I Called In Sick Today

[speedz99 145]

Have you seen the infomercial for Duel Cleanse or some crap like that?

No...

I was playing poker the other night, not paying attention to the tv (it was like 2am) and all of a sudden I hear this guy describing his young daughters poo. She weighs like 45lbs, but her crap was as big around as his wrist and as long as her forearm. Ouch.

What?

[strategy 4]

I've been there...except for the acorn. There were no leaves around?Leaves? Leafs?

Leafs. Here's an image to help you remember:

[Lolli 0]

No...What?

Hey, I dont make this shit up. Im just telling ya what I heard. Ask Ouch, I was telling him this story and he's seen that same infomercial. Truly disturbing.

[speedz99 145]

Leafs. Here's an image to help you remember:

Yup, that's now burned into the old mind-grapes.

[KDawgCometh 2]

You get into the double secret store wine vault tonight?

I wish. Though in the cage in the back where we keep special orders for customers, there is like 5 cases of bordeaux sitting for one guy where the combined total is probably around $8K. I'll sometimes just stare at it and wonder if I'd be able to put it under my arms and make a dash for it before getting caught

[speedz99 145]

Dear Baseball and Drinking Fans,The "Drink When Tim McCarver Says Something Stupid" game is pretty entertaining. Sincerely,Speedz99

[beans fan 0]

ok i just flushed every toilet and drained water in every sink around here.3 sinks and 2 toilets up here kitchen sink 2 toilets 1sink and laundrysink downstairs.workshop sink and even the outhouse toilet and every ****ing one of them drained conterclockwise.i saw that the toilets were directing the waterat an angle but how could everything else drain the same direction if no creepy force was causingit?would every one please try this and let me know which way yours goes?anyone here from below the equaor?

[therrinn 0]

ok i just flushed every toilet and drained water in every sink around here.3 sinks and 2 toilets up here kitchen sink 2 toilets 1sink and laundrysink downstairs.workshop sink and even the outhouse toilet and every ****ing one of them drained conterclockwise.i saw that the toilets were directing the waterat an angle but how could everything else drain the same direction if no creepy force was causingit?would every one please try this and let me know which way yours goes?anyone here from below the equaor?

I'm going to Rio in November. The first thing I will do is go to an airport restroom tap my foot in the appropriate manner flush a toilet so that I can report back to you.

[beans fan 0]

and im not buying that shit about the sides of thesink causing it because i filled up the kitchen sink and a ****ing highspeed tornado started in the middleand started making a highpitched squeeling sound like it was ****ign hainted or something.

[KDawgCometh 2]

Dear Baseball and Drinking Fans,The "Drink When Tim McCarver Says Something Stupid" game is pretty entertaining. Sincerely,Speedz99

I used to play this game for Dan Deirdorf and monday night football, you can get really drunk really fast playing that game

[beans fan 0]

the rio is in vegas so it would bethe same.

[rocketpoker828 0]

Fuck, I had a whole bunch of shit quoted, but it's gone. Good catchup boys and girls, some quality stuff in there.And Matt, if I had to drink every time Tim McCarved said something stupid, I'd be typing like Chrozzo.

[Lolli 0]

Fuck, I had a whole bunch of shit quoted, but it's gone. Good catchup boys and girls, some quality stuff in there.And Matt, if I had to drink every time Tim McCarved said something stupid, I'd be typing like Chrozzo.

Hey, whats up with Chief Wahoo and the Indians? Is my grandpa gonna die or what?

[speedz99 145]

I just realized the fantastic irony in gatortom's profile and sig.Apparently the guy who thinks his dead mother is sending hummingbirds to make his son feel better doesn't like stupid people.*sigh*

[Theraflu 1,035]

I just realized the fantastic irony in gatortom's profile and sig.Apparently the guy who thinks his dead mother is sending hummingbirds to make his son feel better doesn't like stupid people.*sigh*

It's actually his mother in his avatar.

[speedz99 145]

It's actually his mother in his avatar.

SHAZAAM!!!

[Lolli 0]

I just sneezed, and GOD DAMN it felt good!!

[Painter567 0]

It's actually his mother in his avatar.

Serious Eval!

[zimmer4141 0]

It's actually his mother in his avatar.

Too soon????

[Tactical Bear 3]

I have so much respect for you if you actually do this [drink O'Douls and watch sports].

I do. I probably drink 10-20 O'Douls a week, depending. I like to have a beer-or-two while I do homework, or relax and watch TV, but I can't drink so I have a few O'Douls a night. Then, if I go out or play cards, I'll just put back a few NAs. There are some pretty tasty Non-Alcoholic beers out there. None as good as ACTUAL beers, but I still love the taste of a cold (or cellar temp) beer, regardless of alcohol content.

I found some O'Douls tucked away in the back of my fridge the other day. If I had blackouts, I would be wondering, myself.

NOT ME NOT ME NOT ME NOT ME NOT ME

Scott, I should not be writing this email, but I don't know what else to do. I don't even know if this is your right email address so it might not even get to you.My boyfriend is in Kodiak, AK and all I keep thinking about is you, and how much I miss you. You know as well as me that I have issues and maybe that's part of why letting go of you is so hard. You know everything about me, there's nothing that I would ever want to hide from you or feel like I have to hide from you. I think of all the good things about Jon but he's not you. I wish I could take back everything that I've ever done to hurt you, but I know I can't. I'm not asking for anything from you, because I know I can't be selfish anymore. I just felt like you should know that I still think about you all the time and I hope you're doing well and I hope you're happy. ~KyleneCrazy. Ass. Bitches.

If you need help crafting a response, please, please, please come to me. I would love to help.

Those are balls.

Haha. "Definitely balls."

but what if being in a miserable dead end job for the rest of your life is your dream? what do I do then?and who is Piddle Duck? I always assumed it was a Bear alter, but now that the name posts more often it doesn't seem like it. who are you mr piddle duck?

I don't even HAVE alters. I am simply too lazy and uncreative. Making a retarded Duck alter wouldn't even make fucking sense.

Good for you, man. I can imagine that's pretty tough to stick to.

It's probably easier to NOT drink than it is to just have a few drinks. Clinical depression, you say? You on any fun meds, JeffStrat?

[leftygolfer 7]

Wow. I need a penis.

I think there are a few sickies not using theirs based on some of the recent days activities.

You and Serge pen pals?

[Poppy_Hillis 11]

Strategy, you ever go to the casino's in KC?

[mk 11]

I do. I probably drink 10-20 O'Douls a week, depending. I like to have a beer-or-two while I do homework, or relax and watch TV, but I can't drink so I have a few O'Douls a night. Then, if I go out or play cards, I'll just put back a few NAs. There are some pretty tasty Non-Alcoholic beers out there. None as good as ACTUAL beers, but I still love the taste of a cold (or cellar temp) beer, regardless of alcohol content.

i think it's sweet as hell that you are man enough to order an o'douls at a bar. because, you know, it tastes fine. my mom drinks them because she has crohn's disease. i just think it's awesome that you are committed to staying on the wagon and instead of gaying out with some caffeinated soda or something you go o'douls instead.it takes balls.

[Lolli 0]

it takes balls.

See? Another reason I wish I had a penis.

[Tactical Bear 3]

i think it's sweet as hell that you are man enough to order an o'douls at a bar. because, you know, it tastes fine. my mom drinks them because she has crohn's disease. i just think it's awesome that you are committed to staying on the wagon and instead of gaying out with some caffeinated soda or something you go o'douls instead.it takes balls.

Haha, O'Douls does taste fine. My friends were worried about drinking around me at first, until I told them all that they all simply had to drink a little extra, to collectively make up for the booze I'm no longer consuming. I meant it, too. Whenever they show up at my place, if they roll by with a case or a fifth, they usually bring me a 6-pack of whatever NA they saw at the store. Nobody even notices anymore. All the bartenders at my local haunts make sure to keep the O'Doul's (or whatever NA I request) in full supply (since they'll sell it). Plus I make it easy by making fun of myself as much as possible. Waitress: "You want another O'Doul's hon?"Me: "No thanks. I've had like 12 of these I'm so wasted."Waitress: "Really?"Me: "..."I've never really felt uncomfortable doing it. I get a lot of mileage out of all the jokes, and I'm significantly better at (and harsher about) making fun of myself when it comes to my pansy-ass no-drinking tendencies than anyone else could be. Coming up on 10 months. When I make it to 1 year, I'm going to find a drug to do, and consume a dangerous amount.