mk 11 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Sorry, I forgot about this little engagement and unfortunataly I cannot make it...I have meetings all day today!Thanks anyways!~Colleen(Any creepy responses are more than welcome)How bout: "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." Link to post Share on other sites
Tactical Bear 3 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 That's like discovering plutonium by ACCIDENT!!This reminds me I forgot to tell one of my stories when I first came here...So me and this girl that I was casually dating for a couple weeks I guess, (and haven't had sex with yet) were camping with some friends for a couple days. We came in the same car and my house was like 30 minutes closer than hers so I wanted to stop home and shower and stuff before I took her home. So we get there and all I really want to do is take a good quality shower you know since I haven't had one in like 3 days. Well as I'm preparing for the shower, she gets naked and says, "let's take a shower". At this time I'm thinking to myself, no come on not now. The reason I had this attitude was because we planned on me staying at her house that night and it was pretty obvious it was going to go down that night, which was perfect because I just had a fun weekend of camping and I would get to go home and shower, get clean, start fresh and get to have sex that night with this girl for the first time.Anyway, so I semi-reluctantly (I mean I'm still going to get to have shower sex, but of which I probably would get the next morning anyway) get in the shower, and really tried to get my washing done quickly before anything really started. So I got the shampoo out and started washing my hair when she starts washing it for me a little, then immediately after that she grabs my dick and does her thing and I get hard. Now I'm 6'2" and she's 5'4" so she steps up on the ledge of the shower to position herself so we can have the sex. I advance to enter her vageen when I suddenly feel an intense burning at the tip of my penis. At this point I realize when she was getting me hard some shampoo must have got inside my penis and caused this burning sensation. Now I know at this time there's going to be no sex, because for one it hurts really bad, and two I don't even want to attempt to force any fluid to exit my penis any time soon. I must have had a look of pain on my face because I didn't have to say anything when she stepped back down. All I said was "it burns", never explained why and we never talked about it again. I took her home shortly thereafter, dropped her off and went to the casino. This was like 3 or 4 years ago and we've still never had sex, and somehow we're still friends. I actually had another chance to have sex with her a few days later, but another extraordinary circumstance kept that from happening, which I may share with you all at another time.I try and rationalize this disaster by thinking that since we were going to have unprotected sex she would have gotten pregnant and my life would have been over. I wish I was clumpy, I would have fu.cked her in the shower and then 4 more times that night, then twice more the next morning, and be telling you all this story 3 years later saddened by the fact that we broke up because she found out I previously had sex with her hotter half-sister a couple months before I met her.The first bolded part is my favorite. I really like the idea of you hopping into the shower and pretending to be all excited about boinking her, but rushing to at least get SOME cleaning done while you're in there. "Goddammit, woman! Are you not going to let me condition? WILL THERE BE NO CONDITIONER?!" Link to post Share on other sites
RhinestoneCowboy 2 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 In the grand scheme of things, this isn't that bad. I mean my house isn't burning to well done, my dick isn't chaffed from aggravated shampoo misuse, and I'm not having roommate issues:But this still sucks, and is pretty close ended IMO: Hey there!Sorry, I forgot about this little engagement and unfortunataly I cannot make it...I have meetings all day today!Thanks anyways!~Colleen(Any creepy responses are more than welcome, other than the obligatory "it's alright, I couldn't date someone who misspelled anyway, anyway.")Did I miss a post about a possible lunch date somewhere?And "it's alright, I couldn't date someone who misspelled anyway, anyway." isn't creepy... Link to post Share on other sites
MisterB 2 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Did I miss a post about a possible lunch date somewhere?And "it's alright, I couldn't date someone who misspelled anyway, anyway." isn't creepy...Actually, I don't think I posted it. Saturday I found out Dell is a no-go (for the position beneath it is a go) so I got hammered. I was out with some of my roommates friends and met her:And asked her out to lunch today, gave her my card, and she said yes. I know for a fact she didn't forget, and I also know she read my email confirming last night, but chose to respond today 30 minutes before the scheduled encounter. Her My LossOh yeah, **** everybody. Link to post Share on other sites
Tactical Bear 3 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Creepy response:"(Her Name)-I know what you're doing. I know. What you're doing. I know we hit it off at the bar the other night, and I know we could have something special. And that probably scares you. Hell, it terrifies me, but you know what I do? I pin my ears back and go to work, because isn't that what life is all about? Yeah, maybe one of us gets hurt, but what if we end up spending the rest of our lives in each other's arms? Isn't the reward worth the risk?Sorry if you really did have meetings. Oops!MisterB"Fuck everybody. Link to post Share on other sites
Randy Reed 0 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Hey, she probably had a fake leg anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
RhinestoneCowboy 2 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Next time, take more pictures of people you just meet. Always comfortable....always. Link to post Share on other sites
silkyjonson 1 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Actually, I don't think I posted it. Saturday I found out Dell is a no-go (for the position beneath it is a go) so I got hammered. I was out with some of my roommates friends and met her:And asked her out to lunch today, gave her my card, and she said yes. I know for a fact she didn't forget, and I also know she read my email confirming last night, but chose to respond today 30 minutes before the scheduled encounter. Her My LossOh yeah, **** everybody.MrB since when did you start dating women in their 40's? Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Next time, take more pictures of people you just meet. Always comfortable....always."Hey, can I take a picture of you? I want to show it to my friends on the Internet, and possibly draw a map on your face if I ever blow a load all over it. Oh yeah, here's my card. Call me!" Link to post Share on other sites
Tactical Bear 3 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 "Hey, can I take a picture of you? I want to show it to my friends on the Internet, and possibly draw a map on your face if I ever blow a load all over it. Oh yeah, here's my card. Call me!"I have meetings all day. For the rest of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
zimmer4141 0 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Creepy response:"(Her Name)-I know what you're doing. I know. What you're doing. I know we hit it off at the bar the other night, and I know we could have something special. And that probably scares you. Hell, it terrifies me, but you know what I do? I pin my ears back and go to work, because isn't that what life is all about? Yeah, maybe one of us gets hurt, but what if we end up spending the rest of our lives in each other's arms? Isn't the reward worth the risk?MisterB"P.S. Didn't the Bartender Saturday night look like Elmo from Sesame Street?FYP Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I have meetings all day. For the rest of my life.Ok, that's not true. But any times that I don't have meetings I have little surprise engagements. Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 9 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)8 Members: speedz99, SBriand, silkyjonson, zimmer4141, RhinestoneCowboy, tyfgine, Randy Reed, magnus72Hey Ben, you doing ok out there? I recommend going out to Qualcomm...I'm watching CNN and there are a ton of hot chicks volunteering there. Link to post Share on other sites
MisterB 2 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 HahahahShe's 24. I took that pic from her MySpace page. And if I didn't already respond, I definitely would've used Wangs response.All gold, even ZIMMER brought the funny. God I'm so alone. Link to post Share on other sites
SBriand 4 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I passed up sex to watch Bloodsport. I really dont know what I was thinking because I think I've seen that movie about 20 times, I think it was more the fact that she could'nt understand why I was so into the movie and I actually thought it would be funny to tell my friends that I passed up sex to watch it."Very good, but brick not hit back" that movie has so many classic quotes.I stopped mid coitus to watch Barry Sanders highlights on ESPN once. Link to post Share on other sites
SBriand 4 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I want to feel special so I am posting a pic of my Asian friend.He is the Asian with the blue shirt. And even cooler is that he is sitting in the Dunder-Mifflin Office there. Because he is an editor of the show./brag for knowing an Asian Link to post Share on other sites
Tactical Bear 3 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 HahahahShe's 24. I took that pic from her MySpace page. And if I didn't already respond, I definitely would've used Wangs response.All gold, even ZIMMER brought the funny. God I'm so alone. Welcome to my world. I think I'm just depressed enough to try to have sex with Farrah Funbags today.Also, it's fall, so you know what that means?AUTUMNAL BEARD, BITCHES! Yeah. Ya heard. Link to post Share on other sites
MisterB 2 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Welcome to my world. I think I'm just depressed enough to try to have sex with Farrah Funbags today.Also, it's fall, so you know what that means?AUTUMNAL BEARD, BITCHES! Yeah. Ya heard. Funny you should say that, I actually had to shave mine off today for an interview, that was postponed. All dressed up and no date. It was the first time in 3 years that I actually turned heads, granted they were in their 40s, but it wouldn't be the first time. Do you know how hard it is to work hard, when you're looking for a new job? And the owner of my company got my resume emailed to him a couple days ago and called me and asked if I wanted a job. I was shocked at first, then pissed, now relieved. He was cool about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ouch-8s 4 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 once because it was getting ready to snow and I didn't want to drive home through it.You have never been sexier to me, you silly little faggot, you. (Any creepy responses are more than welcome, other than the obligatory "it's alright, I couldn't date someone who misspelled anyway, anyway.")How about "I know for a fact you didn't forget, and I also know you read my email confirming last night, but chose to respond today 30 minutes before the scheduled encounter, because I've been watching you...." All I said was "it burns", Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 You have never been sexier to me, you silly little faggot, you.tip of the iceberg buddy, tip o' the iceberg. Link to post Share on other sites
Tactical Bear 3 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 tip of the iceberg buddy, tip o' the iceberg.I just decided, 3 seconds ago, to start referring to my penis as "The Iceberg." That might be just enough to lift this depression hovering over me."Hey, baby. You wanna see the tip o' The Iceberg?""Hey, baby. You wanna see how the Titanic got all... sunk and fucked up and shit?""Hey, baby. You wanna see some proof that Global Warming is resulting in shrinking polar ice formations?" Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Some of you will remember The Cheerleader from my previous stories. She was in town last weekend, and the following snippit of a conversation between her and my friend illustrates just exactly how painful it is to talk to her. Keep in mind the fact that she speaks like a combination of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless and Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump.Cheerleader: Where do you live?Friend: I haven't moved into my place yet, so I'm crashing on Horse's floor.Cheerleader: So, are you still driving the same car?Friend: Yeah, but it has a ton of stuff in the back.Cheerleader: Holla!The only thing we can think of is that she thought he was saying that his car is all pimped out these days, as opposed to just being full of his crap since he has no home. Link to post Share on other sites
Theraflu 1,035 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I just decided, 3 seconds ago, to start referring to my penis as "The Iceberg." That might be just enough to lift this depression hovering over me."Hey, baby. You wanna see the tip o' The Iceberg?""Hey, baby. You wanna see how the Titanic got all... sunk and fucked up and shit?""Hey, baby. You wanna see some proof that Global Warming is resulting in shrinking polar ice formations?"You should write a note to the mousy-girl with those, one after another. Also, does anyone know if the Red Sox won?How about those Patriots? I know Brady always has a real tough time in Miami.Did B.C. reach #2? The Celtics add any more HOF'ers? Hockey still sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
RhinestoneCowboy 2 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Some of you will remember The Cheerleader from my previous stories. She was in town last weekend, and the following snippit of a conversation between her and my friend illustrates just exactly how painful it is to talk to her. Keep in mind the fact that she speaks like a combination of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless and Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump.Cheerleader: Where do you live?Friend: I haven't moved into my place yet, so I'm crashing on Horse's floor.Cheerleader: So, are you still driving the same car?Friend: Yeah, but it has a ton of stuff in the back.Cheerleader: Holla!The only thing we can think of is that she thought he was saying that his car is all pimped out these days, as opposed to just being full of his crap since he has no home.I thought I was getting a little too old for the way I acted because I still wear jeans everyday at 27 in a corporate work environment. How old is this cheerleader that still says "Holla!" in a non-joking way? Link to post Share on other sites
RhinestoneCowboy 2 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Also, does anyone know if the Red Sox won?How about those Patriots? I know Brady always has a real tough time in Miami.Did B.C. reach #2? The Celtics add any more HOF'ers?They couldn't have done it without you... Link to post Share on other sites
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