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I Called In Sick Today


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men have this body part called a "penis." sometimes they get to put their "penis" inside a woman's "vagina" because it "feels good." but occassionally they will put something called a "condom" over their "penis" in case the woman might not be on "birth control" or is a "disease ridden slutbag."

 

Also, "disease ridden slutbags" are not born, they're made. By TG and his CHESTy ilk.

 

 

Umm, no offense.

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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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I wasn't aware of what it was either.

 

Good stuff Hank. I will use the no boil pasta for the lasagna. Goes into the over hard. They work great. Used them before. I will do a simple thin spaghettini for the gravy and meatballs, sausage

 

Jubi, for some reason, I want to cook. Not sure why. I want the challenge.

 

Frau - there will be homemake cupcakes, a homemade white cake with butter cream frosting and a lemon filling and I'm probably gonna make my bad ass cream puffs

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ok, they are moving up my promotion today. the question is whether I should accept it. it locks me in the group for another year and denies me Sydney/London, carries a salary of 32k. it's a sucker's promotion.

 

they miraculously have a spot opening up today and my manager asks me how long I was a temp, then if I want to talk about the opening. I told her we will talk later.

 

I don't know how to decline this without pissing them off. hank I need your help.

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you could say something like you haven't looked, applied or gone on any interviews but a friend of yours has been telling you to apply at their company and the expectation is the salary is 40k or just say 42k. that's your starting point and you can try to negotiate to like 36k or something. not sure if that makes you happier.

 

 

I know what Mirena is and I like it.

 

.......

 

 

edit:

 

will Jeff get his due? Maybe he'll post funny snide remarks! or a link to a cool video which you'll repeat for a few days!

 

is Ron going to eat all the food before his guests get there? that's just mean.

 

will Cha-Cha or Suited post a gif response?

 

a TG banging chick story?

 

 

Find out on the next page...of the sick thread.

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Dang, that was mean. At least you could've said that i was going to drink all the booze.

 

Thats ok, take your shots, anonymous, non sequitor man. I can take em. Twas the logical joke to make

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i had to look up what that was.

 

I didn't know either but it's been a long time since I've had to worry about my boys reaching a fertile egg.

 

So, the first time you had sex with the 20 yo TG did she make you wear a condom? Maybe she was just telling you for next time that you've now passed into the bareback zone for future "massages"? That's how I would take it.

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my stream of consciousness is a jerk.

 

you would obviously need that sweet nectar of alcohol to wash down all that delicious food you prepared. you'd probably sex up all the ladies and work it all off as long as some douche didn't make you put your hood down.

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I know a waitress here. our waitress is kinda cute. I briefly thought about asking the one I know for the other's name.

 

but I mean, she already told me, and it's probably poor form to have not remembered it

 

Should've done it. She probably doesn't remember that she told you anyway. But if she does remember telling you, that's probably a good sign, right? Also, why did she tell you this other waitress's name?

 

 

 

This was unexpected.

 

 

"What a fucking cute baby!"

 

 

haha... that line makes me laugh every time. Best random story ever. I probably laugh about it once every couple weeks.

 

Nobody knows what you're talking about.

 

 

But then I get a text from one of my friends (a girl) saying she was stuck on some accounting homework and was thinking of coming by herself so I could help her. I told her to grab some beer and come over. So she did. And then I did some homework for a few hours. She didn't do like 1/2 of the assignments for the entire semester and its due Friday at noon. So, I didn't really make much of a dent in it. And then we watched some tv and that was that.

 

This is a story you'll be telling a few years from now when you look back at how clueless you were.

 

 

Cuddled for about 5 minutes then asked if I was good at massages. Of course I am.

 

Haha, totally knew exactly what was going to happen after this.

 

 

Why does the raise/promotion eliminate London or Sydney?

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That sealed it, I prefer mean RTM. I dont know about that last post. Lost me on the hood. Thought about my car, about the flap of skin over a clit, about where I live. I am still lost

 

Wow, hood has a lot of meanings

 

Yeah, strat, its not like you're signing a contract. Take the gig, be good, look to advance or move on

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You mean when she said "can you stop doing that (homework) and come watch tv on the bed with me?" she might not have wanted to actually watch tv???

 

In my defense I did stop doing homework and watched tv on the bed with her but she brought up my roommate and I didn't think she wanted me to make a move. I don't know. I'm clueless

 

She was who I hung out with for a day over the 4th. And when we were out at the bar she was sort of biting my face or something. But i never turned my head for the kiss. That's what I mean by flirty. And then we went back to her place and Facetimed my roommate and she told me how she wasn't over him yet and we fell asleep in her bed.

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Dont stop making moves until they say "Seriously, stop it." I'm talking, dont even acknowledge or accept the first "hey, staahhp" cuz they know they have to protest a little to not come off as easy or slutty

 

 

Dude.

 

 

Failing is SO MUCH BETTER than not trying

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edit:

 

will Jeff get his due? Maybe he'll post funny snide remarks! or a link to a cool video which you'll repeat for a few days!

 

is Ron going to eat all the food before his guests get there? that's just mean.

 

will Cha-Cha or Suited post a gif response?

 

a TG banging chick story?

 

 

Find out on the next page...of the sick thread.

 

This was one of my favorite run posts ever.

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Junior year of high school. I become good friends with one of the other guys at school, who has a hot older sister who is a senior. She is that "sister that all his friends want to get it on with". But being a senior, she has little to do with any of us, espcially me as I am the "never gonna bang anyone remotely that hot" friend.

 

Fast forward two years, I'm in university. Turns out that Ouch-8s and Hottie Older Sister end up at the same school, and actually live just down the street from each other. We start to hang out, drive each other back and forth from our hometown, etc. One day we are watching a movie on TV when her roommate comes home and wants to watch something else. So HOS suggests we finish watching the movie on the TV in her bedroom. Sure, thinks me. She stretches out on the bed with me, watches the whole movie, I make NO MOVE because she is one of my best friend's sister, and besides, while I have improved since highschool (after all, by now I have had sex with, like, at least four women) she is still way out of my league. At the end, she says, "That was kind of disappointing." I reply, "Really? I kinda liked the movie." She looks at me like I'm retarded (probably right) and we never spent much time together again after that.

 

If I could change my title, I would. I don't often think back to my university days with regret, but that day... Oh man. I coulda had HOS.

 

We've all been there. Just try to learn from our mistakes, for brv's sake.

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Nobody knows what you're talking about.

 

All the right people know exactly what I'm talking about. So **** you.

 

I'm just teasing. I love you.

 

 

Anyway, this made me think about my favorite Eminem line ever: "Will Smith doesn't have to cuss to sell records, but I do, so **** him and **** you too."

 

That's funny.

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You mean when she said "can you stop doing that (homework) and come watch tv on the bed with me?" she might not have wanted to actually watch tv???

 

In my defense I did stop doing homework and watched tv on the bed with her but she brought up my roommate and I didn't think she wanted me to make a move. I don't know. I'm clueless

 

She was who I hung out with for a day over the 4th. And when we were out at the bar she was sort of biting my face or something. But i never turned my head for the kiss. That's what I mean by flirty. And then we went back to her place and Facetimed my roommate and she told me how she wasn't over him yet and we fell asleep in her bed.

 

When you say she brought up your roommate, you mean in conversation, right? Like, not up into the bed, right? Because by that time I bet she had run out of things to say (having budgeted far less time for talking than turned out to be necessary) and was probably reaching for topics like crazy.

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