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I Called In Sick Today

turd ferguson

By turd ferguson,
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BigDMcGee

and after 3 days, he is risen!

David_Sklansky

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

AmScray

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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speedz99

speedz99 145

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I am so out of the movie watching loop it's not even funny. Sucks.
I think you might really like that movie.I was at my parents' place today for dinner with pops, and I decided to kill some time by watching Funny People on their HBO On Demand. I had to stop it and got back, and when I did so I saw their other recently made purchase, which had to be from the night before while my mom was already out of town.Yep, it was the new Twilight movie. Way to go, dad.
DO NOT READ THIS STRATHey losers. Just got back from boning the fuck out of loogie. What can I say? Pictures don't do him justice. He is way cuter in real life. I would totally date him, but y'all know internet relationships aren't my cup of tea. I just hope our paths meet again someday so I can tap that one more time.
Were his balls as weird as I've always imagined?
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speedz99

speedz99 145

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I'd tell you to add a "NSFW", but I think everyone assumed that anything from you is porn related.That sight looks like a pretty good way to destroy a computer with more viruses than you'd find at an FCP Army gathering. Jokes!
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Voldemort

Voldemort 0

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I'd tell you to add a "NSFW", but I think everyone assumed that anything from you is porn related.That sight looks like a pretty good way to destroy a computer with more viruses than you'd find at an FCP Army gathering. Jokes!
Heh.I'll add for safety.
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Ron_Mexico

Ron_Mexico 4,219

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DO NOT READ THIS STRATHey losers. Just got back from boning the fuck out of loogie. What can I say? Pictures don't do him justice. He is way cuter in real life. I would totally date him, but y'all know internet relationships aren't my cup of tea. I just hope our paths meet again someday so I can tap that one more time.
I don't know why but this would make me happy if it were actually true. I guess just to know that everyone is a sexual degen like myself. Although, I don't know why having sex with an acquaintance would make her/him a degen. It's just sex. But still...ok, I've got nothing
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Tactical Bear

Tactical Bear 3

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We need to add a middle ground.good real > average real > good fake > bad real > average fake > bad fake
Well, I quoted this about 13 hours ago, and apparently I just never got around to responding. Good real > Good fake > Average real > Average Fake> Bad Real > Bad Fake. I don't love fake breasts, but -- depending on the circumstances, of course, which can really have an impact -- I'm pretty sure "total quality" is really all that matters. But bad fake is just soooo bad.
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Tactical Bear

Tactical Bear 3

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DO NOT READ THIS STRATHey losers. Just got back from boning the fuck out of loogie. What can I say? Pictures don't do him justice. He is way cuter in real life. I would totally date him, but y'all know internet relationships aren't my cup of tea. I just hope our paths meet again someday so I can tap that one more time.
No matter how the relationship between Strat and LG ended, and no matter what terms they are on now, and no matter that LG is probably joking, and....Just, God, this is probably my worst nightmare. "Dude -- uh, and all of your friends and everything, who are here hanging out while we have this conversation -- your ex-girlfriend banged this shit out of some dude who is objectively, without a doubt, cooler than you. He's more physically attractive, and he kind of tried to make a living as a comedian. And your ex just doinked him. First night." Oh yeah? (choking back vomit) Good for her. I mean, I'm totally over the whole thing, so whatever makes her ha-"YOUR EX JUST FUCKED THE COOLEST GUY IN THE WORLD!"(Suicide)
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LongLiveYorke

LongLiveYorke 38

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...some dude who is objectively, without a doubt, cooler than you
Ha.(So, I've been curious for a while. Did LG and Strat meet in person first, or did they meet through this site and later in person..? What's the deal with that?)
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LadyGhey

LadyGhey 0

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No matter how the relationship between Strat and LG ended, and no matter what terms they are on now, and no matter that LG is probably joking, and....Just, God, this is probably my worst nightmare. "Dude -- uh, and all of your friends and everything, who are here hanging out while we have this conversation -- your ex-girlfriend banged this shit out of some dude who is objectively, without a doubt, cooler than you. He's more physically attractive, and he kind of tried to make a living as a comedian. And your ex just doinked him. First night." Oh yeah? (choking back vomit) Good for her. I mean, I'm totally over the whole thing, so whatever makes her ha-"YOUR EX JUST FUCKED THE COOLEST GUY IN THE WORLD!"(Suicide)
Aww, you think loogie is the coolest guy in the world? Know what though, he definitely is one of the coolest people I've met. We ended up hanging out for 9 hours which wasn't really planned. Only a few of those hours were spent boning though; most of the time we were bitching about all of you.
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LadyGhey

LadyGhey 0

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Ha.(So, I've been curious for a while. Did LG and Strat meet in person first, or did they meet through this site and later in person..? What's the deal with that?)
Why don't you ask me, nosy parker?Strat and I met right here in this thread, which I consider my own personal pool of eligible bachelors. A few months later he and I met in person. Then we met in person again, and another time after that. Almost a year later I did my year abroad at his college. Then we broke up last year, and that's the deal with that. All broked up. So, Yorke, are you coming to England any time soon? ..........
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CardWarfare

CardWarfare 4

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Why don't you ask me, nosy parker?Strat and I met right here in this thread, which I consider my own personal pool of eligible bachelors. A few months later he and I met in person. Then we met in person again, and another time after that. Almost a year later I did my year abroad at his college. Then we broke up last year, and that's the deal with that. All broked up. So, Yorke, are you coming to England any time soon? ..........
Hi there!I'm Jeff. You may remember me as the asian guy that sometimes has his account used by a funnier non-asian guy who started this thread. I enjoy having chicks with accents that aren't middle eastern or asian (too close to home) tell me what to do.
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speedz99

speedz99 145

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The stamp is what does it for me.
$750 million
Question: could that be worth it for Tiger? I mean, that's obviously an insane amount of money, one that I barely can comprehend, but he's still going to have more money than he could ever spend for the rest of his life, so what's the difference? Is it worth $750M to get his freedom back?
(Suicide)
I feel like this would have been better in computer programming language.
he definitely is one of the coolest people I've met.
I picture a supreme self confidence eminating from his loins.
This is where she stopped reading.
And started masturbating.Right? Am I right? Huh? YEAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!Gotta go.
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strategy

strategy 4

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I got nothin. my brother went ahead and bought a new BMW with the money I'd shrewdly taken out of stocks. pretty obnoxious that he'd go on megatilt over a risky asset losing some trivial sum and then casually sign up to lose 30%+ on a car over a two year period. I've just stopped responding to emails/IMs.

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JoeyJoJo

JoeyJoJo 18

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"YOUR EX JUST FUCKED THE COOLEST GUY IN THE WORLD!"(Suicide)
I feel like if you came home and found your wife/girlfriend in bed with another guy, it would be much better if he was the coolest guy in the world. I don't know who the coolest guy in the world is (we can do some brackets though, you know, if we wanted to), but if you came home and she's fucking George Clooney, you gotta just shrug your shoulders and say, "Well, yeah, can't argue with that."
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LongLiveYorke

LongLiveYorke 38

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I don't know who the coolest guy in the world is (we can do some brackets though, you know, if we wanted to)
Is there any doubt that we're going to?
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LongLiveYorke

LongLiveYorke 38

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Is there any doubt that we're going to?
I say we all get to nominate one or two people, we make a case for them, show their relevant work, etc etc, and then we make a pool of 32 or so finalists. Then we can do brackets! Huzzah!
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