Daniels Mom/san Jose Wpt Blog

[nutzbuster 7]

http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-jour...&ucat=&I'd get home asap. You probably feel like there is nothing you can do and sitting around in Toronto just waiting seems excruciating/waste of time/etc., but it is what it is and imo it's where you need to be. Personally I am on the same tragic roller coaster rideMy Stepmom just got diagnosed with brain, lung and liver cancer a few weeks ago. I put my whole life on hold. I felt guilty for doing anything fun or relaxing while someone close was facing death. It just didn't seem right, I did not know what to do. It is a weird place to be and a tough situation to get your mind around.Then, after she had brain surgery to remove 2 tumors, I spoke to her she was laughing, making jokes, and was completely resigned to the fact that, in her words "hey, it's out of my hands now". And she basically said it was ok for me to "keep living". She didn't want my life to stop being great because of her situation. This morning I learned my Step dad had a stroke. Cardioid artery issues. He's had them before, had surgery and now it's back and worse than ever. He is 78.My real dad is almost 79 and has had heart issues. My real mother is pushing 78 has smoked all her life and is far from healthy. It is a total shit sandwich. I have no idea if this is helping or whatever. All I know is that being there for them now is key for me, and knowing that the last thing they want is for me to be miserable worrying about them is helping. Sort of. They don't want to be a burden and are sort of "it's ok to stay away until the last possible moment".Aging parents....there is nothing tougher man.Have a safe trip back to Toronto. Best to everyone and hope your mother is as comfortable as possible.

[DVD ROTS 0]

Daniel, I just wanted to wish you the best and wish you strength in the days to come. Best of luck with your mother, that is an awful thing for someone to go through. And for the record, you have held up quite well.Nutz, same to you. I'm sorry that the two of you are having to deal with this.

[Nimue1995 1]

Having been through this with both my parents, I can tell you that it's better to be with them while they can still appreciate your company. My dad died of colon cancer about 5 years ago and I was able to visit him while he was still cognizant which both of us enjoyed before he lapsed into a coma. My mother who died last January suffered from dementia and I was able to visit her a number of times (they both lived in Washington) before the dementia got so bad that she didn't recognize me anymore. I was glad that I was with her when she could appreciate the visits also. My prayers are with you both. Take care,Nim

[aucu 3]

The first time you experience death or serious illness of someone close is so hard, it changes you.

[Oziumrules 0]

The first time you experience death or serious illness of someone close is so hard, it changes you.

I'm definitely a different person now. I say a prayer everyday for Nutz and Daniel.

[Janfor99 0]

The first time you experience death or serious illness of someone close is so hard, it changes you.

Simply put sad truth of the matter. Well said aucu.

I'm definitely a different person now. I say a prayer everyday for Nutz and Daniel.

Hang in there guys.

[All_In 0]

good luck to the both of you, I hope things turn out as best as they can.

[rcgs59 15]

it is indeed hard and tough to go on day to day knowing deep in your heart the sufferings of your parent. but know this it is the strenght they gave you to push and fight those feelings. When my mother had her heart attack, I was in nursing school, it took alot of energy out of me. She came home but only her brain alive as she lost the ability to do most physicial things she use to do. It tormented her that she could no longer do dishes, or laundry or even cook without losing her breath. It also hurt me to see her so unhappy. I felt the stress also of watching over her knownly that her heart was functioning only at 25% and that she could die at any time. It was time for my final exam the doctor decided to put her back into ICU to give me a break and do more testing. A week went by my mother stated she was ready to go home to die. Of course we all said that was the silliest things she ever stated. I was so upset I told her I was going home and I would see her after. She sign herself out of the hospital and amblance bought her home. We had dinner, she often love her feet massaged and I was doing that. she picked up the phone before she did that she told my younger sister and I that she loves us very dearly. So she called my older sister and told her the same thing next thing I looked at her it was if she was sleeping on the phone. I called out she did not answer, checked her pulse and it was gone. My younger sister told my older sister mom is gone. We called 911, I started CPR but when we got to the hospital they could not revive her. At dinner that night she gave me a gold RN pin that she had bought for my graduation she said I will be there in spirit. She knew it was her time, and she didn't want us babying her or looking after her she wanted us to live our lives to the fullest. The one thing is I do not regret was being there. To see that she died with a smile and in peace without any pain. Daniel and Scott my prayers thoughts and hopes that things work out for a peaceful, painless time or a miracle recovery.

[MBenz0569 0]

http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-jour...&ucat=&I'd get home asap. You probably feel like there is nothing you can do and sitting around in Toronto just waiting seems excruciating/waste of time/etc., but it is what it is and imo it's where you need to be. Personally I am on the same tragic roller coaster rideMy Stepmom just got diagnosed with brain, lung and liver cancer a few weeks ago. I put my whole life on hold. I felt guilty for doing anything fun or relaxing while someone close was facing death. It just didn't seem right, I did not know what to do. It is a weird place to be and a tough situation to get your mind around.Then, after she had brain surgery to remove 2 tumors, I spoke to her she was laughing, making jokes, and was completely resigned to the fact that, in her words "hey, it's out of my hands now". And she basically said it was ok for me to "keep living". She didn't want my life to stop being great because of her situation. This morning I learned my Step dad had a stroke. Cardioid artery issues. He's had them before, had surgery and now it's back and worse than ever. He is 78.My real dad is almost 79 and has had heart issues. My real mother is pushing 78 has smoked all her life and is far from healthy. It is a total shit sandwich. I have no idea if this is helping or whatever. All I know is that being there for them now is key for me, and knowing that the last thing they want is for me to be miserable worrying about them is helping. Sort of. They don't want to be a burden and are sort of "it's ok to stay away until the last possible moment".Aging parents....there is nothing tougher man.Have a safe trip back to Toronto. Best to everyone and hope your mother is as comfortable as possible.

I'm really sorry about your family situation. Your step father is in my prayers. I know how it feels, trust me. A year ago March 6th 2008... my mommy had a stroke. She came home from work one day and said her side felt heavy, I told her she probably slept funny the night before. After a few minutes she said outloud, I think I'm having a stroke.. i'm going to go to the hospital. I told her she was overreacting. My step dad immediatly took her to the hospital which is LITERALLY a block away... WHICH PROBABLY SAVED HER LIFE. They called me a few hours later saying that infact she was having a stroke even as she was being admitted to the ER. They said not to worry that it was mild and there was no brain damage or physical problems... they wanted to watch her overnight and she could come home the next day.The next day I call to see when she's coming home and my step father tells me to come up there. They said she was getting worse and that she had a blood clot in her brain and they were afraid it would start to move and probably kill her. She had high blood pressure and they couldn't give her a blood thinner. So we waited. Within a week my mom went from perfectly fine to paralyzed (right side of the body), she could not walk.. had trouble speaking and could not use her right arm... her face even looked slightly different. They told us that there was a good chance she might not make it.I sat in that hospital every night, crying. drunk most of the time. i didn't know how to handle it. I was 21 years old and my little sister was still in highschool. my mom was 49!!!!!!!!!!!! never smoked, doesn't really drink, eats healthy, in shape. I was mostly afraid for my sister, afraid she would graduate highschool without my mom in the stands. My mommy spent almost 2 weeks in the hospital. And during the last week she slowly got "better". During her stay and months after leaving she went through physical therapy and learned to walk again. Wheelchair to cane to nothing! She walks so great now that you could never tell she even had a stroke. She is still the same mom I've always had, but some things still seem to trip her up a bit... simple math problems etc. Her face looks the same again, and she talks fine. I was very lucky. We were all very lucky. It wasn't her time. My sister and I needed her to stay longer, we have a lot of growing up to do and it would be hard to find ourselves without seeing who we are in her every day... if that makes sense. I thank God every day for saving her. I don't even know if I believed in him before that. I don't know what I believe in actually, I just know there is somebody else who kept my mom alive and I owe them. It changed my life, and changed who I am.. how i view things. There is nothing worse then losing a parent. I feel like its even harder losing them when both of you are still so young.BY the way, they never found out what caused the blood clot but they think that because she was a courier (like a delivery driver) and spent soo much time in the car every day, that a blood clot probably formed in her leg and moved to her brain. So random and scary.I hope your step dad and the rest of your family will be okay. Have a little faith, I do.

[potatoman 0]

I would say anyone who's lost a parent, close relative or dear friend knows at least somewhat what you're going through. There's no one way to feel or behave in these situations. But I would agree that you should take a trip up to Toronto. Looking back, most of us only regret that we didn't get to spend more time with our loved ones while they were with us. Don't be hard on yourself. Most of us would be a total mess. But after you take this tournament down, take some time for yourself and your family.All the best to you and your family Daniel.

[MBenz0569 0]

Also, I forgot to mention that I had amazing friends and family by my side during everything and it REALLY made the difference. No matter how cheesy that sounds. It was nice to find comfort in my loved ones during such a hard time and although they aren't in your shoes.. they do understand and can give you a different perspective on things.

[nutzbuster 7]

Thanks to all, even though I actually did not intend to draw attention to my own situation as just to share a little.DN may or may not read any of this, but it actually helps me to read stories with others who are experiencing or who have experienced the same stuff and what they felt and how they dealt with it all. If he reads this (or anyone) I hope they come away with something positive as well.I'm trying to keep my sick sense of humor about me. So far so good for the most part.Tx again and God Bless to any others currently riding this sort of emotional roller coaster...

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

it always bother me (a little) when people use these threads to tell stories about themselves. just come in, wish the person the best and be on your way, anything else is obviously more about you than them.

[MBenz0569 0]

it always bother me (a little) when people use these threads to tell stories about themselves. just come in, wish the person the best and be on your way, anything else is obviously more about you than them.

it shouldn't bother you. like i said, it's comforting knowing that other people have been in a similiar situations and that you aren't alone. its sad hearing other peoples stories but in a way it's nice. When my mom was sick, i heard from a lot of people about their parents and loved ones going through similiar things in the past and in the end being okay. it gave me hope that my mom would be okay too. it's not about anybody more than anbody else, just a place to read, share and respond in whatever way you please.

[rcgs59 15]

one of the best things that help is to replay the good memories in your mind, the fun times like family get togethers or when odd things happened that were so fuuny. they help trust me

[Nimue1995 1]

Even though at the end my mom had dementia and didn't really recognize me, I still sat with her and remembered the good times for her. I think she liked that. And what good is going through something like that if you can't use it to help others when they're going through the same thing. Com'on SuitedA, lighten up.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

Even though at the end my mom had dementia and didn't really recognize me, I still sat with her and remembered the good times for her. I think she liked that. And what good is going through something like that if you can't use it to help others when they're going through the same thing. Com'on SuitedA, lighten up.

i just dont understand how telling the story of your mother dying is supposed to make DN feel better. you think he didnt realize that no one else in the world had ever lost a parent and now that he knows he'll be okay with it? his pain is his. yours is yours. mine is mine. lets keep it that way.its just for me, if i'm suffering a family death, the last thing i care about is what happened to you. but thats just me. i dont take comfort in the fact your mom died 4 years ago. doesnt make it any easier. but thats just the way i see it.

[Nimue1995 1]

i just dont understand how telling the story of your mother dying is supposed to make DN feel better. you think he didnt realize that no one else in the world had ever lost a parent and now that he knows he'll be okay with it? his pain is his. yours is yours. mine is mine. lets keep it that way.

Everyone deals with the imminent death of a parent in a different way. And sometimes it does help for a person to know that they're not alone in going through it, that there are others that at least in some way understand. And I do understand SA. It's one of the hardest things to go through in life. And others being with you even in spirit along the way, does help. Maybe you don't find much use in funerals either. But it's my contention that funerals are for the comfort of the living as much as honoring the dead. The thing is, that Daniel doesn't need to feel guilty about his choice to go be with his mother at this time. Anyone who tries to tell him differently is an ******* idiot. Also it does help to talk about the good times even if he doesn't think his mother hears him. I've known of cases where comatose patients wake up and do remember what people say around them while they're in a coma. And by the way, keeping your pain to yourself only prolongs the healing process in my opinion. But you are welcome to yours.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

And by the way, keeping your pain to yourself only prolongs the healing process in my opinion. But you are welcome to yours.

but its my pain. no one else could fully understand it. i want it all to myself and other people pretending to understand my pain pisses me off. i dont care if you dont care, just dont act like you do. but i think a fundamental problem for me is that i dont care about other peoples pain. unless it affects me it might as well not even be real. i just cant sympathize with people i dont know. or most of the people i do know.

[Southern Buddhist 1]

I'm parentless, but I never had to go through this. My parents split when I was ten and that was virtually the last I ever saw of my mother. She had never wanted kids, so no loss there. My dad raised me alone after that, and he died very suddenly when I was nineteen. Dropped me off to visit my grandparents, and after that just a phone call telling us he was gone.Having heard all your stories, I'm not sure whether that's lucky or not. In some ways, yes, but it would have been nice to have that time to spend to say "I love you" a few more times and goodbye. I did a lot of healing in my dreams -- being angry at him, wishing he were still there and having him appear, and finally being able to accept it. It definitely does change you.Not much I can say except, it's okay to crack now and then. You wouldn't be human if you didn't.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

i think it bothers me because whenever i hear this sort of thing in real life i am forced to pretend i care. sometimes i do, but most of the time i dont. and i have to pretend i do because otherwise people will think me heartless and they wouldnt be wrong, but i cant have people thinking that. what if i need something from them later?

[Southern Buddhist 1]

but its my pain. no one else could fully understand it. i want it all to myself and other people pretending to understand my pain pisses me off. i dont care if you dont care, just dont act like you do. but i think a fundamental problem for me is that i dont care about other peoples pain. unless it affects me it might as well not even be real. i just cant sympathize with people i dont know. or most of the people i do know.

Solipsism, autism, or just human nature ... we're all helpless in the face of another's pain. We can't feel it, any more than we can feel any other one of their emotions. Funerals make me feel profoundly alienated. I'm aware of the physical space around me in a weird way and I slip into the observer consciousness that both watches the service and also watches myself watching the service. Even the most heartfelt words feel like platitudes. So we come up with bizarre rituals to soothe our most animal instincts. We put the dead on display (aka "the viewing"), so we can creep up, sniff around like Neanderthals, and make sure the dead are the dead and the living are the living. After the viewing, if you're from the urban Northeast, or Irish, you go get shit-faced because you couldn't stand it if you didn't. [southerners don't drink, but pig out.]It's strangely easiest at those moments to feel nothing, when we know we're supposed to be feeling terrible, when we know people we care about are feeling terrible. You're not alone in this, although you might be a little more honest than most in expressing it.But ultimately, we are story-telling animals. Stories knit us together. When we don't know what else to do, we bring food and share stories. Since we can't bring food to the forum, we come to share stories.Oh, wait, here you go...

[llou 0]

I just want to add my voice to the those wishing Daniel and his family peace. I wish the same for Nutz and his family.Like many here, I have experienced the deaths of my parents -- and I know that it is often a very profound event in a person's life. There is no one way to experience it, no one set of feelings or actions that are the "one and only right ones." We each have to find our own way.But don't wait too long to head back to Toronto, Daniel. Don't waste what might be your last chance to kiss your Mom.

[Fleur 0]

it always bother me (a little) when people use these threads to tell stories about themselves. just come in, wish the person the best and be on your way, anything else is obviously more about you than them.

As much as I hate saying this: you're so right. I was thinking the exact same thing reading this thread before I saw your post. If there's one thing you don't want to hear when you feel messed up about something, it's that someone else has "been in the same situation and knows how you feel". Okay, so you think you know how I feel, and that should make me feel better because....? Personally, I'd much rather hear someone say: "you're right, that is messed up. Is there anything I can do for you?"

[brvheart 1,753]

it always bother me (a little) when people use these threads to tell stories about themselves. just come in, wish the person the best and be on your way, anything else is obviously more about you than them.

I like how you cleverly came in this thread to rip on yourself. Well played.