MasterLJ 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 My buddy was playing Limit with John Juanda at Full Tilt and put the moves on him. After he raised he said "Juanda gimme your money?" Juanda replies, "I usually flip over the nuts after people say that," then folded, and my friend showed him his rags. Link to post Share on other sites
Emptyeye 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 Once my friend and I went to Foxwoods, and played some 2/4 Omaha/8. Now he's loud, obnoxious, and will raise with anything and everything given the chance.So anyway, he's doing the whole bet/raise/reraise thing, and the river brings a third club. He bets. His one opponent says "nice flush" and folds. Another guy at the table (One of the few who was paying attention) says to him, "Show them you don't have the flush." and my friend says "I'll show I don't have the flush!" and proceeds to turn over something like 468Q which bears no relation to the board whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
jlgosse 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 For me? One time, a friend of mine was giving me alot of action, and I was loving it. I had a pocket pair (can't remember what), and I flopped a set. The turn was my quad card, this was amazing. Anyway, he continued betting and I was laughing inside. Turns out he had the highest boat possible.Anyway, he goes "I got the nut full house", and I say "awww, that ****ing sucks!", and before I get to finish this (this is what I wanted) he starts dragging in the pot, until I say "I got quads, so you lose". He was so mad. Link to post Share on other sites
SplashMaster 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I played in a tourney ona friday night at the orleans maybe 2 months ago and had a great line put on me. I made the final table and had 6,000 in chips, the blinds were 400-800 with like 75, or 100 ante. I move in with kings and get called by the big blind who has me covered. I say " I have kings" he looks at me and says " well all I have is 2 overs" as he shows me rockets it was aggravating but funny.came in 6th and made a little dough, but whatever Link to post Share on other sites
Vade 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I played in a tourney ona friday night at the orleans maybe 2 months ago and had a great line put on me. I made the final table and had 6,000 in chips, the blinds were 400-800 with like 75, or 100 ante. I move in with kings and get called by the big blind who has me covered. I say " I have kings" he looks at me and says " well all I have is 2 overs" as he shows me rockets it was aggravating but funny.came in 6th and made a little dough, but whateverNote...use that line at some point in the future!Great! Link to post Share on other sites
MasterLJ 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 A great line after a pre-flop all-in and you are holding rockets is...."Ladies and gentlemen..... exhibit ACE!" Link to post Share on other sites
commoncents 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 "just one Jack off hua?" Link to post Share on other sites
SplashMaster 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I played in a tourney ona friday night at the orleans maybe 2 months ago and had a great line put on me. I made the final table and had 6,000 in chips, the blinds were 400-800 with like 75, or 100 ante. I move in with kings and get called by the big blind who has me covered. I say " I have kings" he looks at me and says " well all I have is 2 overs" as he shows me rockets it was aggravating but funny.came in 6th and made a little dough, but whateverNote...use that line at some point in the future!Great!it was an "insta steal" for me. I have not been able to use it yet thgough, for you need the person with kings to be all in and say "I have kings" then you can use the line oh I'm waitin to spring it :wink: Link to post Share on other sites
Patricnz 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 "How do my nuts taste?"Best by far 10/10 exellent work :wink: Link to post Share on other sites
HtotheNootch 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 Some days you eat the 'bar' and some days the 'bar' eats you. Link to post Share on other sites
fleung22 1 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I know a guy, we'll call him Bob, who always slow plays AA & KK. The game is $1-2 NL Hold'em...I'm on the small blind with 33. Everyone folds to Bob and he limps in at the cutoff. The button limps, I call and the big blind checks. Bob is always looking to steal and raises all the time so I'm already suspecting AA or KK.Flop comes 3 7 J rainbow.I bet out $5...the big blind folds...Bob calls...button folds.Turn is a K.I bet out $10 and Bob pulls the full Hollywood job with his hesitation and pathetic sob look. I already realize I'm in big trouble. But Bob just calls...trying to reel me in.River is a 3. Sweet!I bet out $15 and Bob quickly pushes all-in for another $80.I smile, look at him and say, "O, what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive. Macbeth." (okay...so I wasn't able to say it verbatim)Quads take down Trip KBob says, "F**k you...you f**king piece of shit! Robert Deniro."Not sure which movie the response line was from but it was pretty damn funny at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
fleung22 1 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 err...I meant Quads take down Full House. Duh! :roll: Link to post Share on other sites
pparazorback 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I thought this was extremely funny when my friend told me about this hand....He was in a free bar tournament, and previously on a different table where this older woman (probably in her early 60s) was playing and winning hands on draws, calling with anything, etc... He got moved to a different table and was happy to get away from her because of the hands she was hitting playing cards she should not be playing. Anyway, he is at the new table and having fun at the table with the people he was playing with. Later on as luck would have it, the older woman got moved to his table, And the conversation kinda got quieter. Very First hand in after she sat down, friend was dealt :diamondsa: :diamondsj: and was in the small blind. some limpers in the hand, so He moved all in, got called by the woman who was in the big blind, and everyone else folded. she had him covered by like 200 chips. he showed his :diamondsa: :diamondsj: and she flipped over :spadesa: :clubs9: so he knew he was ahead. The Flop: :heartsa: :spades2: :spades9: His response after the flop was "That is F----in Insane".. Of course, not making the comment at the woman, but just at the flop and his bad luck. The woman, taking a little offense to that said "Young Man, that is not a very nice thing to say in front of a lady" .... To which his response was.... "Sorry, Ma'am. Your right, I should have never made the comment, and I apologize ..... That is F----in Crazy" The whole table erupted in laughter. The player continued laughing as rags fell on 4th and 5th streets and he got knocked out. He said he never had been in that good a mood after getting knocked out! Link to post Share on other sites
Erudis 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 i made a big bet at the turn with AA and the other guy folded after thinking about it for a while. i went to muck when he said:"show, i paid enough to see"so i said"no you didn't, but you made a down-payment"so i flipped over one of the aces and mucked the other one Link to post Share on other sites
314HxC 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I was playing a MTT on UB and about an hour into I get dealt :spadesa: :spadesk: on the button, I raise 3X the bb and both blinds call me. Flop comes :spades4: :spadesj: :clubs10: 1st position Raises about half his stack which is about 1/4 of mine. 2nd Pos. folds. With the Nut Flush draw and The nut Str8 draw I call. Flop comes :heartsq: He immediately goes all in I called right away considering worst case scenario, he flips AK and we split the pot, but he flips J4 offsuit. River is a blank and my Ace high straight busts him.His parting words: "Nice call on the flop idiot."My response: "With that many outs Stevie Wonder could have hit the nuts with a bow and arrow." Link to post Share on other sites
314HxC 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 Flop comes :heartsq: quote]Sorry, I meant Turn. Link to post Share on other sites
LeeDanger 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 Well, this wasn't my line but I thought it was hilarious. I play 10-20 pretty regularly at my local casino as does my brother and a friend of ours. The game is usually filled with the same group of people so we know how everyone plays generally. A friend of mine named Duncan is a very aggressive player and makes a lot of preflop raises especially when he has a lot of chips. So he raised preflop and got 1 caller, once the hand was played out the one guy named Tony showed 104 offsuit for two pair and beat Duncan's aces.Duncan: "What the **** are you doing calling my raise with that shit Tony?"Tony: "You might have a lot of chips, but your name is still Duncan so why would I fold against you?"This probably isnt funny to most of you guys but if you understood the game at all I"m sure you would find as funny as I did. Link to post Share on other sites
snowbird 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I was playing in a live tourney last summer. I had won a few pots, had almost 9k, started with 5k. There was this one guy that after every single hand it seemed like he would say something like "why call with that?" or "i can't believe you raised with that", and so on. A couple times he was like "thats what you get for slow playing thosae Kings." He was driving me crazy, and it takes alot to irritate me. I get dealt 99 in MP and and throw a little raise. I think it was the minimum. Everyone folds and Mr. Know-it-all calls. Flop comes 99x. I remember thinking, "I hope this mf'er has something." I throw out nice little 1k in chips and he calls. Turn comes another rag, I bet 1500, and he calls. River comes a J and I threw out 3k just to get rid of him. He thinks about it for a second and pushes all of his chips in while saying "I dont believe you!" I guess there was a flush draw or something, I dont know why he said that. I immediately called and throws down pocket J's. For almost 10 seconds he went off screaming "You let me get to the river", "Thats what you get for slowplaying Aces", "Watch me play and you'll from a master." Finally when he quit yelling I threw my quads right at his stack. Im not one to say much at the table, but I let out a "How bout slowplaying quads....stick around, you might learn some poker." Everyone at my table said thank you when he left. 8) Link to post Share on other sites
snowbird 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 i made a big bet at the turn with AA and the other guy folded after thinking about it for a while. i went to muck when he said:"show, i paid enough to see"so i said"no you didn't, but you made a down-payment"so i flipped over one of the aces and mucked the other onei gotta put that into the memory bank....at my home games someone always says "i paid to see it." Link to post Share on other sites
SexyStudThang 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I have the best one yet, I do the same thing every time I win a pot, when Im dragging the chips I say....get ready for this....."Next case!"That's definitely the best one. Link to post Share on other sites
Tidlum 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 After winning 2 large pots in a row off the same guy I said " I believe i will let your ass whiten up a little before I spank it again." Link to post Share on other sites
FrankB 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I play in a bi-weekly home game. These are some of the things that could have been over heard at our game. I would never condone saying these things in a B&M cardroom (or online for that matter). But amongst friends.... it's some pretty funny stuff. Out of respect fot Daniel's forum, they have been edited for content, but I'm sure you all could find some more "colorful" words to interject. Enjoy...(after losing a big pot) Aw, buck up. It's not as bad as when that biker raped you---Ooh sorry, did let the cat outta the bag?I haven't had a hand like that since your mother jerked me off at last summer's pool party.HA! I bet you haven't seen a house this full since your mom stopped working bachelor parties!(After player sucked out against a big hand) What's the matter? Just lose your wife's "buy some real boobs fund?"(When pondering a tough call) Wow...your vagina must be killing you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I play in a bi-weekly home game. These are some of the things that could have been over heard at our game. I would never condone saying these things in a B&M cardroom (or online for that matter). But amongst friends.... it's some pretty funny stuff. Out of respect fot Daniel's forum, they have been edited for content, but I'm sure you all could find some more "colorful" words to interject. Enjoy...(after losing a big pot) Aw, buck up. It's not as bad as when that biker raped you---Ooh sorry, did let the cat outta the bag?I haven't had a hand like that since your mother jerked me off at last summer's pool party.HA! I bet you haven't seen a house this full since your mom stopped working bachelor parties!(After player sucked out against a big hand) What's the matter? Just lose your wife's "buy some real boobs fund?"(When pondering a tough call) Wow...your vagina must be killing you.hahahaha awesome. loved the wife one Link to post Share on other sites
jack24bauer24 0 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 For me? One time, a friend of mine was giving me alot of action, and I was loving it. I had a pocket pair (can't remember what), and I flopped a set. The turn was my quad card, this was amazing. Anyway, he continued betting and I was laughing inside. Turns out he had the highest boat possible.Anyway, he goes "I got the nut full house", and I say "awww, that censored sucks!", and before I get to finish this (this is what I wanted) he starts dragging in the pot, until I say "I got quads, so you lose". He was so mad.Wow that was a real zinger.... Link to post Share on other sites
JimmyWellington 1 Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 We had a guy on a PS 2 table sng, (URBeatAlready was his name, I believe).Our conversation went like this:Him: www.pokerroom is much betterMe: why aren't you playing there, then?then laterHim: The cars are way more random at pokerroom.comMe: Yeah, I got a Honda over there that had the engine in the passenger seat!Well I thought it was funny Link to post Share on other sites
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