I Called In Sick Today

[Sal Paradise 57]

Times have changed, man. While you went walking with Jesus we really evolved. You know, in terms of how we tell each other that we're hilarious.

you're hilarious.

You know that I sympathize with you job situation and all, but is there any chance at all that your boss is a woman?

nope, dude. crotchety old bastard of a dude. although, and I'm guessing you're making a reference to a woman in the "wife" terms, he is somehow married, so maybe I should feel even more sorry for her than myself.one positive though I guess, is that I shouldn't have to worry about getting laid off at all now unless the company actually goes out of business (even though I guess I was kind of hoping to get laid off, but whatever). it's just gonna be extremely, extremely painful for quite a while.

Oh, I see now....That is a nice wristwatch

did nobody see what I was talking about though? probably the funniest thing I've ever seen in porn, and I've watched a LOT of midget porn.

In other news, I had no idea sal visited my neck of the countryWITTER, Ark. -- A second possible tornado hit the area Wednesday night, 40/29 News has learned.An unconfirmed tornado was reported around 5 p.m. Thursday a few miles south of Witter, in Madison County.Mother Nature blew through a trailer home and left it in pieces.She said her mom and her mom's boyfriend were inside when the storm hit.“She told me that she could feel it shifting and they were afraid it was going to come off the blocks. She said it was over in like two minutes. It came and left really quick,” said Bayley. “I'm just thankful no one got hurt.”

I'm thankful no one got hurt either. that trailer was COMPLETELY unstable. and don't get me started on the twin bed. jesus.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Apparently black men think my lady-friend is attractive. I don't know how to feel about that.EDIT- Actually, I know exactly how to feel about that, since it's awesome.

[Quacktastic 106]

Apparently black men think my lady-friend is attractive. I don't know how to feel about that.EDIT- Actually, I know exactly how to feel about that, since it's awesome.

One response to this post isn't enough...1. Awwww, he called her his lady-friend.2. You thought you had size issues before...3. Mind if we dance wit yo dates?

[Sal Paradise 57]

Apparently black men think my lady-friend is attractive. I don't know how to feel about that.EDIT- Actually, I know exactly how to feel about that, since it's awesome.

yeah, it's because she's white.

[Tactical Bear 3]

One response to this post isn't enough...1. Awwww, he called her his lady-friend.2. You thought you had size issues before...3. Mind if we dance wit yo dates?

You will notice, however, that I did not refer to her as my special lady-friend. Nor have I capitalized any of those words. I have never taken a nose count, but I'm pretty sure this girl has had sex with 30+ dudes. I wouldn't be shocked if it were as high as 50, but I don't know. Thankfully I don't care, so there won't be much insecurity.

[Voldemort 0]

One response to this post isn't enough...1. Awwww, he called her his lady-friend.2. You thought you had size issues before...3. Mind if we dance wit yo dates?

Nice Hand

[leftygolfer 7]

sigh

Wish I hadn't eaten breakfast before I saw this.

Nice Hand

You're gonna need it.

[Quacktastic 106]

You will notice, however, that I did not refer to her as my special lady-friend. Nor have I capitalized any of those words. I have never taken a nose count, but I'm pretty sure this girl has had sex with 30+ dudes. I wouldn't be shocked if it were as high as 50, but I don't know. Thankfully I don't care, so there won't be much insecurity.

I have never heard this term, nor do I understand it's meaning.

[runthemover 39]

I have never heard this term, nor do I understand it's meaning.

you must've missed the video sal was talking about yesterday

[Piddle Duck 0]

did nobody see what I was talking about though? probably the funniest thing I've ever seen in porn, and I've watched a LOT of midget porn.

I did and I thought it was so funny that when Liz got home I showed it to her. She enjoyed it but obviously she did not have sex with me last night.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

One response to this post isn't enough...1. Awwww, he called her his lady-friend.2. You thought you had size issues before...3. Mind if we dance wit yo dates?

SHOUT!

[Quacktastic 106]

SHOUT!

OTIS! My Man!!

[mk 11]

off toBEACHharts

[Theraflu 1,035]

I am pretty happy right now. Just finished a $35 bottle of wine that the grocery store only charged me $13 for. Now I am starting on some Full Sail Pale Ale.I can't believe that non-sale beer prices are $9 a six pack now. WTF is up with that.

6 packs around here are just about getting to the $9, but not quite yet. I don't understand why so many people get 6ers for $10 when you can get a 12 pack of it for $15-16, and you can get a mix pack with 3-6 different kinds, so it's not like you'll just be getting one variety that you might not like. The new Magic Hat summer mix is now available, and its got Wacko, their new summer ale that pours "beet red". It's a fun color with a pretty summery taste.Also, I bought some Sierra Nevada Summerfest this week, and I think it might be the crispest summer brew I've ever had. I highly recommend this year's batch.

[Sal Paradise 57]

off toBEACHharts

no seriously, right the fuck off.

Also, I bought some Sierra Nevada Summerfest this week, and I think it might be the crispest summer brew I've ever had. I highly recommend this year's batch.

oooooo(how are you supposed to type this sound? it's like "eww" but in a surprised tone, not disgusted)ooo... hope I can find some.

[Sickinfo2 291]

Ill pick up a box this afternoon and disclose my findings later tonight....

[speedz99 145]

you're hilarious.

I don't get it.

did nobody see what I was talking about though? probably the funniest thing I've ever seen in porn, and I've watched a LOT of midget porn.

I didn't see it...link?

[brvheart 1,752]

I hate Boston sports teams... but you have to love Simmons. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story...mp;sportCat=nba

[Theraflu 1,035]

I hate Boston sports teams... but you have to love Simmons. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story...mp;sportCat=nba

I like Boston sporst team, and still don't love Simmons since he hasn't been consistently good in a few years, but he nailed most of it right on the head for this series. I might have a heart attack tomorrow night...Usually I just watch game 7's that involve my hometown teams by myself, since I never want to be around a bunch of people if I'm ****ing miserable, but I'm bucking the trend tomorrow night and hopefully having lots of people over for a game that will hopefuly, somehow, live up to the rest of the series. I don't think it's possible to be better than 5 of the 6 games, but at the same time, I think it's going to happen. 5 OT's is in play. I also hope they at least dress KG, and fake a few subs with him going in. Hell, announce him at the beginning during introductions just to make the Garden go even crazier. I was at game 7 against the Hawks last year and it was a rout, and that was relaxing. Same with game 6 of the finals. But I don't know if I'd want to be there tomorrow...the alternative of watching that game, this series, this season end would be heartbreaking. I was there when the Celts lost in double OT to get swept by the Nets in 2002, and then game 1 of this series when they lost in OT, and it's hard to scream your ass for 3 hours and then walk out a loser. Having the defending champs lose in round 1 in one of the greatest playoff series ever would be very sad.Still, should be a great game and I can't wait for it.

[Sal Paradise 57]

I don't get it.

you so crazy

[Sickinfo2 291]

At least around here I dont get flooded with hate pm's after every little story...I got four within thirty seconds for this one

[Tactical Bear 3]

(Phone Rings)Wang: (out of breath) "Hey, what's up babes?"Ashy: "Hey, what're you doing?"Wang: "Playing kitchen ball."Ashy: "What... is that what...?"Wang: "Yeah, it's just what it sounds like."Ashy: "Are you winning?"Wang: "Oh, there's no winners."Ashy: "How many of you are playing?"Wang: "Four of us."Ashy: "But... your kitchen is so small."Wang: "Yeah, look, I gotta run. The game's good."Ashy: "Okay, well, I'll be over in a bit. Sam and Jackie are coming, too."Wang: "Yeah, okay. We're going out later, but it's going to be kitchen ball for a while. You guys can play."Ashy: "Okay."Sam and Jackie are... unhappy.

[Tactical Bear 3]

I just convinced Sam and Jackie to play some Kitchen Ball with Biiiiilllllly and I. They warmed up to it. By the end they were sweating and screaming at Billy when he fucked up. I am a uniter. Apparently we're not going out, because of this conversation:Billy: "Seriously you're dating this girl? Ashley you're dating this guy? He's a dork. Why in the world are you hanging out with him?"Ashley: "You're no catch, there, Billy."Billy: "I know I know I know, but I am just saying, nothing personal Derek, no offense, but she's good looking and she brought her friends over to play Kitchen Ball on a Saturday night. What's the deal?"Ashley: "Billy, what is the capital of Libya?"Billy: "How the **** should I know?"Ashley: "Sean?" Sean: "Leave me out of this."Ashley: "Derek?"Wang: "Tripoli. I think. I just know it because of that Marine Corps song or whatever."Ashley: "Billy, do you know what the pH scale is? Like, from what number to what number?"Billy: "Zero to ten?"Ashley: "Derek?"Wang: "Zero to fourteen or something? I don't even know if there's a cap, but I know 7 is neutral."Ashley: "That's why."Billy: "Because he's good at trivial pursuit?! I'm good at trivial pursuit."Ashley: "Okay. You and anybody else in the room vs. Derek and I. You win, I'll take my shirt off. You lose, you shut up."*****So now we're playing a game of Trivial Pursuit, and if I lose Billy gets to see my lady friend's tits...Sam and Jackie are back to unhappy, I think.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I just convinced Sam and Jackie to play some Kitchen Ball with Biiiiilllllly and I. They warmed up to it. By the end they were sweating and screaming at Billy when he fucked up. I am a uniter. Apparently we're not going out, because of this conversation:Billy: "Seriously you're dating this girl? Ashley you're dating this guy? He's a dork. Why in the world are you hanging out with him?"Ashley: "You're no catch, there, Billy."Billy: "I know I know I know, but I am just saying, nothing personal Derek, no offense, but she's good looking and she brought her friends over to play Kitchen Ball on a Saturday night. What's the deal?"Ashley: "Billy, what is the capital of Libya?"Billy: "How the **** should I know?"Ashley: "Sean?" Sean: "Leave me out of this."Ashley: "Derek?"Wang: "Tripoli. I think. I just know it because of that Marine Corps song or whatever."Ashley: "Billy, do you know what the pH scale is? Like, from what number to what number?"Billy: "Zero to ten?"Ashley: "Derek?"Wang: "Zero to fourteen or something? I don't even know if there's a cap, but I know 7 is neutral."Ashley: "That's why."Billy: "Because he's good at trivial pursuit?! I'm good at trivial pursuit."Ashley: "Okay. You and anybody else in the room vs. Derek and I. You win, I'll take my shirt off. You lose, you shut up."*****So now we're playing a game of Trivial Pursuit, and if I lose Billy gets to see my lady friend's tits...Sam and Jackie are back to unhappy, I think.

I want to play on Billy's team, hook up the webcam.

[brvheart 1,752]

Edited for Mexico

Shouldn't you consider throwing it? I mean, you don't care about her... and it would be a nice gesture for Billy AND a funny burn on Ashley.