Dear Nikki

[brvheart 1,752]

You selling?

The wife is interested in moving closer to family in Wisconsin... so I'm at the beginning stages of thinking about it.

I don't get the Ackbar joke. JJJ used it on me also. I always just assume that it means I'm dumb and move on.

[bigkg 0]

I don't get the Ackbar joke. JJJ used it on me also. I always just assume that it means I'm dumb and move on.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _________. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ./ It’s a trap!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _,,,--~~~~~~~~--,_ . . . . ._________/. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘ : : : :::: :::: :: : : : : :º ‘-, . . /. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .,-‘ :: : : :::: :::: :::: :::: : : : ‘-, . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘ :: ::: :: : : :: :::: :::: :: : : : : ‘-, . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .,-‘ : :: :: :: :: :: : : : : : , : : :º :::: :::: ::’; . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .,-‘ / / : :: :: :: :: : : :::: :::-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ; . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . /,-‘,’ :: : : : : : : : : :: :: :: : ‘-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;;| . . . . . . .. . . . . . . /,’,-‘ :: :: :: :: :: :: :: : ::_,-~~,_’-, ;; ;; ;; ;; | . . . . . . .. . . . . _/ :,’ :/ :: :: :: : : :: :: _,-‘/ : ,-‘;’-‘’’’’~-, ;; ;; ;;,’ . . . . . . . .. . . ,-‘ / : : : : : : ,-‘’’ : : :,--‘’ :|| /,-‘-‘--‘’’__,’’’ ;; ;,-‘ . . . . . . . .. . . :/,, : : : _,-‘ --,,_ : : : ||/ /,-‘-‘x### :: ;;/ . . . . . . . . . .. . . . / /---‘’’’ : # : : : : : | | : (O##º : :/ /-‘’ . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . /,’____ : : ‘-# : , : : : : ‘-,___,-‘,-`-,, . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . ‘ ) : : : :’’’’--,,--,,,,,,¯ :: ::--,,_’’-,,’’’¯ :’- :’-, . . . . . . . . .. . . . .) : : : : : : ,, : ‘’’’~~~~’ :: :: :: :’’’’’¯ :: ,-‘ :,/ . . . . . . . . .. . . . .,/ /|\| | :/ / : : : : : : : ,’-, :: :: :: :: ::,--‘’ :,-‘ . . . . . . . .. . . . .\’|\ |/ ‘/ / :: :_--,, : , | )’; :: :: :: :,-‘’ : ,-‘ : : : , . . . . . . .. . . ./¯ :| | : |/ :: ::----, :/ :|/ :: :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : ‘’-,,_ . . . .. . ..| : : :/ ‘’-(, :: :: :: ‘’’’’~,,,,,’’ :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : : : :,-‘’’\ . . . .. ,-‘ : : : | : : ‘’) : : :¯’’’’~-,: : ,--‘’’ : :,-‘’ : : : : : : : : : ,-‘ :¯’’’’’-,_ ../ : : : : :’-, :: | :: :: :: _,,-‘’’’¯ : ,--‘’ : : : : : : : : : : : / : : : : : : :’’-,/ : : : : : -, :¯’’’’’’’’’’’¯ : : _,,-~’’ : : : : : : : : : : : : : :| : : : : : : : : :: : : : : : :¯’’~~~~~~’’’ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : | : : : : : : : : :

[Sal Paradise 57]

Sounds like you are married to a woman.

definitely in my top ten favorite posts on here now. you, me, kindred, etc.

[vbnautilus 48]

Well, that is a well thought out answer. Like I said though it's tough to get to this point because it is either crying or she just doesn't see my point because she is so focused on her thought which she believes is 100% correct. It seems like I am always explaining to her how we both give up things, ie compromise, but she only sees that she is giving something up and that I of course never do.The business thing is only one of the problems that we get into fights about though. There are a few other issues but I don't really feel comfortable bringing them up to a room full of people I've never met, no offense to anybody here, it's just the way it is. The main point is that in the major life issues, we differ 180 degrees from each other and I try to find a balance point but we really just go over the same arguments and never seem to get anywhere.

Better to talk about your sexual dysfunction in a room full of people you don't know than in a room full of people you do know.

[LongLiveYorke 38]

I don't get the Ackbar joke. JJJ used it on me also. I always just assume that it means I'm dumb and move on.

Come on, man. Get with the times. Everybody gets the Ackbar joke these days.(It's a trap)

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Come on, man. Get with the times. Everybody gets the Ackbar joke these days.(It's a trap)

It's a shame we don't have a Dear Admiral Ackbar thread.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

[bigkg 0]

[Nikki_N 17]

It's a shame we don't have a Dear Admiral Ackbar thread.

Make it so.Wait... wrong series.

[Speed Limit 0]

Dear Nikki,Hi I'm Adam. So the root of the problem, and the reason on why I ask for some sort of e-advice is my confusion about this one girl.Small backstory:I am 21 (because I suppose that matters as a reference point on my experiences) and a girl that I was in love with broke up with me a little over a month ago after a long term relationship, it came out of the blue as she said, "I don't love you anymore". It was the only relationship that I have been in where I felt completely comfortable and had no problems with. Great girl, her family was amazing, same friends etc etc. I've gotten to a point where I feel like I've been handling it well, even in the small time that has elapsed, but still find moments of weakness and know I've still some problems inside that deal with the situation.Now to the meat of things:As I returned back to my school after summer a few of my friends who own an apartment on campus threw a party on the first official move in day, before classes had started. A few freshman girls (I am a junior but will be a senior after this semester) managed to find their way over and to hang out with us. I took a liking to one of the girls, Katherine, and by the end of the night used my very (not) smooth moves and put my name and phone number into her contacts in her phone. I told her that the person she didn't know in her phonebook was me. Before she left, in my drunken state I told her that she was cute. She then said she would text me. I woke up to a text she sent later in the night (early morning) saying she thought I was cute too. Fast forward a bit and we've been talking at least once a day, flirting, and generally being cute. I see her the next weekend and move in to kiss her when we get a private moment, as I'm leaning in she quips, "I shouldn't do this" and I tell her, "One kiss won't hurt right?" She agrees and we kiss. Nothing else important happens that night, and I text her after she has left telling her, "Sorry if that kiss was unwanted or weird" to which she tells me that it was cute. I see her the next night and we're a bit touchy, nothing serious, holding hands, back rubs, general flirty touching. I tell myself I've been seeing and talking to her a bit too much and I'm not sure if I'm ready for anything, but on the other hand I don't expect this girl to wait around for me if she is interested. I wait a day and talk to her after, eventually ending up in me asking her to go get coffee with me. In a very unenthusiastic manner she said "Yeah sure". I made a half-joke on how enthused she sounded, and she went on to tell me that she didn't me to get the wrong idea. Well of course I asked her exactly what the wrong idea was, and she comes back saying that she doesn't want to lead me on but she is not ready for anything between her and I, and that she is not ready for anything close to a relationship. I tell her that I am very much OK with that, and that coffee is still on. She thanks me for being more than understanding.I accept that she's just not ready, it makes total sense, she's a freshman and she meets me on her first day on campus after moving in. I cannot expect her to be looking for anything except just a good time. I'm not too upset at that point because even I know I shouldn't be ready for anything so quickly after a long and meaningful relationship. I let things be for a while, but after a few days she starts talking to me in an even more flirty manner than she represented before our little talk, she even hints at wanting to see me and hang out. This leads to her to telling me that she wants me to join the swing dance club with her (I know, I know) so I can be her partner. I resist a lot, telling her I've never swing danced before, and that I'm not even a good dancer. She keeps on insisting, "I could ask a million guys, but I'm begging you. I obviously want you to be there with me." I cave into her demands after making a few of my own (cookies whenever I want and that she joins soccer with me). She keeps talking to me on a very regular basis, texting me before she goes to bed every night, and has seem to be even more flirty than before and more playful with me. Friday rolls around, once again party night and she comes to the apartment after asking me what I was doing. I let her in and almost instantly, it seems like she has stepped up her game. We hang pretty close to each other for the night, but she is initiating contact constantly. She kept grabbing my hand and wanting to hold it. One moment during the night she grabbed my hand and looked at me, I looked at her back and she shot me the most innocent and happy smile when I met her eyes, I smiled back. After festivities she asked me to walk her back to her room, the complete opposite end of campus and roughly a 20 minute walk. I agree and she wants to hold hands the whole way there. When we arrive at her dorm, I stay far away so, again, not to initiate anything. She opens the door and holds her hand out to me, insinuating a hug. Instead of being a total ass and walking away, I walk up to her and hug her before trekking back alone. Now, I'm feeling quite baffled. Her actions, and most of the conversations we've had seem to say she is interested in me, but her telling me that she doesn't want anything between us has me pulled in another direction, obviously. If I were to guess, I would say she's partially trying to just make sure I am really interested and not looking to take advantage of a freshman girl for a one night fling, she is very smart and very nice. Perhaps this is just some totally incorrect read thrown off by the relationship I'm getting out of? I cannot tell if she's just using me, genuinely interested in me, or just looking to be friends. Perhaps you can weed through some of this information to help me out here with some thoughts or comments. Thanks in advance.

[vbnautilus 48]

This one is easy. She has a boyfriend back home. Ask her. Shouldn't be a problem though.

[Nikki_N 17]

This one is easy. She has a boyfriend back home. Ask her. Shouldn't be a problem though.

Ooh, you're dead on. Good call!Normally the hot cold thing would piss me off and I'd say nevermind her, nice and cute or not. I hate games. Nautilus is on to something, though. Ask her if she has a boyfriend. If she doesn't immediately say the word NO without hesitation, this is likely the source of her problem. On another note:Is this girl 18 yet?

[Nikki_N 17]

Dear Nikki,So, me and the wife have been having some trouble lately. Seems like we are always on seperate ends of any spectrum when we start to talk about life and what we want to do. We really have a lot of fun together (ie hikes, hanging out with friends, dinners, and anything else strictly on the surface) but whenever we start to talk about heavy things in life, we couldn't be more different. One instance is that like to take a bit more risks and she would rather not. One of the things is that I eventually want to start my own business. Not only am I fed up with working for someone else, I really feel that I would be able to do good in whatever I wanted. She doesn't want me to try this because all she can see is the big "What if it fails?" and "What would we do to pay this back?". Now she wanted to start a hobby / business and I supported that decision 100%. In fact anytime she wants to do anything I support her. It seems that anytime I want to do anything she immediately says no, even before I can put out the entire plan. It has been frustrating me to no end for the past year and I feel like it is impossible to talk to her about. (1) because she will almost always start to cry when we start to "discuss" these types of issues and (2) she always thinks that she is 100% correct.Anyway, a lot of times I feel frustrated by this and I don't really know what to do. What is the best way to attack this situation?Cheers!

So, I have to say that after thinking on this a bit, I feel like this is a pretty big problem. If there can be no compromise, you just have to decide how important it is to you to start this business. If it means a whole lot ot you, I think you just have to go for it. She can stay and support you, or leave. I know that's harsh, but I think you are otherwise at an impasse. There are times when Dave and I disagree that one of us just basically says, "I'm doing the thing I think is best," and that's the end of the argument. So far, things have worked out pretty well. Mind you this only really happens when we can't come to any sort of compromise.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

This one is easy. She has a boyfriend back home. Ask her. Shouldn't be a problem though.

YOU, You're good. You.Maybe she wants some intimacy without the boyfriend partnah, actually sounds like she wants a boyfriend without the sex part. Sorry. Try to bang herif you're looking for a way out without hurting feelings, be an AWFUL swing dancer and then fake an injury. She'll be relieved.

[Speed Limit 0]

Ooh, you're dead on. Good call!Normally the hot cold thing would piss me off and I'd say nevermind her, nice and cute or not. I hate games. Nautilus is on to something, though. Ask her if she has a boyfriend. If she doesn't immediately say the word NO without hesitation, this is likely the source of her problem. On another note:Is this girl 18 yet?

Yeah, I asked her if she has a boyfriend back home, and kinda sneakily asked a mutual friend of ours, who is the reason why I know her, the same question. Both answers were vehemently "No". Yes she is 18, her birthday falls shortly after mine so when I turn 22 she will still be 18.

[Speed Limit 0]

nah, actually sounds like she wants a boyfriend without the sex part. Sorry. Try to bang herif you're looking for a way out without hurting feelings, be an AWFUL swing dancer and then fake an injury. She'll be relieved.

Probably QFT.The swing dance idea isn't too shabby.

[Nikki_N 17]

Probably QFT.The swing dance idea isn't too shabby.

If you have to take swing dancing class and aren't going to get to bang this chick, you should find a new chick. I hate head games and this whole hot cold thing is not something I would spend time trying to puzzle out. There are other girls. Find one that likes to give head or something. THAT's a girl you swing dance for.

[speedz99 145]

insinuating a hug

That's quite a trick.Get her drunk and try to make out with her. If she won't do it drunk, she'll never do it sober, so you can just get rid of her. There are two options here:1. she likes you 2. she likes having someone around to act the part of the boyfriend without actually having to put in any effort herselfFigure it out, quickly. If there's no action in a week, just cut off all contact.

[Speed Limit 0]

That's quite a trick.Get her drunk and try to make out with her. If she won't do it drunk, she'll never do it sober, so you can just get rid of her. There are two options here:1. she likes you 2. she likes having someone around to act the part of the boyfriend without actually having to put in any effort herselfFigure it out, quickly. If there's no action in a week, just cut off all contact.

Yeah 90% of our encounters are under the pretense of alcohol. Mo' bitches.

[TommyGavin81 0]

That's quite a trick.Get her drunk and try to make out with her. If she won't do it drunk, she'll never do it sober, so you can just get rid of her. There are two options here:1. she likes you 2. she likes having someone around to act the part of the boyfriend without actually having to put in any effort herselfFigure it out, quickly. If there's no action in a week, just cut off all contact.

This right here. Women love attention. Sounds like that's what she gets from you. You gotta make a real move and put the pressure on her. Otherwise you'll get stuck in this pseudo-relationship til she finds someone who excites her.

[vbnautilus 48]

Couple comments I've been wanting to make about this post.

she doesn't want to lead me on but she is not ready for anything between her and I, and that she is not ready for anything close to a relationship.

This line from her really bothers me. Not ready? What kind of preparation does it take? Either she wants to get it on or she doesn't. This "not ready" crap is just a way to keep you chasing.

Nothing else important happens that night, and I text her after she has left telling her, "Sorry if that kiss was unwanted or weird" to which she tells me that it was cute.

This is a major leak in your game. Why are you apologizing for kissing her? A man takes what's his and does not apologize! You gotta take a little more charge of a situation like this, it's not generally attractive to be so timid about it. Anyways I totally agree with Nikki above... you shouldn't be doing a swing dance thing that you don't want to do as bargaining for something that may never happen.

[Speed Limit 0]

This is a major leak in your game. Why are you apologizing for kissing her? A man takes what's his and does not apologize! You gotta take a little more charge of a situation like this, it's not generally attractive to be so timid about it. Anyways I totally agree with Nikki above... you shouldn't be doing a swing dance thing that you don't want to do as bargaining for something that may never happen.

Well I was pretty drunk at the time of the text and feeling pretty awkward about it, so I just did what my first instinct was. Alas, think I'm just moving on, I do not really want to play games for a whole year. Thanks everyone.

[Nikki_N 17]

Well I was pretty drunk at the time of the text and feeling pretty awkward about it, so I just did what my first instinct was. Alas, think I'm just moving on, I do not really want to play games for a whole year. Thanks everyone.

Good on ya. There are other girls to do. Go get you some of those.

[speedz99 145]

Good on ya.

This better not catch on in the states like certain other phrases.Oh, random acquaintance, you went abroad for a semester or backpacking after undergrad? It was to London or Sydney or wherever? Sweet. Well you don't have to prove it by saying "cheers" every fucking chance you get. You can still write emails and text messages without the ubiquitous "cheers!" ending every single one. That's their phrase, stop using it to try and sound like a Citizen of the World. Dicks.

[Nikki_N 17]

This better not catch on in the states like certain other phrases.Oh, random acquaintance, you went abroad for a semester or backpacking after undergrad? It was to London or Sydney or wherever? Sweet. Well you don't have to prove it by saying "cheers" every fucking chance you get. You can still write emails and text messages without the ubiquitous "cheers!" ending every single one. That's their phrase, stop using it to try and sound like a Citizen of the World. Dicks.

I just really like that phrase. Not so much with cheers.edit: I have not been abroad for a semester or backpacking in the UK or Europe. I did go to Scotland for a couple of weeks some years ago. They don't use "good on ya" as far as I know. At least not en masse.