. you had to go a little out of your way to see my monitor, and I could hear people coming and alt-tab out. I never abused it, thank god, because I later found out they were logging everything.

McDonald's is the best AMIRITE Geoff?

I just don't poop outside of the home unless there's an emergency.

[speedz99 145]

Save the skin...I'll send you our UPS #.

I'll be wearing it for a few weeks and using it as a jizzrag for a few weeks after that, so it might be pretty messy by the time it gets to you.

[vbnautilus 48]

Group question: Where is the funniest and/or strangest place you have pooped a poop?

It's late at night and I am in the lab running a subject through an MRI scan. Since its late, I am the only one in the building aside from the research subject and maybe a janitor. About 10 minutes into the scanning I suddenly reallly have to take a shit. This is a big problem. I can't leave the MRI control room with someone in the scanner. If something goes wrong with the scan or they need to get out, I have to be there to stop the scan and get them out. It's a safety issue. Nothing I can do, and there's still a good 40 minutes to go of scanning. I am now doing everything I can, pacing back and forth, squeezing, grimacing, totally uncomfortable. I seriously consider letting the subject lie in there between scans, and just telling them there are technical difficulties and we will resume scanning in a few minutes. But if they did need to get out or tried to talk to me during that time I'd be screwed. If anything happened, even though it's unlikely, I could be facing a lawsuit, lose my job, etc. I can't leave. I obviously could not hold out forever, and what wanted to happen eventually happened. Now there I am waiting for the scan to end so I can go into the magnet room, get the subject out, deal with all their final paperwork, etc., etc., all having just taken a dump in my pants. Will he smell it? How could he not? So embarrassing. The scanning sequence finally ends, I flip the airlock ("pshhhhhhhh") enter the room, and push the button to slide the table out from the magnet bore. As I am removing the equipment from the subject and he is about to stand up from the table I notice something down by my foot. Yes, it's a turd. It must have fallen all the way down my pant leg and is now sitting on the floor of the MRI room right next to the pneumatic earphones. I act quickly, reaching down with my bare hand to pick up the golfball-sized nugget of shit. What else could I do? I found some other piece of trash and rushed to the garbage can to drop it in. I don't think he saw. I can only imagine what he smelled. That's my confession for the day, so I add to my list:• shat on floor of MRI room

[strategy 4]

this topic: n... no thank you.

[speedz99 145]

vb: You must have been very happy that day to have stuck to a high fiber diet that resulted in a piece of shit that was easy to discard in that manner.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

awesome. I don't know where or how I know of this guy, but here's his wikipedia page: michael ian black.shit, I think I'm remembering him from VH1. swear to god, I never watched that. FUCK.

Gay angel/demon from Reaper.If I couldn't poop outside the house, I'd never be able to leave the house.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

this topic: n... no thank you.

I'm with strategy.Oh, and runthemover. I'll come with you too.

[LongLiveYorke 38]

Do none of you have any bowel control?

[speedz99 145]

Do none of you have any bowel control?

I was pretty drunk...drunk enough to shit on a car. College!

Your Mail ID has won £1,000,000.00. in the British Telecom PROMO. Send. Names.Country.Tel.

You know, what with people being increasingly computer savvy and all, you'd think that scammers would become more advanced, not infinitely lazier.

[ShakeZuma 585]

Do none of you have any bowel control?

it's just that some of us are quite FAT and constantly eating, therefore constantly pooping.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

You know, what with people being increasingly computer savvy and all, you'd think that scammers would become more advanced, not infinitely lazier.

No, see, they send out thousands of these really stupid ones and then one really clever one, so your guard isn't up for the clever one because you just expect the e-mail scam to be obvious. It's quite ingenious.

[speedz99 145]

it's just that some of us are quite FAT and constantly eating, therefore constantly pooping.

Plus some of us aren't ashamed by something that's a normal fact of life and/or afraid of the harmless germs found in a standard public restroom.What I'm saying is that you private poopers proclaim purity but are really just pussies.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

private poopers proclaim purity

I have no problem pooping publicly.Public restroom, not, like, out in the public.I wish there was a pooping thread so I could say, "There's a whole thread for this!" Wait, isn't that ED thread a pooping thread?

[strategy 4]

Plus some of us aren't ashamed by something that's a normal fact of life and/or afraid of the harmless germs found in a standard public restroom.What I'm saying is that you private poopers proclaim purity but are really just pussies.

it's not germs, it's the awkwardness of the situation. I take no pleasure in inflicting my brand on someone else's nose. the worst was having ED in an on-campus bathroom with people cycling through occasionally.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

The producer of the LeBatard show keeps a special pair of shoes at his desk in case he ever has to poop while at work. That way if someone sees the shoes under the bathroom door, they won't know it's him.Oh, and he took the shoes from the show's clothing drive for the homeless or something like that.

[Napa Lite 3,278]

Do none of you have any bowel control?

it's not germs, it's the awkwardness of the situation. I take no pleasure in inflicting my brand on someone else's nose. the worst was having ED in an on-campus bathroom with people cycling through occasionally.

I'm literally in the bathroom right now trying to wait out the other stall because I ate some bad food yesterday and have a case of ED. I think I've run into this guy before and suspect he just comes in the bathroom to take a break because I've lost this game many times to him. Might have to make him pay.

[SBriand 4]

it's not germs, it's the awkwardness of the situation. I take no pleasure in inflicting my brand on someone else's nose. the worst was having ED in an on-campus bathroom with people cycling through occasionally.

I am on board with this reasoning. Plus I think in my situation, growing up as a only child, I always had my privacy which has manifested itself into a shy bowel. I rarely if ever use public facilities because the simple thought of it holds up whatever was planning to happen.

[mk 11]

POTENTIALLY BRIEF SUBJECT CHANGEI finally watched The Ghost Writer last night, and thought it was excellent. Whatever Polanski's faults, the man knows how to make movies.

[CaneBrain 95]

POTENTIALLY BRIEF SUBJECT CHANGEI finally watched The Ghost Writer last night, and thought it excellent. Whatever Polanski's faults, the man knows how to make movies.

I liked the book a lot so I think I will have to ondemand this Saturday.

[Napa Lite 3,278]

Huzzah. Victory!

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Whatever Polanski's faults, the man knows how to make movies.

I think his faults are something to do with sexually abusing little girls.But I don't consider personal stuff when watching movies.But I also don't get very excited about any of his movies.I didn't think Chinatown or Rosemary's Baby were great movies. And the other movies...the other movies...fuck imdb, load already! Whatever, I'm just going to assume there aren't any other movies of his that I liked.

[mk 11]

I didn't think Chinatown or Rosemary's Baby were great movies.

Watch Chinatown again. And then again. And then again.Ghost Writer has a very Hitchcockian tone, and parts of it reminded me of Eyes Wide Shut....so you know, when you're invoking thoughts of Hitchcock and Kubrick you're obviously: doing it right.

[strategy 4]

Watch Chinatown again. And then again. And then again.

or don't, because I don't even have enough free time to be re-watching movies I hated initially