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A Clay Aiken Christmas


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As I awoke from my slumber, I felt a wave of joy clench around me. Even though I knew that Christmas comes everyday somewhere in the world, today was special, for today Christmas had come home. Or had it?? Looking at my calendar, I was shocked to see that there was no number 25, nor a spot where it used to be. "What had happened??" I respectfully asked myself as I shuddered at the events that had just taken place. I ran outside to see if the streets were teeming with laughter as one would expect, but alas, no sounds could be heard, not even the sound of my bluebird friend who consistently greeted each morning with an enchanting tune and a peck on the nose. Kids ruefully walked the streets, tears drenching the sidewalks only to freeze seconds later, thereby causing a relatively serious situation for these depressed children whose cerebellums had not yet fully formed as they fought a losing battle to gravity on this loathsome morning. And there in the distance I saw a sight as Evil Incarnate himself scurried away to the hills, taking Christmas with him and the hope of an entire generation. But what could I, just one man, do to remedy this crisis??As this nightmare unfolded, I was shackled down to an island of grief which severed me from the eternal rainbow of joy that had fiercely gripped me since the day of my conception many years ago. I had seen condensed evil in his wry smile, and liquefied destruction in his loins. With nothing left to fight with but my soothing angelic voice, I summoned the courage which had stuffed itself deep into each orifice of my limp body and bellowed a mighty tune that sent his heart of darkness reeling. I too heard the song I had constructed, but was perplexed as I listened in. For there was not just one voice, but many. As I turned around I saw the vision before me that made my heart leap and dance, for my bluebird friend had returned along with a legion of his forest friends, all singing the same song in unison, each second fueling the fire of its heart and growing louder and more beautiful until it crescendoed into a sound that the Creator of the Universe himself constructed with his own wry smile, resonating into the heart of each man, woman, and child to tell them that Christmas was here, and that it would never leave again!! Oh what a marvelous moment, what a cacophony of cavernous delights!! And yet as my forest friends departed to go to their respective homes to celebrate this glorious day with their loved ones, I couldn't help but wonder: For who and for how long must I continue to sing?? As the teardrops formed in my eyes, I saw something dart across the sky. Recognizing the form, a hearty laugh emerged from my soul, for it was my bluebird friend flying away in the distance, back to his own home, to a land that no man has seen, but a land of jubilee nevertheless. Fly away my little friend, for though miles may separate us, our love holds us firmly together. Truly a Christmas day miracle!! This I truly and honestly believe. Wonderful!!

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Errors in the above post:1) Dates are the same for everybody using a Gregorian calendar, and Christmas, with a few notable exceptions, falls on Dec. 25. Thus it is not Christmas everyday somewhere in the world, a completely ridiculous suggestion. 2) It is generally accepted within the scientific community that it is impossible to "steal time", let alone a whole day. You'll have to be more clear though, did Evil Incarnate physically grab the time and run away, or what? He ran to the hills, can you explain why? If he has the power to steal time, presumably he doesn't really need to hide, does he?3) "liquefied destruction in his loins". Oh boy. Not really sure what to say there.4) How did the bluebird's forest friends know the song which you apparently had just constructed then and there? You mention something about the Creator of the Universe having something to do with it with his "wry smile", but honestly this part of the story is a bit confusing to me. I'm not saying it's impossible, but definitely needs some explaining.If you can clear any of these points up, that would be fantastic. Thanks Clay.

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"Oh what a marvelous moment, what a cacophony of cavernous delights!!"This describes the feeling I get after every CA post I read.WONDERFUL!

Errors in the above post:1) Dates are the same for everybody using a Gregorian calendar, and Christmas, with a few notable exceptions, falls on Dec. 25. Thus it is not Christmas everyday somewhere in the world, a completely ridiculous suggestion. 2) It is generally accepted within the scientific community that it is impossible to "steal time", let alone a whole day. You'll have to be more clear though, did Evil Incarnate physically grab the time and run away, or what? He ran to the hills, can you explain why? If he has the power to steal time, presumably he doesn't really need to hide, does he?3) "liquefied destruction in his loins". Oh boy. Not really sure what to say there.4) How did the bluebird's forest friends know the song which you apparently had just constructed then and there? You mention something about the Creator of the Universe having something to do with it with his "wry smile", but honestly this part of the story is a bit confusing to me. I'm not saying it's impossible, but definitely needs some explaining.If you can clear any of these points up, that would be fantastic. Thanks Clay.
so freakin awesome
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Recognizing the form, a hearty laugh emerged from my soul, for it was my bluebird friend flying away in the distance, back to his own home, to a land that no man has seen, but a land of jubilee nevertheless.
5 commas in that sentence. I believe that's a new record.
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RR and Clay Aiken in the same thread!My Christmas wish has been granted!
Man, I love Clay. Amazingly, I might love Rod even more.
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Could you be any more jealous of Clay's awesomeosity?
I'm not sure it's physically...or perhaps mentally...possible for RR to be jealous of CA. That's like me being jealous of Matt_Damon's rapist's wit.
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