I Called In Sick Today

[Napa Lite 3,278]

My "boss" is out today which means I get to listen to my music with both earbuds in. This will be the highlight of my day even with somebody bringing in breakfast pizza.

[brvheart 1,752]

I think us calling brvheart creepy has caused him to have a stroke.

Stupid auto correct on my 'ipad'.

[iZuma 764]

is it not really an ipad?

[brvheart 1,752]

is it not really an ipad?

Correct. I have a XOOM.

[Quacktastic 106]

My drive in to work today was pleasant in my 'Ferrari'.

[iZuma 764]

I am glad. similarly, I often enjoy anal sex with 'women.'

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

You mean the house of one of your female facebook friends? Unless...UNLESS...(he's gay for you)

that explains the earring.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

In other news, my daughter in law is moving out. She graduated, has a nursing job and was saving money up and then out of the blue, she fell in love! She's the 27 year old that has a little weight problem and daddy issues, but that doesn't matter because she found a daddy! He's 41 with 3 kids and giving Deb heart failure. I'm like C'MON! Who are we to question true love????**Besides we will gain a spare bedroom and all kinds of closet space and lose a whiney, lazy slob that you have to clean up after!****WIN/WIN!

Harsh, but funny. I like it. You really do bend over backwards for your wife and family. Makes that whole attorney thing puzzling. If I were you, I probably couldn't hold my tongue. (is that how you stir shit Beansey)

god damn it brv really did send friend requests to a few girls on my friends list. that's dangerously close to defriending territory bro.

Deleting brvy right after this post

My drive in to work today was pleasant in my 'Ferrari'.

I am glad. similarly, I often enjoy anal sex with 'women.'

These made me laugh very much.

[vbnautilus 48]

Wait, so you guys are all facebook friends?

[speedz99 145]

Not all of us, no. Just the SUPER COOL ones.

[DJ Vu 176]

This one confused me. She's not meh anything.

let's call him whiskers.

I don't really follow this train of thought, but I'll still do it.

doubt he's gonna be able to answer since he's probably at my house leering through a window right now.

I am glad. similarly, I often enjoy anal sex with 'women.'

This guy.

[speedz99 145]

I typically don't pass along the billion animal videos that get sent my way, but I feel like my eyes have been opened to a fantastic new world that I need to share with you. Monkeys annoying the shit out of cats!

[DJ Vu 176]

I enjoyed the first and third ones a lot. Not a monkey though, right?

[vbnautilus 48]

Pretty sure that's a monkey.

[DJ Vu 176]

Pretty sure that's a monkey.

Barbary macaque?

[speedz99 145]

Whatever, primates.

[DJ Vu 176]

Whatever, primates.

Well I won't be taking my pet ape to you when he's sick.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Its not nice to call JJJJ your "pet ape".

[DJ Vu 176]

Guys, this is why Chrissy Teigen is the best:christine teigen ‏ @chrissyteigenJust told my waitress that the soda was flat in my double vodka soda. She told me it was a water. Vodka soda in different glass. I'm a drunkEdit: Smokey, this isn't 'Nam.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Went to the world McDonalds convention yesterday. Sampled some food items that are served in different parts of the world. Nothing too crazy but did really enjoy the caramel Cadbury egg milkshake.

[DJ Vu 176]

ps: Quit posting so quickly, I edit.

Ok.

[iZuma 764]

hahahaI think

[The Ocho 970]

Went to the world McDonalds convention yesterday. Sampled some food items that are served in different parts of the world. Nothing too crazy but did really enjoy the caramel Cadbury egg milkshake.

I'm surprised this post didn't end with you offering strat a job and immediately taking it back.

[YonYonson 156]

shake i was saying that i would bone the fatty that ocho posted last night.

[speedz99 145]

Went to the world McDonalds convention yesterday. Sampled some food items that are served in different parts of the world.

That's pretty awesome. Did you try the spicy stuff from India and China?