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I Called In Sick Today


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If this happened to me:

JJJ: "Excuse me." Woman: "Oh, sorry."JJJ: "It's ok." JJJ: [Puts fills his coffee cup 1/6 full with ice from dispenser]JJJ: [starts pouring coffee]Woman: "You're supposed to put the ice in last."JJJ: [half laugh, avoids further eye contact][/scene]
I guess it's why I can't write good dialogue.
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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

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Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Human annihilation.
Exactly. I mean, elephants are already pretty big, so take that and then double it. Do people have any idea how huge they would be? Their sheer size would mean the imminent extinction of the human race. Conventional weapons would be of no use. Our only hope would be to flee to the mountains and arctic climes, and hope the elephants became so lazy and hubristic that they eventually wiped themselves out.
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I was thinking more along the lines of giving speedz the ability to specialize in Elephant knee replacement surgery.
Jewish veternarian and serviceable beer league softball pitcher Matthew "Speedz" Goldbergsteinowitz was tragically killed today when a five ton elephant collapsed on top of him during a routine elephant knee replacement surgery....
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But what if the elephants were twice as large?
I'm not sure they could survive. I forget the exact science behind this, but I've heard that mammals have a size limit due to physiological factors. I remember thinking that this didn't make sense, since size should matter as long as everything is proportional, but then if was explained very clearly and I believed it. Then, of course, I forgot the explanation, so really I shouldn't have even bothered bringing it up.
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Jewish veternarian and serviceable beer league softball pitcher Matthew "Speedz" Goldbergsteinowitz was tragically killed today when a five ton elephant collapsed on top of him during a routine elephant knee replacement surgery....
I think regular sized elephants are already 5 tons or more.
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my go-to is "you're fine"
Same here. I like that it seems to confuse people a bit.
I was thinking more along the lines of giving speedz the ability to specialize in Elephant knee replacement surgery.
Pass. There's not much money in elephant knees.
Jewish veternarian and serviceable beer league softball pitcher Matthew "Speedz" Goldbergsteinowitz was tragically killed today when a five ton elephant collapsed on top of him during a routine elephant knee replacement surgery....
You motherfucker. I rejoined my team halfway through last season when they were in the basement, took them all the way to the championship, and now we're the #2 seed heading into the playoffs this season. I DOMINATE as much as a beer league softball pitcher can.
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I think regular sized elephants are already 5 tons or more.
Like speedz would ever work on an African elephant. It's obviously an Asian elephant he's talking about.Asian elephants are actually about 5 tons and Africans are more, but whatever.
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You motherfucker. I rejoined my team halfway through last season when they were in the basement, took them all the way to the championship, and now we're the #2 seed heading into the playoffs this season. I DOMINATE as much as a beer league softball pitcher can.
Haha. Knew that would get a good reaction.Regarding Brv's comment, do elephants really weigh 10,000 pounds (or more)? damn.
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Regarding Brv's comment, do elephants really weigh 10,000 pounds (or more)? damn.
This was the first answer I found:African: 15,400 poundsAsian: 11,000 poundsbut further research reveals a wider range of possibilities.
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This was the first answer I found:African: 15,400 poundsAsian: 11,000 poundsbut further research reveals a wider range of possibilities.
Wow.
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Like speedz would ever work on an African elephant. It's obviously an Asian elephant he's talking about.
Hey, I may be pro-Asian but that doesn't make me anti-African.
Haha. Knew that would get a good reaction.
There are certain baits I can't resist...and don't want to, really.
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