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I Called In Sick Today


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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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and you as well brv. just kidding, I don't love you. freaking weirdo.and I know you city boy faggots have no idea what I'm talking about, but jesus h. christ deer meat fucking STINKS. cleaning some up to make jerky here in a bit and it smells like a dog's asshole.

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Does anyone else also kisten to the full 23 minute version Alices restaurant every Tday? And you know think about Natilie while you listen?Happy free range grass and grain fed organic turkey day!Love u 2 brv!
It was a tradition in our house. Happy T-Day everyone.
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Also: Turkey > Tacos
yep, and blue nylon fish bumpers rotate muddle toxicity, you know, as long as we're saying DUMB ASS SHIT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE
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I see you down there you america & taco hating sonofabitch... I SEE YOUso anyways, who is this kristen wiig character? I just watched bridesmaids so now I'm in love with her obviously. she's a funny bitch. also, the fat chick. not love, but funny.

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yeah I'm not going to do that rhinestone because I don't want to rhinestone I'm just gonna marry her bro so WHAT OF IT HUH. I capitalize a lot of stuff huh.black friday? more like DRUNK FRIDAY AMIRITE

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it smells like a dog's asshole
I'll be the judge of that.
I see you down there you america & taco hating sonofabitch... I SEE YOUso anyways, who is this kristen wiig character? I just watched bridesmaids so now I'm in love with her obviously. she's a funny bitch. also, the fat chick. not love, but funny.
Hm, maybe I should make tacos tonight. And watch bridesmaids as a study break this afternoon. I just wish I was you.My thanksgiving was awesome, thanks. Except for the actual meal...it was at my brother's house for the first time, and his wife is a pretty shitty cook. Great baker, but I don't need muffins for thanksgiving. Ok, the fried turkey was good, but the rest was a weak, and they forgot to make the goddamn stuffing and gravy. Who does that? My sister-in-law's little brother ended up throwing some together in time for the end of the meal. But, anyway, the rest of the day was awesome, so all is well. Not that anyone asked.
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My roommate and I went to the grocery store at like 8:30 last night (only because dominoes, the chinese place, burger king, and mcdonalds were all closed) and got pizza rolls, jalapeno poppers, chicken wings and sorbet for desert as our thanksgiving feast.(I'm going home tomorrow for family thanksgiving, it just worked better for everybodys schedule to do it then)

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Craziest thanksgiving ever:First, a little backstory. My brother in law's wife is completely insane. They have been married 3 years and have two little baby girls. She has managed to pick a fight with my wife and my in-laws that has been going on for years. She uses the kids like weapons. My wife once made a comment on Facebook in jest that she did not like so she de-friended all of us. Then, she proceeded to make snide comments on other people's walls for a while knowing we could see. I could go on and on but anyway.....we barely see them but we thought maybe Thanksgiving would bring everyone together a little bit.So my wife and I get in Weds night and find out that bro in law's wife and my mother in law have already had a huge blow out fight that morning. Yelling and screaming, accusations of trying to sabotage their marriage and meddle in their affairs (which is hilarious----they are not meddling people). But, things got settled down before we arrived. We had been at the house about 30 minutes and then bro in law's wife instigates a fight with my wife. First, she tells everyone how even though she is in a fight with every member of her husband's immediate family that she is "0%" at fault and that if everyone wants to have a meaningful relationship with her kids we need to admit that and try and make things right. Then, she starts listing incidents as far back as five years ago BY SPECIFIC DATES where people were out to get her.My wife fires back that she is disrespectful and cruel to her parents and holds insane grudges and that no normal person would be able to rattle off dates of all the times they were victims of injustice. Bro in law's wife then starts screaming at my wife and calling her a bitch at the top of her lungs (which was awkward because some family friends were over). Then, she tells my wife she doesn't deserve to be an aunt and that it was an easy choice to make her own sister godmother of both her children (another loooong story of nonsense). My wife loses it and tells her: "fine, you want me to be a bitch? No one likes you and we all wonder why you wear a wig?" Then, my wife goes upstairs to unpack and cool down. Bro in law's wife stands their in shock for 30 seconds then bounds up the stairs and tries to physically fight my wife and kicks her in the shin and throws a punch. My wife responds by pulling her wig off and throwing it into the bathroom and running away. Bro in law's wife comes back downstairs sans wig and has a complete ****ing meltdown. "Do you think I want this? All my friends and family know why I wear a wig!"Immediately, family friend goes "if your family and friends all know, why did you never tell anyone here?" She retorts that "it's her business who knows" and that "she would rather have cancer" and that "trichotillamania is a serious disease" and that she was picked on as a kid when her wig fell off at a dance and on and on. All of us are just in shock watching this bald woman rant and rave for 3 minutes about how my wife is a bitch and hopes she's happy and whatever. During all of this my bro in law does NOTHING. Which is his M.O.She ends her rant by telling my wife that she is no longer an aunt and that we are out of their lives. At this point in classic fashion, I decide to chime in with "like we ****ing care." She runs upstairs and stays in their room the rest of the night. The next day at the Thanksgiving meal they pulled all their chairs to the opposite end of the table to be as far from everyone as possible. The only time they spoke to us was literally to tell me to keep it down during the Dolphins game because their babies were sleeping. I, of course, responded that it was ok for my bro in law to yell at the TV during the KU/Duke basketball game last night at 10pm so if I want to cheer at 645pm for the Dolphins I will.Those are the last words I think we will be speaking to them for a long, long time. I feel bad for my in-laws because it is their grandchildren.....but my bro in law's wife has probably been 3x meaner to them than to us because she knows they have to take it if they ever want to see their grandkids. She also told them that if they want a relationship with them, they have to cut me and my wife out of their lives. My father in law laughed in her face on that one. It's sad but it had really been building for years. I know this stuff happens in families all the time (my mother is basically estranged from her older brother) but it was shocking to watch it play out up close. Other gems:1) Before we arrived, apparently one of the family friends asked her what she is thankful for and she replied: "that we leave Friday morning".2) One of my wife's family friends wrote on Facebook last Monday that "oh no, might be tornadoes in Jersey this Thanksgiving" to which bro in law's wife replied "one can only hope."3) Bro in law's wife started the fight by saying how awful we were for not putting her in our wedding pictures.....which was almost 5 years ago....and she was just a girlfriend at the time. But then, she followed that by telling us that we were "lucky" that she put my wife in HER wedding (even though she is the sister of the groom lol). 4) they changed their daughter's poopy diaper in the middle of the TV room and then left the dirty diaper on the tv room table for an hour before my father in law finally threw it out.

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In situations like this, I always blame the family member who married the crazy person and let's her act that way. I mean, she's obviously mentally unbalanced, so in some ways it's not even her fault. It's his for getting you all into this mess and not doing anything about it.

yeah most people that are COMPLETE IDIOTS do
Loving venison jerky isn't idiotic.
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and you should know that it turned out fantastic too. just the best. same guy that gave me the original meat is going out again today and said he'd give me more if he killed anything. gotta stock up; december 21st 2012 is right around the corner.and cane, what speedz said is right, the brother, you're wife's brother I believe?, is the real asshole here. the family really needs to have a talk with that guy.but really though, I mean why the fuck do people even have families? what a bunch of idiots.

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and you should know that it turned out fantastic too. just the best. same guy that gave me the original meat is going out again today and said he'd give me more if he killed anything. gotta stock up; december 21st 2012 is right around the corner.
If you get more, you should make some chili. If you're not one of the IDIOTS you mention all time.
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I actually do have some ground deer meat (yes, it's deer meat, not venison, you yankee idiot) in the freezer. probably outta pop that out and take your suggestion. chilli is quite the... good... thing. I'm out of adjectives.

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