I Called In Sick Today

[ShakeZuma 585]

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS IMMATURE

I wanna kiss you on the mouth

nicely done. Sadly, I'd bet half the kiddies have no idea where that is from.long ketchup.man did I drink too much last night. And I watched someone snort coke for the first time in my life. I politely declined. Weird.

you're 35, you live in south florida, and last night was the first time you've seen somebody snort coke?

[speedz99 145]

misterb, I strongly recommend taking charge of the situation and apologizing to your roomate the first time you see him. Just say that you were so hammered you didn't even realize it was her, you just saw a girl near you and in your drunken stupor assumed you should kiss her. Most guys would be able to laugh it off in that situation...if not, fuck him. In the metaphorical sense.

[speedz99 145]

you're 35, you live in south florida, and last night was the first time you've seen somebody snort coke?

Well, the people he went to college with prefer it in rock form. And the cops he's hung out with since only confiscate the rock form.

[ShakeZuma 585]

Well, the people he went to college with prefer it in rock form. And the cops he's hung out with since only confiscate the rock form.

truesooo... I believe we're owed a story mister speedz.

[speedz99 145]

No big news to report from the dinner last night. The whole time I was trying to make mental notes of what to tell you all about. I would have written it up when I got home, but I was focusing on the Red Sox game…which was as awesome as it gets. Manny’s a beast. It started off slightly strange right from the beginning. I rolled in wearing cargo shorts (back off, mrb) and a polo shirt…nice enough for the restaurant, not so nice that I looked like I was trying to impress. She was wearing what I can only describe as an evening dress. I think my high school girlfriend wore the same thing to our junior prom. She wasn’t especially made up, didn’t have on outlandish jewelry…basically she looked completely normal except for the fact that her dress would have been more appropriate during cocktail hour at the local country club.As soon as she opened her mouth I knew I was in more trouble than I had bargained for (I will be ‘M’, she will be ‘G’):G: Hey MattM: Hey Gremlin.G: Do you mind if a friend of mine joins us? She just started dating this guy, so…M: (confused stare lasting at least three seconds before she continued)G: …so we figured it would be fun to all have dinner together.M: No problem.It was a problem. Now not only did I have to deal with my mentally unstable friend, I had to meet new people and be friendly without making it seem like I was at all interested in Gremlin or being friends with them beyond the one meal.M: So are they sitting already?G: No, they’ll be here in about a half hour. Is that ok?M: No problem.Again, it was a problem. I hadn’t eaten since having a lean cuisine at 11:30am. I was starving and getting more and more agitated by the second. We passed the time by making small talk until she mentioned something about looking for a new job. This was my chance, since I knew that one of her problems when manic was that she had way too many jobs and activities to keep track of.M: So, looking for more jobs, huh?G: Yeah. I’ve been getting more manic lately. I have two jobs again, I’m volunteering, I got back into roller derby…M: (chokes on sip of water) What now?G: I told you about my roller derby. I’m on a team.M: Yeah, you might have. Go on...G: I don’t know, I just feel really manic. I can’t stop shopping and my heart always feels like it’s beating really fast. Like right now it’s going a mile a minute for no reason. I think it’s why I can’t pay attention in class, either. Sorry I’ve been texting you so much, but I can’t pay attention to the professor and I can usually see you sitting there…M: Where do you sit?G: Usually towards the back behind you.(I sit in a different place every day in a lecture hall that fits 500. Either this is a lie or she spends a few minutes every day scanning for my seat and sitting where she can watch me)M: Uh…so…what’s up with the other part of it? The schizophrenia.G: Uh, it’s pretty good. The meds are keeping it under control.M: (pauses for quick internal argument about whether or not to lie to you all and say she still hears voices) Nice.So then the friend shows up with her date. The girl was about 25, Native American, and absolutely gorgeous. She looked like the Disney version of Pocahontas. Her date was a 5’4” 30 year old Asian with trendy glasses and the gayest inflection in his speaking voice that I’ve ever heard. If this guy wasn’t daydreaming about cock during dinner, then I am Mickey Mouse.There’s really not much left to tell. Just picture me, the Gremlin in her evening gown, a Native American princess, and Mr. Sulu sitting down to a nice meal. At the end they went out to meet some other friends and I politely declined to join them.*bonus points to whoever caught the Mickey Mouse reference

[ShakeZuma 585]

I hate it when girls do stupid things that make you have to wait to eat. don't they know that we are men and we need our sustenance immediately? and I bet this girl is crazy in bed. haha. crazy.

[speedz99 145]

I hate it when girls do stupid things that make you have to wait to eat. don't they know that we are men and we need our sustenance immediately?

Plus I had to go through terrible traffic to get there. 2Hunger + 3Traffic = 99AngrySpeedz

[ShakeZuma 585]

Plus I had to go through terrible traffic to get there. 2Hunger + 3Traffic = 99AngrySpeedz

well I would say that I hope you got some head, but who knows how that would have ended up from that girl. crazy ass girls gettin all serious and shit. beeeches.well huh. looks like we're the only ones that have posted on this particular page. how quaint.

[Painter567 0]

So then the friend shows up with her date. The girl was about 25, Native American, and absolutely gorgeous. She looked like the Disney version of Pocahontas. Her date was a 5’4” 30 year old Asian with trendy glasses and the gayest inflection in his speaking voice that I’ve ever heard. If this guy wasn’t daydreaming about cock during dinner, then I am Mickey Mouse.There’s really not much left to tell. Just picture me, the Gremlin in her evening gown, a Native American princess, and Mr. Sulu sitting down to a nice meal. At the end they went out to meet some other friends and I politely declined to join them.*bonus points to whoever caught the Mickey Mouse reference

I did and nice story. Way to wrap it up at the end. Mr Sulu......

[silkyjonson 1]

A major symptom of being in the manic phase is a strong desire for promiscuity. Im betting 3 out or 4 voices in her head would agree.

[KDawgCometh 2]

It took me a while to figure out that something had changed in this picture, but how long will it take you?

mad trill

So I'm kind of in deep shit. Last night I got drunk. Like pass out at 10 because you're on your 8th 16oz. Vodka Sprite drunk. I am passed out on the couch. My roommate comes home and wakes me up and tells me to get in my room. I pass back out. The next thing I remember is his girlfriend staring at me, so what do I do?I grab her by the back of the head and lean up and kiss her. I...wow I've never done anything like that before. Upon completion I just walk to my room and pass out.I remember her face, she was in utter shock. Oh man, he is going to be pissed this morning.

hehehehe, We need a trip report when he wakes up. This can only lead to hilarity

you're 35, you live in south florida, and last night was the first time you've seen somebody snort coke?

my thoughts exactly-KeithStopper24

No big news to report from the dinner last night. The whole time I was trying to make mental notes of what to tell you all about. I would have written it up when I got home, but I was focusing on the Red Sox game…which was as awesome as it gets. Manny's a beast. It started off slightly strange right from the beginning. I rolled in wearing cargo shorts (back off, mrb) and a polo shirt…nice enough for the restaurant, not so nice that I looked like I was trying to impress. She was wearing what I can only describe as an evening dress. I think my high school girlfriend wore the same thing to our junior prom. She wasn't especially made up, didn't have on outlandish jewelry…basically she looked completely normal except for the fact that her dress would have been more appropriate during cocktail hour at the local country club.As soon as she opened her mouth I knew I was in more trouble than I had bargained for (I will be 'M', she will be 'G'):G: Hey MattM: Hey Gremlin.G: Do you mind if a friend of mine joins us? She just started dating this guy, so…M: (confused stare lasting at least three seconds before she continued)G: …so we figured it would be fun to all have dinner together.M: No problem.It was a problem. Now not only did I have to deal with my mentally unstable friend, I had to meet new people and be friendly without making it seem like I was at all interested in Gremlin or being friends with them beyond the one meal.M: So are they sitting already?G: No, they'll be here in about a half hour. Is that ok?M: No problem.Again, it was a problem. I hadn't eaten since having a lean cuisine at 11:30am. I was starving and getting more and more agitated by the second. We passed the time by making small talk until she mentioned something about looking for a new job. This was my chance, since I knew that one of her problems when manic was that she had way too many jobs and activities to keep track of.M: So, looking for more jobs, huh?G: Yeah. I've been getting more manic lately. I have two jobs again, I'm volunteering, I got back into roller derby…M: (chokes on sip of water) What now?G: I told you about my roller derby. I'm on a team.M: Yeah, you might have. Go on...G: I don't know, I just feel really manic. I can't stop shopping and my heart always feels like it's beating really fast. Like right now it's going a mile a minute for no reason. I think it's why I can't pay attention in class, either. Sorry I've been texting you so much, but I can't pay attention to the professor and I can usually see you sitting there…M: Where do you sit?G: Usually towards the back behind you.(I sit in a different place every day in a lecture hall that fits 500. Either this is a lie or she spends a few minutes every day scanning for my seat and sitting where she can watch me)M: Uh…so…what's up with the other part of it? The schizophrenia.G: Uh, it's pretty good. The meds are keeping it under control.M: (pauses for quick internal argument about whether or not to lie to you all and say she still hears voices) Nice.So then the friend shows up with her date. The girl was about 25, Native American, and absolutely gorgeous. She looked like the Disney version of Pocahontas. Her date was a 5'4" 30 year old Asian with trendy glasses and the gayest inflection in his speaking voice that I've ever heard. If this guy wasn't daydreaming about cock during dinner, then I am Mickey Mouse.There's really not much left to tell. Just picture me, the Gremlin in her evening gown, a Native American princess, and Mr. Sulu sitting down to a nice meal. At the end they went out to meet some other friends and I politely declined to join them.*bonus points to whoever caught the Mickey Mouse reference

bolded #1: you do realize that this now gives you carte blanche to beat the shit out of her as the bruises will be hard to tell whether they came from Roller Derby or from your fist#2: you know that it's answer #2 and you know that this girl would do anything to please you, you should at least give it a go to enjoy yourself and then completely cut yourself off from her afterwards to have the voices in her head mess with her #3: I just want to see some tapestries

[ShakeZuma 585]

I'm going camping again tonight in the same exact spot that I went last time when we had the bear visitor. I am slightly worried about the bear, but this time I will be bringing my glock and my .270, along with a portable 6 million candlepower spotlight. I feel that I have the advantage.However, if I don't post here anymore after tonight, just do a google news search for "central virginia bear maulings" and you'll know.

[Jeepster80125 0]

iPhone post!

[MisterB 2]

So my report is nothing like Matt's. Andy comes down, smiles at me, and say's he's never going to see that girl again. I ask why, and he says:A: All she did was cry last night.M:...Why?A: Mommy issues. M: (wipes brow) That's too bad. *que: nikki walking downstairs*N: (smiles at me)A: Okay so you ready to go?N: (breaks eye contact) Yeah, sure. (looks back and smiles)A: Alright Butts, we're going to the Yale game. So that was that. She obv did not say anything to him and it is forgotten. Matt, if you're going to do it, you might as well make it worth your while. Invite her over for a movie and do it for your fellow sickies. Nice work on the cargo shorts (notice the no handjob) and I appreciate you gazing at his glasses. You should've invited them all over for a game of Badugi.

[speedz99 145]

Matt, if you're going to do it, you might as well make it worth your while. Invite her over for a movie and do it for your fellow sickies.

I like you guys, but not enough to put myself in that kind of situation.Well...maybe if she was a little hotter.edit: hopefully loogie is about to tell us that he recently hung out with scott baio

[loogie 115]

I thought of a great idea for a new movie. A giant lizard monster awakens from a 10,000 year sleep and runs amok through a major city. All right, it's not particularly unique, but the twist is what wakes the behemoth up in the first place. Global warming.

[hank213 1,823]

I thought of a great idea for a new movie. A giant lizard monster awakens from a 10,000 year sleep and runs amok through a major city. All right, it's not particularly unique, but the twist is what wakes the behemoth up in the first place. Global warming.

I think you're asking for too much suspension of disbelief from your audience with that one. --balloonguy

[Randy Reed 0]

So Deb kept me up late working on all kinds of stuff around the house for the wedding and I got pretty torqued (drunk) mostly because I was so tired. Her girlfriend came at 8 AM to help decorate so they've had me working all day again until now. I'm fcking beat and the wedding isn't for 4 hours + I can't drink before hand. I should have just went to the justice of the peace and threw him a twenty. Oh well, it's going to be pretty nice and i've made a boatload of awesome food, Marquritas, etc.Speedz, fck the schitzo beaotch, call Pocantas and make little Indian B's all over her.Oh yeah, Deb wouldn't let me make shane's jalepeno's for the wedding, sorry shane.Ron, go find a hooker and snort some rock off her a.ss.Oh well, have fun kiddie's! When I get back i'm changing the name to Mr. Reed. Oh wait, Deb swears that if I say, "Take it, it's YOURS!", when I hand her the ring she'll smack me so we'll see how it goes.

[Ouch-8s 4]

I wanna kiss you on the mouth, I'm Neil Diamond!

you're 35, you live in south florida, and last night was the first time you've seen somebody snort coke?

Well, it's not like he lives in Minnesota or something.

I'm going camping again tonight in the same exact spot that I went last time when we had the bear visitor. I am slightly worried about the bear, but this time I will be bringing my glock and my .270, along with a portable 6 million candlepower spotlight. I feel that I have the advantage.However, if I don't post here anymore after tonight, just do a google news search for "central virginia bear maulings" and you'll know.

Black bears don't eat people. Don't worry so much.

Oh wait, Deb swears that if I say, "Take it, it's YOURS!", when I hand her the ring she'll smack me so we'll see how it goes.

FANTASTIC. I went for "Mawwidge" a la Peter Cook. (in the rehersal, anyways.)

[zimmer4141 0]

It is just unnecessarily warm out today. I'm dehydrated/exhausted, I need to pound like 4 waters, sober up with a nap, then go out tonight.

[Randy Reed 0]

It is just unnecessarily warm out today. I'm dehydrated/exhausted, I need to pound like 4 waters, sober up with a nap, then go out tonight. And hopefully get to second base this time.

Have fun zim.

[silkyjonson 1]

Have fun zim.

Congrats and hope you have a great day RR.

[hank213 1,823]

Speedz you know you should just bang the gremlin during finals week that way you've got an easy out.

[speedz99 145]

Oh wait, Deb swears that if I say, "Take it, it's YOURS!", when I hand her the ring she'll smack me so we'll see how it goes.

I love it.

Speedz you know you should just bang the gremlin during finals week that way you've got an easy out.

You don't have much experience with legitimately insane people, do you? There's no such thing as an easy way out, short of killing her.

[MisterB 2]

I love it.You don't have much experience with legitimately insane people, do you? There's no such thing as an easy way out, short of killing her.

I'll be there in an hour