I Called In Sick Today

[Napa_Don 688]

I've been saying this for a while now. It's too bad he doesn't know more powerful people. I'd probably hire a lot of sickies though.Napa_Don - yes

I was almost afraid to read this post for fear of not making the cut.

My picks:Napa_Don - maybe

Not as worried about this post, but this maybe has me wanting to prove myself to you, so maybe you are a great manager and that was your plan all along. To "cautiously" hire me and make me work harder.

Worker bees: Guapo, Rhinestone, LG, Napa, Dawson, Cane

I'm ok with this arrangement. Plus, I assume Dawson and I would become bff's and he would take me out and Cane would be my new golfing buddy.

Shockingly, nobody wants to be a worker bee and we've already lost one manager and one executive demoted himself.

No problem being a worker bee here. Just know that I'm going to allow your company to pay for me to further my education and leave for a better position in 3-5 years.

Shazaam!

WHO TOLD YOU?!?

Oh, you can just have Napa.

Noooooo

[speedz99 145]

Do we use beans now to nip this in the bud or save him for when we really need him?

I don't think we want to destroy brvheart, do we? I mean, he's our competitor, but we don't hate him. I think we should buy him out in a non-hostile takeover. That way he can spend more time with his wife, kids, and Turbo.

[speedz99 145]

I'm ok with this arrangement. Plus, I assume Dawson and I would become bff's and he would take me out and Cane would be my new golfing buddy.

I'll also be involved with the golf. You don't have to let me win just because I'm higher up in the company, but I do expect you to kiss my ass in other ways. And be creative about it.

No problem being a worker bee here. Just know that I'm going to allow your company to pay for me to further my education and leave for a better position in 3-5 years.

Now this would be a reason to unleash beans. I don't recommend it.

[Roll the Bones 74]

Aw, just because you spent the past six months telling everyone you know about how barefoot running is the wave of the future (and past)? I think that your bones and joints are worth swallowing this one.

It's actually still growing at a pretty rapid rate. The shoes aren't a problem, it's the running. I can't even run in shoes with an arch without my ankle swelling up so I have no choice or well, I wouldn't even be running. It's tough to learn the form but I am finally getting it down. I just get over anxious and do to much. I am still planning on my first half marathon in late August.

Who is she to talk, what with her shoes and all?

Yeah,the bitch!haha, she eats 20 mile runs for breakfast and runs 100 mile ultras for lunch.

[Napa_Don 688]

I'll also be involved with the golf. You don't have to let me win just because I'm higher up in the company, but I do expect you to kiss my ass in other ways. And be creative about it.Now this would be a reason to unleash beans. I don't recommend it.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have to let you win in golf for you to beat me. I'm sure I could find ways to kiss ass though. Don't you claim to be good at ping-pong? Can we have a ping-pong table at work?I forgot to say if there was going to be no promise of advancement. I'd be loyal if some of it was reciprocated.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Noooooo

Ha.

haha, she eats 20 mile runs for breakfast and runs 100 mile ultras for lunch.

Yeah, with shoes!

[speedz99 145]

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have to let you win in golf for you to beat me.

Oh, I was thinking of Zimmer. He's a legit golfer, right?

Don't you claim to be good at ping-pong? Can we have a ping-pong table at work?

I'm better than most people at ping-pong, but not better than people who are actually very good at it. I'm that way with pretty much everything. Except flip cup, I suck at that.

I forgot to say if there was going to be no promise of advancement. I'd be loyal if some of it was reciprocated.

You're just a young buck, I'm sure some of us will be retiring sooner or later.

[Napa_Don 688]

Oh, I was thinking of Zimmer. He's a legit golfer, right? I'm better than most people at ping-pong, but not better than people who are actually very good at it. I'm that way with pretty much everything. Except flip cup, I suck at that.You're just a young buck, I'm sure some of us will be retiring sooner or later.

1) Yea, he's pretty good from what I understand. Although, this weekend was our company 2-man best ball and I was pair with somebody who was playing for the 2nd time in his life and so I couldn't afford to make any big mistakes and still be "respectable" and ended up playing fairly well. Finally figuring my swing out and stuff. Now I just need to work on putting and I'll probably be a par-bogey golfer (on normal courses). The point I was trying to make was that the other guys in our foursome told me that I should definitely get in on the wednesday league that most of the guys at work play in. Clearly, I'm there right now.2) That's how I feel about my ping-pong skills. I was always like a clear 4-5th best in our frat. I could beat anybody below me pretty handily and keep it really close with the guys above me, but not quite to the point where I'd win often.

[Roll the Bones 74]

Ha.Yeah, with shoes!

ha , yeah but she runs in mizuno MT100'S or Vasque which are both very minimal, low profile. Most of the elite ultra runners run in someting similar. There have been a few marathon winners in Vibram Five Fingers lately and also Luna sandals which are really just Huaraches a very minimal sandal. None of them wear shoes with arches or run heel to toe. A guy I know and chat with alot is running a 100 mile in a few weeks barefoot as well.

[Roll the Bones 74]

1) Yea, he's pretty good from what I understand. Although, this weekend was our company 2-man best ball and I was pair with somebody who was playing for the 2nd time in his life and so I couldn't afford to make any big mistakes and still be "respectable" and ended up playing fairly well. Finally figuring my swing out and stuff. Now I just need to work on putting and I'll probably be a par-bogey golfer (on normal courses). The point I was trying to make was that the other guys in our foursome told me that I should definitely get in on the wednesday league that most of the guys at work play in. Clearly, I'm there right now.2) That's how I feel about my ping-pong skills. I was always like a clear 4-5th best in our frat. I could beat anybody below me pretty handily and keep it really close with the guys above me, but not quite to the point where I'd win often.

IF we get a dart board I'll come into the office occasionally.

[Roll the Bones 74]

Just got an email lead from DaronnTrade in vehicle-City, State, ZIP: Cincinnati, OH, 45202 Trade-in Vehicle: 1995 cadi eldogTrade-in Mileage: 142000

[Theraflu 1,035]

You all have severely underestimated my worker bee qualifications.

[CardWarfare 4]

I've been saying this for a while now. It's too bad he doesn't know more powerful people. I'd probably hire a lot of sickies though.speedz99 - yesRon_Mexico - maybestrategy - yesRandy Reed - yes mk - yesEl Guapo - yesRhinestoneCowboy - yesSBriand - noSal Paradise - no LadyGrey - yesbeans-n-icewater - yesNapa_Don - yesTheraflu - noJubilantLankyLad - yesTactical Bear - yesbrvheart - noNaked_Cowboy - yesloogie - nohank213 - noDawson Leery - yesCaneBrain - yesvbnautilus - yesThat would be a fun interview process.Edit:11 User(s) are reading this topic (7 Guests and 1 Anonymous Users)3 Members: speedz99, Tailspin, LongLiveYorkeMinimum job qualifications included 500 sick thread posts. Sorry Yorke, you would've had a chance. Tailspin, I forget who you are.

Don't make me affirmative action myself into this list.(affirmative action works for asians too right? or is it just blacks?)

[speedz99 145]

That's true...a lack of aspirations is key in the prototypical worker bee.I've decided where brvheart fits in: HR.

[Tailspin 0]

I've been saying this for a while now. It's too bad he doesn't know more powerful people. I'd probably hire a lot of sickies though.speedz99 - yesRon_Mexico - maybestrategy - yesRandy Reed - yes mk - yesEl Guapo - yesRhinestoneCowboy - yesSBriand - noSal Paradise - no LadyGrey - yesbeans-n-icewater - yesNapa_Don - yesTheraflu - noJubilantLankyLad - yesTactical Bear - yesbrvheart - noNaked_Cowboy - yesloogie - nohank213 - noDawson Leery - yesCaneBrain - yesvbnautilus - yesThat would be a fun interview process.Edit:11 User(s) are reading this topic (7 Guests and 1 Anonymous Users)3 Members: speedz99, Tailspin, LongLiveYorkeMinimum job qualifications included 500 sick thread posts. Sorry Yorke, you would've had a chance. Tailspin, I forget who you are.

its ok.. im the guy thats always here and doesnt say anything.. perfect worker bee but im a little short on the post count

[CaneBrain 95]

Not as worried about this post, but this maybe has me wanting to prove myself to you, so maybe you are a great manager and that was your plan all along. To "cautiously" hire me and make me work harder. I'm ok with this arrangement. Plus, I assume Dawson and I would become bff's and he would take me out and Cane would be my new golfing buddy.

<-----knows how to motivate<--------8 handicapbragging over.

[El Guapo 8]

I will only work at this company if we get to have obstacle course races at JJJ's property like in Mr. Mom.

[Napa_Don 688]

Here in Des Moines we have a pretty legit golf dome and I was planning on getting a pass for the colder months and really working on my game, but now it looks like I'm going to try and pass the CPA this year and go to grad school in the evenings starting in the spring, so, doesn't look like that's going to be feasible.

[loogie 115]

Sweet. I'm taking loogie for the marketing department as my #2. We'll do a lot of hanging out during the day and brainstorming during creative activities such as boozing, smoking weed, and ping pong. Pool and foosball as well, most likely. When people come to us with their work we'll mock the bad ideas mercilessly and take credit for the good ideas. Respectfully.

My foosball skill happens to be one of my best qualities.

[brvheart 1,751]

First of all, who is this Joey guy anyway? He doesn’t ever tell us any personal information. Doesn’t this seem weird to you guys? Why is he the self-appointed CEO? As far as I can tell, he’s no more than an 18 year old chess savant with wicked intelligence and a sharp wit, either that, or a bald 42 year old stuck in a cubicle. He does his typical Wizard of Oz smoke and mirrors, dog and pony show, and you guys all do a jig. “yes um, sir. I believe everything you say, sir.” How can anyone be trusted that would put Wang and Speedz in top executive positions? Speedz doesn’t care about our business. He just wants to give excellent advice, get a company car, and have no responsibility. His position will be Token Board Member, like Melinda Gates. Wang even said, “I don’t know anything about business.” How the hell can you guys trust the judgment of this Mr. Shabadoo character, when he is making such terrible hiring decisions?I feel like Jerry McGwire and JJJ is SMI. **** SMI.There are two things that are vital for an excellent employee: Loyalty and Honesty. I have a shit-ton of both of those, and Wang knows this. As my first order of business I will convince Wang to defect to my corporation: Screw JJJ, LLC.Wang will be Chief Negotiator, and Director of Mergers and Acquisitions. He will have a small sales team that he leads and he will be the figurehead of the advertising department. I will use his skills to pick off all of JJJ’s employees one by one. His team will have two people, Randy Reed and Ron Mexico. (Speaking of Ron, you guys are nuts who wouldn’t take him. He is almost certainly good with customers, and it will be funny that Wang is his boss. I would force him to also get Wang’s coffee and listen to at least 3 of his stories per day. (the longer the better, Wang)) Wang’s responsibilities will be to ensure that we are getting the best cost of goods possible, and writing the company newsletters and press releases. He will also be in charge of negotiating advertising rates and giving final approval on all new advertising at is created in the advertising department.The advertising department is Loogie and Beans. Sorry, Beans, I can’t let you slack off, you’re too important. Good news: The advertising department is located at your house, and hours at 100% up to you. Loogie will be in the garage if you need him.Cane will be Chief Counsel. His only responsibility will be to fix all of Beans’ Norman Wexler-type chaos as he is creating our advertising campaigns. VB will be in charge of Research and Development, and he can have all the people that might be hard workers, but desperately need to be locked in a room on their own, as not to destroy company morale, like LG and SBraind. Mk and NC, will both be top level executives. We need to have all possible points of view and come to the best possible decisions.Napa is the head of accounting, and Strat is on his team. As soon as Strat proves he can be a team-player, he will be quickly promoted to Co-Director of some sort of investment/charity wing, with El Guapo.Turbo will be the door man, and after years of crying, JJJ will take a job that reports to Turbo. JJJ's job will be to get me my morning newspaper and coffee and 'be on call' 23 1/2 hours a day, seven days a week. If you don't piss me off, you can spend from 5am to 9am, Christmas morning, with your family.Everyone else: Don't worry, we aren't assholes at Screw JJJ, LLC. We will find a spot for you, and if you work hard, then someday, who knows what can happen.

[speedz99 145]

My foosball skill happens to be one of my best qualities.

Obviously the marketing department will be the team to beat...do you typically play offense or defense in two on two?

First of all, who is this Joey guy anyway? He doesn’t ever tell us any personal information. Doesn’t this seem weird to you guys? Why is he the self-appointed CEO?

Actually, I think me and Wang (possibly others as well) appointed him, he just accepted.

How can anyone be trusted that would put Wang and Speedz in top executive positions? Speedz doesn’t care about our business. He just wants to give excellent advice, get a company car, and have no responsibility. His position will be Token Board Member, like Melinda Gates.

You could do worse than to be like Melinda Gates.

Wang’s responsibilities will be to ensure that we are getting the best cost of goods possible, and writing the company newsletters and press releases. He will also be in charge of negotiating advertising rates and giving final approval on all new advertising at is created in the advertising department.

Well this certainly isn't the way to lure him to your company. Too much actual responsibility, not enough leeway. He wants to be a free safety, not a center.

VB will be in charge of Research and Development, and he can have all the people that might be hard workers, but desperately need to be locked in a room on their own, as not to destroy company morale, like LG and SBraind.

Heh. I do wonder what sbriand would be like if he actually enjoyed his job.

Mk and NC, will both be top level executives. We need to have all possible points of view and come to the best possible decisions.

Typical big business mumbo jumbo. I hope the three of you can maximaze efficiency and utilize synergy whenever possible.

Napa is the head of accounting, and Strat is on his team. As soon as Strat proves he can be a team-player, he will be quickly promoted to Co-Director of some sort of investment/charity wing, with El Guapo.

Strat as head of charitable donations? You really think the world needs an old age home for former gamers?

[speedz99 145]

Is it idiotic that I'm uncomfortable watching live awards shows because I'm always nervous that someone will screw up and embarrass themselves? Ok, it's idiotic. But I can't watch.

[El Guapo 8]

My wife has organized a Psych dinner party.I am very excited.

[Napa_Don 688]

I'm enjoying Seth Meyers very much.

[brvheart's I Phone 0]

I might not hire brv, but I'd probably invest in him. He's owned his own business for many years, right? Business owners don't make good employees, generally.I love that JJJ isn't hiring Sal. Assuming that nothing has changed, that is the one dude who has desperately wanted a new job the longest, and he's clearly much smarter than he lets on. He probably just needs to write a good cover letter or something.

Agreed. But I'm not typical.

Seriously? You rate me on the level with Napa? No offence to Napa, but I'm offended. And you put strategy above me? I know you haven't met us both like I have, and no offence dear ex-boyfriend, but I work about 383938 times harder than him and our people skills and intelligence are about level so we should at least be in the same tier. I'm taking this very seriously. VERY SERIOUSLY.

You have no idea what you're talking about, and your attack on Napa is completely unfounded and cunty.