I Called In Sick Today

[The Ocho 970]

I got your Otis joke. Just didn't know you needed eval. Feel like somebody needing constant praise wouldn't last long. Also, we're all in on killing all the men and then enslaving all the women of any competing civilizations on the island we choose, right? Unless one of the dudes is like Clooney or Gosling, of course. They're welcome.

What, hell no. if they are like Clooney or Gosling I'm killing them right away. That's all we need is an uprising from our slave women who want to be with the dashing actor types.I forgot about LG's sewing ability. That will come in handy, especially when that pussy speedz doesn't want to stitch us up after a knife fight with rivals island gangs.

[brvheart 1,752]

I need either strategy or Suited to get in this conversation so somebody can validate my Otis joke.

Well shit. I wasn't going to say anything, but I certainly didn't get it.

[The Ocho 970]

Brv, you may want to memorize the bible, just in case you go blind.

[brvheart 1,752]

you'll damn well pretend to like them.

Feel like somebody needing constant praise wouldn't last long.

These were both very good.

the guy at aero looked at me and was like, "there's no reason for you to go to des moines for this. I can find you something here in KC, soon."

That sucks for us up here, but I'm glad you can get double the pay without moving.

Brv, you may want to memorize the bible, just in case you go blind.

Way ahead of you, Number 2.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

nice work on the otis joke, DJ, it was very well timed and expertly delivered. you are the man and i admire and respect you.the rest of you can go to hell. except for shake and napa. they're okay by me.

[brvheart 1,752]

nice work on the otis joke, DJ, it was very well timed and expertly delivered. you are the man and i admire and respect you.the rest of you can go to hell. except for shake and napa. they're okay by me.

My list wasn't exhaustive. You can certainly join Guapo and I on our survival journey. If nothing else, we can fatten you up for Thanksgiving.

[DJ Vu 176]

nice work on the otis joke, DJ, it was very well timed and expertly delivered. you are the man and i admire and respect you.the rest of you can go to hell. except for shake and napa. they're okay by me.

I know, right?Essay, you can be on my basketball team with Poppy and Ocho. I don't know who our 5th guy is. I was thinking Mexi could set some screens and grab some boards, but I doubt his knees hold up. Probably shouldn't risk it considering the whole zombie apocalypse thing.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

i'm not so sure i'd be quick to join a group. how do i know i can trust these people? assuming i dont know them already, i'm not going to turn my back on them in times of danger. it's an every man for himself game out there now. i dont hesitate to put someone down if its me or him.

[ShakeZuma 585]

man you people are all fucked. there's no way I'm riding out a zombie apocalypse with you assholes. so what would I do? well first, I'm starting from home because a) I'm always here so it's the most likely scenario and b) it's where all my shit is so I have to start here. so very first thing once I realize that zombies be tripping is I load all my guns up and sling em around me so I have them everywhere I go. well really just my m4 and glock but I'll want to have them all at my disposal if needed and if there's time. then, I'm going to suit up. no not the jcrew suit, I'm going to put on as much covering clothing as possible, because in the early stages of a zombie apocalypse you're not going to have any idea how it spreads, so you'll have to assume that it's super communicable. after that, I'm going to get a small backpack and fill it with food, extra ammo, a flashlight, and other various survival tools from my stash, and then put it on and keep it on in case I need to bolt quickly. then I'll organize additional supplies like food and such in case I decide to stay put, and from that point I start the analysis. this could take days. depending on how I found out that there were zombies (on tv? well, the internet for me? did I actually see them?) and what level of communication is still available (is the internet still going? phone lines up? you have to assume that no power or communication is going to be available but it's still part of the process.so if I decide to stay put (if the zombies are slow and weak and therefore can't get into my house easily) then I'll just hunker down, stay very out of site, and wait it out. if for whatever reason I feel I have to leave, then I grab the extra fuel cans I have in the shed, load them onto my truck (worse gas mileage but would definitely need the off road ability) and then head to wherever I felt would be best (again, completely zombie-type dependent).but if I was actually in vegas I'd probably just bang strippers until I turned into a zombie. why not you know.

Aziz has released a special, in the Louie CK vein, for $5.http://azizansari.com/I don't know if its good.

oh thanks for posting this. napa tweeted it earlier and I meant to remember but didn't. think I'll get it. can't really beat it for $5.

[ShakeZuma 585]

i'm not so sure i'd be quick to join a group. how do i know i can trust these people? assuming i dont know them already, i'm not going to turn my back on them in times of danger. it's an every man for himself game out there now. i dont hesitate to put someone down if its me or him.

and this is actually a very good point about the group vs. solo: while there is some strength in numbers, every member of your group is also a liability to your own safety. what if somebody freaks out? what about the stupid one that just wanders outside? it's still obviously situationally dependent, i.e. if I'm with a group of people I probably won't just up and leave, but I think in this situation you really are better off alone. too many variables otherwise.

[vbnautilus 48]

and this is actually a very good point about the group vs. solo: while there is some strength in numbers, every member of your group is also a liability to your own safety. what if somebody freaks out? what about the stupid one that just wanders outside? it's still obviously situationally dependent, i.e. if I'm with a group of people I probably won't just up and leave, but I think in this situation you really are better off alone. too many variables otherwise.

On the flip side, if you are in a group, the chances that they pick off Napa instead of you are much higher.

[ShakeZuma 585]

yeah but I mean what about all the sexual harassment?and I just want to note here that I still haven't watched the walking dead so no spoilers plz.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Gotta go with a group, although it has to be unspoken that you don't sacrifice people to save one moron. I have never camped and own no guns so I need shake. I'll even take a rape if need be. I am a leader in the sense that I will try to organize people and do the right things for the greater good. I hate morons and people that think they know it all so I could see myself undermining someone else who thinks they're leading (incorrectly, obviously)Now, since zombies suck, let's discuss a real hypothetical. What if we're all dropped in Baltimore and we have to take some corners. Who does what? Brains, distributor, muscle, hustling on the corner, etc?We have our lawyer in Cane and our money man to wash it in mk. What else do we have or need to start a syndicate? Beans for transportation?

[ShakeZuma 585]

you drop me in the middle of baltimore all I'm going to try to do is get the fuck out of baltimore

[strategy 4]

That sucks for us up here, but I'm glad you can get double the pay without moving.

you're too nice to me.what do you guys think about this?

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

you drop me in the middle of baltimore all I'm going to try to do is get the fuck out of baltimore

You can only get out in a body bag or an Armani suit, at da top of da game yo

[The Ocho 970]

Jfc Ron, we are trying to have a serious conversation about a realistic situation.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

A thousand apologies kind sirWait, you're just mad that you're not our money manThat's it, isn't it?

[Tiltinagain 973]

Hell, I'd just go fishin'

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I'll let anybody but vb into my zombie survival group.

Loooooool

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

the aziz thing. his hosting is trash. you might as well wait a few days... mine has 2 hours left on a 600mb file...

[hank213 1,823]

So I've been having this conversation elsewhere, but curious as to what you guys would do.If there were a Zombie apocalypse, 95+% of the population is dead or zombies, what is your course of action?Who do you band with, or do you make a go of it on your own?If you band with others, what traits are you looking for? Are there people to fill specific needs, or are you looking for jacks of all trades?If you do form a group, are you the leader, or do you join an existing group?Either on your own or with a group, are you transient or are you looking for permanent shelter? If you are looking for permanent shelter, where, what kind?And finally, who from this thread would you want and for what reason? (We all know Beans is the number one draft pick because he can build anything, so after that assumption where are you going?)OK so other assumptions, it's been a few months since the apocalypse. You're family is all gone, so that does not need to be taken into account. Somehow you are able to get in contact with everyone who is a regular poster in this thread and they are all with in close distance to you. Hell, for ease, lets say there was a big ST get together in Las Vegas, so that is where you are currently stranded.

As much as I'd like to hunker down and not have to interact with anybody, much like my current life, I'd have to go with a group. I'd start with my Dad, since he's close and I know he has some basic survival skills. But when it comes to others, I'm going to be reaaaally cautious. Any bad vibes and I'm shooting first or at least getting the drop on 'em and inviting them to take their chances away from me. Ideally, finding some skilled professionals would be the way to go and doctor would top the list. A vet would do in a pinch I suppose but they better be up to snuff on their equine medicine goddammit. We'd just have to see who we run into on the way out. Staying in any population center would be a death sentence, at least initially, that could change after the hordes start roaming. Any place with more than a few thousand is going to be nothing but death for months at least so I'd head for a couple farms I know that have water wells, fuel tanks, some small livestock and clear lines of sight. We'd have to fortify properly, dig trenches and such but not being near mountains or a coast, my options are pretty limited. Also, I'm scrounging like a mofo on my way and continuing to do so once I'm there. I'm hitting national guard armories, sporting goods stores, and isolated houses along the way and clearing out as much as I can haul. Not just items I might immediately use but also items for trade. I'd want Ron along, you know, for the handys. Also so I know there would be at least one person in the group I could out run.

Gotta go with a group, although it has to be unspoken that you don't sacrifice people to save one moron. I have never camped and own no guns so I need shake. I'll even take a rape if need be. I am a leader in the sense that I will try to organize people and do the right things for the greater good. I hate morons and people that think they know it all so I could see myself undermining someone else who thinks they're leading (incorrectly, obviously)Now, since zombies suck, let's discuss a real hypothetical. What if we're all dropped in Baltimore and we have to take some corners. Who does what? Brains, distributor, muscle, hustling on the corner, etc?We have our lawyer in Cane and our money man to wash it in mk. What else do we have or need to start a syndicate? Beans for transportation?

I'd be the hitter. None of that drive by shit, old school bent nose style mechanic. As way of a curriculum vitae for my qualifications I'll tell you a story about the last "fight" I was in. It was my birthday and me and a couple buddies went out drinking then stopped for a slice before heading home. As we're walking out a group of guys were walking in and bumped into my friend. Of course they started talking all kinds of shit because there were twice as many of them as there were of us. So we get outside and I start getting more and more pissed. So I walk back in, smiling the whole way, and I catch one at the counter, walk up to him (still smiling), looked him in the eye and dropped him with a shot to the jaw. Popped him twice more while he was down, turned and walked out the door like nothing happened. I think I'd make a decent hitman.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

once, my drunk 6'5" muscular friend intentionally bumped into this trashy kansas city kansas dweller in some P&L bar. pushed him a few times, COMPLETELY at random, just starting shit. I jumped between them and apologized for him, which I'm sure the trashy dude appreciated, as he would have undoubtedly been destroyed in that fight. I don't know why I did it.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I'd want Ron along, you know, for the handys. Also so I know there would be at least one person in the group I could out run.. Popped him twice more while he was down, turned and walked out the door like nothing happened. I think I'd make a decent hitman.

Hilarious cuz it's true. Which part am I referring to? HmmmmAnd that's aggravated battery. For shame. Sadly, the only way to win a fight like that is to get off first. First punch usually winsNobody noticed or retaliated? And what kind of place do you hang where a simple bump in turns to that. Doesn't someone say excuse me or sorry, or simply ignore it? Maybe I'm just a puss but I'd just move so as not to bump in to people, then make a snide comment about the guy being a doucher for not respecting the pathway

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

once, my drunk 6'5" muscular friend intentionally bumped into this trashy kansas city kansas dweller in some P&L bar. pushed him a few times, COMPLETELY at random, just starting shit. I jumped between them and apologized for him, which I'm sure the trashy dude appreciated, as he would have undoubtedly been destroyed in that fight. I don't know why I did it.

Ya never know, some random dudes can scrap, especially these days, you never know who has training. Next thing you know, you're getting your arm broken or choked out by someone that knows jujitsu. And I can't picture you being friends with a tool belt like that. There will come a day when that dude gets demolished. It always happens, usually by some small dude that can flat out fight.