Jump to content

I Called In Sick Today

Recommended Posts

Hope it continues that way shake...




My personal experiences on the things are great for a few months then go to shit after that. Doc calls it the honeymoon time. Sounds about right





In other medical news.... Tony had another light stroke in front of the shop yesterday





Mama Icewater was an eyewitness to the incident. I was restocking the cooler for a road hunting trip when she came in....






"Beans hon.... is Tony ok?"




"Uh....other than not bathing for six months and smoking up the shop like a charcoal kiln?"




"How much has he had to drink?"




"I dunno....bout half this cooler Id say"




"Well....he staggered around in circles out there for a long time and then hit the ground next to your truck"




"He set the leaves on fire?"




"Not yet but youd better check on him before that happens again"






So yeah, the doc confirmed it shortly after I finished filling the cooler and stuffed him in the backseat. Probably another blockage. Wont know for sure until he has a cat scan Thursday




Even in his condition I had to screw with him a little once we got back to the shop...






"Hey Beans....this here paper says that I caint eat or drink nuthin from ten fifteen until the procedure at two thirty"








"Well....does that mean ten that morning or the morning before?"





(Beans thinks about how comical it would be to see his good friend go through the detoxes for twenty four hours)





"The day before of course....they dont want anything in your stomach at all.....you might throw up on a million dollar appliance"




"Well....would beer count as anything to drink?"




"Of course"








"It wont be that bad.... the worst part will be just drinking water for the whole next day"








"Yeah...it purges the dye from your veins"





"I aint a gonna do it"




"You rather be in a pine box?"








"I was just shittin.....you drink cranberry juice the day after...not water"










"Yep....when was the last time you drank juice...or water for that matter"





"Uh.... rinsed my mouth out with some water a while back and swallered a little then...... last juice was them screwdrivers ya made fer us last christmas"





"I dont get why you have all these medical problems..."





"Me neither"

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 268k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Ron_Mexico


  • speedz99


  • Napa Lite


  • ShakeZuma


Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

Posted Images

I hate how busy I am lately. It feels like I'm never here and have to do these massive catch-ups. Whatever.


let's not get off topic here brv the bible is crazy please explain yourself


This made me chuckle.


I briefly started liking brv's posts to make him feel better. I don't know if it worked.


I did notice. I was near the edge of the cliff and you pulled me back. Thanks brother.


I can't believe I read the whole thing!


I can't believe you did either.


I saw Gatz. It was amazing--one of the best things I've ever seen, and I've seen a ton.




It's a line by line narration and performance of The Great Gatsby. Yes, the whole novel. I knew the running time before I bought the tickets. I got there at 1:00, and was driving home at 9:30. This included two 15 minute breaks, and one 75 minute dinner break.


The book is one of my favorite of all time, the acting did not seem like acting. The best parts for me was a party scene--really showed how drunk and claustrophobic and casually violent these people got, and the last segment of the play, it was Nick Carroway, narrating the end of the events of the novel, talking about tenderness, desire, and dreams. Also of note--the guy behind me. I don't know if he had read the book before going. He gasped at certain parts, loudest when Nick reveals Gatsby's real name is Jay Gatz, of North Dakota. My attention span is so wonky--I can't listen to a story for longer than 15 minutes before drifting off. A book on tape, without having read the source material first, is lost on me. There is no way I could have signed up for an 8 hour session of new (to me) material.


In the audience? Kristen Schaal. I know Paul F. Tompkins went as well. Maybe there's an alt comedy box office discount?



Yes, I'm female. A guy needs to be smart, funny, and genuinely like women to get a second look from me. Let's not make this a poem--I like smart people, not just clever or glib, I mean s-m-r-t.




Just the one marriage. I have not been going to screenings like I used to. I do miss the perk--not all the time, but right now, as the big films are coming out? Yeah, I crack open my wallet for most things. (FWIW, my favorite studio screenings are on the Paramount lot at Christmas time, my favorite private screening room is the Clarity. If you're in LA, and want to take a studio tour, sign up for the Warner Brothers or Paramount tour. They both still film on their lots, and you will see a nice mix of television and film.)



Yeah, I can't remember what I had to tell them to get the invite. Maybe they've double checked my age/location?


So, I've had one job interview (internal, didn't expect to get it, and, in fact, did not get the job), one annual performance review (better than expected), and one informational interview. I'm not crazy about my resume, I need to push through that, redo it, and get it out there. This new divorcee is looking at her diminished earning power, and a glass ceiling.


Does anyone have a cover letter I can borrow?


Don't start dating again, because if my marriage ever falls apart, I'll move to LA and attend $150 8-hour plays with you.



I love that the author of the article was the dude responding. I'm fairly surprised that they didn't delete the comment.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I was, but am now dating a 20 year old.




Hope it continues that way shake...

My personal experiences on the things are great for a few months then go to shit after that. Doc calls it the honeymoon time. Sounds about right


yeah that's what I'm worried about, and what I'm assuming will happen. I mean your body get's used to everything so I'm not sure how it couldn't lose its effectiveness, but we'll see.


Do I get credit for Shake poppin the happy pills?




assuming you don't know alexis, you give her a random address. you and i meet there and wait for her. if she's hot, we'll do what feels right.


her name is alexis of course she's hot.




though I just went to facebook and searched on alexis and my hypothesis was not at all supported by my findings. bunch of uggos. still though strat, meet the random girl.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I'm the clubhouse leader for "Best Worst Christmas Sweater" for the people that get to work at 7:30. Let's see if I can hold on after the 8:00 people get in. I also parted my hair because I felt that that added to the overall look but nobody has commented on it yet. :(

Link to post
Share on other sites


I prefer to let her do that.

Enjoyed the write up Bizzle. And I almost never read those things. Did you open shove 2x pot vs aggroasian with TT?

I did, was so proud of that hand after, I've told it to people and they're all "wtf" and then I give them my thoughts on it and they're like "ohhh...never woulda thought of that".

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, Strat, unless you've been on a raging alcoholic binge lately (aka Tuesday to beans) and might have blacked out and met a girl named Alexus a simple "I think you might have the wrong number" is probably in order.


Or do the rape thing with Suited. Yeah. Definitely the rape.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My guess is there was around 1,500-2,000 people in attendance and I think I saw seven total black people and four of those were performing at some point. There were also a ton of kids who were probably somewhere between 12-18. A solid amount of jailbait. Shake would have loved it.


A lot of problems with people not being able to clap together on beat.


"Can't Hold Us" was incredible.


Edit: still can't decide if you're concerned there would be too many or not enough white people in attendance.


Not that you would know this, but the venue is part of an atheltic complex in a very white suburb and is really close to all the high end auto dealerships. Not that that would keep the blacks from showing if it was a gangsta rapper, but those concerts tend to be at a different venue. This place is actually really close to my new office.

Link to post
Share on other sites

There was two kids who were probably 16-17 sharing a roach clip right next to us acting like they were hotshit lighting up at a rap concert. I thought about asking to take a hit and just throwing it on the ground and putting it out, but, meh.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Enjoyed it BizDizzle, thx. I feel like I would lose a ton of money before I caught on to the three and four bet poker thats being played these days. People just firing with aggroAir. I'd be scared money, get frustrated and fire back at the absolute wrong time. You, you're good.


Strat: the response is always "send nudes:


Napa: no idea what the concert you went to. I'm clueless and dont generally like too much hip hop.


As far as the sweater and the hair part, I like it. Please tell me you slicked it down a la Eddie in the Vacation movies.

Link to post
Share on other sites

People getting high at a concert bothers you? Thats a standard thing, no? A pain in the ass, I agree, but expected.



What is the high end dealerships in Iowa? Kia, Hyundai, Honda?

Link to post
Share on other sites

you could go with something like, "i want to tell you where i live now, but i need to know this is really alexis. answer these questions to confirm your identity: what is my full name? where did we meet? when's the last time we had sex?"


boom. you got information if she actually answers. then you can do some recon and continue to text this girl as the guy.

Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I don't give a shit they were getting high, they were just making a big deal about it which annoyed me.


John Deere, mostly.


As for the hair, I did what I could with what I had. Which is this fiber cream stuff and a little of my roommates gel and hairspray. Think Adam Banks from Mighty Ducks as for what it looks like.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Funny if you were there story:


I was leaning over the cube wall talking to my boss when the Audit manager walked by and I saw him smirking a little in the corner of my eye and I can see in his office and I could see him trying not to crack up and so I just dead panned "What's so funny, Carl?" and he didn't really say anything but then my boss (who didn't participate) started laughing and the jig was up and so he came over and said "ok, what's the deal with the sweater". Then we explained our Christmas party and he's like "oh thank god. I was going to say something but was worried you were being serious. Thank god. I was a little worried".


Not sure if I should be offended or not. Also, almost nobody else wore a sweater. So, I look especially rediculous.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Create New...