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I Called In Sick Today

turd ferguson

By turd ferguson,
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kers2

kers2 0

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Going to bed though, gotta get up early to do nothing for a few hours, then head over to the casino.
Definitely looking forward to the college kids coming home so I can hit up TStone
Um, it's freezing out, I have no concrete place to go, and I'm not drunk enough to just wander around by myself. Just better to work one out, go to bed, and try again tomorrow. It sucks because there's this one girl that I know and she's wanted to party with me, I finally let her know where there's a party on campus and she went home for the weekend.
Yea that sucks. Its freezing and snow out here too, and I didnt want to go out tonight so I dont blame you.
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KDawgCometh

KDawgCometh 2

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OK, I've decided to go no hoodie/coat. Hopefully in about 10 hours I'll have a story for you guys about how I gloriously lost my virginity.Oddsmakers in Vegas have this event happening at 30-1.
I'm rooting for you brian
Please, please, PLEASE! Do not let this happen. I was kinda hoping Id be the lucky lady to take your V card.
you can take my born again card, I will have no problem with that :one eyebrow raised with a smirk on my face:
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dms26

dms26 3

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Well, as I was walking out to the party, I saw every friend I had that went to the party walking back saying there was basically nobody there and it sucked, so I turned back home.I guess with no roommate here tonight I'm just pullin the 5 knuckle shuffle again.
you could just go in his bed and wait for him
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KDawgCometh

KDawgCometh 2

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hmmm, so if your roommate was home, you wouldn't be whacking off? you know, butt sex counts as losing your virginity.umm, in case you didn't know.you don't live with my brother, perchance?
only if you're a big time christian. hitting the vag is always preferred
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KDawgCometh

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Well, I usually only make a donation to the needy once a year.....but for you, I'll make an exception.
tease. Please fuck me before the girl in italy does, I don't want to be bad for her
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Shimmering Wang

Shimmering Wang 1

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only if you're a big time christian. hitting the vag is always preferred
I knew this kid in college (we'll call him The Milkman). He wasn't really my friend, because he was absolutely without a moral code. He was very likely a sociopath, but was smart enough not to do absurdly mean things to people he needed. Anyway, one night we were getting all hammered at my place, and this 17 yr. old senior I'd recently had sex with (goooooo Wang!!) came down to hang out with one of her friends that was going to school with me. She brought a friend, 16 yr. old "Kaylie." Well, Kaylie was a virgin. She'd seen a penis once, and she gave it an HJ. The Milkman decided he wanted to deflower her, so he started feeding her drinks. We all planned on making sure he couldn't do anything TOO inappropriate, but eventually we all got too drunk (except me, but I was getting a blowjob upstairs from the 17 year old/ cheating on my girlfriend), and he slipped away with this girl.As it turns out, her first sexual contact with this guy was him sticking one thumb into her vagina, and the other into her anus, and "milking the cow." Then he put it in her ass.As far as I know, they are still together.(single tear)Wang
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Guest andibear

Guest andibear

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You were right along with me, we were neck and neck. And the thought of us being neck and neck is seriously arrousing.By the way, Im now in my Jerry Rice jersey....and nothing else. You never told me what you were wearing.Details, woman!!
yes, yes, my bad. I have a black airborne t-shirt with black panties that say "hooah" on the as s. they are cute, i swear. i haven't worn a bra in two days just because I can. I would give anything to be necking and neck with you again.
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speedz99

speedz99 145

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Who just got back from a strip club in Tempe? This guy.Who spent his evening looking at some of the hottest girls at ASU (a school with extraordinarily hot girls) walking around nekked? This guy.Who got four lap dances? My buddy Dylan.Who got two lap dances? This guy.Who has two double stacks and ten chicken nuggets from Wendy's? This guy.YES! SPACEBALLS IS ON!My evening is officially complete.

yes, yes, my bad. I have a black airborne t-shirt with black panties that say "hooah" on the as s. they are cute, i swear. i haven't worn a bra in two days just because I can. I would give anything to be necking and neck with you again.
hey now...
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strategy

strategy 4

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Who spent his evening looking at some of the hottest girls at ASU (a school with extraordinarily hot girls) walking around nekked? This guy.
I've heard strippers can make up to $1k/night. Think there's any truth to that?And you know I approve of the Wendys. Go for the gold, my friend.
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CardWarfare

CardWarfare 4

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Just got home from a fucking 7 and a half hour long home game. 9 players, 7.5 fucking hours. Finished second place after getting Ivey'd with AQ.Profit on the night= $10. I hate me.

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mythar

mythar 0

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Lots of good catchup here today. The andibear and Lolli interlude was starting to look interesting also, but fizzled out.I had a pretty good session at the Casino last night. I started out playing 1/2NL for an hour or so (while waiting for 5/5NL). I managed to piss off the entire table by raising 90% of hands preflop. One fat dude in particular with a sideways truckers cap kept making narky little comments to his sidekick. Despite my best efforts, i actually managed to win a couple of hundred there...which didn't endear me any more to the table. I moved to a 5/5 table, and sat down with a group of friends...i was drinking for a change, which might have explained my calling $40 preflop with T3c - flopping a flush draw, and getting all in on the flop 4 ways, before hitting a club on the river and quadrupling up.Lots of ups and downs for the rest of the night...including dropping like 1k in about an hour with sick beat after beat.Finished up about 1800 overall after 14 hours. Slept all day...now its 10pm, and time to head back to 'work' again.

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kers2

kers2 0

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I knew this kid in college (we'll call him The Milkman).
I just about lost it when you got to the part about milking the cow. TY sir
I've heard strippers can make up to $1k/night. Think there's any truth to that?And you know I approve of the Wendys. Go for the gold, my friend.
You know, ever since I realized you are Seth MacFarlane it makes your posts a lot funnier to me. (Peter voice): Heheheheeeee
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KDawgCometh

KDawgCometh 2

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yes, yes, my bad. I have a black airborne t-shirt with black panties that say "hooah" on the as s. they are cute, i swear. i haven't worn a bra in two days just because I can. I would give anything to be necking and neck with you again.
go on
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speedz99

speedz99 145

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I've heard strippers can make up to $1k/night. Think there's any truth to that?
Only at the real high class places.
butt piracy is illegal in 29 states
Not this one.
Finished up about 1800 overall after 14 hours.
I hate you.
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Ron_Mexico

Ron_Mexico 4,219

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a bowled 5 games last night with a new high of 147 then bowled today and threw another new high of 177. Yeah, I'm a natural. Ok, maybe not a natural, but I'm improving. I'm not sure if I should beat off tonight before Vegas or save it up and fire hose some poor working girl while in Vegas.

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keith crime

keith crime 8

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a bowled 5 games last night with a new high of 147 then bowled today and threw another new high of 177. Yeah, I'm a natural. Ok, maybe not a natural, but I'm improving. I'm not sure if I should beat off tonight before Vegas or save it up and fire hose some poor working girl while in Vegas.
if you know what's good for you you'll be saving it upi'm not gonna play poker with you without my med-cine
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